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I have found that people coming out an abusive relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath are spiritually damaged…like a spiritual rape…
Psychopaths and narcissists usually have no original creativity. They mimic the creativity of others…often their victims.
They copy and imitate other people. There is no true creation of their own. They seem to target creative people, in order to watch and imitate them.
Psychopaths often steal other people’s creative work, claiming it is their own.
They like to destroy the creativity of the victim…or at least your ability to feel motivated to do anything creative. The lessened plasticity of your brain, makes it easier to brainwash and control you.
This makes the victim more like them…less spiritual and less creative. It is a way of stripping you of your real identity…and keeping you from being authentic…..thus crushing your reality and your self esteem.
They also often target people with authentic spirituality, and empathy for others. Again, they use you to learn how to emulate having these qualities. Then they strip you of the energies needed for you to be spiritually connected and to grow.
The accusations of the psychopath, that you are like them, become more believable to you, when you are in this state. They suck away your creative energies and spiritual energies. They lower your vibrational energies, making it harder for you to access any spiritual , natural healing.
By lowering your consciousness level, the narcissist keeps you detached from being able to see truths that are right in front of you. Your brain is in a fog of confusion and self doubt.
I just came across a blog on another site which calls for people to train to be a psychopath. There are other sites like this, as if it is cool…or the best way to get ahead in the world. Some sites are very violent, and others teach more covert , Machiavellian tactics.
The site I accidentally came across has the following tag line ….
“Be a psychopath. It is better than no path at all.”
There are pictures posted on the blog I saw, and other like it, of bruised women. Images of men’s hands choking women around the neck. Other images on these kinds of sites show violent sex, which show women going along with degrading, dangerous sex acts. Other pictures show women being dominated against their will.
It is bad enough that we have 1 out of 25 people that are exploitative, psychopathic , pathological liars and deceivers. But now we have people making clubs trying to train people how to be psychopaths, how to exploit others, and how to crush down having a conscience.
Society does things to promote narcissism.
This is probably because many of the leaders and the elite are psychopaths and narcissists themselves. They have no value for humanity or decency.
People in many fields are rewarded for manipulating clients, and finding ways to get away with lying. Western society is promoting the value of stomping on other people to get ahead. It makes them a good business person or CEO.
Many CEO’s are natural born psychopaths, or environmentally produced psychopaths and pathological narcissists. Exploiting other people just falls under the “Let the Buyer Beware” motto.
The psychopaths want you to believe that it is the fault of the victim, if they trust the predator. The psychopaths have no remorse for destroying people’s finances, or their physical and mental health.
Crossing or exposing them can result in a smear campaign against you. There are may incidents of people losing their reputations, their careers, their families, and more.
Surviving in this society is going to take knowledge of psychopaths and pathological narcissism. You need to learn the red flags of psychopaths and narcissists, in order not to be in harm’s way.
It is sad, but there are still lots of good people in the world. Take care of your own family and friends. Don’t live in fear…but don’t live under a rock either. There are predators out there. In addition, there are predators teaching others how to be predators.
Be safe and love the ones that can love you back.
Use your energies wisely. Don’t waste them on vampires who drain your energy.
Your intuition will guide you. Your feelings matter.
Listen to your gut instincts. If something feels off, it probably is.
Psychopaths and narcissists will intentionally get into your head. They distort your reality and isolate you from anyone who would warn you about how they are treating you.
They use their minions to back them up and to manipulate you, and the people around you. Your mind in attacked by a kind of psychic violence that breaks down your critical thinking.
The only thing you can do is to leave. If you have to interact with them, then take proactive measures to protect your own brain from their mental attacks.
They will strip you of your dignity and your identity. There is no end to their tactics . These are people with no remorse and no conscience. If you are dealing with someone who never admits they are wrong,. always shames you, or makes you feel bad every time you interact with them…then stay away as best as you can.
Psychopaths are 1 in every 25 people. This is 4 percent of the population. Psychopaths are pathological liars. Pathological liars are psychopaths. If you are dealing with someone that lies all the time, and contradicts their own stories, please get away from them.
