Love the Loving

love the loving

Love the loving people. Share your kindness and love with people who are able to love and care for people. Waste not your loving energies on people who cannot love others. 

Show compassion for those who have compassion and are capable of empathy with others. Loving people will fill your energies, rather than drain them. 

The energy exchange between two loving people will raise both of them up to a higher consciousness level. You will feel like a part of them has been added to you. This will not cause them to lose anything. 

Being kind and loving to another person who have love and compassion, will add part of yourself to them. They will carry part of you with them, but this will not cause you to lose anything. 

If you feel you are being drained bu someone, be careful not to lose yourself in them. If this is a person incapable of empathy and compassion, then they will take from you and not give anything back. 

narcissistic abuse meme rebuild

Share your kindness and your special spiritual gifts with other who are special. It will uplift you and you will feel your love for all living things growing inside you.

Holding resentment for someone who abused you can be like a dark hole inside of you. Sharing love with loving people can help to fill this darkness with light. The more light you carry with you, the more it will surround you. Others will feel the warmth of this light that is being generated by your spirit.

Stigma and Mental Illness

Mental disorder has stigma attached to it. People think of movies they have seen with dangerous disorderly mental characters in them. News reports inevitably bring attention to anyone’s mental diagnosis, when they commit a bizarre or dangerous crime.

They neglect to say that most people with that particular mental disorder are not violent and do not commit rapes or armed robberies , because they have a conscience. They neglect to tell you that 1 in 25 people is a sociopath that does not have a mental disorder….they are just heartless people with no conscience.

A personality disorder and a mental disorder are not the same thing. One of them is a cold person with no conscience… and most of  the other ones are suffering a soul loss (see shamic soul loss and soul retrieval) , or emotional woundings, caused by  abuse from the personality disordered ones.

Highly sensitive, empathic people are subject to deep emotional, spiritual wounding of their souls. Narcissistic societies that are run by psychopathic leaders create situations that can be destructive to the HSP’s.

People with emotional intelligence can confused and mentally broken by pathologically narcissistic families. Then they are thrown out to the wolves who target them, because they can smell blood in the water.

A mental disorder is when someone’s life becomes disordered, and unmanageable, due to depression, anxiety, or other emotional illnesses involving one or both of these ( often both). There are a long list of mental illnesses involving various combinations of depression,  mood disregulation and anxiety.

The majority of these people were and are victims of abuse, chaos, and trauma. …much of which has its root cause in the evil doings of pathological people. Eighteen year old teenagers are sent into trauma and darkness. Otherwise healthy children and teenagers are emotionally tortured by bullies both outside of the home and within.

This is one of those kinds of posts that will end up with condescending comments saying that my opinion is not based on scientific, or psychological facts. I do not care. Knowing this will happen has not stopped me from writing and posting this.

I am speaking from what I have seen over and over and over again. Pathological, personality disordered people break family members, rule society with pathological lying and deception, and otherwise destroy lives.

Emotionally wounded people are further gaslighted and re-traumatized by other narcissists and psychopaths, which are at least 1 in 25 people, and tend to target emotionally wounded people. I have heard one horror story after another from my clients, and this had to be said.

My reblog function is currently active, and it is my choice at this time to have it thst way. Keep in mind, it is a priveledge to reblog other writer’s posts.

Comments about the content of this post belong in the comments section. Any re-blogs where where the person posts personal criticisms of me,  as the intro to the reblog will be linked in the comments here by me. …as it is an example of my points about bullying.

If you use my post to enhance your own blog, it is a benefit for you. Common courtesy in return for that priveledge calls for a respectful introduction to the writer’s post. As with all mental illness blogs, disgression and common sense are expected.

All of my regular readers, and loyal followers honor this practice of common sense and empathy concerning re-blogs.

Blessings to all of my loving followers. You are an important part of what I hold valueable in the world. I hope this post is validating about the stigma about mental illness.

