When you feel like you cannot think of anything to write about, think about what the nature of blogging is. Yes, I know that some people blog just as an extension of their business, but even so…their business is a refection of them…a reflection of their dreams, thoughts and feelings.
Blogging is a unique venue that has special qualities to it. Each person’s blog shows them as a unique person. Each and every single blog on WordPress is completely unique.
The feel of the blog, even from the very first page, feels like the person it belongs to. It is like walking into someone’s house. It smells like their personality. It is decorated to their personality. It has colors and representations of their personality.
Your personality is muti-faceted, and muli-dimensional. You have various interests and you have opinions about the world around you.
Your blog is the one place where you can talk about your feelings and opinions about this world, the people in it, and what it is like living life from inside of you.
You do not have to stick to your main theme topic all the time…that is if you have a main theme. You can write anytime of day, about anything that you feel something about.
Your blog is free for people to read. So, if they don’t like what you do on your blog, then tell them to ask for their money back and don’t let the door hit them on their ass on their way out.
Whatever thoughts you are thinking about, you can write about. You don’t have to be right. Maybe it is just a thought you had about something that is a little different than you have heard before.
You can go outside the box and you do not have to color between the lines. The blogging world is one of the last true “freedom of the press” expressions we have left…at least in the U.S. The newspapers and the media are bias. Clearly the people writing for the major papers are not really able to experience “freedom of the press” like the early newspaper reporters when the governments were not so controlling over them.
We have our freedom for now and that is truly exciting. It is something you can feel passionate about. I am aware that we have bloggers from countries where there is no freedom of the press at all.
They do not even have the personal, religious, or other rights that some of us take for granite much of the time. But they set up their blogs anonymously and are able to speak their minds and write what they feel.
Can’t think of anything to write about? Maybe you are really wondering if what you can think of to write about will be interesting enough or accepted by the readers.
As long as you are not hurting anyone, or bullying anyone with your writing, you can write about whatever is on your mind. Try a “Stream of Consciousness” writing like I am doing now.
I did not have anything at all in mind when I sat down to type. I just decided I wanted to blog about something, and this is what came out.
Embrace your freedom in the blogging world. I believe that in this day and age of governmental controls, and company controls over us, that blogging is a prescious thing.
Many great people, who did great things in the world, were not acknowledged for who they were in their own homes.
The people who you live with do not necessarily have perspective about your potential in the world. Especially if you grew up in an emotionally abusive household, you were not seen for who you are.
Do not judge yourself based on what people see. You have more to you than what your family sees.
See inside of yourself for who you are and what you can achieve.
If you feel drawn towards doing certain things and you can imagine yourself doing them, then you can go after those dreams.
Do not accept false mirrors that other people refect you with. Their refections of you are limiting.
The perceptions of other people are not true mirrors of you. Even your perception of yourself is not a true mirror of you.
You can achieve things that are beyond what you can perceive of right now.
Seek wisdom from what your feelings are telling you. Your thoughts and perceptions can be interfered with
Go towards what makes you feel happy. Go away from what makes you unhappy.
Think of the advice that Teal Swan gives. When making any decision, no matter how small, ask yourself “What would someone who loves themselves do?”
When we are born into this world we have no lack of self esteem. We do not doubt whether or not we deserve to be cared for. The thoughts that we have as adults of low self esteem, lack of self confidence. unworthiness, doubting ourselves, and even doubting the safety of our environment are all things that are programmed into us by other people.
We can end up with depression and anxiety disorder due to the wiring in our brains that other people put there.
Our thoughts are not who we are. It is easy to think of ourselves as our feelings and our thoughts, but the truth is that feelings and thoughts can be altered and changed. Other people can cause us pain and they can feed thoughts to our brains.
You are who you are inside. You are the same person that you were born as. There is an inner part of you that is not tangible. It is the real self that does not change. It is the self that has value and worth. no matter what else happens or what thoughts you notice you are having.
