Shamanic Approach to Healing from Emotional Abuse

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.image from pinterest

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I recently came across the Native American Shaman  concept of Soul Sickness. I found this idea very interesting and it seemed to coincide with other things that I write about. There is a phenomenon that occurs with many abuse victims, which is a kind of leaving one’s own body during the abuse. 

.

The idea is that the victim’s brain cannot accept the level or type of abuse into their reality.

.

In order for the brain to protect itself from trauma, it takes itself into a derealization / depersonalization state. This is something that you may have experienced if you ever in an abusive situation, or even any life threatening situation. 

.

Depersonalization is a state the brain goes into, in order to protect you.

.

The feeling of this state is likely somewhat different for different people, but there is similarity in the way people describe this state. The feeling is as if one can see their body and how it is involved in the event, but it is as if the body belongs to another person. 

.

The order of the events is processed, but it is like someone else is doing the motions, and handling the things that are happening. If someone was hitting you, then you would see the body being struck, but not really relate to that body as being your own. You could block your face from being hit but it would feel like someone else was actually controlling those hands which no longer feel like you are attached to your hands.

.

Derealization is the feeling that the whole scene is like you were watching it in a movie. You may not even really know for sure if it were really happening. You might wonder if it is actually a dream or a nightmare that you are actually in. The scene does not feel like you are an active part of it. It is more like observing a dream or watching a movie. 

.

Soul Sickness. as the Shamans see it, is when the soul has become ill, or parts of it have left the body all together. During a situation, such as sexual abuse, the soul was going to be damaged by experiencing it, so rather than be there for the trauma, it just left the body entirely. 

.

This idea of part of you leaving the situation, because it could not endure it, is the same as the derealization and depersonalization experience. The person is there, but not all of them is there to be traumatized. 

.

But trauma is sustained nonetheless, because the very situation of being forced to go into a derealization state is traumatizing. If the soul, or part of the soul was forced to exit from the body, then you were left with something missing.

.

Either way, there is a damage sustained by the soul, or the spirit part of you, in a addition to your brain and body. 

.

It is often discussed these days that mental abuse is the worst part of physical or sexual abuse. It is clear that the emotional / mental trauma is even worse than the physical experience, or the bruises which are left.

.

Even the women who have had acid thrown in their faces, now live with extreme mental pain, and humiliation to have to be forced to exist every day with those scars….reminders of the cruelty and heartlessness of the men who inflicted them.

.

The Shaman theory is that the soul has left the body and now the person lives as an incomplete person, because that important part of them has fled. The soul need to be retrieved. 

.

They believe in doing rituals called Soul Retrieval, in order for that person to get the missing part back. Before the soul retrieval, the person will live with depression. anxiety and all manner of mental, and physical illness. The soul retrieval process is to help the person to become whole again.

. 

 Many abuse survivors experience a feeling that something is wrong with them, even years after the abuser has left.

.

There is sense that they are different than other people, in a way that makes them carry toxic shame. This is very difficult to explain to anyone who has not been through abuse.

.

During verbal and emotional abuse, people are called names, degraded, gaslighted, demeaned, and treated as non-humans. Their humanity is stripped from them, as is the humanity stripped from people who are sexually and physically abused. 

.

The experience of sexual abuse is too much for a person to bear that their own body was involved in the acts, so they detach from their bodies in a way to not be a part of the sexual abuse. Later on, this can lead to eating disorder, cutting and other kinds of self harm. There is a disharmony between the body and the  mind. The mind no longer accepts the body as its own. 

.

The missing link between the mind and the body could be spiritual in nature. I think that it makes sense to try to include a spiritual element to healing from abuse. When someone experiences rape, or the on-going abuse of a narcissist, they are broken in some way. There is a lack of wholeness that stays with you. 

.

While medications for the depression, and anxiety disorders, which usually follow abuse, can be helpful, it is not the entire picture. We are spiritual beings, and having your soul raped by a personality disordered person, is traumatizing on every level. 

.

I believe that healing needs to be all encompassing of the entire person.

.

A holistic approach to healing is more likely to generate healing, than by simply dealing with it from one angle. If you are healing from abuse, I would recommend trying a variety of healing modalities.

.

