While our brain is designed to protect us, sometimes the different parts of your brain fail to coordinate properly. The triunal brain theory teaches us that we are driven by the parts of the brain we are not conscious of.
It isn’t that we cannot discover what beliefs the subconscious brain is holding. It is more that we do not recognize the importance of doing so. There are methods of trance, hypnosis and NLP that can guide you to connect with what is driving your choices and behaviors.
Staying in a toxic relationship is something that many people do. Outsiders to the relationship may either judge you for stsying in it, or they may judge you for considering leaving it. In fact there may be both kinds of social pressure coming at you from different directions.
The subconscious brain holds core beliefs that have been imbedded and programmed since childhood. One belief that may have been programmed into you is that “good family members” tolerate any and every behavior from other family members.
You may be holding the belief that while breaking off relationships with people outside the family is okay, you should never break off relationships with family members.
Toxic family members are often catered to by the family. When other family members become exhausted and drainef of all their energy, they expect you to take over the “catering” role.
Saying No to the toxic family member will be punished and retaliated against. They will shame and guilt you, using yout “brain programming” against you.
It is often the person that put the programs there in the first place, that is emotionally manipulating you. They know which buttons to press because they put them there in the first place. Or they witnesssed how you were trained to feel.
In toxic families, you are not only trainef to behave in a certain way, but you are conditioned to FEEL certain ways in certain situations. A toxic family member will train you to respond to their emotional manipulation, in order to avoid real or perceived consequences.
Getting in touch with our feelings and beliefs that are behind the scenes, can help you to take your power back. Someone can only emotionally manipulate you if they are able to elicit those negative feelings in you.
When you are in a situation where the toxic person is making you feel bad…STOP and evaluate what you are feeling. Decide to detach emotionally from the situation and assess it like an observer.
Observe and notice what thoughts are coming up at the back of your brain. What thoughts, fears and drives are at work in your brain?
Sometimes the very things we do in order to avoid pain, will end up keeping us in a relationship that gives us continuous pain.
The subconscious brain will kick on the fight or flight mode, when we are in a confrontation or conversation with the toxic family member. This function of fight or flight, wants to cause you to take an immediate action to get rid of the threat and avoid harm. But your reptilian brain and your limbic system are only operating out of what associations that have been programmed in, and the beliefs that they hold.
If you were raised in a family with a toxic person ( or people) then there are “false beliefs” that are carried by your subconscious. The feelings you have that drive you to comply with the toxic person, are based on a false belief system.
It is in the best interest of the malignant, pathological person for you to hold onto beliefs like the following.
1. The toxic person does not harm me intentionally
2. They cannot help their behavior
3. They think their behavior is the best for the family
4. I am not worthy of standing up for myself
5. Standing up to the emotionally abusive person is rude
6. I have to do what the manipulative person wants, if I cannot reasonably get them to see my side
7. The toxic person hears me when I explain my side
8. Going against what the family wants would make me a bad person
9 Deep down the toxic person actually appreciates all I do for them
10. The manipulative family member would break down and not be able to go on, if I stopped catering to them
11. The family would fall apart without my holding it together
12. My independence and happiness is not a priority over the family
13. If I really needed something they would be there for me
14. My needs, desires and dreams are not as important as the other family members, or as the toxic person
15. My perceptions are not valid when they are different than those of the family, or the manipulative person
16. Prioritizing my mental, emotional and physical health over the demands of the family is wrong.
17. I could not survive without the family
18. I owe my family, and the toxic person, to stay and cater to them for my entire life
19. If I leave they will no longer love me. ( This is based on the false assumption that they love you now)
20. The toxic person loves me. They just don’t know how to show it
21. Taking abuse from someone proves your love for them.
These are all incorrect, untrue, false beliefs that are carried my adult children of toxic families. Sometimes your family is just who you were born to.
You have no obligation to people just because you share a blood line with them. All the time and energy they demand from you could be spent with people who actually deserve it.
There are people waiting to meet you, who would support and care for you. There is a higher path and sporitual connectedness for your life.
You have to emotionally detach from the narcissists,psychopaths, and emotionally manipulative, abusive people in your life.
Chances are the family will not fall to ruins without you, although they may try to manipulate you into thinking that. They can either respect you as an individual with rights and boundaries, or they can live without you.
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