Seducer666

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His delicious words spilled out upon the page

Like sensual kisses so perfectly placed

She drank them in like drops of sin

And like green ivy vines, those words intertwined

The seducer and the seduced

The dance went on late into the night

As she hung on his every sweet word

Failing to notice his predator’s stare

Or the small drops of blood on his vest

She couldn’t resist giving in to desire

Till his teeth sunk deep into her flesh

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image from Pinterest

Bullies and the Damage of the Smear Campaign

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We have been conditioned to believe that we have to think and feel certain ways in order to fit in, succeed in life, please others, and survive.

At the core of the pain we feel from bullying is the survival instinct.

Even the need to be accepted, comes down to the way our brains our wired for self protection and survival. Being thrown out of the tribe is associated with death, in our primal brains….the reptilian cortex.

We instinctively feel threatened and fearful when rejected by a group of people that we need to associate with on a regular basis.

Even the term “workplace harassment” is rooted in this need to be accepted. Otherwise continued emotionally/ mentally  hurtful acts by one employee to another would not be recognized as wrong.

The act on one co-worker starting a smear campaign against you is so emotionally destructive that if it goes in long enough, your mental health will suffer. You will most likely develop depression and anxiety.

Someone spreading lies about you, with the intention of turning the tribe against you, is a menace to the social order. Only the most malevolent member of the social / work. organization would engage in premeditated behavior and calculated actions to remove you from favor within the group.

While I used to believe that what more than one person pointed out about you must be true, I now believe that circumstances like that require further investigation.

I was brought up with the idea that if three different people pointed out some flaw in your character, or behavior, that it must be true. But a situation like this requires some more testing on your part.

If the same annoying trait has been pointed out to you from people who do not know each other, and have no connections with each other, then you might want to take a look at it. But if people who are inter-related at a workplace, a church, a school, or within a family are accusing you of having something wrong with you, that you truly cannot see, then it may be fabricated.

The toxic person will tell others within the social structure  lies about you that make you appear to have a completely different personality than you actually have.

 Often it is something that is completely the opposite of your true character. If you are innately and ethically very honest, then they will tell people that you are dishonest.

Once this circulates back to your being treated as if the lie were true, you will naturally suspect that something about your behavior is giving people that impression. Even if this accusation is very far out of reality, once people begin to react to you as if it were true, you will feel mental and emotional stress.

This is part of the design of this type of slander. The smear campaign is designed to break you down both emotionally and mentally. It is also designed to turn other people against you. It is very effective in blocking your social and professional progress.

Of it takes on a life of its own, one rumor has the capacity to cause you to not only leave the group or the job, but also to begin to doubt your own reality.

This is a form of gaslighting. It is the fabrication an untruth, that is superimposed upon the reality you once knew to be true.

Due to our natural wiring to be accepted by the group, we do not want other people controlling the way we are perceived by others. The personality qualities and values we want to portray,  are important to us, and even a key part of our survival within the social structure.

It is somewhat frightening to realize that it only takes one toxic person, skilled in the art of the smear campaign, to alter who we are, and how we are perceived,  in the minds of an entire social group…even as large as an entire community. I have clients that have had to move to another city to restart their lives, and lots of people have changed jobs due to similar evil being perpetrated against them.

The level of destructiveness one simple rumor can cause limitless.

Hundreds of preteens and teenagers commit suicide over what started out as one rumor. Bullies have caused havoc in the schools for as long as any of us can remember.

The newest mutation of the smear campaign, of course, is cyber bullying. This gives the lazy narcissist an easy way to plant a lie about someone, and not have to be held accountable for having done it. Their identity can be hidden behind a false profile and a fake photo image.

So if you are being accused of having defects that you don’t relate to at all, you should explore the truth of that in social situation and with people far removed from the original source. Talk to people that are far removed from any of the people that have accused you.

If this particular personality trait is not recognized by outsiders to the problematic group, then you probably don’t have it. If people who do not know anyone in the toxified group do not seem to see you in this distorted way, then you can rest assured about your personality being perfectly fine.

In situations where someone is trying to destroy everyone’s perception about you, it is not an issue of your behavior not being in line with how you want people to see you. You are not defective or unclear in your perceptions about yourself.

However, you very likely may have to remove yourself from the place where the toxic person has ruined your reputation. Once people’s minds become manipulated, it can be impossible to get them to see reality.

People tend to want to hold onto whatever reality they have. Shifts in perspective are not often welcome.

It takes too much work for people to do, and they often do not have the flexibility to do so. In addition to those reasons, people tend to feel threatened when they are presented with a conflicting reality to one they have been presented with and have been functioning out of.

The power of the smear campaign comes out of the number of people who are saying the same thing, and reacting as if it were true. Even the body language of other people around you will influence the perception someone has of you. It goes far beyond the words.