Traditional therapy and medications need to be complemented by healing methods which speak to other aspects of the entire person. We are emotional beings and mental and physical beings. But we are also spiritual beings, and the spirit is sensitive to being traumatized by abuse, just as much, or more than the other aspects of ourselves.

.

Most people that have been abused feel that there is a darkness about it.

.

There is a malicious, dark element to abuse that is carried by the survivor. It is hard to explain to people who have not experienced it.

 It is like a feeling of darkness that is carried with you. 

.

I think that this darkness has something to do with the spiritual aspect of abuse.

.

When someone who has a darkness about them, invades your personal freedom, and boundaries, there is something that you pick up from them. The darkness feels like it follows you into your nightmares, and lingers around you. 

.

I do not think this darkness can be ignored, if we are to heal from abuse. Many people do not speak of it, because it is so hard to define and explain. It is beyond the physical world. 

.

So, let us treat ourselves as whole humans, including all the aspects of our humanity.

You have innate self worth, and that reality was stripped from you be a person that has elements of darkness about them.

.

It does not make you dark like they are, but you may be carrying that feeling that the abuser’s darkness somehow was stuck to you and you are doomed to carry this darkness in your mind .

.

There is nothing wrong with you that makes you less worthy than other people.

.

You would not feel that way, if it were not for the abuse you endured and suffered through. Psychopaths and narcissists have a way of leaving a part of themselves to haunt you, but it is time to get rid of that. 

.

It is unfair for you to have to carry toxic shame, feelings of darkness and low self esteem, just because someone decided to use you as an object for their own dark designs. They wanted to strip you of your power to blossom and to be free. We do not have to let them have their way, years after the abuse is over. 

.

I wish you all healing and peace of mind, as you continue on your journey of healing, love and empowerment. You have a greater purpose in the world than you are even aware of. You are a light that can bring light to others. 

.

Namaste,

Annie – Holistic Methods for Healing from Abuse …join the emailing list at the link below

gentlekindnesscoaching.com

Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing

Mythology is hinged upon

Good vs. Evil

And the most ugly emotions

Like envy and greed

Old stories show

Characters with evil intentions

And ways that they

Manipulate the unsuspecting

With deception, cunning,

And using a victim’s good nature

Against them

Even the Bible shows

How predators

Disguise themselves

And blend in among others

By appearing to be

Safe

Vulnerable

Well-intentioned

Or posing as someone

Completely different

From who they really are…

Eve was deceived by the serpent

In a story that warns us

About deception

And the charm of a lying predator. .

Yet the concept of someone

Who can effectively blend

into society or a social group

While hiding their

Malicious agenda

Behind a well crafted mask

Is still unbelievable to people

Or they think they could

See through such a persona

Were it to engage them in

Light chatter

Or furious intellectual debate

But the truth…

Of the predator vs. prey dynamic

Exists all around you

On your facebook friend list

At your church

Your job and your local school

In the PTA meeting

And in the home

Of your friend or neighbor…

At least 1 in 25 people

Have a predatorial social construct

As part of their cognitive and

Emotional makeup

Predators vs prey

Good nature vs. Insidious intent

Make no mistake

1 in 25

Is somewhere  on the

psychopathic spectrum

Seeing you as prey

And planning how

To have you for their dinner

To feed their entitlement

And sadistic impulses

 

 

 

Don’t Eat the Word Salad

Humans were all made individual, with unique gifts, talents and passions. While society or your family may think they know best what path you “should” follow, the authentic path for you is only known to you.

We have been conditioned to follow the pack, and to blend in with the other worker bees.  The of the heads of the large organizations like businesses and churches, all have their own agenda.

The personal agenda of the leader of an organization may be kept hidden by the leader. If you do not know someone well personally, you have no way to know what their true purposes are.

The machinations of psychopathic and narcissistic leaders are disguised as good will to others, or good will towards the members. It is easy to fall prey to just taking things at face value.

We want to believe that other people have good intentions. Psychopaths that are in the top positions, government, churches, and the ones that control the media, have brainwashed us into believing that most leaders are basically good people.

They go out of their way to shine a light on community service projects they support, and they make sure attention is brought to the few “good deeds” they have supposedly done.