Namaste,

Annie💕

Pathological People -Charming Psychopaths

Pathological bullies walk amongst us, blending into the social groups…charming their captive audiences….forming cult-like followings of underlings that feel empowered by being allowed into the inner or outer circle of the narcissistic charmer…

Pathological predators watch you with eyes like a lion…sizing up their prey….planning their next move….figuring out your weaknesses….breaking down your strengths … intimidating you by eliciting unwanted feelings in you….

Psychopaths walk amongst us…they sit next to you at the bus stop….read your profile on the latest dating site….review your facebook pictures….pry into your work files….mirror your values in order to disguise themselves….

Pathological, malignant aliens blend into your church….smear you good name behind your back….use sex to manipulate their sexual partners….and the spouses of their sexual partners….

Pathological people have no conscience and feel no remorse for hurting others….causing financial devastatiothoneo individuals and families….destroying everything in their path….practicing facial expressions in the mirror…for emotions they don’t have…

Make no mistake…you have met one…they asked you things of a personal nature….testing you….they are waiting for their next chance to drink someone’s life force…to starve them of their will to live….

it might be you they are seducing….with big brown eyes…or sparking blues…a devilish smile when they look at you…

be careful not to believe everything you hear from someone that is dominating and flatters you too much……treats people kindly in person but hates them behind their back….you might be next

Saying NO to Emotional Manipulators

emotional abuse 22

image from Pinterest link HERE

Saying “no” to people comes very easily to some and is nearly impossible for others.

I have found that many people with  C-PTSD have trouble saying no.  If you were brought up in a mentally or otherwise abusive childhood, saying “NO,” may be associated with severe consequences to you.

If you lived with a parent that had narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder, then they probably used confusion tactics on you, to the point where there was “no” way to say no to them.

Gaslighting can confuse our ability to trust ourselves and our perceptions.

It may be difficult to tell what situations that “NO,” would be perfectly okay, and what situations where saying no, would really cause a problem.

If you grew up in an environment where your feelings and thoughts were not considered relevant, then you probably feel that your feeling of wanting to say no, just does not count. Even though the same person may say “No” to you all the time, you do not feel that you have the same right to say no, that they do.

If you were even in an abusive situation where disobeying meant punishment , then you probably have a fear of retaliation from others.  There is an anxiety response triggered by saying no and  refusing to comply with another person’s request.

THE ACT OF SAYING NO, CAN TRIGGER A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE PHYSIOLOGICAL RESPONSE. IN ORDER TO AVOID FEELING  SEVERELY UNCOMFORTABLE, WE JUST SAY “YES” WHEN WE REALLY WANT TO SAY “NO.”

Triggers are very real and the tendency is to want to avoid feeling the bodily sensations  associated with them. Ignoring triggers and going against our conditioned responses, is a very difficult thing to do.

IT IS PERFECTLY NORMAL AND ACCEPTABLE FOR YOU TO SAY “NO” TO PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE ASKING YOU TO DO SOMETHING THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO OR SOMETHING WHICH CROSSES YOUR BOUNDARIES.

You are allowed to set personal boundaries for yourself. You can also set boundaries for certain people that you do not want crossed.

You can set boundaries in regards to your emotions, your time, your energy, your work and your social interactions. You can set boundaries in regards to dating, doing work for people and doing favors for people.

You can set boundaries about your personal space and your personal items. 

 Any situation where someone is trying to get you to do something by using your emotions against you, is a situation where your boundaries need to come into play.  

Sometimes people do not accept your simple NO or your reasons for saying NO. They try to convince you be making you feel guilty or by shaming you. 

They are trying to use your good and caring personality against you.

my love story

image from mylovestory.me and Pinterest

They want you to feel bad and they do this by intentionally pushing whatever buttons they know you have. If they know that you want to feel like you are cooperative they will call you uncooperative.

If they know that you have helped them many times in the past, they will lie and tell you that they do not remember the last time you did them any favors.