One of the most destructive places that a smear campaign can exist within is your family. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you may have had your identity challenged or interfered with by your own parent. It can also be another family member.

Even your own adult child can create or contribute to a smear campaign. Luckily most people do not experience this, because it is possibly the most hurtful of all. But I can tell you that I have seen it before withcertain clients.

Being aware of how the smear campaign works does not really prevent it from happening to you. But it can help to validate your reality, and keep you from thinking you are the crazy one.

Narcissists and other  toxic people will probably always exist. It is like the predators and prey in the animal kingdom. We just have to be aware of it and take whatever steps are needed to protect ourselves from the damage.

Your mental stability is the main thing that any good human  predator is going to attack. All the games are designed at making you question your reality and to doubt yourself. If they can take those things from you, the rest becomes easy.

You must maintain your sense of self and your belief in yourself. Detach mentally and emotionally from the behaviors of people who make you feel unsafe.

Listen to your feelings when you are around people. This is your first warning system, long before you have any evidence that they are toxic.

 

 

 

My Narcissistic Abuse Blog on Tumblr Turned 1 Today !

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Narcissistic Abuse Blog on Tumblr   HERE

 

Are you a Magnet for Abusive Partners?

Aftermath of Narcissistic, Mental Abuse

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If you grew up in an abusive household, then you were desensitized to abuse. You were conditioned that abuse is part of your life, and you may not even recognize milder forms of abuse than what you experienced as a child.

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When I say “milder”… I don’t actually feel that way. Society has conditioned us that certain kinds of abuse are not really abuse. Plus, the covert tactics of abuse often cannot be seen or proven.

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You have probably had toxic people sneak across your boundaries, and permeate the cracks in your borders, many times. You may have some clear boundaries, or none at all.

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Children in emotionally healthy families are taught about personal boundaries. They has someone to teach them what to do when someone was abusing them, or taking advantage of them. If you has one or both parents that were conditioning you that your feelings don’t matter, then you were not given the proper “software” for your brain.

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Having your self esteem crushed down as a child /teenager, is detrimental. It has long lasting effects on the subconscious.

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As an adult, you now need to learn the skills for survival that you should have been taught as a child. You need the support to build your self esteem back up.

Being surrounded regularly by people who minimize you, is the worst thing that can happen for your self esteem. If you continue to draw toxic people towards you, then you will never realize a sense of self.

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Your identity is being controlled by others. They are not treating you this was because you deserve it. That is just a gaslighting tactic they use to make you stay around them.

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No, people don’t mistreat you because there is something innately wrong with you. In fact most codependents and  empaths are compassionate, creative, intelligent people.

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Of course, the narcissists are not creative or empathic. They are rarely as intelligent as they will tell you they are. In fact, you should put up a red flag in your mind, anytime you hear someone constantly, and repeatedly telling you how intelligent they are….how successful they are…how much people like them….how people always do what they say….or how much of a “good person” they are.

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Anyone can say those things. How someone describes themselves should be compared to their behavior and actions. It is not a normal behavior for someone to spout about their intelligence…etc…regularly.

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If you have C-PTSD from on-going emotional / mental abuse growing up, then you will be targeted by narcissists. That pattern will continue, as you re-play the events and situations of your childhood….subconsciously trying to reslove the un-resolveable.

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You cannot change these kinds of people. Their treatment of you has probably caused you depression, PTSD, an anxiety disorder….and possibly suicidal thoughts …..All of which you may feel is due to some kind of mental illness in you.

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It is all part of their game. They intentionally cause you to be emotionally and mentally unstable.

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Then they make you believe that you need them. You are helpless…according to their “supposed” opinion of you . ….and you are convinced by them that you cannot possibly navigate the big bad world without them.

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In the mean time, the “Big Bad World” is either living in your home, bossing you around at work, or undermining any efforts you make towards being independent and autonomous.

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If you are an adult with a living narcissistic parent, they are probably still disrespecting you, and treating you like a child….and not in a good way. (I don’t treat my children this way)

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You need to re-wire the false beliefs that were programmed into your brain. You can Get Coaching, to help you with that.

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You need to evaluate each of your relationships, and see whatever truths that you have been brainwashed not to see. You can Get Coaching for that too.

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You need to be validated for all the abuse and gaslighting. You guessed it….you can Get Coaching for that one too !

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Do you need a compassionate person to listen to you…and really hear you? You can Break the Chains that hold you back from really blossoming in the world.

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Isn’t it time that these toxic people stopped using us? Isn’t it time for their cruel tactics to have some light shed on them?

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Why should we continue to bow down to their fear tactics…or even care what they think about us? The opinion of a toxic person, about Who You Are, does not count at all.

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Why?

