Thoughts on Depression and C-PTSD from emotional Abuse

Depression can make you feel like staying in bed and not interacting with other people. You know that if you go out of the house, you will feel different and out of place.

Other people will not understand your inner world. You feel like you will be forced to put on a mask to fit in. It is difficult to function.

You get more and more internalized. So you self isolate, and limit your social interactions. This is understandable because certain kinds of interactions can be emotionally traumatizing.

You feel like the one person that is out of place in the world.  You sit alone and hear the thoughts that come up from your subconscious. Thoughts that there is something wrong with you.

Some of the feelings you get are from emotional flashbacks. There are things that happened and ways you were rejected during childhood that cause your subconscious to store these kinds of feelings.

If you can identify the false beliefs behind your thoughts, then the feelings can be sat with and calmed. You were not born feeling like you did not belong in the world. These thoughts were taught to you….even brainwashed into you.

When you have a feeling that is painful, like hopelessness…try to discover what core belief that thought is driven by. The belief might be that you are not as good as other people. .. Or that the world is unsafe.

If you are carrying the core belief that you are less adequate than other people…that is a bad programming. These things are programmed into children who do not have emotionally supportive childhoods.

Think back to your childhood and if you were made to feel insignificant, unworthy, unneccesary, or anything else negative. If your thoughts and feelings were dismissed, criticized, or made fun of then you are probably carrying CPTSD…complex post traumatic stress disorder.

People with C-PTSD often get depressed or feel extreme anxiety. You may have trouble keeping up with other people or feeling normal.

Those false core beliefs that were fed to you can be re-programmed. You need to question each one of those negative beliefs about yourself. Be like a scientist attempting to disprove a theory.

If you feel that something is wrong with you compared to other people, then ask what things are Right about you. Write them down. Engage in activities that prove you are as good or better at those activities, than other people are.

Look at the qualities of your parents and whomever fed those negative, false beliefs to you, about yourself. What kind of people are they?

Would you consider those people reliable critics? Did tbey have any agenda in which lowering your power would have helped them?

If those people told you something bad about the character of a person you love right now….would you believe their opinion without question? Or is their opinion not reliable?

You can begin to go out and interact with people in small increments. Go over your present state of mind, before you go out…and before you leave your car. You can just sit in your car for a few minutes and listen to music that calms or peps up your nervous system.

How you feel when you interact with others is based on the current state of your nervous system, how much sleep you have had, your mental state, and your blood sugar.

You can think of those categories and assess each of them, before you go into a store or any other place. Then you will feel more in touch with yourself and have some ways to help yourself.

If you are interested in learning. NLP State Management techniques, you can send me a message via my web site

Gentlekindnesscoaching.com

For information about C-PTSD and how emotional abuse causes depression and anxiety disorders, join us at the gentlekindness facebook page.

You are special. Your gifts and personality are an important part of the puzzle of humanity. You are connected with all living things in an important way.

You matter. You have a unique voice that other people need to hear. You have special characteristics that someone really needs right now.

You have innate value.

Namaste,

Annie. Gentlekindnesscoaching.com

Gentlekindness facebook page

Annie Mimi Hall youtube channel

Mental Illness, Depression, Hating Waking Up in the Morning

If you wake up every morning feeling anxiety, depression and completely overwhelmed at the thought of scraping through another day, you are not alone.

Once the day gets going after a few hours, you can get into autopilot mode, or somehow tolerate the things you have to do in order to survive. But upon waking up, you feel like one more day of painful suffering existance might be too much.

You feel alone and like there is something horribly wrong with your life. It is so severe upon opening your eyes in the morning that you cannot imagine anyone else would understand.

You are not alone. This is an important situation that gets worse being left in the darkness. Feel free to express your feelings in the comments here….if you are experiencing…or have ever experienced this.

Depression

Depression is different for different people. While there are similar experiences and feelings, there is no typical pattern that everyone has.

However your depression feels to you is real,  and just as valid as anyone else’s depression.

It can hang on for long stretches on time from a few weeks to a few months. It can seem to go away and then reappear without any warning.

