Create Your Path with Wisdom and Thoughtfulness

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path-creation

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Weaving our way down the paths we choose

Creating the each foot step simultaneously

with placing our toes exactly in pre-made impressions

An illusion that others have as much influence

Over which way we go, as it seems to us at the time

Travelling without taking enough time to just be still

To connect with our soul and our inner wisdom

Controlled by the false beliefs we hold

Influenced by thoughts we don’t even know are driving us

Feelings that come up without our control

Rarely taking the time to find out what we are actually feeling

Underneath the current of what we are supposed to feel

Actually coming from or why they always come up

At certain times. and in certain scenarios

We must stop and just feel the energies about us

Find the strength to go the direction that we really want to go

The way that serves us, supports us

Allows us to spread our own wings

And protects us from harm

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Seek to explore, examine, share an learn together from the individual personal

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Shamanic Approach to Healing from Emotional Abuse

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soul retrieval drumming

.image from pinterest

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I recently came across the Native American Shaman  concept of Soul Sickness. I found this idea very interesting and it seemed to coincide with other things that I write about. There is a phenomenon that occurs with many abuse victims, which is a kind of leaving one’s own body during the abuse. 

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The idea is that the victim’s brain cannot accept the level or type of abuse into their reality.

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In order for the brain to protect itself from trauma, it takes itself into a derealization / depersonalization state. This is something that you may have experienced if you ever in an abusive situation, or even any life threatening situation. 

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Depersonalization is a state the brain goes into, in order to protect you.

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The feeling of this state is likely somewhat different for different people, but there is similarity in the way people describe this state. The feeling is as if one can see their body and how it is involved in the event, but it is as if the body belongs to another person. 

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The order of the events is processed, but it is like someone else is doing the motions, and handling the things that are happening. If someone was hitting you, then you would see the body being struck, but not really relate to that body as being your own. You could block your face from being hit but it would feel like someone else was actually controlling those hands which no longer feel like you are attached to your hands.

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Derealization is the feeling that the whole scene is like you were watching it in a movie. You may not even really know for sure if it were really happening. You might wonder if it is actually a dream or a nightmare that you are actually in. The scene does not feel like you are an active part of it. It is more like observing a dream or watching a movie. 

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Soul Sickness. as the Shamans see it, is when the soul has become ill, or parts of it have left the body all together. During a situation, such as sexual abuse, the soul was going to be damaged by experiencing it, so rather than be there for the trauma, it just left the body entirely. 

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This idea of part of you leaving the situation, because it could not endure it, is the same as the derealization and depersonalization experience. The person is there, but not all of them is there to be traumatized. 

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But trauma is sustained nonetheless, because the very situation of being forced to go into a derealization state is traumatizing. If the soul, or part of the soul was forced to exit from the body, then you were left with something missing.

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Either way, there is a damage sustained by the soul, or the spirit part of you, in a addition to your brain and body. 

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It is often discussed these days that mental abuse is the worst part of physical or sexual abuse. It is clear that the emotional / mental trauma is even worse than the physical experience, or the bruises which are left.

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Even the women who have had acid thrown in their faces, now live with extreme mental pain, and humiliation to have to be forced to exist every day with those scars….reminders of the cruelty and heartlessness of the men who inflicted them.

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The Shaman theory is that the soul has left the body and now the person lives as an incomplete person, because that important part of them has fled. The soul need to be retrieved. 

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They believe in doing rituals called Soul Retrieval, in order for that person to get the missing part back. Before the soul retrieval, the person will live with depression. anxiety and all manner of mental, and physical illness. The soul retrieval process is to help the person to become whole again.

 Many abuse survivors experience a feeling that something is wrong with them, even years after the abuser has left.

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There is sense that they are different than other people, in a way that makes them carry toxic shame. This is very difficult to explain to anyone who has not been through abuse.

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During verbal and emotional abuse, people are called names, degraded, gaslighted, demeaned, and treated as non-humans. Their humanity is stripped from them, as is the humanity stripped from people who are sexually and physically abused. 

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The experience of sexual abuse is too much for a person to bear that their own body was involved in the acts, so they detach from their bodies in a way to not be a part of the sexual abuse. Later on, this can lead to eating disorder, cutting and other kinds of self harm. There is a disharmony between the body and the  mind. The mind no longer accepts the body as its own. 

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The missing link between the mind and the body could be spiritual in nature. I think that it makes sense to try to include a spiritual element to healing from abuse. When someone experiences rape, or the on-going abuse of a narcissist, they are broken in some way. There is a lack of wholeness that stays with you. 