You do not have to attach to all of your thoughts. Realize that many of them were forced upon you when you were a child and others of them were conditioned into you over time. Any thoughts you have that are negative about yourself, or doubting yourself. are bad programming.
Try to notice your thoughts and observe them in an objective way sometimes. If you can observe them as something separate from your true self, then you can ask questions about them. Take one particular thought and see if it is true. Did you decide that it was true ir did someone else tell you it was true?
You can decide that certain thoughts and thought patterns no longer serve you. Something like “I am not good enough for my family” is not serving you. You can write down the negative thoughts on a piece of paper and then look at them from an outside perspective. Bring them outside of your head and onto paper.
Then see what no longer serves you. Some thought patterns were designed by your brain to protect you as a child or in some on-going situation where your brain felt you were threatened. See what purpose the thought serves and if it is really true.
You can be in charge of your own brain. There are ways to alter memories and perspectives about things. You can learn how to do this or get someone to help you. NLP hypnosis is one way that can help with this. Other times compassionate conversation about the negative thoughts and feelings can help.
Seeing your thoughts as something that is a separate entity from your original and true self can help you to evaluate them. There is no reason that someone else should feel that they have value and purpose in the world but you do not. You have just as much worth as anyone else does.
We are programmed with thoughts and our feelings are manipulated by certain people who want to maintain their own agenda which is about them and not us. Some people have wanted to alter your behavior and the most effective way was to alter how you saw yourself in relation to them and to the world.
You do not have to keep any programming that was put into you that no longer serves you, or that never served you in a healthy way.
If you want coaching or NLP hypnosis you can contact me at my web site gentlekindnesscoaching.com
If you mention this post your first 20 minute session will be free.
You have innate self worth and you are beautiful right now.
You can make changes, learn new things and progress towards a goal any way you desire to, but your innate beauty and self worth are fully in tact right now at this minute.
Other creatures like bunnies are beautiful just the way they are and they do not need to change or grow or do anything in particular in order for us to see the beauty and value in them.
image from pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/pin/311803974180733994/
The trees are beautiful just as they are at any stage of growth. Their special value is in their beauty and their unique presence.
image from pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/pin/244601823485308118/
image from pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/pin/311803974180733961/
Babies are born and they are beautiful.
They cannot do anything to contribute to the household other than just to be there. They cannot do anything for people but strangers come up to them in the store and want to see them.
There is an innate beauty in life and in living things because of the spiritual nature of life itself. The possibilities for the new baby are endless.
People sometimes feel they envy the baby and the endless possibilities it has to become anything it wants to become. But you can still become anything you want to become. Your possibilities are still available to you of you can see reality as less rigid than the matrix you perceive it to be.
You have an inner beauty as well as an outer beauty. There is no path you can take which will add or subtract from the spiritual being that you are.
You can follow whatever values that you have and your beliefs can change along the path as you need them to better serve you.
It does not change the fact that you are beautiful right now, and your self worth in perfect, even more than you can imagine.
Imagine what wonderful things you can do once you accept your value and see the wonderful qualities in yourself !
When you are a Life Coach for victims of narcissistic psychopath abuse, most of the time you get clients who are broken and suffering from the effects of abuse. They are looking for validation and help to reduce the anxiety. The client wants to heal and be able to move forward with their life.
You assume before you get onto a Skype call that the person you will be talking to has been victimized and they are probably going to be a state of trauma. Depending in what stage they are in, there will be signs of psychological abuse, emotional / verbal abuse and cognitive interference.
But every now and then you get a client that does not exhibit any of the usual signs of abuse. You do not see any signs of trauma, C-PTSD, or narcissistic victim abuse syndrome.
The longer you talk to them the more you see that they are disinterested in healing. They are not only disinterested in healing. they are disinterested in considering that anything is wrong with them at all. The longer you are in the conversation the more you realize that they are dominating the entire conversation.
They do not feel that there is anything wrong with them. In fact they are perfect just the way they are and everything that is wrong with their lives has been caused by someone else.
