Toxic Narcissistic Family Members – Taking Your Power Back

While our brain is designed to protect us, sometimes the different parts of your brain fail to coordinate properly. The triunal brain theory teaches us that we are driven by the parts of the brain we are not conscious of.

It isn’t that we cannot discover what beliefs the subconscious brain is holding. It is more that we do not recognize the importance of doing so. There are methods of trance, hypnosis and NLP that can guide you to connect with what is driving your choices and behaviors.

Staying in a toxic relationship is something that many people do. Outsiders to the relationship may either judge you for stsying in it, or they may judge you for considering leaving it. In fact there may be both kinds of social pressure coming at you from different directions.

The subconscious brain holds core beliefs that have been imbedded and programmed since childhood. One belief that may have been programmed into you is that “good family members” tolerate any and every behavior from other family members.

You may be holding the belief that while breaking off relationships with people outside the family is okay, you should never break off relationships with family members.

Toxic family members are often catered to by the family. When other family members become exhausted and drainef of all their energy, they expect you to take over the “catering” role.

Saying No to the toxic family member will be punished and retaliated against. They will shame and guilt you, using yout “brain programming” against you.

It is often the person that put the programs there in the first place, that is emotionally manipulating you. They know which buttons to press because they put them there in the first place. Or they witnesssed how you were trained to feel.

In toxic families, you are not only trainef to behave in a certain way, but you are conditioned to FEEL certain ways in certain situations. A toxic family member will train you to respond to their emotional manipulation, in order to avoid real or perceived consequences.

Getting in touch with our feelings and beliefs that are behind the scenes, can help you to take your power back. Someone can only emotionally manipulate you if they are able to elicit those negative feelings in you.

When you are in a situation where the toxic person is making you feel bad…STOP and evaluate what you are feeling. Decide to detach emotionally from the situation and assess it like an observer.

Observe and notice what thoughts are coming up at the back of your brain. What thoughts, fears and drives are at work in your brain?

Sometimes the very things we do in order to avoid pain, will end up keeping us in a relationship that gives us continuous pain.

The subconscious brain will kick on the fight or flight mode, when we are in a confrontation or conversation with the toxic family member. This function of fight or flight, wants to cause you to take an immediate action to get rid of the threat and avoid harm. But your reptilian brain and your limbic system are only operating out of what associations that have been programmed in, and the beliefs that they hold.

If you were raised in a family with a toxic person ( or people) then there are “false beliefs” that are carried by your subconscious. The feelings you have that drive you to comply with the toxic person, are based on a false belief system.

It is in the best interest of the malignant, pathological person for you to hold onto beliefs like the following.

1. The toxic person does not harm me intentionally

2. They cannot help their behavior

3. They think their behavior is the best for the family

4. I am not worthy of standing up for myself

5. Standing up to the emotionally abusive person is rude

6. I have to do what the manipulative person wants, if I cannot reasonably get them to see my side

7. The toxic person hears me when I explain my side

8. Going against what the family wants would make me a bad person

9 Deep down the toxic person actually appreciates all I do for them

10. The manipulative family member would break down and not be able to go on, if I stopped catering to them

11. The family would fall apart without my holding it together

12. My independence and happiness  is not a priority over the family

13. If I really needed something they would be there for me

14. My needs, desires and dreams are not as important as the other family members, or as the toxic person

15. My perceptions are not valid when they are different than those of the family, or the manipulative person

16. Prioritizing my mental, emotional and physical health over the demands of the family is wrong.

17. I could not survive without the family

18. I owe my family, and the toxic person, to stay and cater to them for my entire life

19.  If I leave they will no longer love me. ( This is based on the false assumption that they love you now)

20. The toxic person loves me. They just don’t know how to show it

21. Taking abuse from someone proves your love for them.

These are all incorrect, untrue, false beliefs that are carried my adult children of toxic families. Sometimes your family is just who you were born to.

You have no obligation to people just because you share a blood line with them. All the time and energy they demand from you could be spent with people who actually deserve it.

There are people waiting to meet you, who would support and care for you. There is a higher path and sporitual connectedness for your life.

You have to emotionally detach from the narcissists,psychopaths, and emotionally manipulative, abusive people in your life.

Chances are the family will not fall to ruins without you, although they may try to manipulate you into thinking that. They can either respect you as an individual with rights and boundaries, or they can live without you.