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While medications for the depression, and anxiety disorders, which usually follow abuse, can be helpful, it is not the entire picture. We are spiritual beings, and having your soul raped by a personality disordered person, is traumatizing on every level. 

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I believe that healing needs to be all encompassing of the entire person.

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A holistic approach to healing is more likely to generate healing, than by simply dealing with it from one angle. If you are healing from abuse, I would recommend trying a variety of healing modalities.

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Traditional therapy and medications need to be complemented by healing methods which speak to other aspects of the entire person. We are emotional beings and mental and physical beings. But we are also spiritual beings, and the spirit is sensitive to being traumatized by abuse, just as much, or more than the other aspects of ourselves.

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Most people that have been abused feel that there is a darkness about it.

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There is a malicious, dark element to abuse that is carried by the survivor. It is hard to explain to people who have not experienced it.

 It is like a feeling of darkness that is carried with you. 

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I think that this darkness has something to do with the spiritual aspect of abuse.

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When someone who has a darkness about them, invades your personal freedom, and boundaries, there is something that you pick up from them. The darkness feels like it follows you into your nightmares, and lingers around you. 

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I do not think this darkness can be ignored, if we are to heal from abuse. Many people do not speak of it, because it is so hard to define and explain. It is beyond the physical world. 

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So, let us treat ourselves as whole humans, including all the aspects of our humanity.

You have innate self worth, and that reality was stripped from you be a person that has elements of darkness about them.

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It does not make you dark like they are, but you may be carrying that feeling that the abuser’s darkness somehow was stuck to you and you are doomed to carry this darkness in your mind .

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There is nothing wrong with you that makes you less worthy than other people.

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You would not feel that way, if it were not for the abuse you endured and suffered through. Psychopaths and narcissists have a way of leaving a part of themselves to haunt you, but it is time to get rid of that. 

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It is unfair for you to have to carry toxic shame, feelings of darkness and low self esteem, just because someone decided to use you as an object for their own dark designs. They wanted to strip you of your power to blossom and to be free. We do not have to let them have their way, years after the abuse is over. 

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I wish you all healing and peace of mind, as you continue on your journey of healing, love and empowerment. You have a greater purpose in the world than you are even aware of. You are a light that can bring light to others. 

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Namaste,

Annie – Holistic Methods for Healing from Abuse …join the emailing list at the link below

gentlekindnesscoaching.com

Moments of Clarity – Guided Meditation Poetry

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feet grass

image from pinterest

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You can feel the sensual texture

Of the cold grass under your feet

Its wetness between your toes

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The healing warmth of sunlight

Streaming its goodness

Onto your neck and shoulders

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And down your arms

Ahead in the distance you see

The most perfect house you can

Imagine with every detail exactly

The way it would have been

If you had built it in a dream

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You create, conduct and orchestrate

Each tiny sound that you hear

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The sounds occur at once with

Your inner hearing and desires

Each birdsong and the whisper

Of the wind through the

Rustling trees that stand strong

Yet sway with a dance-like magic

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As if they are at once set upon

Their wisdom and beliefs yet

Able to adapt and flow with the

Unexpected and the unpredictable

As if they innately realize that

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Resilience has the characteristics

Of water as well as of rock…

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You venture forward towards

That beautiful dwelling and at once

You recognize it is yours because

It has every tiny detail

In just the perfect way you would

Want it to be and have dared not

Even think to dream of having but

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This is the moment to dream

In perfect clarity and minute detail

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Yes surely this is the moment

For dreams to become clear

Because we exist in both realms

At once the waking world reality

And the dream state of illusion

Where we dare or where we don’t

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Where we can accept what we see

Or create something new

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Create

With the paint brush of your imagination

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Because the more you believe

Is possible in your dreams

The more you will manifest here

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 The physical world that seems unalterable

Compared to your dream reality but

But is actually less solid and set

Than you have been conditioned

to believe and to perceive

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By others since the day you were born

But this very moment is not the

Time for thinking nor regret

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It is not the time for blidly following

Anyone or anything

Because this moment

Is the only moment there is

The moment that can influence future

but not by worrying about future

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This present moment 

That you have been conditioned to discard

For past and for future moments

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And interpretations of those

Invisible realities which they will

Tell you are more important

Than the only moment which

Really exists which is now

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So revel in its power asleep

Create in its power awake

And open your inner eyes to see

What is hidden but in plain sight

 

 

 

 

 

 

Red Moon 🌘

🌖

Mystical mother moon

Flood me with your beautiful dreams

Of timeless memories from past and future

Intertwined and masterfully mixed

Into this one moment of silence bewitched

Gracing me with your empowerment

For I am more that my earthly story

And I am expansive beyond this narrative

That tries to hold me to its limitations

I am one with you and all of your dreams

Your wondrous ever changing color schemes

The surging passion that your magic brings

Envelope me in your hypnotic streams

Of arising consciousness

And new found dreams

🌙

 

 

Mindfulness and Random Kindness 💜

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Small kindnesses offered to people in random situations, when the opportunities present themselves. Not only is it good for your spirit to offer kind actions to people, but it helps to give you a different perspective in observing your reality.

