life, narcissistic bosses, toxic coworkers, toxic people at work, work

Toxic People in the Workplace

You have the right to be happy. People that want to make you miserable are not worth your energy. Some people that make you miserable are trying to and some are not. Sometimes we do not realize that someone is intentionally making us miserable.

We do not want to think that there are people that enjoy the power of making other people’s lives miserable, but there are people like that.

If they are not listening to you about your feelings, then they do not really care how you feel. They are more interested in their own agenda.

Sometimes we have to deal with people that make us miserable on a daily basis. like at work. Unfortunately, there are toxic people in the workplace and in management positions.

This is a difficult situation to be in. I want to work for myself, because I am tired of dealing with disrespectful people that are over me at work. They undermine you and take advantage of you.

If you have to deal with them, then try not to take things personally, even when they want you to. These are not people that you have any emotional attachment to, so what right do they have to try to  make you feel bad? The only thing you owe them is to do your job and to be polite to them.

Sometimes it helps to document interactions and confrontations with bosses that are abusive. Keep track of times, dates and things that were said. It might help, if things come to a head and you can talk to someone who is over them.

Without documentation, and a play by play of what was said, and what occurred, the toxic personality will defeat you in a verbal battle. They will dominate over you, if you end up with them and a higher up.

At some point things can be considered a “hostile work environment.”  If you end up having to go to human resources, then the more documentation you have the better.

Do not count on coworkers to stick up for you, even if they say they will. If you are afraid of the boss, they might be too. Talk is easy, when the boss is not around.

If coworkers were present during any incidents, then document what they saw, said and  heard. Date everything.

If you send emails to yourself, then you have proof of the dates that you wrote the documents.

If the toxic person, is a coworker, then follow the same method of documenting everything for your records. You never know when they might be needed. The more history you can provide,  the better.

Of course it is best to change jobs if things are really bad. Hopefully another place will be better, but there is no guarantee.

life, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, single mother, working mom, working mother

Machiavellian Philosophy in the Workplace and Narcissistic Bosses

This is a link to the Machiavellian personality test.  As you read the questions you can see what a machiavellian philosophy is all about. It is an  “ends justifies the means” mentality. Success at any cost.  All is fair in love and war….using, abusing, injuring, firing, anything goes. 

Narcissists can have a Machiavellian philosophy. They lie when it will get them what they want. The feel that people will only work hard when they are tricked or forced into doing so.

Narcissists  manipulate people through deception. They will lie about their activities, their intentions, their beliefs, their thoughts and their feelings. They will make false promises, try to get out of paying people, promise you a giant payoff which will never come.

Take a look at the link I gave you, because you will be able to see how people with the Machiavellian philosophy, think completely differently than you do. There are no morals or ethics. It is a completely foreign way of dealing with people t what you assume everyone does.

If you are dealing with a narcissist, or anyone who subscribes to the machiavellian philosophy, in the workplace or in a business situation, you will likely be destroyed by them. They will manipulate you out of your money, fail to pay you for work you have done, and all manner of dishonest, unethical business practices.

One of the red flags you can identify, if you are in a business situation with a narcissist, is the chaos that seems to surround them. They like to create chaos and disharmony between people.

One of the worst situations you could end up in, would be to have a boss that has a Machiavellian philosophy. The problem is that if they are a malignant narcissist , they will put on a mask while they are at work. 

They will lie about their own beliefs and their motivations for their actions. They will lie about their end goals and you may have trouble identifying them as a narcissist, You will find yourself struggling to justify their behaviors and rationalizing their behaviors, based on your own system of ethics.

People with Malignant Narcissism like to create triangles between workers, supervisors, consultants and even non-workers. They enjoy setting up situations that torment people.

They will create emotionally  explosive situations, just to torment people. They will go as far as to cause people to quit and even to ruin relationships between friends and cause problems in marriages.

This triangulations usually manifests in inappropriate people being brought into situations. Past employees who no one liked are suddenly rehired. .Family members and friends of employees are somehow brought into situations they do not belong in.

Workers receive confusing phone calls and visits from “consultants”, “business coaches” and even “friends” of the narcissistic boss, and these conversations are confusing.

You might request a meeting with the boss, owner and rather than them meeting with you, they have someone else meet with you, who makes you uncomfortable or has nothing to do with the situation.

Employee family members will be brought into situations with the narcissist. The narcissist may ask you “Isn’t your girlfriend an accountant? It would be a great favor to me, if you have her come in and work on my books for me.”

Meetings have confusing goals, nothing ever seems to make sense and nothing gets resolved. Goals are set that are unclear or impossible.

The narcissist will make rules that are impossible to follow, They will place blame on the wrong people. They will shame people in front of others.

There will be mixed and confusing communication, They will say one thing to you in private and then a completely different thing in front of the other workers.

They will give you rules to follow and then change the rules without telling you. You will be responsible for the new rules, even if you have no idea what they are.

There will be confusion about who is supposed to do what. Sales people may be suddenly scolded for not making a run to the post office to pick up packages.

Factory workers may be scolded for not answering the phone. If they do answer the phone, after being scolded for not answering it the last time, they will be shamed for not saying the right thing to the client.

Expectations are confusing. There is no way to please the narcissist.

They may say they are happy with a certain behavior one day, and then scold you for the exact same behavior the next day. You may be asked to prioritize one thing and then be asked why you are not prioritizing things properly.

I was working with a narcissist recently. They gave me a long sob story about their sales people being bad and begged me to help them with sales. They said how I was a much better sales person than the ones they had. They were losing sales and all they needed was someone to save them.

When I got on the phone with them later that night, I was ready to work on the computer program with them that I needed to learn to do the sales. I was mentally ready and even excited to get into sales mode.

When I said “Okay, let’s do the training for the sales, they responded with…

“Why do you want to work on the sales? That is a misplacement of your skills. Your time is much more valuable to me, if you work on the web design and copy for the web site.”

I said “But you said you were desperate for sales people, who could sell. You told me it was an emergency. All you talked about for an hour on the phone earlier was the critical nature of the sales “

The conversation continued to be confusing and their responses made no sense. They insisted that we work on the web site copy right now . The web site is the emergency. They said..

“If I am not getting any calls, then what does it matter how good the sales people are? The web site is what makes people call and people are not calling. You have to fix the web site as a priority.”

This is a type of gaslighting. Of course a few days later, he said …

My sales people are losing all of my sales. NO one will help me. If only I had someone that cared and would help me…..NO one has time to help me….Everyone is soooo busy with their own lives….”

This is all to make you feel guilty, in order to gain some control over you.  At the time I did feel guilty but also very confused.

If you are getting mixed messages like this and you feel that your ability to think rationally had been compromised,,,,,you might be dealing with a narcissist. There is nothing wrong with your rational thinking,….they are confusing you on purpose.

I hope this helps. I will write some other posts about narcissists in the work place.