The reason that people do not like them is the fault of the other people. There is nothing that could possible be doing that other people may be responding negatively to. Other people are to blame. In fact everyone in their life in actively trying to interfere with their life.
You try to interject a question or a comment here and there in order to slow down their incessant talking about how people have caused them to become angry and how people have caused them to treat others they way they do. They carry extreme anger towards everyone and everyone around them is against them.
At this point I pay attention to the pronoun density. This is how many times someone used the word “I” while they are talking. particularly where they could have easily used a different word.
They are talking as if they are on a stage. It is a monologue that sounds pretentious and grandios. I take my pencil and begin to make a tally of how many times they say “I” per minute.
If you are getting 15 to 20 “I” words per minute, then this should be a red flag to you. You may be dealing with a narcissist. Keep tallying for a few more minutes. You get 14 times per minute of them saying “I”. Then you get 17. Then you get 19.
The entire conversation is about how they are better than everyone else and how the people around them are plotting against them in order to ruin them. When you ask what reasons the people have to plot against them, there is no rational answer.
You ask them what they think all these people are getting out of undermining them and they have no answer. You ask them what particular tactics these people are using against them and they cannot answer you. But they are sure that the reason they are in a bad job, have no girlfriend, and are in bad health, is a direct result of these people undermining them.
You ask them what their goal is for the life coaching, so that you can help them with healing. But they are not interesting in healing. They have an ulterior motive for the Skype call. There is an agenda underneath that begins to show itself as you go along.
Dealing with a psychopath on the phone or Skype can be disconcerting. The good thing is that you can recognize them in a reasonable amount of time before they begin luring you in to their tactics. As they are claiming to be the victim of this abuse which they cannot give any real examples of, they are playing games with your mental state.
The best thing to do is to try to detach from any emotional feelings about things they say. Do not be emotionally manipulated by them. Think of this as practice for you, in order that you will be better prepared to teach others. Once they can begin to manipulate your emotions, they have a hook in you.
What is the agenda? Maybe they want you to make a video that will discredit their supposed abusers. Maybe they want to lure you into a sexual agenda. Keep in mind that if a client says something of a sexual nature and it makes you really uncomfortable then it was probably inappropriate.
If they talk about something sexual and it is not related to their abuse, then you should put up one red flag. Try to redirect the conversation onto a non-sexual topic. Preferable back to the abuse they say they experienced. If they refuse to allow you to redirect them and continue to talk about sexual things that are unrelated to their abuse, then you are being manipulated.
If you are dealing with a narcissistic psychopath for a client then you need to make the decisions that you need to make, in order to protect yourself. You can end the call if you need to. You can refund their payment.
Another option is to juts let them finish talking for the rest of the session and act disinterested in any topics that you feel are inappropriate to what the session is supposed to be for. Try to get them back on the topic of the session. Ask them what their goals are for the session.
If they refuse to discuss goals. or tell you what they set up the session for, or if the reason they give you is inappropriate then you can finish the session and then not schedule another one with them. You have every right to refuse a client based on the reason that you do not feel that your skills are suited to their particular goals.
Since they have no life coaching goals at all and are just playing games with you, then you can use this reason. Just email them that during the first session you felt that you were not a good match for them. You felt that their particular issues and their goals would be better met by another life coach.
Or you can tell them that their problems are out of your scope and you recommend that they see a mental health professional. Tell them that you are obligated not to take clients that seem to be out of your scope or what you can legally do as a life coach.
That’s it. If they do not accept your reasons or want to argue with them, that is very narcissistic and you have your final evidence that you are dealing with a narcissist. If someone was in a state of trauma from abuse, they would not be arguing with you about whether you should continue to keep them in order to discuss their sexual life or to help them find ways to destroy their targets.
