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Light in Darkness

Step lightly and tread a gentle path

You never know what you are walking on

Until you are mindful of it as you go

Listen and see with watchful eyes

Your heart will speak the truth

Be open to seeing more than others

Tell you is around you because

There is always much more than

Your eyes can see if you rush

Breath in your surroundings to perceive

Without biases , without assuming

Things are what you are expecting

If you assume what is there…then

That is what you will see….

Presupposition can murder the senses

And dull your ability to see truth

Sometimes more beautiful than

The others can perceive it to be

And other times darker and more sinister

But see what you are able to see

Never allow others to do your seeing for you

Or give meaning to things without your consent

Your perception becomes your reality for the time you are perceiving it to be

You must see what you need to

And not let others influence you in a way that distorts your truth

Or tarnishes your vision

Walk gently and look freely

Choose your own meaning and feel your emotions

Your spirit is resilient but the mind can be interfered with …

If you are not mindful

Walk gently for you know not where you are walking

Or what you are stepping on

Unless you are aware as you go

Create your own manifestations, and build your own bridges to walk over the water

Until you can walk upon the water with faith…

And without fear

Do not bury your feelings or let others minimize them

Do not allow others to discount what you feel and what you know

Walk softly but speak the truth loudly when it is necessary

And speak the truth gently if it is harsh o

Have compassion when no one around you does

Believe in what is right when others turn their back

Always believe in yourself especially when others shun you

Believe in your intentions when others try to shut you down

What you see and what you feel is yours …and yours to value

Stand up when others have fallen

Stand up when others try to make you stay down

Live with kindness and speak with truth and light

If you let the darkness make you hard to see

The ones who need your light cannot find you

Your light is very important to the ones lost in the dark

Let fear be comforted by truth …

Not the truth of darkness…

But the truth of the light that is within you..

The light that sometimes barely breathes and flickers in the dark

But cannot be extinguished

By anyone

Let your light comfort and inspire

Allow it to flicker like a flame…

Next to fear and sadness

To give them hope

Your light is always within you

Even in the darkest of times

When it is hard to see

No matter how small it may seem at times

Your light has great power and strength

Compassion will flame the fire

 

#domestic abuse, #narcissism, Abusive relationship, abusive relationships, adult children of abuse, adult children of alcoholics, adult children of narcissistic parents, adult children of narcissists, adult children with alcoholic parents, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, codependence, dating a psychopath, daughter of narcissist, Dealing with difficult personalities, Domestic abuse blog, eating disorder, emotional abuse, emotional healing, gaslighting, healing from abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, kindness, Kindness self esteem, leaving an abusive relationship, life coach for narcissistic abuse, life coaching for people pleaser syndrome, life coaching narcissistic abuse, mental illness, narcissism, narcissist, Narcissistic abuse blog, narcissistic parents, Narcissistic psychpath, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, narcissistic victim syndrome, people pleaser syndrome, Ptsd from abuse, PTSD from domestic abuse, self love, self-esteem, self-help, spirituality

Highly Sensitive People and Empaths ; Dealing with the Dark Tunnel

Taras Loboda - (23) sad  woman

painting  by Taras Loboda 1961 Link to more of their paintings HERE

If you find yourself in the darkness….it is partially a solitary battle. Trying to get out of that tunnel backwards, by retreating will not work.

You are thrown into the middle of the dark tunnel, by your personal demons.

If someone has hurt or abused you then you are realizing that this has triggered your old wounds to open up and your sleeping demons to awaken. 

You have to sit with the darkness and interact with those fears, angers, grief or sadness demons. You need to let your inner child know that you are confronting those demons for them, because the child in incapable to battle them or defend against them.

If you try to run away from that tunnel, the demons will always follow you, because they refuse to be ingnored. Your inner child will continue to feel rejected and abandoned by you, because you are not integrating the demons.

If you experienced trauma at early ages, those demons are still haunting the child.

An incident of coming face to face with evil or darkness, will trigger the old fears, because they were never consoled and accepted.

You can sit with these feelings and let your inner child know that you accept them, love them, and will always protect them.

Once the child realizes it is not abandoned then the process of integrating the fractured child parts, and fractured memory pictures, can begin.

pinterest image

image from pinterest Link HERE

Each picture has a meaning attached to it. The meanings of things during childhood are programmed into you by others, who were concerned with their own agenda. You can change the meaning that your subconscious holds about these memories.

Take your time as you walk through the dark tunnel. You will get to the other side stronger and with greater ability to perceive truth.

Society, and people from your life, have dropped a veil in front of your eyes.

Any feelings you are carrying of shame, guilt, or obligation to violate your authentic self, are part of this veil.

