#narcissism, #narcissistic abuse, mental illness

Nine Traits of Narcissism and Psychopathy

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder has nine traits. In order to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder a person must have at least 5 of the traits.

Narcissism is on a spectrum.

There are many people that have 2,  3 or 4 of the characteristics on this list. These people may have elements of narcissism. They would be said to have “narcissistic traits” but rather than  “full blown” narcissistic personality disorder.

People that have all 9 traits would be diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder. They are a psychopath. The more traits someone has, the more potentially dangerous they are to you.

It is difficult to know a psychopath well enough to be able to identify all of their traits because they keep things hidden and cover up their pathology by acting like a different person when they interact with others.

Here are the nine traits of narcissistic personality disorder.

1. Grandiosity –  This is an unrealistic view of oneself that they are bigger than life and better than others. They feel that they have a godlike, divine or extremely powerful purpose of being on the earth. Their very being is to be admired and obeyed. Nothing is more important than they are.

2. Arrogant and Domineering – think they are better than everyone else. They know more than anyone else. Controlling of others and dominating. They see others as inferior to them in intelligence, vision, looks, and everything else. They expect other people to admire and be in awe of them.

3. Preoccupation with Success and Power – They have a need to be powerful and have a cult of followers that admire them. They like to have a harem of sorts of people around them, as if they are a king or a queen. Their drive for success and power is due to their need for narcissistic supply and to get into positions where they have manipulate people.

4. Lack of empathy – an inability to care about the feelings of others or put themselves in someone else’s shoes in an emotional way. Actually narcissists and psychopaths have a cold empathy which allows them to understand your fears, weaknesses, hopes and dreams. They can take an inventory of you and then use the your feelings against you.

5. Belief of being unique – They believe that they are very special and that they are better than everyone else. They often think that they have a unique powerful purpose that sets them above everyone else and gives them an excuse to do whatever they want and take whatever they want.

6. Sense of entitlement – They feel that they are entitled to anything and anyone they want.   This includes things that belong to other people. It includes taking over the lives of other people and using people and then throwing them away like trash.  There is no appreciation when people do anything for them because they were entitled to it, in the first place.

7. Requires excessive admiration – they want to be admired and paid attention to all the time. They have no tolerance for anyone else being in the spotlight. Because they need to have their false self validated, they need people to pay attention to, talk about, admire and basically worship their false self. That way the illusion of the false self stays strong.

8. Exploitative – they will take advantage of other people for their own best interest. They will take more than they give, refuse to pay people for their services in a fair way …if at all, and use people up until there is nothing left of them

9. Envious of others – they are resentful when other people have things that they feel entitled to. They become angry when they see that other people have things that they do not.

It does not matter if the other person worked for it and they did not. They are envious of the property,  authority, and reputations of others. There is speculation that they are 

I have included a documentary below that you might find interesting. It goes through each of the nine traits of narcissism and explains them. 

Sam Vaknin is interviewed in this documentary. He is a level 9 narcissist who is unusual in that he is self aware. He is aware that he has this disorder.

One of the things that Sam says in this film, was very familiar to what I heard my most recent ex narcissist say many times.

Sam says  ” …the slightest hint of criticism or disagreement threatens the precarious balance that I have created over many years…the balance that constitutes my personality…you are out to destroy and kill me, so I am out to destroy and kill you..”

My ex used to get disproportionately angry when anyone criticized him or even offered any advice or suggestion that he change anything. Even suggestions from business coaches, that he paid to advise him, were taken as a threat.

Any time anyone disagreed with him or suggested that he change anything, he would become so angry that he would become violent and inflict self harm in front of them.

I think this was a way of acting out and also of frightening people. He would scream, he would hit his own head with his fist. On a few occasions he actually strangled his own neck with his hands.

He also was known to yell in anger and rip and tear his own shirt, in front of his employees. He would threaten self harm and even suicide when anyone asked him to do anything. He said that people should do things for him. They had no right to ask him to do things, because he could not tolerate any demands.

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#narcissism, mental illness

Intermission (Revised version)

Oh sleep, my closest friend

 Codeine, my suductress

Protector from this reality

Take me as I fall

Willingly

Longingly

Into thine arms that cradle

Shield my mind from this play

The stage is not mine

 The other actors strut

Across the stage like

Predators circling prey

I cannot play along

With the social psychosis

Directed by the lions

Who would just as soon murder each other

I have no wish to play their understudy

Nor fall prey to their machinations

Or pretend to acknowledge

The multi dimensional characters

They pretend to be…

For they are shallow creatures

Nor do I covet their ill gotten sludge

I grow weary of their invitations

 Their pretense gives me disgust

felt to the core

They may spout and spew 

venom and delusion about

what they claim to know about me

But they never will know me

Our stages may touch, but

I am from a different play

#domestic abuse, #narcissism, #narcissistic personality disorder, emotional abuse, mental illness

Mask

I get you now !
You have no real smile
 
Just  hundreds of variations of…
 facial expressions
tones of voice
hand gestures
and right things to say
 
