National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

dom viol wa

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I just read this excellent article about emotional abuse on the Live Bold and Bloom web site.  It is called 30 Signs of Emotional Abuse. 

purple ribbon

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If you have ever been in an abusive relationship or if you are in one now, you may recognize some of the things on the list.

Some of the most common are :

Making you feel that they are always right and you are always wrong

Having to ask permission to go places and do things

Feeling like you need permission to make decisions

Isolation from family and friends

They control you or treat you like a child

Humiliate you or put you down in front of other people

Sarcasm or teasing to lower your self esteem

Accusing you of being “too sensitive”

This last one which is “accusing you of being too sensitive” is a typical and very powerful tactic that abusers use. They do this to minimize and invalidate your feelings. It keeps them from having to be accountable for their behavior and treatment of you.

It is easy to feel shame when an abuser accuses you of being too sensitive. They are saying that they are emotionally stronger that you. You cannot “take a joke” or handle any criticism. But at the same time any tiny amount of criticism of their behavior is not allowed. 

This is the double standard tactic, which abusers use. There is one set of behavior rules for you but they can act any way they want to. Their rules are subject to change at anytime. You are expected to follow the new rules even if they do not tell you the rules have changed. 

No amount of reasoning or trying to compromise will work. The communication is not genuine. They may act like they are “looking out for your own good” but it is an act designed to disguise the abuse. 

dom vio awareness

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Abuse can occur at any socioeconomic level. It can occur in families between any combination of family members. The most well known abuse is that of husbands to their wives, but this is not the only way abuse occurs. Wives can be abused by their in-laws. Parents can be abused by their teenage or adult children. 

Mental and emotional abuse can destroy someone’s independence and feeling of self worth.

Financial abuse can be hidden but can cause devastation in people’s lives. Psychological abuse can be in the form of systematic brainwashing by people who appear in public to be benevolent and altruistic. 

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month. Victims are afraid to come forward because they fear retaliation and because the abusers control all of the money and the victim’s ability to leave and support themselves. There are hidden threats and implications that outsiders of the situation do not know and many would not believe. 

dom viol awRENESS

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Abusers are generally people with narcissistic personality disorder or anti-social personality disorder. These people are very good at creating a facade in the world of being wonderful. charming people. The closest relatives and friends to the victim and the family often would never believe the victim even if they did say something. 

The victim themselves becomes confused about reality and their own ability to be able to leave the abuser. The abuser is often many steps ahead of the victim and has set up punishments for the victim and ways to block them from being able to live independently. 

Awareness is important if victim’s of abuse are to be able to reach out for help. You can visit the National Network for Domestic Violence HERE.

survivor

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There are some pins, ribbons and other Domestic Violence Awareness products HERE  if you are interested in wearing or displaying them. There are probably other sites as well. This is just the one I happened to come across. 

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Check out my Domestic Abuse Blog

narcissist next prey

As some of you know, I have another blog called the Lovely Wounded Lady Blog. This blog is for the purpose of helping the victims of domestic abuse and narcissistic abuse to overcome their trauma. It is designed to be a safe space for people to share their abuse stories and to find comfort and information from one another. 

Here is a new post that went up today. It is called Narcissists Psychopaths and the Law of Entropy. 

The first post that was ever written for the Lovely Wounded Lady Blog was called A Blog for Women from Domestic Abuse

Since that first post on February 17 of this year, the followers of that blog have increased and a good number of them are men. It is easy to think that domestic abuse and partner abuse occurs mainly with women, but there are more female psychopaths and narcissists than people think. 

It is often harder to spot the females because they are either using their sexuality to lure and exploit their victims or they are home-based women who maintain their “home cult” and victimize their families behind closed doors. 

Most blatant abuse occurs behind closed doors. This is true of both male and female abusers. The victims are often afraid to let anyone know because they do not think anyone will believe them. 

narcissist abuse meme

Abusers put on a mask and are very good actors in front of people that they want to project a certain image to.

Behind closed doors at home they are a very different person. They can be verbally, mentally, physically and otherwise violent. They exploit and manipulate their victims by using brainwashing and fear tactics. 

So if you are in an abusive situation or have lived through it, feel free to stop by the Lovely Wounded Lady Blog for community support and information. 

You can also read my Life Coaching Page to learn more about coaching for healing from abuse. The other place you can find some help and contact me is at my Life Coaching web site gentlekindnesscoaching.com 

I have a coaching plan that will work for your particular budget and time schedule, starting at 15 dollars. There are choices about the method for coaching including  Google Chat (typing chat),  Skype and over the phone. 

You can also check out my YouTube Channel videos about abuse, and healing from abuse HERE.

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Blessings, 

Annie

You do not do Things to Deserve to be Abused

you do not deserve abuse

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Gentlekindness YouTube Channel – Annie Mimi Hall

I am so excited. I just got my 400th follower on my YouTube channel where I post mostly videos about healing from domestic abuse and narcissistic abuse. Although I have had the site for a while, I really only started posting the videos for abuse victims in March of this year. 

I am so very grateful that I have been able to connect with other abuse victims both on WordPress and on YouTube. I have had many meaningful conversations and interactions with people that were therapeutic for me.

I hope also that I have been able to offer some validation to people who feel crazy after being systematically convinced that there is something wrong with them..that they are not worthy of love…that it is their fault they are in an abusive relationship or that they keep attracting abusers.