There is more to see and perceive….and there are more possibilities that exist….and more possibities that you can create. People limit you by telling you what you cannot and should not do. 

The darkness does not have to be pushed aside, in order for you to survive it.

Painful emotions are guides, telling you not to go in a certain direction.

Your emotions are an alert system that is important for you to pay attention to.

Others are not living your life. They do not have any right to dictate how you feel about their behaviors and words. They do not have any right to program your mind with the meaning they want you to attach to things.

Your brain and your emotions are your own. You have a right to  feel how you feel, and to care about those feelings. Others who discount your feelings are not supporting you and those people are not good for you.

Highly sensitive people and empaths are criticized by the ones who want to dominate over and subjugate them.

They will tell you that you are “too sensitive” or that you are “over reacting.. “

They may even deny things they say and do, in order to gaslight you.

When you try to set boundaries with them, they tell you they never did what you are remembering them doing….or they just plain say that your needs are irrelevant. 

This is to create ficticious examples of how your “highly sensitive person” qualities are not valid. If these people can make you question your perception of reality, then they can manipulate how you feel about yourself.

Do not discount or minimize your feelings.

Experience them and integrate all parts of you into the whole. Others will attempt to fracture your parts, because this disables you from being powerful.

You have a great purpose and there are many possibilities all around you. Accept and love yourself for who you are.

Karina-Chernova-8 flowers maiden

Photography by Karina Chernova – see more of her work HERE

As you begin to integrate the light and the darkness of the old and new demons, you will begin to see how you belong in the world.

You have purpose and are part of all life. Your gifts are special and unique. .

Listen to those people that nourish your soul…rather than those people that seek to cripple your spirit. Find others who can validate your worthiness ….

Highly sensitive people and empaths are in the minority.

It is important for you to exist in an environment that supports you. Seek out those who value your gifts and accept you for who you are.

Blessings,

Annie

Note – If you are interested in life coaching for expanding and blossoming your unique gifts, or help finding your direction, please feel free to visit my web site and join the email list.

gentlekindnesscoaching.com

-overcoming narcissistic abuse

-recognizing gaslighting

-dealing with the “red pills” and truth being revealed to you

-hypnosis and NLP

-energy healing

-compassionate conversation and validation

#domestic abuse, #narcissism, #narcissistic personality disorder, abusive relationships, avoiding predators, bullies, mental illness

The Problem with Warning Victims of Psychopaths and Narcissists

Just because we point out the hole someone is about to fall into, does not mean we are being cruel to the person who dug the hole.

We are just trying to keep the person from falling in, because we recognize the hunter who is patiently watching them.

When the prey sees the hunter through the rose colored glasses he gave them, they think we are demonizing the hunter. But we are more concerned with watching our friend fall into the nasty, jagged pothole that is just a few more inches from their toes.

#domestic abuse, #narcissism, #narcissistic personality disorder, bullies, bullying, dating a psychopath, daughter of narcissist, dysfunctional families, dysfunctional family, Healing after abuse, healing from abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, mental illness, Narcissistic abuse blog, narcissistic abuse syndrome, narcissistic father, narcissistic mothers, narcissistic parents, psychopath, psychopathic abuse

Narcissists Drink Your Tears and Your Anger


 

dark poetry, depression, insomnia, mental illness, narcissistic abuse syndrome, poetry, psychological abuse, Ptsd from abuse, PTSD from domestic abuse

Cell Phone Light

The light from the cell phone
Only partially illuminates the room
All else is silent but the wind
And the sound of the tiny clicks
that sound out loud
each time a letter is typed

The writing keeps me thinking
The writing stops me from thinking too much
About the darkness
The writing keeps me feeling
The writing keeps me from feeling too much
Of the darkness

The resonating echo of the clicks
Filling the emptiness of the room
Makes me feel some safety …
Something familiar
Something “normal”
Something reliable
Something to frighten
the darkness away

To ward it off
To block it’s path
To distract my mind
To pretend it cannot reach me
But it’s all around
I can feel it rising
From the floors of the bedroom
To the top of the mattress

But I just keep typing
To hear the clicking
Of the cell phone keys in the dark
Because it isn’t the darkness
From the lack of light
That frightens me the very most
But the other darkness that rises
And closes all around me
That no one thinks is there
And no one else can see

#domestic abuse, #narcissism, #narcissistic personality disorder, emotional abuse, emotional trauma, mental illness, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, Narcissistic psychpath, narcissistic victim syndrome, psychopath, romantic poetry

Insomnia and Abuse Short Story

She used to stay up late at night to clean the house and have peace. She could move about the house and touch things late at night, in a way she was not able to during the day.

If she touched things during the day, she was bound to do it in a way that displeased him. If she displeased him, or if he felt disrespected by the tiniest thing, she would pay for it.