Blessings,

Annie 🌷gentlekindnesscoaching.com

Very Affordable Coaching for Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse

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Untherapy – Compassionate Conversation and Holistic Treatment for Emotional Wounds

What is “untherapy”? Untherapy is what I am calling one of the types of life coaching that I do. It is basically compassionate two-way dialogue between the coach and the client, in order to provide validation and kindness, which the client is in desperate need of in their lives.

Although untherapy is absolutely not a replacement for treatment by a mental health professional, untherapy can provide a complement to traditional, clinical therapy.

While clinical therapists are licensed to delve into past trauma and use CBT to deal with those traumas, the life coaching practitioner is able to talk to the client about current issues and mental blocks that are inhibited them from moving forward with their lives.

We can often get into times where we feel like we are carrying a weight our shoulders and we just cannot get traction to move forward with our lives. While life coaches cannot diagnose any mental illness, we can help with issues like perfectionism and anxiety that are inhibiting you from doing things you need to do in life.

Life coaching can help you with things like feeling stuck, lack of motivational energy and lack of clarity due to brain fog from anxiety.

We are trained to guide the client to find the best path for them, by listening and identifying key issues that are creating problems for you. When you are in the midst of a dark reality tunnel, it can be very difficult to see clearly enough to be able to identify these things on your own.

Validation is an extrememly important need for people these days. Especially people who are carrying C-PTSD from childhood abuse and trauma, need validation about their reality. Years of bad programming by care givers can cause disorientation,  low self esteem and lack of the ability to self generate feelings of self worth.

Life coaches are able to deal with self esteem, and self confidence issues, as they relate to present time situations.

So whereas therapists deal with the past situations which caused mental health problems, life coaches can offer compassionate conversation about your feelings and thoughts in the present time, in order to help you get some traction to move forward onto the path you want to create as you walk it.

I am calling my particular flavor of life coaching “untherapy” because I feel it is different, yet can be complementary, to traditional therapy.

I can speak with you in a less climical and more equal kind of way. The traditional therapist is trained to keep an emotional distance from the client wheras I am under no rules to keep emotionally distanced from you.

I am allowed to share any personal stories of mine that may help to validate and guide you. Life coaches are not restrcted to stay at arms length from the client and make you feel like a “sick” patient.

Just because someone has experienced a traumatic past does not mean there is something innately wrong with them.

There are just natural reactions of the brain to put up blocks, in order to protect you from further injury. These blocks sometimes served us in the past and are now inhibiting our ability to move forward and blossom.

The spiritual side of you is just as important as the mental and emotional sides.

Spiritual coaching is a branch of life coaching that deals with helping you find your inner spiritual voice, and to overcome any vibrational blocks to your spiritual healing of yourself. This is another option of untherapy. We will call it Spiritual Untherapy or Vibrational Untherapy.

I will be posting future posts about this new concept of coaching. I feel the word “coaching” sounds like something to do with sports, and that is why I wanted a different way of communicating the new compassionate based life coaching, by using the term untherapy.

I am interested to get comments on this post to see if I have fully explained this, in a way everyone can understand and relate to. I believe there is a distinct lack of compassion and validation for people that suffer from certain issues, such as C-PTSD and PTSD.

There are holistic methods to help with PTSD, that fall outside of traditional therapy. I can guide you through NLP imagery and hypnosis, for anxiety reduction and even physical pain management.

If you are interested in finding out more about my services, please visit my web site at gentlekindnesscoaching.com

I am thinking of doing some promotional “freebe” kinds of things coming  up at that web site, so please add your name to the emailing list, in order to be sent any new promotions that you may enjoy participating in.

Many blessings for peace and happiness,

Annie💕

Standing up to Your Pathological Narcissist?

Living with a pathological narcissist means being forced into giving up your own identity, dreams, rights, and opinions. They are always right, , and anything you do that seems like you are trying to be an equal, will be shut down.

It is difficult for people who have not lived under the heavy weight, of the dark shadow, of a pathological narcissist to understand.

People will tell you that all you have to do is stand up to them,  and assert your boundaries. But if you have lived with one of ….”the people that have no conscience” … then you know that the consequences that follow any attempt to assert your individuality, are met with severe punishment.

The malignant narcissist knows the weaknesses of their victim. If you love your children, they will threaten them, or turn them against you.

If you need your car to get to work, they will remove your car and refuse to return it until you submit. If you have friends, they will manipulate them, lie to them and ruin your relationships.

If you are seriously ill, they will tell people you are faking being sick to get out of seeing them. They will “accidentally” run into your employer and tell them you are pretending to be sick in order to get time off from work.