The abuse escalates over time. They are nice to you at first to charm you. This is the idealization phase, to lure you in. After that comes the degrading stage, called the devaluation stage. They will intentionally, systematically break you down, in order to control you.
They are control freaks with huge egos. Do not let their masks fool you. They can portray any personality, and pretend to have your values. Watch the behavior of anyone who makes you feel like there is something wrong with them…or they make you feel like there is something wrong with you.
Recovering from abuse from a psychopath or a narcissist, is a painful process. There are many resources to help you to heal and to overcome narcissistic abuse.
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I recently came across the Native American Shaman concept of Soul Sickness. I found this idea very interesting and it seemed to coincide with other things that I write about. There is a phenomenon that occurs with many abuse victims, which is a kind of leaving one’s own body during the abuse.
The idea is that the victim’s brain cannot accept the level or type of abuse into their reality.
In order for the brain to protect itself from trauma, it takes itself into a derealization / depersonalization state. This is something that you may have experienced if you ever in an abusive situation, or even any life threatening situation.
Depersonalization is a state the brain goes into, in order to protect you.
The feeling of this state is likely somewhat different for different people, but there is similarity in the way people describe this state. The feeling is as if one can see their body and how it is involved in the event, but it is as if the body belongs to another person.
The order of the events is processed, but it is like someone else is doing the motions, and handling the things that are happening. If someone was hitting you, then you would see the body being struck, but not really relate to that body as being your own. You could block your face from being hit but it would feel like someone else was actually controlling those hands which no longer feel like you are attached to your hands.
Derealization is the feeling that the whole scene is like you were watching it in a movie. You may not even really know for sure if it were really happening. You might wonder if it is actually a dream or a nightmare that you are actually in. The scene does not feel like you are an active part of it. It is more like observing a dream or watching a movie.
Soul Sickness. as the Shamans see it, is when the soul has become ill, or parts of it have left the body all together. During a situation, such as sexual abuse, the soul was going to be damaged by experiencing it, so rather than be there for the trauma, it just left the body entirely.
This idea of part of you leaving the situation, because it could not endure it, is the same as the derealization and depersonalization experience. The person is there, but not all of them is there to be traumatized.
But trauma is sustained nonetheless, because the very situation of being forced to go into a derealization state is traumatizing. If the soul, or part of the soul was forced to exit from the body, then you were left with something missing.
Either way, there is a damage sustained by the soul, or the spirit part of you, in a addition to your brain and body.
It is often discussed these days that mental abuse is the worst part of physical or sexual abuse. It is clear that the emotional / mental trauma is even worse than the physical experience, or the bruises which are left.
Even the women who have had acid thrown in their faces, now live with extreme mental pain, and humiliation to have to be forced to exist every day with those scars….reminders of the cruelty and heartlessness of the men who inflicted them.
The Shaman theory is that the soul has left the body and now the person lives as an incomplete person, because that important part of them has fled. The soul need to be retrieved.
They believe in doing rituals called Soul Retrieval, in order for that person to get the missing part back. Before the soul retrieval, the person will live with depression. anxiety and all manner of mental, and physical illness. The soul retrieval process is to help the person to become whole again.
Many abuse survivors experience a feeling that something is wrong with them, even years after the abuser has left.
There is sense that they are different than other people, in a way that makes them carry toxic shame. This is very difficult to explain to anyone who has not been through abuse.
During verbal and emotional abuse, people are called names, degraded, gaslighted, demeaned, and treated as non-humans. Their humanity is stripped from them, as is the humanity stripped from people who are sexually and physically abused.
The experience of sexual abuse is too much for a person to bear that their own body was involved in the acts, so they detach from their bodies in a way to not be a part of the sexual abuse. Later on, this can lead to eating disorder, cutting and other kinds of self harm. There is a disharmony between the body and the mind. The mind no longer accepts the body as its own.
The missing link between the mind and the body could be spiritual in nature. I think that it makes sense to try to include a spiritual element to healing from abuse. When someone experiences rape, or the on-going abuse of a narcissist, they are broken in some way. There is a lack of wholeness that stays with you.
While medications for the depression, and anxiety disorders, which usually follow abuse, can be helpful, it is not the entire picture. We are spiritual beings, and having your soul raped by a personality disordered person, is traumatizing on every level.