She felt terrified of him. He liked the house to be clean and neat, so she had to take care to be sure things were done to his liking. But truthfully, no matter how long she cleaned, or how much she tried, it was never right for him.

After cleaning until 4 am, she laid down on the couch, with the television on quietly, so as not to disturb him. He was asleep on the next floor up, in the queen size bed. She did not dare slide into the bed next to him.

At 7 am he would awaken her by swatting her repeatedly with something….usually his coat. She would awaken mid-swatting,  and react with a normal startle reflex to being swatted while you sleep.

He would scold her and ask her how many times he told her not to jump like that when he woke her up. She was so stupid to keep forgetting how he hated it.

Then he would throw her purse on top of her and demand 3 dollars, so he could go down to the store and buy a tall boy. Beer was the only alcohol available for sale before 11 am. He would settle for that until the vodka could be purchased.

She knew better than to argue about needing the money for milk or bread. She still had bruises on her jaw, from doing that last week.

She handed him the money and he snatched it without saying anything more. But as he walked out the door, he grumbled something about her being fat and lazy for sleeping all day.

I still jump and cover my face by reflex, when someone startles me in my sleep.

#narcissism, #narcissistic personality disorder, mental illness, narcissism, narcissist, poetry, psychopath, psychopathic abuse

Mask

I get you now !
You have no real smile
 
Just hundreds of variations
of…
 facial expressions
tones of voice
hand gestures
and right things to say
 
Stories to impress men
Words to captivate women
Threats to coerce employees
Lies to deceive everyone
 
Various identities 
to keep your life in boxes
So your lies won’t overlap
 
Six cell phones with different numbers
Seven email addresses 
At least four different companies 
 
That’s as far as I know
Maybe there are more…
 
Various online dating profiles 
A computer program to scan for prey…
 
Empaths
Codependents
HIghly Sensitives
Romantics
 
The innocent
The abused
The naive
And the lonely
 
The young ones
The old ones
And anyone in between
The poets 
The artists
And the ones who want to save you
 
You show a vulnerable side
That is nothing but an act
You make them feel your pain
But you are mirroring theirs back
 
You show them some compassion
From scripts inside your head
 
You repeat their own words back
That they forgot that they had said
 
They think you’re for real
A man that they could care for
Someone who needs their attention
And maybe mothering too
 
They know if they invest their time
Your love for them will be true
 
You train them all so well
To jump when you ring the bell…
Like Pavlov and his dog
Waiting for the food
You create a real addiction
Then make them beg for more
 
You let them paint the illusion
A dream from inside their mind
Exactly the way they picture it
A different mask for every crime
 
You become their favorite fantasy
Be anyone they want you to be
 
You lift them as high as you can
Upon your pedestal of gold
 
The higher you can lift them up
The farther they have to fall
 
And fall they will …
Make no mistake
 They won’t see it coming
Your skill has such grace…
 
You’ll come up behind them
Contempt on your face
 
You’ll yank out that stool
And cover all traces
That you ever planned it 
Or could hardly stand it
 
To play the role of vulnerable and weak
 
Now you are TOWERING 
Over your catch
 
Pour on the gasoline
And light up your match
 
Burning their hopefulness
And reasons for living
Corrupting their soul
Transfusing your sinning
 
You think…
“You thought you were winning?”
 
Ha!
 
Your face slowly changes
The expression is dark
 
She feels like she saw it once
In one of your glances
But it passed all too quickly 
And you covered with romances
 
She tries to beg forgiveness
As you tell her what she’s done
You project all of your sins
And she wants to give in
And confess to the crimes
You committed
 
But before she can speak
Your image just blackens
Becoming no more than a shadow in her mind
 
The terror in her nightmares
For so many nights to come
As she lies all alone filled with dread
 
She thought you were real
And that you could feel
Like the other men she had once known
 
But you wore a mask 
That she helped you to cast
As you once hung on her every word
 
And now there’s another 
Just waiting to instruct you
To create a new mask in every detail…
 
As you listen intently
The details are mentally filed
Your plan is being formed as you fashion a smile
 
She thinks you’re so sweet
And is utterly amazed
At how you share all her hopes 
And admire her dreams
 
As you hold up the mirror
And show her herself
It is a match made in heaven for sure
 
She wonders how she found someone
She has so much in common with
Someone who feels just the same
 
As you study her strength
And look for the cracks 
You will shove your knife through
All too soon
 
A brand new mask has been forged
For the new prey to love
And sacrifice all that she has for
 
You suck all her blood 
And you take all she has
With the promise that all will be repaid
 
You will buy her that house
With the white picket fence
That she carries the picture of
In the pocket of her dress
 