A narcissist may use you to help them to conspire against their targets. The reason for this is that they know you are empathic and you have skills that they do not have. They can manipuate you into thinking you are being helpful be explaining to them how someone might be thinking and feeling and what they might respond to. Be very careful disussing the thoughts and feelings of other people during a session,
Remember you are there to discuss the thoughts and feelings of the client , not other people that you have not met. Do not them lure you into getting into the heads of other people. These people may be targets of theirs. I let someone do this to me once and I still feel bad that I helped him to manipulate other people.
I had no idea that he was using my skills and knowledge for evil and not for good. He told me he had good intentions towards the people and he needed my help because he did not understand how to talk to people. I ended up helping him lure people into situations that were not good for them.
You don’t want to go there, so be careful.
When you are working with a client, you need to have control to guide the conversation. You should allow them a safe space to talk and you should validate their experiences. This is the first step to healing from narcissistic abuse.
But if you feel that they are taking over the conversation and dominating over you in a pretentious way, then you might be dealing with a narcissist. Be careful and remember to protect your own psychological and spiritual state.
Remember someone saying “I I I I ” 20 times per minute is not really open to hearing any suggestions from you about ways they can change. Change is required to heal from narcissistic abuse. If someone thinks they are perfect then you cannot help them.
You are special and unique.
You have just as much of a right to happiness as anyone else.
Self love is not the same as selfishness. In order to follow your calling and use your gifts, you need to love yourself for the unique spiritual being that you are.
You can become depressed from having to resist your natural gifts and skills.
Others will attempt to suppress you from moving towards a higher spiritual state because you are a threat to them.
When they put you down they are just trying to keep you under their foot. The stronger they react to you asserting your independence, the more of a threat they consider you.
Do not think of their words as truth, if the words go against what you believe you can do. Some people will lie and tell you that your dreams are wrong or that you do not have the skills to do things.
Their words of discouragement are to make you disbelieve in yourself. Don’t let people like that tell you how to live.
Be introspective and sit silently or however you can interact with yourself.
See what gifts are inside of you.
What purpose do you feel called towards?
What values are the most important to you?
Follow what you believe in and put your gifts to the test.
You will be surprised what you can do when you go in the right direction of what you really believe in, rather than what other people want you to do.
This is my #beWoW post which stands for be Wow on Wednesday, This is sponsored by Ronovanwrites blog
Please take a pop over and see what interesting things he is doing. And now for my post.
October in New Jersey
October in New Jersey comes with various feelings, memories and triggers for me. I love Halloween, so that part of October is fun and exciting. I love the creativity of Halloween such as the costumes, the imagination of both children and adults coordinating together, the haunted houses and the decorations.
October is also a reminder to me that I am not living the life of freedom and independence that I would like to be, I ended up having to move back in with my ex in-laws a few years ago.
This was following a situation that I had to exit rather quickly and the offer from the in-laws was a last resort, emergency measure for me, in order to keep my kids safe and make sure there was a warm place for them to be for the winter.
Along with living here comes many restrictions, control, manipulation and boundary crossing, which is how I knew it would be from many years of past experience with them. There are always conditions and intentional miscommunication about things that are important to me.
If you have ever been in a situation where you felt your freedom was restricted then you know what I mean. I am sure many of you have felt your creativity, self esteem and your efforts to follow your own dreams and values, restricted by situations and people before.
The reason October reminds me of just how controlled and limited I feel is that the in laws do not like Halloween. In fact they see it as Satanic Witchcraft Time, which if any of you has ever done research about these things, you know that people that call themselves witches do not worship Satan, and that Halloween is not al about witchcraft for most people anyway.
But living here restricts the type and amount of decorating I can do. I have to try to sneak my kids out in their costumes for trick or treating, or just deal with the consequences. My ability to be a parent that makes my own decisions about my own kids is severely interfered with in all kinds of areas of their lives. Halloween is not the biggest one.
Other things about my life are intentionally interfered with and monitored to the point where I have to keep certain goals, dreams, activities, and even mail and bank statements invisible. I am completely alone with my decisions to move forward in my life, my behaviors towards those goals, and there is no one I can discuss or share these things with at this time. At least not in the “real life” world.