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Because malignant narcissists constantly lie. They twist the truth around, and spin things in their favor….ALL THE TIME.

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We are NOT subservient to them. Their version of the truth is always twisted. Therefore, their opinion about you is not valid.

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Wouldn’t you like to get to discover the Real You? Unravel the lies from the truth. Counter the effects of the gaslighting on your mind.

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You need to feel calmer and more confident. You can Get Coaching  for that.

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You need to be heard, and to realize the beauty within you. That beauty that has been crushed and bruised.

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You can get your situation validated. You can be heard. You can get coaching for dealing with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse.

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Don’t let wondering about the cost stop you from calling to get coaching.

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I work with anyone who is a good match for coaching with me. If I feel I can help you, then I will work with you to individualize a plan.

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Gentlekindness coaching.com  – Annie

 

C-PTSD from on-going Mental Trauma

The psychologically traumatized brain takes unusual action to protect itself from further trauma. It adapts and activates emergency systems in order to protect the victim from danger.

The fight or flight system begins to behave differently. It adapts. Chemicals that should be flooded into the body for a few minutes during an immediate threat, begin to circulate like soldiers doing rounds.

Unnecessary functions slow down or turn off. The memory functions malfunction. The system overloads. The hippacampus part of the brain fails to properly integrate memories into the long term boxes of the brain.

PTSD happens because the constant overload of cortisol disrupts its normal function. Flashbacks cannot be differentiated by the brain from immediate threat.

Threat is everywhere. That is what the brain has learned. It adapts to the perception that the environment is unsafe. The nervous system goes on high alert.

Ongoing events of threat continue to keep the adaptation occuring. The brain learns not to be normal. Normal functions do not allow for such heightening of perception and the senses.

The senses become more alert. Every loud noise sends adrenaline throughout the body. Shadows on the fall cause the blood to pump faster from the heart and into the exremities.

Breathing becomes faster to bring more oxygen into the brain. The brain must be alert. It needs to process very quickly, at a moment’s notice.

Unexpected danger creates unacceptable odds. Danger must be anticipated. The senses can notice the slightest change in the blood pressure of the enemy.

Connection with the enemy is like a twisted dance for survival.  Any change in the emotional state of the dominator must be sensed before it can be seen.

Executive function falls in performance. The brain adapts. It sacrifices normal day to day brain functions, for heightened survival functions.

The entire nervous system is systematically disregulated by the enemy. The brain fights back. It must adapt.

Integration of memories and events becomes blurred. The line between reality and imagination becomes dangerously thinner and thinner.

The enemy is present all the time. Even when he is not there. Constant hypervigilance commands the body.

Sleep is no longer restful. Full sleep ststes are dangerous. They leavr the victim vulnerable. Sleep deprivation further interferes with the brain’s capacity to perceive reality.

Flashbacks occur simultaneously with new incidents of abuse. Now “traumatization” and “retraumatization” happen intertwined.

PTSD is fully lit throughout the nervous system and the brain. As new terrors at the whim of the monster cause more trauma which will result in PTSD later on.

Emotion goes into shock. Reality becomes arrested and only exists inside of the abuse cycles.

There is no safe way out. Every option is turned over in the brain. Looked at upside down and backwards. And yet….the scenarios play out upon the mental stage and end the same way.

Sometimes the perception of reality of the victim dances close to psychosis. The brain adapts. Organizational systems are nearly shut down. Processing and regular thinking is severely slowed.

This is brain fog. This is darkness. This is how the brain adapts to ongoing, constant imminent danger. Danger just around the corner.

The system becomes toxic as high levels of cortisol and adrenaline are continuously doing their rounds. Making sure the victim can run…freeze….hide…or fight back.

The Contract

Bring me your soul

And place it before me

It is all the currency

I accept…well

Demand………….

It is not an unfair price

Besides…you won’t

Even notice as I

Take tiny bites

To ingest……….

My price is quite fair

For the services

I will render

Besides, you cannot

Say no……….

You’ve already decided

Or rather,

I have decided for you

There is no real free will

Just my rules……….

And isn’t it quite fair?

After all, my sweet love

Don’t you know

Who I am

Underneath?………

I live in your dreams and

I mimic your desires

With such skill

And let’s admit

Elegant style……..

I read you quite well

From my seat close to hell

I have honed my

Love spell

Over time……..

Dozens of prey

(I mean lovers)

I dare say

Have sat lovingly

Holding that pen……..

Apprehensive or eager

They inevitably sign

Not a contract

Has ever been

Cast aside…….

I have even given you clues

As to the game

I’m up to

But you still

Think that you’ll

 be the one……..

They all thought it too,

The victims before you

They all had

the same misguided

 faith……..

Cause you see what you wish,

Just a broken lost soul

You can  love

And rock gently

To sleep……….