Don’t fall for these manipulative behaviors. If someone feels the need to make you feel guilty in order to do them a favor, then they really do not deserve the favor.

People should accept No, especially if you have perfectly good reasons for saying no, even if the reason is that you just do not feel comfortable doing it or do not want to do it.

Here is a list of ways to say NO…

No.

No, thank you.

No, I really cannot do that.

No, I do not want to do that.

No, I am not interested in that.

No, I cannot find time in my schedule to do that.

 No, I am just too overloaded right now, to do that.

No, I am not interested in doing that.  

No, you go ahead without me.

No, please ask someone else.

No, I do not have to think about it.  I would rather tell you NO right now.

I said no. Please respect my answer

If you have a history with this person that tells you that they will counter any reasons you give them for saying No, then you can try something like this..

“In the past my giving reasons for my No, seems to have just been an opening for someone to tell me the reasons are not good enough or to dispute my reasons in some way. So this time I am going to say simply No without going over my reasons with you. “

If they refuse to accept your “no”, then you still do not have to do what they want just to make them stop complaining.

 Just because they are going to upset that you told them “no”,  does not mean that you are responsible for their feelings. As long as you were not intentionally trying to hurt their feelings, then you did not cause for them to feel bad.

If someone  is an adult then they are responsible for their own feelings. Much of the time, manipulative people are acting when they get dramatic with you. They can be very dramatic about how disappointed they are in you or about how selfish they think you are.

These are more reasons not to tell them  “yes”  every time they demand something from you. The more times they are able to manipulate you, the more they will resort to the same tactics over and over again. 

**Please note that this article is not talking about partner relationships where the person will physically abuse you or will otherwise punish you for saying no. Those relationships are volatile and should be escaped as soon as possible but I never recommend to ignite retaliation in a severely abusive person.

It is designed more for situations where you are in no immediate danger  or impending danger.

This article is also not a recommendation to tell your boss no to doing work, thus risking your job. If your boss is abusive it is a different topic and must be handled with a different strategy that is not discussed in this post.

Setting Boundaries with Manipulative People

  1. Other people do not get to decide what upsets you and what does not.
  2. Other people have no frame of reference about your life, to be able to decide if you are being “too sensitive” or “hyper sensitive” . No…they just don’t get to!
  3. Shaming someone is not love or support in any way, no matter how they attempt to twist things around to convince you. No shaming! Don’t accept it!
  4. People do not have the right to tell you how to perceive reality or to question you perception of reality. No they don’t! Just say NO !
  5. You are completely entitled to your feelings and to feel hurt when someone is….. mean, disrespectful, inconsiderate, selfish, sarcastic, deceitful, dishonest, disappointing, exploitative, condescending or minimizing to your reality. (image from Pinterest link HERE)puppet.jpg
  6. Someone insisting you perceive things the way they tell you to all the time is gaslighting you.
  7. You have the right to a conversation with a loved one about abusive or hurtful behavior. You are not being abusive to them when you point out behavior that hurts you and express your feelings about that behavior!!!
  8. Conversations about your feelings that always turn around somehow to be about their feelings, is a red flag of narcissistic abuse.
  9. No demeaning behavior, embarrassing you, disrespectful behavior or condescending attitudes have to be tolerated. It does not prove that you love them…it is just evidence that you have been desensitized to that kind of treatment.
  10. Excuses for their behavior that make you the cause of it, are UNACCEPTABE !

 

*PLEASE NOTE **If you are in an abusive relationship with someone that you fear may become violent, then please do not provoke them ! …. Get help, and carefully plan your escape from them. …..Do not risk violence to yourself or your children….. Pathological people can suddenly become much more violent when confronted by a partner. 

Persuasion and Domination Used by Manipulative People

This is a video that shows how someone can use manipulative tactics to control a conversation, influence someone else’s ideas, and make someone appear to be non-credible to other people. 