I have to count on myself. I have to plan by myself. I have to keep everything to myself, in order not to have any of my plans undermined by people who would rather have me dependent upon them, and follow the role and identity that suits their agenda.
But herein lies the questions…
How can we follow our dreams and become the spiritual person that we want to be…contribute to the world in the way we feel lead…and blossom and bloom…when we are in locked down situations …even to the point of mental abuse in some cases?
What happens after an abusive situation is over? Are we condemned to a life of post traumatic trauma that we can never get out from under? Can we still reach towards being the person we were meant to be?
If we were meant to do certain things…contribute to humanity in a certain area…care and love others…then why has the universe restricted us?..punished us?…
Are we being tested? Are being strengthened? Are we being punished? Are we being educated somehow? Are we being prevented from reaching our full potential due some bad thing we did in our past?
Have we been forgotten…forsaken… by God or the universe ?
I have been thinking about all of these questions lately and I have found that asking questions in a scientific, detached sort of way, rather than a reactive sort of way, can lead you to answers and possibilities.
There are always possibilities even when we do not see them.
Even when we are able to see possibilities, there are even more possibilities and more potential within ourselves than we are able to see.
One of the first steps to surviving the feeling of being controlled and imprisoned, is to consider the questions and to consider that there are possibilities that we cannot see.
Our minds allow us to see only that which we believe is possible. It has been proven by quantum physics that there are many things happening around us that our brains see but that our eyes do not see.
How can there be something in front of you that your brain sees but that does not get sent to your eyes?
It has to do with the subconscious mind and how it interacts with your conscious mind. The subconscious mind has all of our associations stored in it. It holds our beliefs about reality, our biases, and associations between things and situations to what we think the meaning is of those things.
Our subconscious mind assigns meaning to what we see, what we hear, what other people do and everything else in our environment. Our subconscious mind decides the rules about what we can allow into our consciousness. This includes what we see with our eyes or what we do not see that another person right next to us, might easily see.
This does not just apply to seeing objects that are in our space of vision. This also includes seeing possibilities for us. It includes seeing what potential we have. It includes seeing reality in a completely different way than we are used to seeing it.
If we can begin with questions about what we think and what we believe, we can open a connection to that subconscious part of the brain.
We can question the rules about how reality has to be. We can question our inner rules that dictate how we expect people to treat us, how we expect people to see us.
We can question any beliefs we have about ourselves such as not being good enough, deserving to suffer, being easy to control or manipulate and any beliefs we have about being inadequate to go after the things we want.
Once we begin to question the beliefs that have been programmed into our subconscious minds, then we can question where those beliefs may have come from.
If you think that you are destined to be controlled and manipulated for example, where do you think that belief came from? We did not put it there ourselves.
If you have a belief that you will never find a partner that understands you, wants the best for you and really loves you…where do you think that belief came from? You did not put it there yourself.
These things were programmed by other people and situations that you were in…mostly during your childhood.
Once you begin to question your limitations and the beliefs that are behind those limitation, people will find you much harder to control and to threaten. Once you can change the early programming from your childhood, you will not be stoppable by others.
You will begin to see possibilities where you did not see them before.
You will see ways around other people and situations that may have been right in front of you the entire time. But other people may have been redirecting your conscious mind so that you would not see them.
You were meant to do great things in this world and in this reality. Begin with the questions…
Why do I feel stuck? Who do I think is controlling me? What authority do they really have over me? Why do I feel inferior or inadequate? Who told me that?
What agenda did it serve for them? Were they telling the truth? Did they know the truth about me?
Is this feeling of being stuck something new or is it a conditioned state that is familiar to us from our past? Maybe others are trying to control and manipulate us but do they have as much power over us of we refuse to react the way they expect us to?
Why do I want others to approve of me? Do I need everyone to approve of me? Is everyone looking out for my best interest? Does everyone tell me the truth?