You have been systematically brainwashed into turning the other way when you see things that bother you. Regular people have been trained to assume that their gut feelings are off base, if those feelings don’t seem to match the general consensus.

We have to begin to reactivate that connection with our intuition and our gut feelings. It is part of our neurology for our own protection.

Remember the story of the Emperor’s New Clothes, if it was read to you as a child. If you are not familiar with the story, then I encourage you to get a copy of the book and read it.

We are intelligent human beings capable of assessing things that we see. Most people are moral and have empathy for others.

There are systems in place to make you doubt what you see and feel, in order that certain people can interpret the meaning for you. Remember you are an individual as well as part of a society.

Think for yourself and do not let manipulative people override your critical factors, with a bunch of jumbled word salad that makes no real sense.

Holistic Approach to Healing from Abuse

.image from pinterest

.

.

I recently came across the Native American Shaman  concept of Soul Sickness. I found this idea very interesting and it seemed to coincide with other things that I write about. There is a phenomenon that occurs with many abuse victims, which is a kind of leaving one’s own body during the abuse. 

.

The idea is that the victim’s brain cannot accept the level or type of abuse into their reality.

.

In order for the brain to protect itself from trauma, it takes itself into a derealization / depersonalization state. This is something that you may have experienced if you ever in an abusive situation, or even any life threatening situation. 

.

Depersonalization is a state the brain goes into, in order to protect you.

.

The feeling of this state is likely somewhat different for different people, but there is similarity in the way people describe this state. The feeling is as if one can see their body and how it is involved in the event, but it is as if the body belongs to another person. 

The order of the events is processed, but it is like someone else is doing the motions, and handling the things that are happening. If someone was hitting you, then you would see the body being struck, but not really relate to that body as being your own. You could block your face from being hit but it would feel like someone else was actually controlling those hands which no longer feel like you are attached to your hands.

Derealization is the feeling that the whole scene is like you were watching it in a movie. You may not even really know for sure if it were really happening. You might wonder if it is actually a dream or a nightmare that you are actually in. The scene does not feel like you are an active part of it. It is more like observing a dream or watching a movie. 

Soul Sickness. as the Shamans see it, is when the soul has become ill, or parts of it have left the body all together. During a situation, such as sexual abuse, the soul was going to be damaged by experiencing it, so rather than be there for the trauma, it just left the body entirely. 

This idea of part of you leaving the situation, because it could not endure it, is the same as the derealization and depersonalization experience. The person is there, but not all of them is there to be traumatized. 

But trauma is sustained nonetheless, because the very situation of being forced to go into a derealization state is traumatizing. If the soul, or part of the soul was forced to exit from the body, then you were left with something missing.

Either way, there is a damage sustained by the soul, or the spirit part of you, in a addition to your brain and body. 

It is often discussed these days that mental abuse is the worst part of physical or sexual abuse. It is clear that the emotional / mental trauma is even worse than the physical experience, or the bruises which are left.

Even the women who have had acid thrown in their faces, now live with extreme mental pain, and humiliation to have to be forced to exist every day with those scars….reminders of the cruelty and heartlessness of the men who inflicted them.

The Shaman theory is that the soul has left the body and now the person lives as an incomplete person, because that important part of them has fled. The soul need to be retrieved. 

They believe in doing rituals called Soul Retrieval, in order for that person to get the missing part back. Before the soul retrieval, the person will live with depression. anxiety and all manner of mental, and physical illness. The soul retrieval process is to help the person to become whole again.

. 

 Many abuse survivors experience a feeling that something is wrong with them, even years after the abuser has left.

.

There is sense that they are different than other people, in a way that makes them carry toxic shame. This is very difficult to explain to anyone who has not been through abuse.

During verbal and emotional abuse, people are called names, degraded, gaslighted, demeaned, and treated as non-humans. Their humanity is stripped from them, as is the humanity stripped from people who are sexually and physically abused. 

/

The experience of sexual abuse is too much for a person to bear that their own body was involved in the acts, so they detach from their bodies in a way to not be a part of the sexual abuse. Later on, this can lead to eating disorder, cutting and other kinds of self harm. There is a disharmony between the body and the  mind. The mind no longer accepts the body as its own. 

