Compassion is very simple to me. To show someone compassion is to focus your attention and loving intent towards them. When a person is right in front of you or you are talking with them by posting a comment on their blog, they are the most important person.
Buddhism teaches that the most important time is NOW. And the most important person is THE PERSON RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Now I would have to take exception to that if the person right in front of you were mean to you in any way.
But to show compassion is to fully focus your attention on that one person right in front of you. The other people you care about are not there at that moment. No other people are there at that moment. You are fully prioritizing that one person you are listening to and responding to.
Listening is done with the heart. The ears can pick up the sounds and the brain can translate the sounds into words, This is all very mechanical.
To really hear someone and feel what they are feeling, you have to listen with your heart. You cannot listen from a place of judgement or previous suppositions. You cannot decide how they should feel or where they are coming from.
A person feels how they feel. Their background is unique and their personality is unique. Their entire perspective on the world and their reality is unique. To understand , you need to suspend your reality for a few moments and enter into theirs.
If you can see things from the person’s reality, then you can begin to have true compassion for them. You do not always have to say anything much. Sometimes a simple, “I understand that you feel that way.” can be extremely validating and healing.
“I understand that you feel that way” allows for the person to feel that their feelings matter and have been heard. Too often I hear people say “Don’t say that” ,,or “You don’t really mean that”,,,or “Just cheer up, just smile, shake it off,,”
A person first needs to feel what they feel and be acknowledged for it. Then they can go on to seeing it from a rational point of view or problem solving.
Advice like “Just be happy” or “be in the moment” is not helpful in itself. You need to “be in the moment” with the person in order to be able to even begin to understand what you can say that would be helpful to them.
You also need to ask “What would be helpful for you, that I can do or say?” This puts the ball in their court, rather than you dominating and telling them what is good for them. You do not really know what they need, only they know in their heart. Ask them.
Blessings, and much love,
Hold my hand one time
My companion and my listener
Hold my hand two times
My consoler and my validator
Hold my hand three times
My shelter from the storm
Hold my hand four times
My medicine man and healer
Hold my hand five times
My friend and confidant
Hold my hand six times
My supporter and biggest fan
Hold my hand seven times
My strong and handsome man
Hold my hand eight times
My muse and inspiration
Hold my hand nine times
My hope and adoration
Hold my hand ten times
My lover and my soul mate
The reason I stay up late
If you are in a relationship that requires you to lose your self respect, your self esteem or your dignity then it is not healthy. You deserve to live a life that is dignified, not be treated like you are less worthy than someone else.
Your self respect is critical to your wellness and to your survival in this world. There is no good reason for someone you are in a relationship with to strip you of your self respect .
This applies to romantic relationships and also other relationships. You should not be made to feel disrespected at work, in friendships, social groups , at church or online. You deserve to be treated in a respectful manner and like you are a valueable person.
If someone think so badly of you then why are they with you? What does that say about them?
We only have one life here to live and there is no time to waste feeling bad about yourself. It keeps you from being your best and being yourself.
Where are you?
Are you in my home town?
Are you in New York?
Are you in Oregon?
Are you old or are you young?
Are you looking for me?
or are you done?
Are you black or are you white?
Are you Into video games….
Or having sex all night 🙂
Maybe you are far away
In England or in France
Maybe you are just next door
But tell me, what’s the chance?
I think that there are many of you
Some nearer and some far
That makes the chance much better
That I’ll find out where you are
Doesn’t that make more sense
Than to think there’s only one?
That makes a lot of pressure on my brain
and that pressure is no fun
Maybe I’ll find all of you
and pencil you all in
Would I be such a angel?
Or would that be a sin?
I ended up in a conversation today about the possibility of the existence of one soul mate for each person. Personally this concept does not make sense in the way that people usually mean it.
