Feeling Safe and Deflecting Shame from Others

The people that try to make you feel guilt or shame over not doing what they want you to do, are just serving their own agenda.

If they continue to try to emotionally manipulate you, they have no concern for your reality. They do not respect your right to see things from your own point of view.

People will claim to know what you should start doing…or stop doing..that will make you a better person. But take a closer look and see that they are trying to get you to fit into their own agenda.

You do not have to change your core beliefs to make someone else’s reality more comfortable. They are clearly not changing their beliefs to suit you.

If you are not trying to guilt and shame them, then what right do they have to do it to you. What gives one person, or one group of people, exclusive rights to know everything that everyone “should” and “should not” be doing?

Shaming people is not loving. Any group or individual that is making you feel bad about yourself, or trying to make you question your own truth to support theirs, is more concerned with serving their own agenda than wanting you to be your authentic self.

People that claim to care about your best interest, but try to shame and guilt you into changing for them, do not have your best interest at heart….but they have their own best interest at heart.

So let them continue to follow their own path and do what they feel best supports them…..while you follow your own path and do what best supports you.

Why is it okay for them to want an environment they feel safe and supported in….but you are selfish because you also want to feel safe and supported?

Red Flags of a Psychopathic Narcissist

When you are with a devil of a partner, you do not see their dark side at first. The really good predators are skilled at creating a shared psychosis…an illusion that you are two perfectly matched souls….destined to be together

When you are with an authentic partner, who has true compassion for you, they do not feel the need to state things like….

I have compassion for you.

I don’t usually have compassion for other people, but I have compassion for you.

Other people do not really understand you or see you. But only I see the real you.

No one sees your talent but me.

I am the only one who has really loved you.

I am the only one who could really love you.

You are so different from other people that I am the only one who understands you.

You are too special to be with anyone but me.

No one will love you the way I do.

You are the only one who can save me.

I would die without you.

You would die without me.

You and I do not belong in this world.

We are nothing without each other.

You can only do great things if you are with me.

I will kill myself if you leave me.

I will kill myself if you….

I will kill myself if you don’t….

My life was nothing before you.

You don’t need anyone but me.

Your friends are not really your friends. Only I am.

Everyone always lets me down in the end.

Everyone disappoints me sooner or later.

Every relationship I have ends up with them abusing me. You will do the same.

Everyone leaves me. So will you.

No one is willing to give me what I need.

I never get enough help from anyone.

People should help me and do what I ask, without wanting something in return.

If you really loved me you would not expect things in return for doing everyhing I ask you to do.

How can I believe you love me if you are not waiting by the phone when I call?

How can you do things for other people when I am so needy?

How can you do things for yourself (like take a shower) without checking that I am okay first?

I should not have to be there for you to prove my love.

Love is about you being there for me and doing things for me that I can do myself.

Love is being there for me when you have an impotant business meeting to go to.

Love is being there for me, when your friend or family member has an emergency.

Love is about being there for me when you have an emergency.

Love is being there for me when you are sick or sleep deprived.

Love is giving up all your friends and family for me.

Love is you knowing that my job is more important than yours, but that I not help you pay your bills.

Love is YOU paying attention to MEEEEEE and me ignoring, rejecting, demeaning, minimizing and lying about you.

 

 

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Check out my Domestic Abuse Blog

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As some of you know, I have another blog called the Lovely Wounded Lady Blog. This blog is for the purpose of helping the victims of domestic abuse and narcissistic abuse to overcome their trauma. It is designed to be a safe space for people to share their abuse stories and to find comfort and information from one another. 

Here is a new post that went up today. It is called Narcissists Psychopaths and the Law of Entropy. 

The first post that was ever written for the Lovely Wounded Lady Blog was called A Blog for Women from Domestic Abuse

Since that first post on February 17 of this year, the followers of that blog have increased and a good number of them are men. It is easy to think that domestic abuse and partner abuse occurs mainly with women, but there are more female psychopaths and narcissists than people think. 

It is often harder to spot the females because they are either using their sexuality to lure and exploit their victims or they are home-based women who maintain their “home cult” and victimize their families behind closed doors. 

Most blatant abuse occurs behind closed doors. This is true of both male and female abusers. The victims are often afraid to let anyone know because they do not think anyone will believe them. 

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Abusers put on a mask and are very good actors in front of people that they want to project a certain image to.

Behind closed doors at home they are a very different person. They can be verbally, mentally, physically and otherwise violent. They exploit and manipulate their victims by using brainwashing and fear tactics. 

So if you are in an abusive situation or have lived through it, feel free to stop by the Lovely Wounded Lady Blog for community support and information. 

You can also read my Life Coaching Page to learn more about coaching for healing from abuse. The other place you can find some help and contact me is at my Life Coaching web site gentlekindnesscoaching.com 

I have a coaching plan that will work for your particular budget and time schedule, starting at 15 dollars. There are choices about the method for coaching including  Google Chat (typing chat),  Skype and over the phone. 

You can also check out my YouTube Channel videos about abuse, and healing from abuse HERE.

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Blessings, 

Annie

Avoid Toxic People

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