The techniques exposed in this video are

Mind influence

Disrespecting the person’s research and facts by repeating “That’s YOUR opinion” 

Asking yes or no questions when someone is trying to explain something. Designing the yes or no question in a way that will make them say something they do not mean.

Interrupting in key places to redirect you

Using body  language to minimize you

Blame shifting – like making you look rude, when they are actually the one being rude

Refusing to allow you to answer a question they just asked you

Rushing you, while interrupting you from respoding

Discrediting and disrupting

Changing what you say and mean,  by repeating it back incorrectly

Refusing to hear evidence, and calling something opinion that you have facts to back up

Gestures to take away your self esteem 

Gestures and other body language to bypass  your critical factor

It is important to understand ways in which people try to manipulate your words and your message. There are people that you will deal with in your life that will use these tactics to try to redirect you, and to alter the meaning of what you are saying, as if you mean something else. 

 Jonathan Adampants gives a full in-depth analysis of the mind manipulation and NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) techniques utilized by Fox News anchors Sean Hannity and Alan Colmes during an interview with Kevin Barrett about 9/11.

NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming has many good uses. It can be used by good intentioned people to help others. It can be used to overcome phobias and other kinds of healing.

But as with so many things, it can be used for good by good people, or it can be used with malicious intent to control people without their consent.

Re-framing Traumatic Memories and Re-Wiring False Beliefs

As children we are taught how to see the world. The meanings of incidents and events are programmed into us, along with false beliefs that we carry into adulthood.

We have held onto certain beliefs for a long time and cannot always see that we need to re-assess them. 

All beliefs that we were taught are not true. Believing and following along blindly is not something you have to do. 

Respect your intuition and prioritize your gut feelings. 

Trauma can cause the brain to hold those memories in a way that they are integrated properly, thus causing emotional flashbacks. Emotional flashbacks are triggered by things that remind our subconscious of the memory.

We can learn to re-frame memories, using NLP techniques.

This way we can attach new meaning to those memories, rather than holding onto the meaning that other people out into our brain. 

We can also re-wire false beliefs that we are holding to, that are no longer serving us, or that were never serving us in a healthy way.

It is your brain and you have the right to frame the memories the way that supports you best. Truth and reality are dependent upon many things. 

Enjoy this video and learn some NLP techniques that you can use. For more information about NLP, hypnosis for trauma, and coaching for overcoming narcissistic abuse, and abusive relationships, you can visit the gentlekindness face book page and also the web site. 

Also follow the YouTube channel  for more videos about overcoming abuse, and dealing with pathological people. 

Facebook page Gentlekindnesscoaching Facebook

Gentle Kindness Coaching gentlekindnesscoaching.com

The Mimics

Creativity

Producing creative work

That is truly your own

Whether it be art or music

Poetry or fiction

A new yoga posture to share

Decorating a lampshade

Or painting an old chair

Imagination, creativity and discovery

Can counter the darkness

Of the Soul-less ones

Who can merely mimic others

Emulate emotions they do not feel

And injure others for their own gain

They are shadows walking the earth

Hollow except for darkness

and contempt for those

That have authentic minds and hearts

Your act of creating and self expression

Can counter the darkness

Of the soul-less ones

that walk the earth in pretense

Merely to mimic and exploit

To sadistically seduce

In order to drink the pure energies

Of the empaths and the artists

Wandering from one victim to the next

Wash, rinse, repeat

 

 

Toxic Narcissistic Family Members – Taking Your Power Back

While our brain is designed to protect us, sometimes the different parts of your brain fail to coordinate properly. The triunal brain theory teaches us that we are driven by the parts of the brain we are not conscious of.

It isn’t that we cannot discover what beliefs the subconscious brain is holding. It is more that we do not recognize the importance of doing so. There are methods of trance, hypnosis and NLP that can guide you to connect with what is driving your choices and behaviors.