My daughter is also pleased,about the 400 followers.  I promised my sweet toothed 12 year old that once my YouTube Channel hit 400, we would celebrate my making brownies. So she was just dancing around the house singing the “I wanna eat brownies” song 🙂

So if you want to pop on over and take a look you can find my YouTube channel HERE.

Here are a few of videos for your pleasure. Some are music that I play and some are talks about recovering from abuse.

Original Song by Annie – Prison in Your Mind

Proud Mary – Cover

Dispelling Negative Myths About Abuse Victims

Aftermath of Abuse – PTSD

Depression is as Real as Any Physical Illness

Prey – Spoken Word Poetry

Should you be Asking “How can I Get my Narcissist Back?” – Going Back with an Abusive Partner

I frequently check my statistics page and it tells me what search terms landed people on my blog. I was sad and concerned to see that one of the search terms was “How to get a Narcissist Back”

If you are considering getting your narcissist back or you know someone who is… please note the following truths. It is very hard to know the truth. In fact coming to terms with the truth is one of the hardest parts of overcoming narcissistic abuse.

Going No Contact is hard for all of us.  Many of us have been through it and others are still suffering with the chemical addiction and the nightmares from narcissistic abuse.

There are factors that contribute to the difficulty of a break up with a narcissist that are above and beyond normal break-up suffering. There are chemical reactions and reactive behavior to the sympathetic nervous system that make going NO Contact torturous.

You will feel lonely and you will go through tremendous emotional pain. This is all in addition to mental pain and confusion that comes from having your reality manipulated. There can be a brain fog and even feelings of depersonalization and derealization.

You may feel lost and that you can not find a way to go on without them. You will remember the “nice” things they did for you and your memories will trick you into thinking this was real.

Here is a list of reasons why you should hang on and hold your No Contact position. Have faith that the addiction will calm down with time. I know the feelings are like going through a drug withdrawal and it seems like it will go on forever. But it doesn’t.

Here is the list I came up with. If anyone has additions that I have not thought of, please leave them in the comments section here.

  1. Any “nice” things the narcissist did for you was to manipulate you.
  2. They did not love you.
  3. They lied……all the time.
  4. If they were showing any signs of violence, the violence will only get worse if you go back with them because they will respect you even less and feel all powerful over you because they were allowed to abuse you and you still took them back.
  5. If they never showed any signs of violence they  might this time. Abuse always escalates when you are on a second round with them.
  6. They do not deserve a second chance. You gave them many second chances while you were in the relationship with them.
  7. They were grooming their next target while you were with them and you did not know it.
  8. They had already decided when they were leaving you while they were still saying “I love you”
  9. If you have kids, they are in danger of psychological and possibly physical damage if you go back to the narcissist
  10. They will put you through the idealization phase all over again. You will fall for them harder and believe that they have changed. Then they will hit you harder than ever with the devaluation phase and the abuse.
  11. Narcissists tend to live a double life. It is likely that they will stay with their current victim and not tell you they are still with them.
  12. Your financial situation will be in danger. You could lose everything you own.
  13. Your reputation will be danger. They will launch a major smear campaign against you and you won’t know about it until it is too late.
  14. They will either deny you sex and make you feel cheep for wanting it or they will use you like a sex toy that is something they bought in the Adam and Eve catalogue
  15. You are not a person to the narcissist. You are just a prop, a tool and something for them to use and abuse
  16. You can have a better life without them and every time you take them back it will be more difficult to recover your life back
  17. There are people that are real and honest that would be good to you in a relationship
  18. You matter and your purpose in the world matters. Your skills and gifts are being wasted on the narcissist
  19. They are not helpless but they lie to get you to do everything for them any neglect your life.
  20. You will become less and less secure about who you are as a person . Your entire identity is at stake.
  21. They might be a psychopath and are far more dangerous than you know
  22. They are likely to have alternate identities that you know nothing about
  23. You could end up in court with them accusing you of abuse and you will be in such a bad mental state that the system is likely to prosecute you and side with the abuser
  24. You could become sick or disabled from abuse or other reasons and you would be at the mercy of the abuser to care for you
  25. You will be isolated from the people who love you and could help you
  26. You could become pregnant and your child would have an abusive father / You could get her pregnant and your child would have an abusive mother…and she would probably win the children in court
  27. You job , career and any future dreams will be in danger if being interfered with by the narcissist
  28. Your friends and family members will be in danger of abuse from the narcissist

Now we have 28…let’s see if you guys can add at least 2 more to the list. We need to warn people not to go back if they are searching this term. I intentionally used this search term in the title to this post so that it will come up when they search this.

Blessings,

Annie

Narcopaths

Alone in this room
like a cave of protection
I can feel the monsters
outside
They are hungry
Hungry for the blood
of my heart
Aching to spill my compassion
onto the floor
And leave me to bathe
in the carnage
The monsters deceive
They lie and they cheat
Show you the beauty
of what you dream of
in your deepest dreams
that only you know
They find their way in
to the farthest
most protected temples
of your mind
They steal
what was never theirs
to take
Then reflect to you
what you desire
In you innermost being
never letting you know
how they snuck into
your temples
and stole out your desires
Humanity
is something they play at
Moving their pawns
where they want them to go
Into harms way
Without letting them know

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