Stories to impress men
Words to captivate women
Threats to coerce employees
Lies to deceive everyone
 
Various identities 
to keep your life in boxes
So your lies won’t overlap
 
Six cell phones with different numbers
Seven email addresses 
At least 4 different companies 
 
That’s as far as I know
Maybe there are more…
 
Various online dating profiles 
A computer program to scan for prey…
 
Empaths
Codependents
HIghly Sensitives
Romantics
 
The innocent
The abused
The naive
And the lonely
 
The young ones
The old ones
And anyone in between
The poets 
The artists
And the ones who want to save you
 
You show a vulnerable side
That is nothing but an act
You make them feel your pain
But you are mirroring theirs back
 
You show them some compassion
From scripts inside your head
 
You repeat their own words back
That they forgot that they said
 
They think you are for real
A man that they could care for
Someone who needs attention
And maybe mothering too
 
They know if they invest their time
Your love for them will be true
 
You train them all so well
To jump when you ring the bell…
Like Pavlov and his dog
Waiting for the food
You create a real addiction
Then make them beg for more
 
You let them paint the illusion
A dream from inside their mind
Exactly the way they picture it
A different mask for every crime
 
You become their favorite fantasy
Be anyone they want you to be
 
You lift them as high as you can
Upon your pedestal of gold
 
The higher you can lift them up
The farther they have to fall
 
And fall they will …
Make no mistake
 They won’t see it coming
Your skill has such grace…
 
You’ll come up behind them
Contempt on your face
 
You’ll yank out that stool
And cover all traces
That you ever planned it 
Or could hardly stand it
 
To play the role of vulnerable and weak
 
Now you are TOWERING 
Over your catch
 
Pour on the gasoline
And light up your match
 
Burning their hopefulness
And reasons for living
Corrupting their soul
Transfusing your sinning
 
You think…
“You thought you were winning?”
 
Ha!
 
Your face slowly changes
The expression is dark
 
She feels like she saw it once
In one of your glances
But it passed all too quickly 
And you covered with romances
 
She tries to beg forgiveness
As you tell her what she’s done
You project all of your sins
And she wants to give in
And confess to the crimes
You committed
 
But before she can speak
Your image just blackens
Becoming no more than a shadow in her mind
 
The terror in her nightmares
For so many nights to come
As she lies all alone filled with dread
 
She thought you were real
And that you could feel
Like the other men she had once known
 
But you wore a mask 
That she helped you to cast
As you once hung on her every word
 
And now there’s another 
Just waiting to instruct you
To create a new mask in every detail…
 
As you listen intently
The details are mentally filed
Your plan is being formed as you fashion a smile
 
She thinks you’re so sweet
And is utterly amazed
At how you share all her hopes 
And admire her dreams
 
As you hold up the mirror
And show her herself
It is a match made in heaven for sure
 
She wonders how she found someone
She has so much in common with
Someone who feels just the same
 
As you study her strength
And look for the cracks 
You will shove your knife through
All too soon
 
A brand new mask has been forged
For the new prey to love
And sacrifice all that she has for
 
You suck all her blood 
And you take all she has
With the promise that all will be repaid
 
You will buy her that house
With the white picket fence
That she carries the picture of
In the pocket of her dress
 
But she does not see
That you were a different person to me
 
And will make another mask
When you are done with this task
 
It’s all such a chore but you’ve done it before
 
One mask for each girl 
Let the games begin to twirl
They all end the same in the end
 
dark poetry, life, mental illness, mental illness poetry, poetry

Madness of Mental Abuse

If I sit very still
and breath very softly
I can still hear
the sound
of your insanity
The way it went right
into my nervous system
like a thousand volts
of death…
In the insidious
blackness that comes
If I sit very quietly
I can hear your screaming
Your act upon my stage
that was as real
to my mind
as the blood
coursing through
my veins
Every graphic detail
entering my senses…
Tearing apart my soul
If I sit very quietly
in the darkness
of the 3 am hour
Before the sun rises
Before life renews
I can hear your screaming
Threatening me
that you will stab the scissors
through your neck…
Impale the blade
straight through my heart
Splattering your blood
in my mind
With utter terror
and surreal horror
That would make anyone
teater on the edge
of their own
precarious sanity…
If I sit very quietly
in the darkness of night
the fear attacks my mind
I hear your voice inside
The way it sounded
on the phone..
Desperate and angry
Intentionally drawing me
to the edge of madness..
Your life
seemingly hanging
in the ragged net
that you handed me
to hold …
Demanding that
I do not fail…
What is more frightening?
Dare I ask the question
that plagues me?
Do I dare?
Ask the question?
The question that taunts me
and laughs at me…
Tempts me to dance
with its shadow
Like a psychopathic lover
grabbing my wrists
too hard…
What is the more terrifying reality?
That you were disturbed enough
to place the blade
of rusting scissors
against your neck?
Or that there were never
any scissors there?