Where are you?
Are you in my home town?
Are you in New York?
Are you in California?
Are you old or are you young?
Are you looking for me?
or are you done?
Are you black or are you white?
Are you Into video games….
Or having sex all night
Maybe you are far away
In England or in France
Maybe you are just next door
But tell me, what’s the chance?
I think that there are many of you
Some nearer and some far
That makes the chance much better
That I’ll find out where you are
Doesn’t that make more sense
Than to think there’s only one?
That makes a lot of pressure on my brain
and that pressure is no fun
Maybe I’ll find all of you
and pencil you all in
Would I be such a angel?
Or would that be a sin?
Annie has so many voices in her head…Can each voice have one soul mate? Would that be polygamy? Would that be angelic , sinful , or psychotic? The voices say they want all the men … haha . No, they don’t . I am just kidding. ….or am I? ……………..mmmmmm……….
I ended up in a conversation a couple of weeks ago about the possibility of the existence of one soul mate for each person. Personally this concept does not make sense in the way that people usually mean it.
But I do believe that I have been with soul mates of mine, twice in my life. They were people that saw me for who I truly was and understood my intent behind things. They got to know me very well and could usually predict how things would make me feel. They were there for me when and in the way I needed them to be. They were each of them, my best friend, at the time I was with them.
The concept of a soul mate is usually that there is one true perfect match for each person. No other person other than the soul mate could be the right one for you.
If there is one soul mate on the entire earth, then what are the chances you would ever run into them? What are the chances they even live in your country, never mind your city? If there is only one match per person, I would say we are all doomed to me lonely forever.
But what if there are many possible soul mates for each of us? I am not saying that there are 200 guys in your town that would be a great match for you. But there is probably one in France, one in Alaska, one in California and one in your state somewhere, maybe….or maybe not. Maybe they are farther away.
Before the internet, people married their high school sweethearts. Being that I work with elderly people, I have run into many old people that did , in fact , marry their high school sweetheart or at least someone from their city or town.
People did not have the ability to search high and low, all over the country for a mate. There was no Match,com or E-Harmony,com or Dharma Match,com They did not have social media and al this stuff.
If their soul mate was not right nearby, then they would likely never meet them. This whole way of meeting people that live in other states, across the country around the world,, is all new. There have been many more matches made between local people over all the years people have been dating, than there have been online matches.
So where does that leave us, with the question? If there is only one soul mate per person, how does it make any sense that they have been finding each other all these many years? Is this the only generation that has been able to find their soul mates, due to the social media?
Even the internet dating is a long shot! Do you know how many dating sites there are? Everyone does not even use them. How could you end up finding this one person? (on a side note…Dharma Match is a good one)
The high school sweetheart stories I have heard, often had happy endings. The old people I talk to tell me that they liked this person, they thought they were handsome or pretty and they decided to make it work. They decided to make it work by deciding to love each other and respect each other. They turned each other into their soul mate, with an intent to do so.
Let’s say you have been looking for a match in your town and suddenly you have to move to another state for a better job…Are you now doomed to not find your match? Was he in your home town and now you have left him?
No, come on. There is surely someone that you can have a soul mate match with, in the new city. It is more of matter of the intent of both people. If you find someone who you like to be with, they listen to you and understand you, they laugh and cry with you…Then I think it is possible that you can connect with them It matters what the intent is in their heart and in yours.
Relationships are built. They are built with friendship. They are built on trust and having each other’s back. They are built on reliability, compassion and kindness and understanding. There are likely to be multiple people around the world that you could build a relationship with and feel like soul mates with each other.
It is a matter of intent and creation. You create the relationship together over time.
have fun on your adventure. I do not believe “the ends justifies the means”. Quality of life and quality of character is all about the “means”. It is what you do along the path that truly matters.
My preteen daughter tells me that the rainbow going across the WordPress page is not alone. She said that there are rainbows added to many of the sites now, in awareness that gay marriage has been legalized in all of the states in the US.
If this affects anyone in a positive way, then congratulations and I am happy that you feel good about this. I have a sister who is a lesbian and has an amazing relationship with a partner that she has been with for years. They bought a house less than a year ago, and are having a great time working on fixing it up and the yard together.
As far as relationships go, she seems to be happier and more stable than me, so I am happy for her good fortune. She is a a very special, kind, compassionate, funny and creative woman.
I am glad I have a pre-teen daughter to keep me up to date on these kinds of things. I honestly just thought that the rainbow on WordPress was pretty and I was happy yo see it there. I had no idea that it was symbolic of anything.
Let us all live in peace and compassion for one another.
I am awaiting the return of my 18 year old to let me know how her prom evening went. I have not seen her yet, but I think she will be back in a couple of hours. She has been out with her boyfriend an his family today.
