child abuse, Dealing with difficult personalities, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, Narcissistic boss, psychopath, psychopathic abuse

You Know a Psychopath

Most people think that psychopaths are only in the movies or that they are in prison for serial killing sprees. This is not true. Psychopaths are around you and you have interacted with them.

No, this does not mean you are in danger or that they will be physically violent if they do target you for “special attention” as a particular favorite victim. It does not mean they will target you at all.

What is does mean is that 3 out of 100 people you ineract with is a psychopath. They can appear charming, they may take great care to look attractive and they often hold positions of respect within the community.

Psychopaths are teaching, giving therapy sessions, leading churches, contributing to charities and giving you medical treatment. They make up 3 to 4 percent of the population and you have exchanged words with one of them.

Being in the presense, even daily, with a psychopath does not meam they will ever harm you. They may just be using you to help maintain or promote their image, which is their “false self.”

Psychopaths will only specifically target certain people, usually ones that are predisposed to abuse. Other people are used as tools, proxies and pawn pieces in their games.

Narcissists , sociopaths and psychopaths are one and the same but they are on a spectrum. You can look up Nine Traits of Narcissism on google or YouTube.

The term sociopath is not any different than a psychpath. There was once a desire to make a strong distnction between narcissists and psychopaths and to create a label of in-between the two ends of the spectrum.

Make no mistake, someone with 9 traits narcissism is potentially dangerous and someone with 7 or 8 traits ( a sociopath) is also very dangerous. They may not choose to be physically violent but they are a danger the mental health, and ability to thrive of their victims.

If you are working with one then you may find yourself harrassed, bullied and feel your job is in jeapordy due to them. It probably is.

If your landlord is one then you may feel the same level of harrassment, threats, and manipulation from them as the one at work.

If they are in your life and you are not providing them with narcissistic supply, making them look good, feeding their ego and listening in awe of their stories of grandeur, then you might be tormented by them. They may torment and bully you to get things to go the way they want or just for sadistic pleasure…it depends where they fall on the narcissim/ psychopath spectrum.

None of the people who have malignant narcissistic personality disorder have any feelings of compassion,  emapthy, love or remore. Although they can emulate the words and gestures of people that do have these feelings.

Narcissists will woo you in order to lure you into trusting them. They can appear normal, even charming, for short periods of time. It takes extended interaction with them in order to see their mask slip.

If something seems inconsistent or “off” about someone and you find yourself recounting conversations to try to make sense of what seemed to be perfectly rational but later did not fit, then be wary.

Narcissists use “word salad”, re-framing, pre-supposition and other neuro linguistic programming (NLP) techniques to manipulate and confuse you. You can look these techniques up on google to learn more about them.

Some people spend years learning NLP techniques in order to use them for good purposes like helping clients lose weight or overcome a phobia.

Narcissists naturally use these techniques …but with insidious intentions. If you feel like you are being dominated in every conversation, even when you are in the right, just be wary.

If you feel like someone is always dominant in conversations about topics  you  are more trained and skilled in, that is anothercred flag.

If someone knows better about every single topic you have ever discussed with them, that is a red flag. Who knows better than you about everthing? Probably only someone with such a huge ego that they pretend to know things they don’t, just to put you under their foot.

Someone who is a “pathological lier” is probably a narcissist.  They can lie right to your face with eye contact,  and sound very sincere or even offended and indignant.

If you feel your will power being sucked out of you and your identity and self worth leaving the room, every time they are in it, that is not normal.

Normal people do not have that effect on others. They do not feel the need to push others down in order to appear bigger and better.

You have interacted with these people without knowing it and you never knew why you felt bad everytime you were around them…or you wondered what it was about you that made “dominating manipulative people” seem to intimidate you.

Intimidation is a game to them and it is also a way of survival for them. They do not want you close enough to see through their games so they will keep you at a distance.

As long as you are struggling to deal with their games, you are too focused on what is happening to you to really look at them and see who they are. They are deceiptful, bullying, “all knowing” people who always have a hidden agenda.

Their behaviors are often confusing because you are unaware of their agenda, which always has to do with them.

Even when they seem to be doing benevolent acts of service their is a hidden agenda behind it.

You might want to consider doing some research on narcissism and psychopathy, just to protect yourself. In this case knowledge is empowerment. These people want to disempower you by starting with your self confidence and distorting your perception of reality.

Some study of neuro linguistic programming will also help you to protect yourself from tactics being used against you that you have never heard of. There are some great videos on NLP hypnosis by David Snyder on YouTube.

You can research NLP techniques of “re-framing”, “presupposition”, “word salad” and others.

You can look up “gaslighting” and you will find written information and videos. I am going to post some videos about gaslighting in the next few weeks and I will put the links for you here.

There is no reason to have parts of your life miserable because of not knowing the tactics of narcissists or how to identify them. You can also look up “red flags” of a narcissist or “red flags” of an abuser and you will get some information.