If you are struggling financially,  due to repeated undermining behaviors by the narcissist, they will tell others how much they have helped you financially,  and how ungrateful you are behaving to them.

If they humiliate you be spreading personal information they spied through your computer to discover, they will make it clear to you that they have more dirt on you. ….. Comply or suffer. 

They will convince you to quit your job and then shame you. They will offer for you to move in with them, saying they need you there, only to send out Christmas card letters telling everyone how much you are imposing on them.

When you attempt to get a job, or start a business, to make enough money to move out, they will undermine you at every turn. …steal your keys and take your car out for an oil change, when you need to get to work.

When you complain that they took your car when you needed to get to work, they will tell you that since they are now helping with the maintenance of the vehicle ( the one oil change that it did not need,  and you did not ask for) that the title to the car should actually be in their name… It’s only fair, right?

When you have a business appointment that you have to get to on time, they will block your car in with theirs, so you cannot get out.

When you ask them to move their car, they will demand all the information about your business, so that they can further undermine you.

When you get a pet for comfort, they steal the supplies you bought for it, and put them where you cannot reach them. Then they nail the cage to a table in their yard, so that you cannot take it.

If you purchase any property, like furniture, they will insist it was always theirs. If it becomes damaged they will demand that you pay for it.

If you live with a psychopathic narcissist, they will break your appliances and scream at you for breaking them. You will go without a shower or a stove….even when you rent (which is unreasonanly high) has always been paid on time to them.

When you tell them that these things are legally required to be working, they will tell you they have other projects to finish in the house first, such as new wall paper in their bedroom.

If you use their shower and the pipe behind the wall leaks, they will tell you the water damage was caused by you not knowing how to use the shower curtain. When you show them the floor next to the shower is dry, they ignore you and continue to explain how to properly pull the shower curtain closed, so that you do not damage their house again.

When you ask the plumber, right in front of the narcissist, if water from the shower curtain not being pulled tight could send water pouring through two floors of celings, he laughs and says no. When you remind the narcissist of this conversation the next time they tell you there was water damage due to your not pulling the shower curtain closed, they deny the plumber was ever there.

When the therapist tells you to bring the narcissist to therapy with you, because the therapist feels that everyone can live in harmony once the therapist teaches everone proper techniques for communication, DON’T DO IT!

The narcissist is not unaware of methods for communication. Their methods are intentional and not accidental.

Make no mistake. The narcissist is in full control of their communication methods.

They are able to behave during the idealization (honermoon) phase. They are not confused as to why everyone is not getting along… or about why all the relationships around them are in chaos.

They divide and conquer, with a Machiavellian philosophy.

The ends jusitifies the means.

They say one thing to you, and the opposite to someone else. They deny saying things, manipulating you, and threatening you.

They will never admit what they do, or what they say to you behind closed doors. They deny reality to discredit you, turn people against you, and to create chaos so that they can be on top.

They intentionally use techniques of brainwashing and creating a … “shared psychosis”…in order to  to scapegoat certain people. The family members  who seem to want to hold onto their identity, and will not let the narcissist make them bow down to their greatness.

The narcissist will retaliate against you when you try to shed light on the truth. Their secret identity is hidden under the mask, and they hate you for knowing who they really are.

They will stop at nothing to destroy you, financially, socially, and physically. Their tactics will cause deterioration of your physical and mental health.

Why don’t people simply just stand up to the narcissist they are living with and assert themselves?

Because often times  you have a better chance escaping them without severe damage, if you let them think they have control, while you are secretly filling your bank account and packing boxes that you hide in the closet.

The retaliation by a psychopathic narcissist is so severe it has driven many victims to suicide. Unless you have lived with them, you cannot imagine what they are capable of.

Highly Sensitive People and Empaths ; Dealing with the Dark Tunnel

painting  by Taras Loboda 1961 Link to more of their paintings HERE

If you find yourself in the darkness….it is partially a solitary battle. Trying to get out of that tunnel backwards, by retreating will not work.

You are thrown into the middle of the dark tunnel, by your personal demons.

If someone has hurt or abused you then you are realizing that this has triggered your old wounds to open up and your sleeping demons to awaken. 

You have to sit with the darkness and interact with those fears, angers, grief or sadness demons. You need to let your inner child know that you are confronting those demons for them, because the child in incapable to battle them or defend against them.