Did the people who told me I was inadequate, non-compliant, undeserving or not worthy…have some agenda of their own? Did they really know me? Were they telling the truth? Were they lying? Did they even know what the truth was about me?
Who knows me better than I know myself? Why should I live my life to please other people who will never be happy with me anyway? What am I trying to avoid?
Is avoiding the pain of conflict worth living for others? Is the fear of upsetting someone else worth giving my dreams away, my self esteem away, and my life purpose away…just to serve someone else’s agenda?
Begin with the questions and see what your subconscious mind in holding.
See what beliefs are no longer serving you. Anything negative about you is not serving you at all. Anything that is limiting your possibility to go after your dreams is also not serving you anymore.
Let go of the early programming and other programming that other people forced onto you only to serve their own purposes.
Anyone that told you things like.…You Can’t….You Don’t Deserve…You are not good enough…
You will fail…You should …You should not……. was probably thinking of their agenda and not about your happiness… or “the Truth” for that matter….
You have one life to live. You should live this life in order to fulfill your happiness and your dreams. The people that really matter are the ones that will love you for being who you really are.
I am getting ready to take my 12 year old daughter to the mall. I thought I would share some pictures of myself with you. It has taken me a long time to grown my hair back out long again.
I am afraid of hair dressers because they always chop off my long hair no matter what tell them. So this time I cut and angled the front and sides myself with special hair cutting scissors you can buy at a beauty supply store.
gentlekindnesscoaching.com – sign up for email specials and discounts- or reserve your coaching time
There is a great healing that comes along with accepting ourselves just as we are. You are not a compilation of your mistakes. You are the beautiful person inside that is more meaningful to life than you realize.
Once we can do that then we can begin to explore who we can become. We do not have to be entrapped in a perception that because we have not done things in the past that we cannot do them.
Others say things about us. They label us, describe us, talk about us. They tell us what we can do, what we can’t do, what we should do.
They advise us on our careers, families, religious beliefs. Other people’s opinions can limit us if we choose to believe their perception of us.
They can limit our potential.
They can limit our possibilities.
If we allow them to keep us in the little box they have assigned to us then they will destroy what we could have become.
We do not have to take on the perception that other people have of us. There are great gifts deep inside of you that have yet to flourish. Because others in our lives do see our possibilities, we do not explore them. We feel like we need to conform to who other people think we are.
To reach out for possibilities and explore untapped gifts inside of ourselves is to upset the apple cart. It upsets people who have their reality based on who they think we are. They have assigned to us roles and levels.
You are far more gifted and intelligent than you let other people see. You keep those parts of you hidden and give up on them as unattainable dreams of who you wish you were.
If you have a vision…a picture in your mind’s… eye of you want to become…of things you wish you could do…then do not let other people determine your boundaries or keep you in their box.
It might be inconvenient for other people to get used to you becoming more of who you are. People like to keep things the same. Some people are better off when you are struggling and kept down. Your true self may intimidate them.
But you are not living your entire life to fit into another person’s perception. That is not your purpose.
But there are so many things you can do and so many other people who can benefit from your stretching beyond just going through the motions of your designated roles. Some people may not even be worth keeping in your life, if they are always minimizing you and telling you what you cannot do.
It is not for others to determine our giftings and our potential.
We are each of us on our own path. We are on a path of discovery. Discovery of knowledge, beauty and spirituality. Discovery of our own potential and possibilities.
Reach into your heart and mind. Feel what your soul is calling you to do. The people that see you day to day can sometimes be the ones that know you the least. They just know the role that you play.
You have a purpose that is beyond the people in your family. your workplace, your school and your group of friends. You can start right where you are. It does not matter what choices you have made in the past.
The past has gone and you are not the person that made those choices anymore. You have already lived through the consequences of bad choices and good choices. The future is now.
The future is now and it is flowing freely moment to moment.
Each new moment is a fresh opportunity to think differently and see things from a completely different point of view….to see yourself as much more significant than you have ever considered before.