Untherapy – Compassionate Conversation and Holistic Treatment for Emotional Wounds

What is “untherapy”? Untherapy is what I am calling one of the types of life coaching that I do. It is basically compassionate two-way dialogue between the coach and the client, in order to provide validation and kindness, which the client is in desperate need of in their lives.

Although untherapy is absolutely not a replacement for treatment by a mental health professional, untherapy can provide a complement to traditional, clinical therapy.

While clinical therapists are licensed to delve into past trauma and use CBT to deal with those traumas, the life coaching practitioner is able to talk to the client about current issues and mental blocks that are inhibited them from moving forward with their lives.

We can often get into times where we feel like we are carrying a weight our shoulders and we just cannot get traction to move forward with our lives. While life coaches cannot diagnose any mental illness, we can help with issues like perfectionism and anxiety that are inhibiting you from doing things you need to do in life.

Life coaching can help you with things like feeling stuck, lack of motivational energy and lack of clarity due to brain fog from anxiety.

We are trained to guide the client to find the best path for them, by listening and identifying key issues that are creating problems for you. When you are in the midst of a dark reality tunnel, it can be very difficult to see clearly enough to be able to identify these things on your own.

Validation is an extrememly important need for people these days. Especially people who are carrying C-PTSD from childhood abuse and trauma, need validation about their reality. Years of bad programming by care givers can cause disorientation,  low self esteem and lack of the ability to self generate feelings of self worth.

Life coaches are able to deal with self esteem, and self confidence issues, as they relate to present time situations.

So whereas therapists deal with the past situations which caused mental health problems, life coaches can offer compassionate conversation about your feelings and thoughts in the present time, in order to help you get some traction to move forward onto the path you want to create as you walk it.

I am calling my particular flavor of life coaching “untherapy” because I feel it is different, yet can be complementary, to traditional therapy.

I can speak with you in a less climical and more equal kind of way. The traditional therapist is trained to keep an emotional distance from the client wheras I am under no rules to keep emotionally distanced from you.

I am allowed to share any personal stories of mine that may help to validate and guide you. Life coaches are not restrcted to stay at arms length from the client and make you feel like a “sick” patient.

Just because someone has experienced a traumatic past does not mean there is something innately wrong with them.

There are just natural reactions of the brain to put up blocks, in order to protect you from further injury. These blocks sometimes served us in the past and are now inhibiting our ability to move forward and blossom.

The spiritual side of you is just as important as the mental and emotional sides.

Spiritual coaching is a branch of life coaching that deals with helping you find your inner spiritual voice, and to overcome any vibrational blocks to your spiritual healing of yourself. This is another option of untherapy. We will call it Spiritual Untherapy or Vibrational Untherapy.

I will be posting future posts about this new concept of coaching. I feel the word “coaching” sounds like something to do with sports, and that is why I wanted a different way of communicating the new compassionate based life coaching, by using the term untherapy.

I am interested to get comments on this post to see if I have fully explained this, in a way everyone can understand and relate to. I believe there is a distinct lack of compassion and validation for people that suffer from certain issues, such as C-PTSD and PTSD.

There are holistic methods to help with PTSD, that fall outside of traditional therapy. I can guide you through NLP imagery and hypnosis, for anxiety reduction and even physical pain management.

If you are interested in finding out more about my services, please visit my web site at gentlekindnesscoaching.com

I am thinking of doing some promotional “freebe” kinds of things coming  up at that web site, so please add your name to the emailing list, in order to be sent any new promotions that you may enjoy participating in.

Many blessings for peace and happiness,

Annie💕

Red Flags of a Psychopathic Narcissist

When you are with a devil of a partner, you do not see their dark side at first. The really good predators are skilled at creating a shared psychosis…an illusion that you are two perfectly matched souls….destined to be together

When you are with an authentic partner, who has true compassion for you, they do not feel the need to state things like….

I have compassion for you.

I don’t usually have compassion for other people, but I have compassion for you.

Other people do not really understand you or see you. But only I see the real you.

No one sees your talent but me.

I am the only one who has really loved you.

I am the only one who could really love you.

You are so different from other people that I am the only one who understands you.

You are too special to be with anyone but me.

No one will love you the way I do.

You are the only one who can save me.

I would die without you.

You would die without me.

You and I do not belong in this world.

We are nothing without each other.

You can only do great things if you are with me.

I will kill myself if you leave me.

I will kill myself if you….

I will kill myself if you don’t….

My life was nothing before you.

You don’t need anyone but me.

Your friends are not really your friends. Only I am.

Everyone always lets me down in the end.

Everyone disappoints me sooner or later.

Every relationship I have ends up with them abusing me. You will do the same.

Everyone leaves me. So will you.

No one is willing to give me what I need.

I never get enough help from anyone.

People should help me and do what I ask, without wanting something in return.

If you really loved me you would not expect things in return for doing everyhing I ask you to do.

How can I believe you love me if you are not waiting by the phone when I call?

How can you do things for other people when I am so needy?

How can you do things for yourself (like take a shower) without checking that I am okay first?

I should not have to be there for you to prove my love.

Love is about you being there for me and doing things for me that I can do myself.

Love is being there for me when you have an impotant business meeting to go to.

Love is being there for me, when your friend or family member has an emergency.

Love is about being there for me when you have an emergency.

Love is being there for me when you are sick or sleep deprived.