If you try to run away from that tunnel, the demons will always follow you, because they refuse to be ingnored. Your inner child will continue to feel rejected and abandoned by you, because you are not integrating the demons.

If you experienced trauma at early ages, those demons are still haunting the child.

An incident of coming face to face with evil or darkness, will trigger the old fears, because they were never consoled and accepted.

You can sit with these feelings and let your inner child know that you accept them, love them, and will always protect them.

Once the child realizes it is not abandoned then the process of integrating the fractured child parts, and fractured memory pictures, can begin.

image from pinterest Link HERE

Each picture has a meaning attached to it. The meanings of things during childhood are programmed into you by others, who were concerned with their own agenda. You can change the meaning that your subconscious holds about these memories.

Take your time as you walk through the dark tunnel. You will get to the other side stronger and with greater ability to perceive truth.

Society, and people from your life, have dropped a veil in front of your eyes.

Any feelings you are carrying of shame, guilt, or obligation to violate your authentic self, are part of this veil.

There is more to see and perceive….and there are more possibilities that exist….and more possibities that you can create. People limit you by telling you what you cannot and should not do. 

The darkness does not have to be pushed aside, in order for you to survive it.

Painful emotions are guides, telling you not to go in a certain direction.

Your emotions are an alert system that is important for you to pay attention to.

Others are not living your life. They do not have any right to dictate how you feel about their behaviors and words. They do not have any right to program your mind with the meaning they want you to attach to things.

Your brain and your emotions are your own. You have a right to  feel how you feel, and to care about those feelings. Others who discount your feelings are not supporting you and those people are not good for you.

Highly sensitive people and empaths are criticized by the ones who want to dominate over and subjugate them.

They will tell you that you are “too sensitive” or that you are “over reacting.. “

They may even deny things they say and do, in order to gaslight you.

When you try to set boundaries with them, they tell you they never did what you are remembering them doing….or they just plain say that your needs are irrelevant. 

This is to create ficticious examples of how your “highly sensitive person” qualities are not valid. If these people can make you question your perception of reality, then they can manipulate how you feel about yourself.

Do not discount or minimize your feelings.

Experience them and integrate all parts of you into the whole. Others will attempt to fracture your parts, because this disables you from being powerful.

You have a great purpose and there are many possibilities all around you. Accept and love yourself for who you are.

Photography by Karina Chernova – see more of her work HERE

As you begin to integrate the light and the darkness of the old and new demons, you will begin to see how you belong in the world.

You have purpose and are part of all life. Your gifts are special and unique. .

Listen to those people that nourish your soul…rather than those people that seek to cripple your spirit. Find others who can validate your worthiness ….

Highly sensitive people and empaths are in the minority.

It is important for you to exist in an environment that supports you. Seek out those who value your gifts and accept you for who you are.

Blessings,

Annie

Note – If you are interested in life coaching for expanding and blossoming your unique gifts, or help finding your direction, please feel free to visit my web site and join the email list.

gentlekindnesscoaching.com

-overcoming narcissistic abuse

-recognizing gaslighting

-dealing with the “red pills” and truth being revealed to you

-hypnosis and NLP

-energy healing

-compassionate conversation and validation

Narcissistic Parents of Adult Children

If you have a narcissistic parent, then nothing of your own belongs to you. Not your mind, not your thoughts, not your feelings.

The narcissists feels entitled to control and own all of your things, both physical and mental.

When you have an idea you want to try that is different from theirs, they will put up a fight to make you change to their way of doing things. They have no right to d this. You are an adult with the same rights they have. 

They do not ever see you as an adult, or as an individual with your own rights, gifts and talents.

They feel you are something they own and should control when you need controlling. 

If you do not comply with their wishes, they will try to undermine you in any way they can.

Narcissistic parents have gone so far as to publicly shame their children, spread lies and gossip about them, and cause them to lose jobs and relationships.

They will take over responsibilities that are yours, and tell you it is for your own good, because you are inadequate.

This wears down your self esteem and effects how others see you. The narcissistic parent does not want you to shine independently from them. 

If you do something well, they will claim the credit for it.  Even if they did nothing but counter and interfere with something, they will still assume the credit. 

If they disapprove of something you do, then they will punish you in the form of shunning. silent treatment, demeaning you, scapegoating you, or causing a mobbing effect from other family members, who they turn against you.

These are hurtful, malicious games, designed to keep them in the spotlight and you in the darkness, and under their shadow.

The narcissist is sure they are right all the time. They will never listen to your idea, your pint of view, or your circumstances. They do not care. 