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Some people walk through their day with narrow vision, simply focusing on their immediate agenda for themselves. Allowing your perception to take in more about what is happening in your environment creates a higher level of consciousness.

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It can also reduce stress to be able to observe your situation and to see the entire room you are in, as if you were watching it as a spectator. It takes your attachment to the particular situation you are in, and reduces the emotional energies being wasted on anxiety or other draining emotions.

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If you are waiting in a line at the store, and you are thinking hard about your schedule for the day, you will miss a lot of what is happening in the entire room. You will miss the body language and facial expressions  of the people around you.

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It is easy to end up feeling like everyone in the room is part of “your” story. They may even be contributing to making you late. Your brain can become irrational , even though you logically know that no one has any idea what you have to do next, or what time you have to do it.

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The limited perspective from inside of your own immediate story, is likely to induce more anxiety in your body and mind. Being able to step out of that perspective at your own will, is a practice that will help to calm you.

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You can learn to change the “chatter” in your brain. Allow it to include being observant in a way that lacks judgement and biases. It can be tricky to break away from your core conditioning, and it is a skill that needs to be developed.

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As you practice this skill, you will begin to notice and observe many mpre details of what is happening in any room you are standing in, or other environment you are in.

💜

See the space and the people in it, as if you are floating above the room looking down. Practice noticing what people are doing, what they are holding, how they are holding themselves, and what state of emotion they seem to be in.

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Do this without attaching it in any emotional way to yourself….completely separate from your personal story. This practice will sharpen your brain and give you a broader clarity.

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When opportunities arise where you notice a small kindness you can offer to someone and your intuition tells you it feels safe to do so, then offer freely of yourself even if it is a kind word to them to touch their humanity.

You will benefit from the connection with your own humanity. You will also be in the practice of regulating your own nervous system and clarity of your brain.

💜

There is a time and place for random acts of kindness. If you are feeling manipulated into something, or are acting out of a feeling of shame or low self esteem, then it is not good.

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What you want is to observe in a way that lacks judgement, and to act in a way that connects you to your higher self….increasing your level of consciousness and powers to be calm and detached.

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But this is a compassionate detachment from the situation, that will allow you to step out of your pre-programmed responses. Rather than reacting out of your conditioning, you can choose your behavior from your conscious mind.

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These practices will expand your clarity and deepen your compassion for yourself and others.

💕🐇🐇💕🐇🐇💕🐇🐇💕🐇🐇💕🐇🐇💕

 

 

C-PTSD from on-going Mental Trauma

The psychologically traumatized brain takes unusual action to protect itself from further trauma. It adapts and activates emergency systems in order to protect the victim from danger.

The fight or flight system begins to behave differently. It adapts. Chemicals that should be flooded into the body for a few minutes during an immediate threat, begin to circulate like soldiers doing rounds.

Unnecessary functions slow down or turn off. The memory functions malfunction. The system overloads. The hippacampus part of the brain fails to properly integrate memories into the long term boxes of the brain.

PTSD happens because the constant overload of cortisol disrupts its normal function. Flashbacks cannot be differentiated by the brain from immediate threat.

Threat is everywhere. That is what the brain has learned. It adapts to the perception that the environment is unsafe. The nervous system goes on high alert.

Ongoing events of threat continue to keep the adaptation occuring. The brain learns not to be normal. Normal functions do not allow for such heightening of perception and the senses.

The senses become more alert. Every loud noise sends adrenaline throughout the body. Shadows on the fall cause the blood to pump faster from the heart and into the exremities.

Breathing becomes faster to bring more oxygen into the brain. The brain must be alert. It needs to process very quickly, at a moment’s notice.

Unexpected danger creates unacceptable odds. Danger must be anticipated. The senses can notice the slightest change in the blood pressure of the enemy.

Connection with the enemy is like a twisted dance for survival.  Any change in the emotional state of the dominator must be sensed before it can be seen.

Executive function falls in performance. The brain adapts. It sacrifices normal day to day brain functions, for heightened survival functions.

The entire nervous system is systematically disregulated by the enemy. The brain fights back. It must adapt.