You think that your love

Will fix this lost man

And make up

For my deficient

Sad past……..

But alas, I digress

Tis not my soul

Upon the table…

But your own

I am interested in………

Sign the document, my sweet

So I can rock you to sleep

And fill your

Sweet heart

With myself………

You’ll never suspect

I am stealing your breath

As you struggle

And beg

For your life…….

All at once I’ll be there

Till you turn and I’m gone

Skillfully escaping

with contract

In hand…….

And when you protest

They’ll be nothing much left

Of your will

To go on

Without me…….

For I created a spell

And I read you so well

I became

the only drug that

You live for……..

Yes, such an addiction

Encompassing your soul

The withdrawl

of your fix

Will be pain…..

I will haunt your waking

Moments… as I

Permeate your thoughts

And beg,  you will…

If only in silence……..

Because although I won’t

Be with you

I”ll always be there

Having raped your

Fine soul as I pleased………

Because you were so sweet

I could not resist the treat

Of getting you

To sign

The contract

Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents

Parents with narcissistic personality disorder never think of their adult children as adults. There is no respect for boundaries or your right to make your own decisions.

While other parents guide their children to become independent adults, narcissistic parents attempt to condition their children to serve their agenda.

Whether you are the golden child or the scapegoat is dependent on a variety of factors. Usually one child is chosen to be the golden child. If they comply with the wishes of the narcissistic parent, then they will probably retain that role. Otherwise they are in danger of being knocked off of the pedestal.

The scapegoat child is often the one that insisted on being authentic and questioned or exposed the methods of the narcissistic parent. Other times the scapegoated child just got that role because there was already a golden child in place.

The narcissistic parent projects the qualities of their grandios false self onto the chosen one…the golden child. There is unreasonable pressure put onto this child to live up to what the parent demands.

Scapegoated children can be subjected to mobbing by the family members. The narcissist creates the narrative for the family. Anyone who does not follow blindly is usually punished.

As part of this shared psychosis, created by the narcissist, the blame for any faults, failures or shortcomings of the narcissist will be put onto the scapegoat.

Different families have somewhat different dynamics, since there can be more than two children. Some children may be ignored completely because they do not fill the role of either the golden child or the scapegoat.

Anyone can be knocked off the pedestal at any time. Narcissists can be vindictive and quick to punish with emotional or other means.

Adult children of narcissistic parents carry trauma from their childhood. How they interact with the narcissistic parent may keep them in a childish lifestyle, or they may divorce the narcissistic parent and break contact with them.

Other adult children struggle to maintain independence while the narcissist makes their lives a living hell.

Learning about narcissism and pathological liars, can help you to understand why your relationship with your parents is like other people’s. Malignant narcissists are master deceivers and manipulators.

If you grew up with a narcissistic parent then you may be suffering from C-PTSD from emotional, mental or other abuses. Finding out more about emotional trauma and C-PTSD can help you to find freedom from the narcissistic chains that bind you.

Even if you have gone No Contact, or have limited contact, the emotional trauma and emotional flashbacks can still permeate your life.

🌷Check out the gentlekindness facebook page and gentlekindnesscoaching.com site for more information and help with Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse

 

 

 

The Darkness that Blankets Them

Sleep deprived 

Disillusioned

Broken

Darkness

Engulfs his heart

She was Insidious

She twisted his reality

She tortured his mind

Now she is gone

Without a goodbye

Without any closure

Sleep deprived

No appetite

Spiraling down

Deep and deeper

An angel will come

But not just now…

He has to stand up

And push his way out

Alone

Without any love

But one day she will some

The angel that is waiting

In a pit of her own

That a monster trapped her in

One day they will climb

Each one in their turn…

Out of the dark tunnels

That the monsters threw them into

That is when they will see

Each other waiting

To comfort and soothe

But only after they move…

Out of their deep darkness

Where No One Can Find Them

Too deep to be heard

Or to hear anyone else

Time will lift them out

Thoughtfulness will bring truth

And vision of light

Beautiful enough to break

Through the darkness

that blankets them

Sweet to Your Bitterness

I was strong
to do all you commanded
I was weak
to make that choice

I was brave
to face your twisted mind
I was fearful
of your retaliation

I was beautiful
but you did not see
I was ugly
as you made me

I was loving
to your unlove
I was generous
to your selfishness

I was soft
to your hard heart
I was flexible
to your inflexibility

I was sweet
to your bitterness
I was gentle
to your callousness

I was stable
to your insanity
I was creative
to your destruction

I was light
for you to extinguish
I was hope
for you to disbelieve

I was peace
to your terrible violence
I was honesty
to your lies

I was intelligent
before I met you
I was stupid
as you made me feel

I was whole
and you took it all
I was broken
and you crushed the pieces

I was blind
But now I see
Not Because of you
But Because of Me