No contact is usually the best way to live.

Then you will have autonomy and be able to flourish and grow in ways you can not imagine while you are under their darkness.

If you cannot go no contact, then do your best to stick to your own ideas and plans.

Do not give in to the pleas of the narcissist or believe them when they call you abusive to them. It is a typical tactic designed to make you feel shame and guilt. 

Shame Based Email Marketing Tactics

Sometimes I get on email lists because it is for a service I might use in the future. There was something interesting to me about it when I originally checked out the web site.

Either I do not currently have the money for the service, or it is not the right time. I let the emails come because they can give helpful info or they a reminder for me about the service.

There are several places I get occasional emails from, including Ooyala, Freelance, Elance, some colleges, and some educational services.

The main thing that will keep me on their list is informational emails that give some kind of advice, or information. I also do not mind polite reminders and things like price specials and upcoming events.

I notice the content of these emails because I used to work writing copy for my friend’s business, incuding mass emails. I find the psychology aspect of writing enticing copy interesting.

One thing that pisses me off is when these emails turn rude, degrading or condescending. I have no patience for rudeness from a company.

If they still want to keep you on the hook as a future customer,  they should treat you with respect, whether it is the first email they have sent you or the 12th.

Every now and then I read an email subject header that says something like…

“Are You Avoiding Us?”…

“Why are You Keeping us Waiting”…

or…

“We Still Haven’t Heard From You..”

These are a rude psychological game that uses  gaslighting tactics based on  presupposition.

They are trying to imply that you have been rude,  based on some unspoken agreement you had with them.

There is a subconscious “suggestion” of a relationship between you and them.

They want you to feel that …because you subscribed to their site you are obligated to respond to their emails.

Responding to their email  would be by buying their service or product.

Logically you know that “just calling to chat”  with them is not what they are after.

There is a cognitive dissonance created. How can their feeling be hurt if they have no personal feelings for you?

Yet there it is in the email header….”Is there Anything We Can Do to Hear From You?”

It uses the “social obligation” guilt that is culturally built into people.

If you have a relationship with a person then you are supposed to respond to messages from that person.

The… “Are You Avoiding Us”… email header is targeted right to your guilt trigger.  Worse than that….it is attempting to elicit SHAME.

You have apparently already offended and hurt them. This means you should feel ashamed.

There is a presupposition that you made some kind of unspoken relationship agreement with them…but in fact, you did not.

Know this…There is no “relationship obligation” or “social contract” between you and any site you subscribe to.

Remember …It is not rude not to respond to emails from a business trying to sell you something. You have not requested a relationship with them.

By subscribing to a site you are merely giving them permission to send you emails.

You realize …This is not a 2-way obligation, yet when you read shaming statements they elicit an emotional response.

These companies are creating their mass emails in order to generate business. Although part of you knows this is not a personal email, the type of language used makes you feel like it is personal.

These email headers like… “Did We Do Something Wrong?”… are pre-written, mass emails that are carefully written to sound like they were tailored to you individually.

This kind of wording implies that you have hurt their personal feelings and also implies that you are unusual because you have not responded to them.

Companies have someone trained at manipulative copy writing,  to design these kinds of emails to go out after the 4th or 5th email they send you.

Not all companies use this tactic.

In fact most do not.

This works to the advantage of the petty companies who manipulate their customers in this way. If you got these all the time,  you would not feel the same way when you received one of them.

The header… “Is it Something We Have Done?”… is designed to make you feel like you were inconsiderate and heartless.

It implies that there is more to the question they are asking you. The question is asking to be completed by your brain….”Is it  something we have done to……”

“Is it Something we have done to make you hate us?”

“Is it something we have done to hurt your feelings so that you felt you had to hurt them back?”

“Is it something we have done to deserve this treatment from you?”

There is an NLP technique called being “specifically vague.”

The technique itself is not good or evil. It can be used to help people in hypnosis. Or it can be used to elicit guilt.

The idea is that you lead the person towards an idea or an emotion and let the person fill in the details themselves.

The sentence… “Is it Something We Have Done?”… is dangling in your mind.

Your subconscience will fill in the rest of the sentence for you.

“Is it something we have done to make you disreguard our feelings?”

It puts you in the mindset of a personal relationship, and pushes any buttons you may have related to your relationships.

This kind of tactic is low. It is dishonest because it is covertly trying to elicit a feeling of shame in you. As if you should feel like a bad person for neglecting their feelings.