The missing link between the mind and the body could be spiritual in nature. I think that it makes sense to try to include a spiritual element to healing from abuse. When someone experiences rape, or the on-going abuse of a narcissist, they are broken in some way. There is a lack of wholeness that stays with you. 

While medications for the depression, and anxiety disorders, which usually follow abuse, can be helpful, it is not the entire picture. We are spiritual beings, and having your soul raped by a personality disordered person, is traumatizing on every level. 

.

I believe that healing needs to be all encompassing of the entire person.

.

A holistic approach to healing is more likely to generate healing, than by simply dealing with it from one angle. If you are healing from abuse, I would recommend trying a variety of healing modalities.

Traditional therapy and medications need to be complemented by healing methods which speak to other aspects of the entire person. We are emotional beings and mental and physical beings. But we are also spiritual beings, and the spirit is sensitive to being traumatized by abuse, just as much, or more than the other aspects of ourselves.

.

Most people that have been abused feel that there is a darkness about it.

.

There is a malicious, dark element to abuse that is carried by the survivor. It is hard to explain to people who have not experienced it.

 It is like a feeling of darkness that is carried with you. 

.

I think that this darkness has something to do with the spiritual aspect of abuse.

.

When someone who has a darkness about them, invades your personal freedom, and boundaries, there is something that you pick up from them. The darkness feels like it follows you into your nightmares, and lingers around you. 

I do not think this darkness can be ignored, if we are to heal from abuse. Many people do not speak of it, because it is so hard to define and explain. It is beyond the physical world. 

So, let us treat ourselves as whole humans, including all the aspects of our humanity.

You have innate self worth, and that reality was stripped from you be a person that has elements of darkness about them.

It does not make you dark like they are, but you may be carrying that feeling that the abuser’s darkness somehow was stuck to you and you are doomed to carry this darkness in your mind .

.

There is nothing wrong with you that makes you less worthy than other people.

.

You would not feel that way, if it were not for the abuse you endured and suffered through. Psychopaths and narcissists have a way of leaving a part of themselves to haunt you, but it is time to get rid of that. 

It is unfair for you to have to carry toxic shame, feelings of darkness and low self esteem, just because someone decided to use you as an object for their own dark designs. They wanted to strip you of your power to blossom and to be free. We do not have to let them have their way, years after the abuse is over. 

I wish you all healing and peace of mind, as you continue on your journey of healing, love and empowerment. You have a greater purpose in the world than you are even aware of. You are a light that can bring light to others. 

.

Namaste,

Annie – Holistic Methods for Healing from Abuse …join the emailing list at the link below

gentlekindnesscoaching.com – Holistic methods for healing from abuse

Feeling Safe and Deflecting Shame from Others

The people that try to make you feel guilt or shame over not doing what they want you to do, are just serving their own agenda.

If they continue to try to emotionally manipulate you, they have no concern for your reality. They do not respect your right to see things from your own point of view.

People will claim to know what you should start doing…or stop doing..that will make you a better person. But take a closer look and see that they are trying to get you to fit into their own agenda.

You do not have to change your core beliefs to make someone else’s reality more comfortable. They are clearly not changing their beliefs to suit you.

If you are not trying to guilt and shame them, then what right do they have to do it to you. What gives one person, or one group of people, exclusive rights to know everything that everyone “should” and “should not” be doing?

Shaming people is not loving. Any group or individual that is making you feel bad about yourself, or trying to make you question your own truth to support theirs, is more concerned with serving their own agenda than wanting you to be your authentic self.

People that claim to care about your best interest, but try to shame and guilt you into changing for them, do not have your best interest at heart….but they have their own best interest at heart.

So let them continue to follow their own path and do what they feel best supports them…..while you follow your own path and do what best supports you.

Why is it okay for them to want an environment they feel safe and supported in….but you are selfish because you also want to feel safe and supported?

Standing up to Your Pathological Narcissist?

Living with a pathological narcissist means being forced into giving up your own identity, dreams, rights, and opinions. They are always right, , and anything you do that seems like you are trying to be an equal, will be shut down.

It is difficult for people who have not lived under the heavy weight, of the dark shadow, of a pathological narcissist to understand.

People will tell you that all you have to do is stand up to them,  and assert your boundaries. But if you have lived with one of ….”the people that have no conscience” … then you know that the consequences that follow any attempt to assert your individuality, are met with severe punishment.