A holistic approach to healing is more likely to generate healing, than by simply dealing with it from one angle. If you are healing from abuse, I would recommend trying a variety of healing modalities.
Traditional therapy and medications need to be complemented by healing methods which speak to other aspects of the entire person. We are emotional beings and mental and physical beings. But we are also spiritual beings, and the spirit is sensitive to being traumatized by abuse, just as much, or more than the other aspects of ourselves.
There is a malicious, dark element to abuse that is carried by the survivor. It is hard to explain to people who have not experienced it.
It is like a feeling of darkness that is carried with you.
When someone who has a darkness about them, invades your personal freedom, and boundaries, there is something that you pick up from them. The darkness feels like it follows you into your nightmares, and lingers around you.
I do not think this darkness can be ignored, if we are to heal from abuse. Many people do not speak of it, because it is so hard to define and explain. It is beyond the physical world.
You have innate self worth, and that reality was stripped from you be a person that has elements of darkness about them.
It does not make you dark like they are, but you may be carrying that feeling that the abuser’s darkness somehow was stuck to you and you are doomed to carry this darkness in your mind .
There is nothing wrong with you that makes you less worthy than other people.
You would not feel that way, if it were not for the abuse you endured and suffered through. Psychopaths and narcissists have a way of leaving a part of themselves to haunt you, but it is time to get rid of that.
It is unfair for you to have to carry toxic shame, feelings of darkness and low self esteem, just because someone decided to use you as an object for their own dark designs. They wanted to strip you of your power to blossom and to be free. We do not have to let them have their way, years after the abuse is over.
I wish you all healing and peace of mind, as you continue on your journey of healing, love and empowerment. You have a greater purpose in the world than you are even aware of. You are a light that can bring light to others.
The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can be brutal…even worse than the abuse when you were in the relationship. If you are wondering why you seem to be in worse shape now, than when you were in the relationship, you are not alone.
The narcissist intentionally caused you to become addicted to your role, and your identity, that they made you accept. During the idealization phase they bombarded you constantly with messages and phone calls.
This was to intentionally alter your chemicals, in order to create an addictive bond with them. This is a very addictive bond, in which the brain and the body become dependent upon interaction with the abuser.
The idealization phase causes an addiction due to chemicals like dopamine, which are released in your body. The narcissist ensures that your brain becomes accustomed to constant contact with them. This is why they bombard you with calls and texts.
You were conditioned to crave this interaction, their approval, and their validation of your reality. Within a month or so, your brain began to be unable to regulate your stress level without the narcissist regulating them for you.
This is part of their design. The narcissistic psychopath intentionally creates a chemical addiction in you. This makes their Silent Treatments, and demeaning behaviors so much more painful, when the devaluation phase is in full swing.
After all….is there any relationship you have ever bern in…other than with a narcissist or a psychopath…that caused you such high levels of toxic loneliness, feelings of emotional dis-regulation, and mental pain…..when you were apart from them for a few days….or did not hear from them for a few hours, when they had promised to call….
This is addiction. It has physiological evidence in your brain. You could see it, if you had an MRI machine handy. This is intentional and this is what the Love Bombing is all about.
It is also why they revert….although temporarily…to the idealization phase….anytime they feel they are losing their hold on you. By reverting to the idealization phase temporarily, the narcissist confuses your brain as well as creating a chemical explosion in you.
When the narcissist revisits the idealization phase you feel a sense of hope…you will not….and cannot leave them. Your brain always craves that next fix of chemicals… and the narcissist knows this.
They intentionally use this addiction to manipulate you. They hold a power over you, like no other person can.
And when the relationship ends, you go into a terrible withdrawal of these chemicals that you were trained to be addicted to.
You crash fast and hard. The symptoms are similar to that of any drug addict that has been cut off from their drug of choice. It is not your fault.
It is not your fault. It was done without your consent. You never asked for this. You never saw it coming. You never saw it happening to you.
The withdrawal from narcissist or a psychopath is terrifically painful, and grueling to go through. You are the most vulnerable during this stage of recovery, to be hoovered back in by the apologetic narcissist.