Some people have periods of the day where they are mostly fine only to wake up feeling the darkness of depression covering them like a black blanket in the morning. Depression can feel like the enemy.

There is no normal way to have depression because depression is not the normal way for the brain to behave.

There are organic differences in the brains of people who suffer from depressive disorders. It is a real illness with physiological evidence. Anyone that tells you that it is not real has not done their homework.

One of the worst things about having depression is that people will invalidate you and tell you that you are being a baby. They are able to shake off their sadness and frustration …so why can’t you?

Well, it does not work that way. People with depression cannot just shake it off or will themselves to get better. There is no magic pill to take or fairy wand to wave.

Depression haunts you and threatens you.

Medication can sometimes help but it is not a magic pill that cures you.

If you are suffering with depression, please know that you are not alone. There are many bloggers that write about depression. You can find support here so that you will not have to feel completely alone. 

People with mental illness are threatened and tormented by their own brains just like people with physical diseases are threatened by their own bodies.

In addition mental illnesses like depression also cause physical pain. There is a real feeling in the body that depression causes. It is different for different people but there is always pain in the body.

Don’t give up. You are not alone. Your mental health matters and you have just as much of a right to feel well as anyone else does.

Blessings,

Annie 

Mental Illness Bloggers Communicating Humanity and Vulnerability

Blogs about mental illness are some of the most captivating blogs that I love to read. I am interested in the topics they cover but that is not the only reason why they speak to me.

Bloggers that have struggled with mental illness have had to learn to be in touch with their humanity. In order to write your own mental illness, you have to dive deep into the darkest corners of your mind. The descriptions that they write are very vivid and full of human depth. There is a sense of soul searching that draws you into the posts.

I am not just counting the blogs that identify themselves as being “mental illness” blogs.  There are also some bloggers that suffer from OCD, depression, social anxiety and severe mental turmoil that chose not to identify their blog as such. However the content of their posts has very vivid descriptions of the mental and emotional experiences.

The level of depth to the mental illness blogs helps the reader to feel in touch with their own vulnerability and humanity.

There is an ability to identify and describe the human condition.

There is also support between the bloggers to deal with the most painful aspects of being human.

We have had to endure such tremendous trials on a day to day basis that we are keenly in touch with human mental and emotional suffering. The reality of our daily suffering is part of our lives. People with mental illness have to deal with extreme levels of emotion every single day.

People with mental illness experience the extreme levels of depression, severe anxiety, loneliness, fear and trauma on a daily basis.

 We experience the fear of being triggered into any of those severe emotional states. Our brains are a constant threat to our emotional well being and our ability to function.

 The phrase “there is nothing to fear but fear itself”  does not have the same comfort to people with mental illness.  The perspective about fear, sadness, and hopelessness being dangerous is an everyday reality. 

Life is always a risk to us. Every decision we make and everything we attempt to do, has the potential to utterly destroy our mental state and in some cases… our lives.

Many of us are in constant fear of interacting with other people due to stigma about mental illness.  We  also fear our inability to interact with people in a “normal” and acceptable way.

Many social activities that other people take for granite are potentially hazardous to us either in a physical way or in a mental way.

When someone has a mental disorder the brain can be easily triggered in a matter of seconds into a completely different mental state. These triggers are often related to some kind trauma or abuse from the past.

Since we go through the extremes of human emotion so often, we are very in tune with the human condition. We are very aware that we are vulnerable. We are constantly subject to our own mental vulnerability.

All people are vulnerable but they do not realize it in the same way  that   people with mental illness do. The brain is a very fragile thing. It can become traumatized and damaged. Everyone is in danger of having their brain organization becoming disrupted. People take for granite that their brains will always function in the same way they are currently functioning.

The mental illness bloggers talk of fear and anxiety in a very human and real way. We are in touch with the human condition of fear. There is also an ability to write about depression and hopelessness in a way that touches the emotions of the reader.

Sadness is a very human state. The vulnerability to depression, emptiness and loneliness makes us very in touch with our human side. Being in touch with the humanity in ourselves allows us to perceive life and ourselves in a way that is special. 