Integration of memories and events becomes blurred. The line between reality and imagination becomes dangerously thinner and thinner.

The enemy is present all the time. Even when he is not there. Constant hypervigilance commands the body.

Sleep is no longer restful. Full sleep ststes are dangerous. They leavr the victim vulnerable. Sleep deprivation further interferes with the brain’s capacity to perceive reality.

Flashbacks occur simultaneously with new incidents of abuse. Now “traumatization” and “retraumatization” happen intertwined.

PTSD is fully lit throughout the nervous system and the brain. As new terrors at the whim of the monster cause more trauma which will result in PTSD later on.

Emotion goes into shock. Reality becomes arrested and only exists inside of the abuse cycles.

There is no safe way out. Every option is turned over in the brain. Looked at upside down and backwards. And yet….the scenarios play out upon the mental stage and end the same way.

Sometimes the perception of reality of the victim dances close to psychosis. The brain adapts. Organizational systems are nearly shut down. Processing and regular thinking is severely slowed.

This is brain fog. This is darkness. This is how the brain adapts to ongoing, constant imminent danger. Danger just around the corner.

The system becomes toxic as high levels of cortisol and adrenaline are continuously doing their rounds. Making sure the victim can run…freeze….hide…or fight back.

Stream of Consciousness Writing – Becoming Yourself

I did not post much over the weekend because I have been taking care of my daughter who has been sick.

Hopefully the antibiotics are working now. I am at work now but I will be able to check in to see how she is doing in a few hours. Tuesdays I usually babysit until 6 pm.

I have been listening to Eckhart Tolle on youtube. It kept me calm throughout the weekend. He is so interesting.

The way he describes his experience with enlightenment is an 80 percent reduction in thoughts.

I agree with what he says about our thought patterns being conditioned by society and family.

Any negative thoughts that evoke guilt or shame are un-natural. They are “programs” that we were infected with.

It is not that you should not have remorse if you cause harm to another person. That is not what I am referring to when I talk about shame.

People that grew up with emotional abuse…or other types of abuse….were “conditioned” to feel shame in such a deep way that they feel like there is something innately wrong with them.

Emotional abuse over an on-going period of time warps thought patterns and in effect “brainwashes” the person into believing things thay are not true.

These false beliefs become imbedded in the subconcious brain very deeply. When certain thoughts repeat over and over in your brain, they alter your perception of reality.

Eckharte Tolle teaches us to take moments to “be in the Now,” and this means without any connection to the past or the future.

I have come to realize, from my own studies, that your memories are not accurate. They are interpretations of events from times that you were only able to interpret the meaning of things from your own “conditioned”  brain.

The real “self” that you actually are,  is not tied to these events, or to the story of your life. Those situations and interactions do not have to define you.

The views of other people about “who you are” and what you can and cannot do, are not fully true. People view who you are through their own biases, conditioned views, and with their own story as a basis for their perception.

We do not have to accept “the mirror” that others say refects us. People we know have difficulties seeing us beyond what they expect to see.

If you want to practice being a more authentic version of yourself, you have to do it with strangers and when you meet people in settings away from people you know.

Your family is more likely to keep putting you back into your “proper box” whereas when you go into a different environment, you can expand beyond those restrictions of the perception of others.

 

 

Mountain Meditation

mountain

Imagine your feet planted strongly

Balanced evenly on the ground

On a powerful mountain top

Gentle wind rushes by your face

The feeling is exhilarating

To your nervous system

As each nerve responds to the last

Like a domino effect

Creating a symphony

Throughout your entire body

As you feel the weight

Of the souls of your feet

Firmly grounded on the earth and rock

The living spirit of the mountain

And earth

Flows up into your legs

There is a tingling of energy

Both natural and spiritual

Flowing upward and

Creating heat and powerful force

Within you

That extends beyond your fingertips

As you feel this energy growing

You realize that your feet

Have lifted

Ever so slightly

Off the ground

Almost invisible to the naked eye

But no longer are you

Touching the earth

As you enjoy the sensations

That are flowing through you

You begin to notice a voice rising up

From the back of your mind

As your conscious mind becomes quieter

Your subconscious brain lights up

With activity and

You can access the most powerful

Parts of yourself as your

Higher spiritual self whispers

Into your mind

You notice all at once

The wind blowing across your face

The sensation of your breath

As you draw in both oxygen

And energy from the worlds

Both natural and spiritual

Your feet float gently down

To the earth and you

Feel the sensation of the

Mountain’s great power

And realize that it’s greatness

Exists because of you

Your awareness

Your power

And your consciousness

That the mountain

Is always created by you

And only exists

Because you wanted it to

energy light hands

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