There is another “presupposition” here as well. It is that they even HAVE feelings for you.

Much of your emotional responses are pre-conscious. The emotions are triggered before your conscious brain can analyze the situation.

Your subconscious brain draws emotions up based on associations. When you hear someone complaining that you have been neglecting them, your brain will associate it with someone in your life that has said this to you in the past.

You will feel that shame associated with neglecting someone and this is a painful emotion.

Since the subconscious brain is designed to make you go away from pain, you then will automatically begin to consider ways to reduce the negative feelings.

By continuing not to buy the company’s service, you might continue to feel these uncomfortable emotions. Maybe you should just buy something…or at least call them….

Once you respond.. they have you. Their sales people will do the rest.

They made you feel like you were the only customer that never responded to their emails. …Now they will make you feel like you are obligated to buy….why?….because you responding to the email.

All marketing is about psychology and eliciting emotion. That is how marketing works.

But the companies that try to SHAME  you into buying by using these gaslighting and NLP (neuro linguistic programming)  tactics are worms and snakes in the grass.

These are narcissistic tactics. Manipulation by shame is used by toxic people.

Delete the emails and unsubscribe. You do not want to do business with them.

 

 

Devaluation Phase of Narcissistic and Domestic Abue

Fight or Flight – Narcissistic Abuse / Domestic Abuse

Tumblr Narcissistic Abuse

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National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

image from pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/pin/228557749810757629/

I just read this excellent article about emotional abuse on the Live Bold and Bloom web site.  It is called 30 Signs of Emotional Abuse. 

image from http://www.pinmart.com/pins-domestic-violence-awareness-purple-ribbon-pin-url/

If you have ever been in an abusive relationship or if you are in one now, you may recognize some of the things on the list.

Some of the most common are :

Making you feel that they are always right and you are always wrong

Having to ask permission to go places and do things

Feeling like you need permission to make decisions

Isolation from family and friends

They control you or treat you like a child

Humiliate you or put you down in front of other people

Sarcasm or teasing to lower your self esteem

Accusing you of being “too sensitive”

This last one which is “accusing you of being too sensitive” is a typical and very powerful tactic that abusers use. They do this to minimize and invalidate your feelings. It keeps them from having to be accountable for their behavior and treatment of you.

It is easy to feel shame when an abuser accuses you of being too sensitive. They are saying that they are emotionally stronger that you. You cannot “take a joke” or handle any criticism. But at the same time any tiny amount of criticism of their behavior is not allowed. 

This is the double standard tactic, which abusers use. There is one set of behavior rules for you but they can act any way they want to. Their rules are subject to change at anytime. You are expected to follow the new rules even if they do not tell you the rules have changed. 

No amount of reasoning or trying to compromise will work. The communication is not genuine. They may act like they are “looking out for your own good” but it is an act designed to disguise the abuse. 

image from pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/pin/228557749810757603/

Abuse can occur at any socioeconomic level. It can occur in families between any combination of family members. The most well known abuse is that of husbands to their wives, but this is not the only way abuse occurs. Wives can be abused by their in-laws. Parents can be abused by their teenage or adult children. 

Mental and emotional abuse can destroy someone’s independence and feeling of self worth.

Financial abuse can be hidden but can cause devastation in people’s lives. Psychological abuse can be in the form of systematic brainwashing by people who appear in public to be benevolent and altruistic. 

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month. Victims are afraid to come forward because they fear retaliation and because the abusers control all of the money and the victim’s ability to leave and support themselves. There are hidden threats and implications that outsiders of the situation do not know and many would not believe. 

IMAGE from pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/pin/228557749810757572/

Abusers are generally people with narcissistic personality disorder or anti-social personality disorder. These people are very good at creating a facade in the world of being wonderful. charming people. The closest relatives and friends to the victim and the family often would never believe the victim even if they did say something. 

The victim themselves becomes confused about reality and their own ability to be able to leave the abuser. The abuser is often many steps ahead of the victim and has set up punishments for the victim and ways to block them from being able to live independently. 

Awareness is important if victim’s of abuse are to be able to reach out for help. You can visit the National Network for Domestic Violence HERE.

image from http://www.pinmart.com/purple-ribbon-survivor-pin/

There are some pins, ribbons and other Domestic Violence Awareness products HERE  if you are interested in wearing or displaying them. There are probably other sites as well. This is just the one I happened to come across. 

image from pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/pin/228557749810757377/