It is understandable why victims go back to the narcissist, if they attempt to hoover them back. In within the first six months. The chemical addiction and withdrawal symptoms seem to have a painful hold on survivors of a narcissist, for 6 months or more.
So why does your life fall apart? It is like what any other addict experiences. All aspects of your life are affected….from your emotional and mental states, to your physical health and immune system.
Keeping up with daily living activities is very difficult. Going to work is difficult. You become sleep deprived from insomnia, because your brain cannot self regulate your nervous system.
You are not crazy. A person that told you they cared about you, intentionally messed up your brain. They would do it all over again if they got the chance….and they may try…
Being tortured by someone you loved…and probably still love….is the worst form of betrayal.
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How to trust again is something that all abusers have to come to terms with. There is a question about your own perception and your ability to identify abuse. Studying the red flags of abuse can help. Your healing will take time and you have to go at your own pace.
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What is “untherapy”? Untherapy is what I am calling one of the types of life coaching that I do. It is basically compassionate two-way dialogue between the coach and the client, in order to provide validation and kindness, which the client is in desperate need of in their lives.
Although untherapy is absolutely not a replacement for treatment by a mental health professional, untherapy can provide a complement to traditional, clinical therapy.
While clinical therapists are licensed to delve into past trauma and use CBT to deal with those traumas, the life coaching practitioner is able to talk to the client about current issues and mental blocks that are inhibited them from moving forward with their lives.
We can often get into times where we feel like we are carrying a weight our shoulders and we just cannot get traction to move forward with our lives. While life coaches cannot diagnose any mental illness, we can help with issues like perfectionism and anxiety that are inhibiting you from doing things you need to do in life.
Life coaching can help you with things like feeling stuck, lack of motivational energy and lack of clarity due to brain fog from anxiety.
We are trained to guide the client to find the best path for them, by listening and identifying key issues that are creating problems for you. When you are in the midst of a dark reality tunnel, it can be very difficult to see clearly enough to be able to identify these things on your own.
Validation is an extrememly important need for people these days. Especially people who are carrying C-PTSD from childhood abuse and trauma, need validation about their reality. Years of bad programming by care givers can cause disorientation, low self esteem and lack of the ability to self generate feelings of self worth.
Life coaches are able to deal with self esteem, and self confidence issues, as they relate to present time situations.
So whereas therapists deal with the past situations which caused mental health problems, life coaches can offer compassionate conversation about your feelings and thoughts in the present time, in order to help you get some traction to move forward onto the path you want to create as you walk it.
I am calling my particular flavor of life coaching “untherapy” because I feel it is different, yet can be complementary, to traditional therapy.
I can speak with you in a less climical and more equal kind of way. The traditional therapist is trained to keep an emotional distance from the client wheras I am under no rules to keep emotionally distanced from you.
I am allowed to share any personal stories of mine that may help to validate and guide you. Life coaches are not restrcted to stay at arms length from the client and make you feel like a “sick” patient.
Just because someone has experienced a traumatic past does not mean there is something innately wrong with them.
There are just natural reactions of the brain to put up blocks, in order to protect you from further injury. These blocks sometimes served us in the past and are now inhibiting our ability to move forward and blossom.
Spiritual coaching is a branch of life coaching that deals with helping you find your inner spiritual voice, and to overcome any vibrational blocks to your spiritual healing of yourself. This is another option of untherapy. We will call it Spiritual Untherapy or Vibrational Untherapy.
I will be posting future posts about this new concept of coaching. I feel the word “coaching” sounds like something to do with sports, and that is why I wanted a different way of communicating the new compassionate based life coaching, by using the term untherapy.
I am interested to get comments on this post to see if I have fully explained this, in a way everyone can understand and relate to. I believe there is a distinct lack of compassion and validation for people that suffer from certain issues, such as C-PTSD and PTSD.
There are holistic methods to help with PTSD, that fall outside of traditional therapy. I can guide you through NLP imagery and hypnosis, for anxiety reduction and even physical pain management.
I am thinking of doing some promotional “freebe” kinds of things coming up at that web site, so please add your name to the emailing list, in order to be sent any new promotions that you may enjoy participating in.