But I do believe that I have been with soul mates of mine, twice in my life. They were people that saw me for who I truly was and understood my intent behind things. They got to know me very well and could usually predict how things would make me feel. They were there for me when and in the way I needed them to be. They were each of them, my best friend, at the time I was with them.
The concept of a soul mate is usually that there is one true perfect match for each person. No other person other than the soul mate could be the right one for you.
If there is one soul mate on the entire earth, then what are the chances you would ever run into them? What are the chances they even live in your country, never mind your city? If there is only one match per person, I would say we are all doomed to me lonely forever.
But what if there are many possible soul mates for each of us? I am not saying that there are 200 guys in your town that would be a great match for you. But there is probably one in France, one in Alaska, one in California and one in your state somewhere, maybe….or maybe not. Maybe they are farther away.
Before the internet, people married their high school sweethearts. Being that I work with elderly people, I have run into many old people that did , in fact , marry their high school sweetheart or at least someone from their city or town.
People did not have the ability to search high and low, all over the country for a mate. There was no Match,com or E-Harmony,com or Dharma Match,com ( Check that site out. If you have not heard of it,,,It is a better quality of guy that have some substance and a brain to them.). They did not have social media and al this stuff.
If their soul mate was not right nearby, then they would likely never meet them. This whole way of meeting people that live in other states, across the country around the world,, is all new. There have been many more matches made between local people over all the years people have been dating, than there have been online matches.
So where does that leave us, with the question? If there is only one soul mate per person, how does it make any sense that they have been finding each other all these many years? Is this the only generation that has been able to find their soul mates, due to the social media?
Even the internet dating is a long shot! Do you know how many dating sites there are? Everyone does not even use them. How could you end up finding this one person? (on a side note…Dharma Match is a good one)
The high school sweetheart stories I have heard, often had happy endings. The old people I talk to tell me that they liked this person, they thought they were handsome or pretty and they decided to make it work. They decided to make it work by deciding to love each other and respect each other. They turned each other into their soul mate, with an intent to do so.
Let’s say you have been looking for a match in your town and suddenly you have to move to another state for a better job…Are you now doomed to not find your match? Was he in your home town and now you have left him?
No, come on. There is surely someone that you can have a soul mate match with, in the new city. It is more of matter of the intent of both people. If you find someone who you like to be with, they listen to you and understand you, they laugh and cry with you…Then I think it is possible that you can connect with them It matters what the intent is in their heart and in yours.
Relationships are built. They are built with friendship. They are built on trust and having each other’s back. They are built on reliability, compassion and kindness and understanding. There are likely to be multiple people around the world that you could build a relationship with and feel like soul mates with each other.
It is a matter of intent and creation. You create the relationship together over time.
have fun on your adventure. I do not believe “the ends justifies the means”. Quality of life and quality of character is all about the “means”. It is what you do along the path that truly matters.
For who I am
What I believe in
What my intent is
For what I love
What I fear
What i need
For how I laugh
How I play
How I share
For how I listen
How I see
How I touch
In growing close
For how I think
How much I give
How I understand you
A peaceful place
For you and me
A quiet home
For us to be
To sit together
Side by side
Away from the world
So warm inside
A comfortable bed
To rest my head
Warm blankets too
I will have kisses for you
I’ll cook you rice
Fold your clothes nice
We will be together
You have my heart forever
10. The whole gang is going out tonight. You should join us !
9. You really need to put down that book and do something fun.
8. Honey, my mother just called and said she’s coming to visit for a whole week.
7. Honey, Mom just called back. She can’t come on Tuesday but she’s taking you to her Red Hat Club instead.
6. We are going to throw you and Bob a big party for your anniversary.
5. OK , I understand. We’ll just have a small family get together instead.
4. Surprise !!!
3. “Family, friends and loved ones. As you know, Annie and I have been dating for six months and I wanted you all to be here when..” ( “Annie? Annie? She was here a minute ago ” )
2. The new girl always takes the whole office out for drinks!
1. Are your parents coming in the delivery room too, or just mine?