But she does not see
That you were a different person to me
 
And will make another mask
When you are done with this task
 
It’s all such a chore but you’ve done it before
 
One mask for each girl 
Let the games begin to twirl
They all end the same in the end
 
#domestic abuse, #narcissism, #narcissistic personality disorder, domestic abuse, Domestic abuse blog, domestic abuse poem, domestic violence, healing from abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, healing poetry, mental illness, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome

Letting Go

Wind  swept hair… still wet from the ocean waves

Her long legs catching sand 

which the breeze is blowing gently onto her skin 

She inhales a deep breath of the clean beach air 

Smelling the salt and the listening to the sounds of the ocean

Still marked with bruises from someone who thought she deserved them

She gently touches her wrist and can tell

That is was healing now 

From the peace of her freedom and her new found self love

Her breath is easy and free in a way she hardly remembers breathing

Sensation of solitude as the morning sun rises over the ocean waves

These would be only waves she would want to have anymore

The sound of his yelling was becoming like a dream

A shadow of a memory she once had long ago

Getting more distant with each passing wave

blogging, blogging challenge, blogging challenges, domestic abuse, mental illness, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, psychopath, psychopathic abuse, writing, writing challeges, writing challenge, writing challenge'secret keeper writing challenge

Flash Fiction Writing Prompt #16

This writing is for the Flash Fiction challenge from The Secret Keeper  blog. You can see the details of the challenge HERE.   The five words that had to be included in the writing are | COMFORT | HEAD | SPACE | MELT | WICKED |

 

Faith Versus the Facts

A decision had to be made as to whether to accept his words as the truth, or to confront him with the facts. She had always taken comfort in his honesty and openness with her. 

She gazed into his eyes as he talked, but in her head she was playing out the events of the last few hours before she met him at the restaurant. As he reached over and touched her hand, she remembered how this used to make her heart melt. 

The evidence said that he was lying to her right now. The female voice on the phone….the airline tickets….

She knew if she accepted what the facts pointed to that she would also have to question all of the other times he told her he was going away on business.

If he were lying to her now, while looking into her eyes, then it would mean that he was not the person he portrayed to her. It would mean he had a more sinister and wicked nature than she had ever considered. 

If she were to accept the facts, then she would be forced to re-write her entire reality,  for entire time they had been together. 

There was no space in between his words, as his continuous talking continued. It was almost as if he was doing this intentionally. So she took another sip of her wine to dull her senses. Then, rather than going over the facts as they were, she began to mentally re-write them and the meaning behind them. 

It was less painful to re-frame the facts to fit what she wanted to believe, than to have to change her belief to fit the facts.

 

 

#domestic abuse, #narcissism, anxiety, anxiety disorder, c-ptsd, depression, emotional healing, emotional maniulation, emotional wounds, emotophobia, healing from abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, inspiration, inspirational, mental abuse, mental illness, narcissistic abuse and immune system, Narcissistic abuse blog, narcissistic father, narcissistic mothers, narcissistic parents, Narcissistic psychpath, single mother, single mother anxiety, single mother depression, single parent, single parenting, social anxiety

Depression C-PTSD and PTSD – How to get Your energy Back

I just finished giving a guitar lesson to my teenage niece. It is nice to spend time with her. I have been giving her lessons for a few months now, about every other week.

Before her father had asked me if I was interested in doing guitar lessons with her, I had not been doing much with guitar at all. 

I used to play all the time. Depression has a way of making you lose interest in the things you once used to love to do. After back to back abusive situations with partners and family members, I lost my will to do anything that I liked to do. 

Since I have started my life coaching business I have been feeling that life force coming back. Once people suck your will out of you, it takes time to be able to self generate that energy again. 

It takes doing something that you are passionate about. Since I have been working with other abuse victim, I have felt a purpose in my life that means something special to me. So this is having the effect of generating some of that will power back again.

I still feel the weight of depression pressing down on me as I try to push it off. I am learning that you cannot push it off at all. It is more a matter of accepting without judgement of yourself. 

Then allowing the feelings to come and sitting with them in a way that is nurturing. Showing yourself compassion when the people closest to you cannot show you any compassion is not easy. But you can do it once you learn that the perceptions others have about you do not have to frame your reality. 

Anyway, I was thinking of putting new strings on my guitar so that it would sound better. The old strings have a very thumpy, dull sound. I know that I would be pleased to hear the sound of new strings and I would be more likely to play for enjoyment. 

I might learn a new song or write one of my own. Baby steps are sometimes the way to make great changes in your perceptions. It is the change in perception that will create change in your behavior. 

Perceptions control your emotions. Emotions are underneath of all behaviors. Once you can begin to change behaviors and have more control over getting some momentum, then you can begin to enjoy your path as you are creating it under your feet.