Staying in a toxic relationship is something that many people do. Outsiders to the relationship may either judge you for stsying in it, or they may judge you for considering leaving it. In fact there may be both kinds of social pressure coming at you from different directions.

The subconscious brain holds core beliefs that have been imbedded and programmed since childhood. One belief that may have been programmed into you is that “good family members” tolerate any and every behavior from other family members.

You may be holding the belief that while breaking off relationships with people outside the family is okay, you should never break off relationships with family members.

Toxic family members are often catered to by the family. When other family members become exhausted and drainef of all their energy, they expect you to take over the “catering” role.

Saying No to the toxic family member will be punished and retaliated against. They will shame and guilt you, using yout “brain programming” against you.

It is often the person that put the programs there in the first place, that is emotionally manipulating you. They know which buttons to press because they put them there in the first place. Or they witnesssed how you were trained to feel.

In toxic families, you are not only trainef to behave in a certain way, but you are conditioned to FEEL certain ways in certain situations. A toxic family member will train you to respond to their emotional manipulation, in order to avoid real or perceived consequences.

Getting in touch with our feelings and beliefs that are behind the scenes, can help you to take your power back. Someone can only emotionally manipulate you if they are able to elicit those negative feelings in you.

When you are in a situation where the toxic person is making you feel bad…STOP and evaluate what you are feeling. Decide to detach emotionally from the situation and assess it like an observer.

Observe and notice what thoughts are coming up at the back of your brain. What thoughts, fears and drives are at work in your brain?

Sometimes the very things we do in order to avoid pain, will end up keeping us in a relationship that gives us continuous pain.

The subconscious brain will kick on the fight or flight mode, when we are in a confrontation or conversation with the toxic family member. This function of fight or flight, wants to cause you to take an immediate action to get rid of the threat and avoid harm. But your reptilian brain and your limbic system are only operating out of what associations that have been programmed in, and the beliefs that they hold.

If you were raised in a family with a toxic person ( or people) then there are “false beliefs” that are carried by your subconscious. The feelings you have that drive you to comply with the toxic person, are based on a false belief system.

It is in the best interest of the malignant, pathological person for you to hold onto beliefs like the following.

1. The toxic person does not harm me intentionally

2. They cannot help their behavior

3. They think their behavior is the best for the family

4. I am not worthy of standing up for myself

5. Standing up to the emotionally abusive person is rude

6. I have to do what the manipulative person wants, if I cannot reasonably get them to see my side

7. The toxic person hears me when I explain my side

8. Going against what the family wants would make me a bad person

9 Deep down the toxic person actually appreciates all I do for them

10. The manipulative family member would break down and not be able to go on, if I stopped catering to them

11. The family would fall apart without my holding it together

12. My independence and happiness  is not a priority over the family

13. If I really needed something they would be there for me

14. My needs, desires and dreams are not as important as the other family members, or as the toxic person

15. My perceptions are not valid when they are different than those of the family, or the manipulative person

16. Prioritizing my mental, emotional and physical health over the demands of the family is wrong.

17. I could not survive without the family

18. I owe my family, and the toxic person, to stay and cater to them for my entire life

19.  If I leave they will no longer love me. ( This is based on the false assumption that they love you now)

20. The toxic person loves me. They just don’t know how to show it

21. Taking abuse from someone proves your love for them.

These are all incorrect, untrue, false beliefs that are carried my adult children of toxic families. Sometimes your family is just who you were born to.

You have no obligation to people just because you share a blood line with them. All the time and energy they demand from you could be spent with people who actually deserve it.

There are people waiting to meet you, who would support and care for you. There is a higher path and sporitual connectedness for your life.

You have to emotionally detach from the narcissists,psychopaths, and emotionally manipulative, abusive people in your life.

Chances are the family will not fall to ruins without you, although they may try to manipulate you into thinking that. They can either respect you as an individual with rights and boundaries, or they can live without you.

Blessings,

Annie 🌷gentlekindnesscoaching.com

Very Affordable Coaching for Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse

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