He is a good kid and I am glad that she found someone who always treats her with respect . He is intelligent and kind. The other day, he was waiting for her while she was fussing about not finding the right clothes.
She was in her room and came out every few minutes in a different outfit. He would say she looked great and then she would say “Oh no yuck. This outfit won’t work”
It was funny but she was very frustrated and upset. He said nice things about each thing she came out in. She was annoyed that she could not find her favorite slacks. She came out in dresses and all kinds of other things, claiming she had nothing to wear.
He told her she would look beautiful in anything and they were only going to his aunt’s house to the pool, so they would not be wearing the clothes, they would be wearing bathing suits.
I just chatted with him about all kinds of things, to keep him company while he was waiting for her.
I apologized for her taking so long to be ready. He was so sweet and said “It’s okay. I have no where to go. I planned to spend the day with her and she is right there, even if I can just hear her from behind the door and see her popping out now and then.”
All of our daughters should have someone like this.
Actually she just texted me. She had fun and is on her way back.
One of my favorite older ladies that I take care of at work came back from the hospital a few days ago. This was the first time I had had a chance to see her, since she came home. She was out for almost a month.
For this post I will call her Lucy. (That “had had” looks wrong doesn’t it? but I think it is correct…)
Lucy has a beautiful multi-colored cat. His name is Bootsie, because he has white feet that stand out against the other brownish colors on his legs.
He is usually independent and not overly cuddly. He will come up to give me a quick hello, and then he will go and get on with his kitty cat business.
Lucy always told me that Bootsie slept in his cat bed on the floor and seldom slept in the bed with her. She wanted him to sleep on the bed, but he would come up for a goodnight petting, and then wisk himself away to his kitty bed.
Well, while Lucy was out, we were all taking turns to feed Bootsie and make sure he had water. I know the other nurses and aides were feeding him, but most of them were not really petting or visiting with him. Poor Bootsie…
Whenever I had that floor as my assignment, I always went in to visit with Bootsie. It was clear that he missed having Lucy around, and he was confused and scared about why he was alone all day and all night.
He became more affectionate as te days went on, and began to brush up against my legs and purr at me. I really tried to make an effort to go visit him and I enjoyed our little quiet visits as well. It got me away from the hustle and bustle of the facility for a few minutes, as I “hid out” in the room with Bootsie.
The other aides were giving him the dry food, but the cans of wet food, were still on the counter. So, I began opening one for him each night when I was working there on that assignment. Sometimes I would go up to that floor, even if I was not assigned there. i would open his canned food and to sit with him for a few minutes.
Whenever I went to see him, he would come up to me right away and talk to me in his kitty language. He would brush against my legs and let me pet him. I would sit on the kitchen floor and stay with him for 5-10 minutes or whatever I could spare.
Well, I saw Lois today and she was happy to see me. I told her that we had been taking care of Bootsie and she said that she could tell that we had been. She was very thankful for the care that had given her precious treasure.
Then she said to me that there had been a change in Bootsie, since she had come back. Bootsie, the aloof kitty cat, was now a cuddy and super affectionate kitty cat! He has slept on her bed every night since Lucy arrived home.
She told me that he laid next to her last night and was touching her face gently, with his paw. He has not left her side since she came home. When she leaves the room to come down for dinner, he runs right up to her when she returns to the room.
It is amazing how much our pets feel for us. They are kind of like people, in that we take each other for granite until something happens. Then it scares us a little and we realize that the person we love may not always be there.
We suddenly find time, where there was no time before. We realize that it is important to prioritize relationships in our lives. We have people (and pets) in our lives and it is important to show them that we care.
So, I thought this was a sweet story and I was looking forward to coming home tonight to tell you all about it.
Lucy is so happy that she now has a cuddly kitty!
But if Bootsie is anything like people are, the novelty will wear off and he will be back to sleeping in the cat bed again. We will see. Time will tell…
It is a good lesson for us to remember to appreciate the loved ones in our lives and not to take them too much for granite. That goes for our animals as well. It is easy to get busy with life and to overlook times when we do actually have a moment that we could take for someone else.
There is time to spend together, even if it is in small doses and there is time to let each other know how much we appreciate each other. Even a little extra time with out pet can easily be worked into our schedule.
So, go hug your kids and kiss somebody ! Give your pet a few extra minutes of time. It is good for you as well as for them.
It is not so much that we do not have the time, it is that we forget that time is precious. There is always time for kindness.
I can hear the rain beginning to pour onto the roof of the house. I am thinking about whether or not the car windows are up, or if I left them open. I am thinking about where the flashlights are just in case the power goes out.
These are practical things but they are also emotional things. The flashlight is practical but the fear of being in the dark house, is being mentally triggered by the sound of the rain.