The malignant narcissist knows the weaknesses of their victim. If you love your children, they will threaten them, or turn them against you.

If you need your car to get to work, they will remove your car and refuse to return it until you submit. If you have friends, they will manipulate them, lie to them and ruin your relationships.

If you are seriously ill, they will tell people you are faking being sick to get out of seeing them. They will “accidentally” run into your employer and tell them you are pretending to be sick in order to get time off from work.

If you are struggling financially,  due to repeated undermining behaviors by the narcissist, they will tell others how much they have helped you financially,  and how ungrateful you are behaving to them.

If they humiliate you be spreading personal information they spied through your computer to discover, they will make it clear to you that they have more dirt on you. ….. Comply or suffer. 

They will convince you to quit your job and then shame you. They will offer for you to move in with them, saying they need you there, only to send out Christmas card letters telling everyone how much you are imposing on them.

When you attempt to get a job, or start a business, to make enough money to move out, they will undermine you at every turn. …steal your keys and take your car out for an oil change, when you need to get to work.

When you complain that they took your car when you needed to get to work, they will tell you that since they are now helping with the maintenance of the vehicle ( the one oil change that it did not need,  and you did not ask for) that the title to the car should actually be in their name… It’s only fair, right?

When you have a business appointment that you have to get to on time, they will block your car in with theirs, so you cannot get out.

When you ask them to move their car, they will demand all the information about your business, so that they can further undermine you.

When you get a pet for comfort, they steal the supplies you bought for it, and put them where you cannot reach them. Then they nail the cage to a table in their yard, so that you cannot take it.

If you purchase any property, like furniture, they will insist it was always theirs. If it becomes damaged they will demand that you pay for it.

If you live with a psychopathic narcissist, they will break your appliances and scream at you for breaking them. You will go without a shower or a stove….even when you rent (which is unreasonanly high) has always been paid on time to them.

When you tell them that these things are legally required to be working, they will tell you they have other projects to finish in the house first, such as new wall paper in their bedroom.

If you use their shower and the pipe behind the wall leaks, they will tell you the water damage was caused by you not knowing how to use the shower curtain. When you show them the floor next to the shower is dry, they ignore you and continue to explain how to properly pull the shower curtain closed, so that you do not damage their house again.

When you ask the plumber, right in front of the narcissist, if water from the shower curtain not being pulled tight could send water pouring through two floors of celings, he laughs and says no. When you remind the narcissist of this conversation the next time they tell you there was water damage due to your not pulling the shower curtain closed, they deny the plumber was ever there.

When the therapist tells you to bring the narcissist to therapy with you, because the therapist feels that everyone can live in harmony once the therapist teaches everone proper techniques for communication, DON’T DO IT!

The narcissist is not unaware of methods for communication. Their methods are intentional and not accidental.

Make no mistake. The narcissist is in full control of their communication methods.

They are able to behave during the idealization (honermoon) phase. They are not confused as to why everyone is not getting along… or about why all the relationships around them are in chaos.

They divide and conquer, with a Machiavellian philosophy.

The ends jusitifies the means.

They say one thing to you, and the opposite to someone else. They deny saying things, manipulating you, and threatening you.

They will never admit what they do, or what they say to you behind closed doors. They deny reality to discredit you, turn people against you, and to create chaos so that they can be on top.

They intentionally use techniques of brainwashing and creating a … “shared psychosis”…in order to  to scapegoat certain people. The family members  who seem to want to hold onto their identity, and will not let the narcissist make them bow down to their greatness.

The narcissist will retaliate against you when you try to shed light on the truth. Their secret identity is hidden under the mask, and they hate you for knowing who they really are.

They will stop at nothing to destroy you, financially, socially, and physically. Their tactics will cause deterioration of your physical and mental health.

Why don’t people simply just stand up to the narcissist they are living with and assert themselves?

Because often times  you have a better chance escaping them without severe damage, if you let them think they have control, while you are secretly filling your bank account and packing boxes that you hide in the closet.

The retaliation by a psychopathic narcissist is so severe it has driven many victims to suicide. Unless you have lived with them, you cannot imagine what they are capable of.