Love is giving up all your friends and family for me.

Love is you knowing that my job is more important than yours, but that I not help you pay your bills.

Love is YOU paying attention to MEEEEEE and me ignoring, rejecting, demeaning, minimizing and lying about you.

 

 

Blame Shifting

Trail of Destruction

Yesterday I fell asleep
to the sound of your voice
and the next day
I woke up to your urgent call
that the world was destroying you
help me, save me
My phone tucked under the pillow
right where my hand could reach
So that I could fumble for it
eyes closed
mid rapid eye movement
or alpha wave sleep…
Pulse racing
heart bleeding
Day after day blurred into
a succession of yesterdays…
Sleep,
what was that?
A forbidden dream
once taken for granite
Sleep was something you stole
along with the contents of my soul
screaming about stabbing scissors
into your neck
if I did not pick up the phone
A tactic to manipulate
instill the fear
then make demands
No, sleep was low in priority
but little did I know
you intentionally fed suggestions
that went easily into
a confused, frightened brain…
A brain which you
deliberately sleep deprived
Crafted so well
your manufactured hell
was designed just for me
Covertly
that no one else could see
But yesterday is far and gone
though once in a while
I forget
I don’t remember
your saying good bye
the phone conveniently
disconnected
You played the game
to the very last sigh
waited till you heard me cry
Made sure that I
was not okay
Hung up the phone
and called it a day
On to tell another
that you’ll never part
your trail is destruction
Twisted minds, and broken hearts

Prey

You told me tales of your ex

How she abused

your poor little mind…

Threatened you 

Tormented you

Used you

and Discarded you

Like a chewed up piece of meat

Then you …

Used me

Threatened me

Sleep deprived me

Deranged my reality

Brainwashed me

And otherwise played

Your Game…

Now I am the ex

you are talking about

Who tormented you

Hurt you

And broke you down…

But the one who abuses

Is behind your dead eyes

The stalker

The confuser

The tormentor 

is you

Your words are all lies…

Your ex was abused

I see through you now

And your predatory ways

You claim to be the victim

While setting up your prey

New Narcissistic Abuse Video

This is a new installment in m series of YouTube videos on narcissistic abuse. These videos are intended to validate, teach and support the victims of narcissistic abuse.

If you notice the way I appear in the first narcissistic abuse videos, you can see a turn around and improvement in my mental state as I am recovering. This is something that I want the viewers to take note of, because if they are newly out of an abusive relationship, it will give them hope for healing.

Blessings to all,

Annie

Psychological Damage and Retraumatization

People with mental illness often have psychological damage from being subject to abuse during childhood.

Then very often they are retraumatized in adulthood by ending up being the victims of predators, There are narcissistic people that prey people who have C-PTSD from childhood abuse.

Some predators actually will evaluate you during conversations early in the relationship. They find out about your past and what the effects were.

Yes,  when they were seeming to be so sweet and caring, they were pumping you for information, in order to asses how broken you were.

These predators know that broken people are easier to brainwash and drag into their world of control and manipulation. The relationships we have with people like this, retraumatize us and add to the C-PTSD we already had.

You have chosen to click on this post because the title of it struck a nerve with you. Most likely you have been abused in your lifetime. It may have been during your childhood and / or it may have been as an adult. Many people that were abused as children , end up in abusive relationships as adults.

The psychological damage from living in abuse is extensive and can cause depression, severe anxiety, OCD, PTSD, and other mental illnesses. It is also common that people with other mental disorders such as depersonalization disorder, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder , social anxiety and  insomnia have experienced abuse during their lifetimes.

As people with mental illness, we sometimes make choices that are harmful to us that other people would not make.

We are so used to things being abnormal and painful that we tend to not notice the red flags of an abusive relationship until it is too late.

The mental illness causes us to end up in codependent , manipulative, abusive relationships. On the flip side, these relationships that cause severe psychological damage and we end up with mental illness that we may not have already had.

Which one comes first? The mental illness, the psychological damage, the abusive relationships? It is hard for us to tell. If you think back through your past , if you can remember, then you will most likely identify abuse against your mental health. 

Situations of trauma cause PTSD. The people who tend to be the most affected are the ones who have had some kind of mental trauma in their past.

There are cases of severe trauma (like military horrors),  that can cause PTSD , even of the person had a “normal” past. But a lot of the people who endure ptsd that never seems to go away, had some form of abuse prior to that trauma.

It is sometimes difficult to identify abuse from our past.  For some people it is glaringly obvious and for others it has been blocked out by their own brain.

The brain wants to protect itself from further trauma and will black out memories and deny us access to them.

People with psychological damage often have more than one mental disorder. In addition you may carry with you a feeling that you are not good enough to have a healthy relationship.

If you are carrying C-PTSD be careful of predators that may end up retraumatizing you. You do not need to sustain more mental damage.

Do not automatically assume that if someone is asking about your past and being a good listener that they care about you.

There are red flags of abusers that you should be aware of. You can search the tag Red flags of abuse or narcissistic abuse.

Learn the patterns and behaviors of narcissists and other abusers. There are typical patterns and things to look for.

You will identify the red flags if you are aware of them. Things like “love bombing” and “devaluing” are terms you should search, if you are not aware of them.

There is a great youtube site called Self-care Haven. She has videos that you should watch if you do not know the tactics of narcissists and how they draw you in.