The doubt in myself about the windows in the car, is a self doubt and fear, based on not feeling like I have been prepared in the past, for the events that occurred.
We can spend a lot of time worrying and trying to prepare for every possible scenario in life, but we will always miss one. It is not even that we miss it…but we just had no idea it was coming.
Life is full of unexpected things. Some things can be anticipated and other things cannot. There is no way to prepare ourselves for everything. Sooner or later we will be in a situation that we had no possible way to prepare for.
The better thing to do….rather than try to mentally prepare for each possible scenario…is to prepare for the unexpected scenario. Our brains need to be in a state that can withstand the unexpected.
The more we try to worry, predict, and play out future scenarios in our minds, the less prepared we will be when the unexpected occurs. No one will avoid the unexpected, no matter what you do.
The difference between the resilience of people is in their capacity to deal with a completely surprising unknown. Our brains have great capacity to think and deal with circumstances.
We can think on our feet and adapt. We can draw on skills and information in our brains, in order to deal with a new and unexpected situation.
When we know that the unexpected will happen, then we will understand that we have to proceed through life with this knowledge and acceptance. We found our way through a lot of unexpected situations already. Not all of them were bad. Many of them were good.
Predictability does not always apply to things. We can only prepare for a portion of the things that could happen during the course of our days. Better to prepare the mind to be resilient in any circumstance. To accept the unknown as part of living this life.
If we accept the unknown as part of the adventure of life, then we will learn on our feet when we need to. We will find out what things we need to know, just when we need to know them. Our brains have a great capacity to take in new information and also to adapt known information for new situations.
Know that your brain is adaptable and intelligent. You can be creative and inventive when you need to be. The brain can actually connect, reconnect and disconnect neurons , in a real organic way, in order to adapt to different situations and different behavioral patterns that are needed.
The brain is an amazing, adaptive organ and it can serve us when we need to be protected, or healed. The brain can problem solve, learn new information, adapt to new environments and accept new relationships. It can even accept and adapt to new realizations about reality itself.
Reality is made up of our experiences and the way we perceive those experiences. We can decide to interpret information into our reality, in a way that is helpful to us. We need our environment to support us. We need our perceptions about our experiences to support our mental health.
Looking at the unexpected as new experiences, can allow us to reduce our anxiety about not being prepared for everything. We prepare as we go along. We are not just stuck with what we have.
If our brains are malleable then we can create new ways to perceive things. We do not have to be stuck with the same way we have always perceived things. Our brains can change and learn to have a different perspective about the past, which can change the way we see ourselves in the present.
If we see ourselves in the present in a way that supports us better, then we can be less afraid of the unknowns in our future. If our current thinking does not support our mental health, then we can begin to allow our brains to take in new information that has the capacity to change our perspective about the reality we personally exist in.
Call my name, when you awaken
I will be right by your side
Call my name out
when you are shaken
by some terrible dream in the night
Call my name out loud…
Both are just the same
For when you reach out
to me for help
I will always care the same
Compassion is very simple to me. To show someone compassion is to focus your attention and loving intent towards them. When a person is right in front of you or you are talking with them by posting a comment on their blog, they are the most important person.
Buddhism teaches that the most important time is NOW. And the most important person is THE PERSON RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Now I would have to take exception to that if the person right in front of you were mean to you in any way.
But to show compassion is to fully focus your attention on that one person right in front of you. The other people you care about are not there at that moment. No other people are there at that moment. You are fully prioritizing that one person you are listening to and responding to.
Listening is done with the heart. The ears can pick up the sounds and the brain can translate the sounds into words, This is all very mechanical.
To really hear someone and feel what they are feeling, you have to listen with your heart. You cannot listen from a place of judgement or previous suppositions. You cannot decide how they should feel or where they are coming from.
A person feels how they feel. Their background is unique and their personality is unique. Their entire perspective on the world and their reality is unique. To understand , you need to suspend your reality for a few moments and enter into theirs.
If you can see things from the person’s reality, then you can begin to have true compassion for them. You do not always have to say anything much. Sometimes a simple, “I understand that you feel that way.” can be extremely validating and healing.
“I understand that you feel that way” allows for the person to feel that their feelings matter and have been heard. Too often I hear people say “Don’t say that” ,,or “You don’t really mean that”,,,or “Just cheer up, just smile, shake it off,,”
A person first needs to feel what they feel and be acknowledged for it. Then they can go on to seeing it from a rational point of view or problem solving.
Advice like “Just be happy” or “be in the moment” is not helpful in itself. You need to “be in the moment” with the person in order to be able to even begin to understand what you can say that would be helpful to them.
You also need to ask “What would be helpful for you, that I can do or say?” This puts the ball in their court, rather than you dominating and telling them what is good for them. You do not really know what they need, only they know in their heart. Ask them.
Blessings, and much love,