Trust you gut and do not trust people that make you question your own perception. If something seems off…it probably is.

life, mental illness, philosophy, poetry

Wounded Healers are the Truth Revealers

To those who have been broken

by the darkness of malice

My heart breaks in two 

for your pain and confusion

Betrayal is perhaps the worst

and most painful thing to experience

and your soul can become torn

and your heart can be become shredded

Your world can turn dark with no

hope to trust in humanity again

I have been there before and I

know of the cloud of darkness

that can descend upon your mind 

and your very perception of reality…

The heartless ones can break you

and crush down your very desire

and belief that there is any hope left

for humanity

at all…

But I can see still a flicker of light

in you

and it grows brighter when you reach out

ever so cautiously 

so as not to be betrayed again…

There are some who

are sitting in their own darkened

world

Confused and alone

just as you were

not so long ago…

And though it feels like

you are permanently broken

you have come through 

what you have been dosed

and you have new

understanding 

to share…

The lost ones

are seeking you

and are looking for your

particular painfully learned wisdom

and truth

to shine

to light their path 

out of their own hopelessness

and sorrow…

Once broken you can rebuild

and your soul will be stronger still

that it ever was

before 

one person

tried to take it

and claim it for their own

For

Try as they might

No one has the rights 

to your soul…

They may have 

darkened your

perception 

of reality

for a time…

They may have even 

stolen

your very will to live…

But they cannot succeed

 in breaking you 

I know you can pull thought it

because the hope

and the light

is in the revealing of

the truth…

Now you can lead the lost ones

who don’t know the things

you see now

and do not perceive the things

you perceive now

and in the process you will heal

if just a little

at a time

Never underestimate the power

of that tiny light

within your darkness

It has warmth and strength

you are

not even aware of

Allow your truth to speak

and allow  your wounds to heal

In their healing

you will find 

new found wisdom

and be a beacon

for someone

who did not

deserve to be broken either

The truth is in the light

The light is in the truth

The revealers

are the last

and only hope

domestic abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, mental health, mental health blog, mental illness, mental illness blog, narcissistic abuse

Meet Yourself Again! The Aftermath of Abusive, Manipulative Relationships

If you have been manipulated and controlled by other people, or in an abusive relationship with someone for a while, then we have to find our true selves again.  You have been catering to the feelings and moods of another person for a long time, and you may have lost touch with our own feelings and thoughts.

 Your true personality and values can become buried within you,  in the middle of constantly trying to read another person,  in order to keep them happy or to keep them from becoming angry or retaliating against you in some way.

You can become so conditioned to prioritizing someone else,  that you forget that you have a unique personality, individual needs and individual opinions.

Not only do you have them, they are important !

You can begin to reintroduce yourself to yourself. Think about the things that you value and what you want to prioritize, regardless of anyone else’s opinions. Think about what your dreams are, if you were not going to be punished for expressing them.

If you are still in an abusive relationship, you can think about these things, and it will help to reorient you. You may have to keep them to yourself, and think about them in silence. There is value in beginning to identify your own desires and dreams again. They do matter.

If someone is telling you what to think, what to value, and what to prioritize, then they are stealing away your right to be your own adult person.

If you have gotten out of an abusive or highly manipulative situation, then it is time to find out who you are again. It felt like you lost yourself in the relationship. The dominator made you an extension of themselves, in order to have their way all the time.

They may have used you to fulfill their dreams, or just have abused you in order to make you suffer. Yes, there are really people like that in the world. If you were suffering all the time, and they were  not listening to you when you asked them to stop, then clearly they had no problem watching you in pain.

 Make lists of things you like to do.  Then make time for yourself  to do some of the things on your list.

You can start with very simple things. Pick something that you used to do, or wanted to do, but were not “allowed” to do that during the relationship. It may be just watching Netflix and eating popcorn for 4 hours. It may be going for a walk on the beach.

hello self

The other person, or people, may have controlled what you watched on tv, what music you were allowed to listen to, what books you were allowed to read, or who you were allowed to talk to. Make a list and then try to allow yourself time to do one or more of these things each day.

This is a simple step to beginning to feel that you have the right to make your own decisions. The dominating or abusive person. made all of their own choices about what they wanted to do. Now you are free from them and can do things that you choose to do.

Taking the first step of making simple choices, will help you get to where you can trust yourself to make bigger choices about your life. You should be able to work where and how you want to. You should be able to live the way you want to.

Think about your opinions and your thoughts about things. What thoughts were controlled, or fed to you by the someone else?

 What thoughts and opinions are actually your own?

If you have thoughts that you are a failure, or that you are stupid, they may have been fed to you, through behavioral modification tactics.

 If you feel that you overreact to your own pain and feelings, that also may have been conditioned into you.

Toxic personalities will minimize your pain and your feelings. They want you to focus on them.

Meet yourself,  as if you were getting to know a new person, or someone you had not seen in a long time. Ask yourself what you think and feel about everything you do throughout the day.

Get into the habit of thinking for yourself again, and for realizing that your feelings and opinions are just as valid as anyone else’s.

Blessings for Peace of Mind, and Individual Uniqueness,

Annie