People with mental illness, who often come from a history of abuse and trauma, have deep levels of mental suffering that is often unpredictable to the person. 

If emotions were a painting, it would have very black blacks and very red reds. The colors would be very dark in places and very bright in others.

The struggle to find the right medications, to self medicate, and reach out to any form of relief that will hold you, is a constant and daily struggle.

We know what is feels like to be constantly reaching out for help, only to find that real help is hard to come by.  Mental illness bloggers are very in tune with their need for other people. They are able to reach out with their writing to others who are suffering.

Although I am sorry for the suffering, I treasure your blogs. I love to read posts and feel the humanity in them. It is truly compelling.

Mental illness bloggers have the unique ability to be in touch with the tormented human brain and to write mental pain, in a way that the reader can feel.

The humanity of the mental illness bloggers staggers the reader’s mind and stimulates the senses. When I read the posts, I feel connected with emotions in myself. I feel validated about my own mental suffering. I feel a kinship with not just people with mental illness, but with the vulnerability of humanity.

Blessing to all,

Annie

My Prayers are with All of You

 I was getting ready to turn the computer off when i saw that post from our friend in the ER. So now I am still up for a little while. The statistics are that 30 percent of people with bipolar disorder will commit suicide.

Our friend has survived this attempt and she seems to be okay at the moment but also not wanting to stay in the ER.

I feel very weird that I was  writing that silly post while she was being worked on by the hospital people to get her vitals stable. They won’t move her until the vitals are normal.

I guess you never know what it going on somewhere else with another person, at the same moment you are doing whatever it is that you are doing. 

There are 1.8
deaths every second; that equates to 155,520
deaths a day.  quote from the Daily Cheese blog article by David Western

Suicide Statistics Chart for US

My thoughts are with everyone. It could have been any one of us. It is scary and we never know what will happen day to day. I love all of you and wish you peace.

Please send prayers and love to our blogging friend in the ER

Please say your prayers and send a supportive comment if you feel so moved to bipolar for life adventure …she is in the ER after a suicide attempt.  She is blogging from her ER bed right now. Let’s let  her know we are glad she is still with us.

Blessings,

Annie

Song for World Suicide Prevention Day I wrote yesterday – Everyone is Too Young for Suicide

This is my offering for World Suicide Prevention Day. I actually wrote this yesterday on September 10 which was the day. I was not able to upload it until  today. Enjoy the song and pass it along.

Blessings,

Annie

World Suicide Prevention Day is September 10 th

One more day to Suicide Prevention Day September 10. If you wish you can post your stories, poems and messages about this topic on your blog. Or you can visit other posts by searching in the tags on wordpress

Source: 2 more days #tomorrow15 #wspd15

https://wordpress.com/post/73602093/6852/

Depression and Change of Seasons

As the summer is coming to an end some people get excited about the change of seasons while  other people struggle with a spiral of depression.

The warm weather and the long days of sunlight are coming to a close there can be a feeling of loss. Another summer has gone and along with it goes all the things you wished you could have done. It can be a reminder of what you wish you had and what you wish your life was like.

We watched all the people posting their fun summer vacations and the pictures of their loves ones on facebook all summer. Somehow we thought that while the summer still lasted there was a chance that we too would be able to do something meaningful …have a moment of magic….but the days slipped away and now the fall threatens to cut the days shorter.

If you have feelings of depression as the fall season comes in and the summer slips away, you are not alone. There are other people who also feel like another season that was supposed to give you nice memories has let you down once again.

With the fall coming in there is the knowledge that the holidays are not far away. As many people as there are that look forward to the holidays, there are a percentage of the people that dread the them. Much like the summer, the holidays are a constant reminder that we do not have the life that we wish we had.

The dreams that we had when we were younger…the way we pictured things to be when we would get to be this age….none of it is the way we expected , wished for, or wanted.

Different people have different reasons to feel grief, loss, sadness and remorse.  Decisions we should have made differently….people we wish were still in our lives….mistakes we have made along the way….betrayals by people we once trusted….

We know we will be expected to put on “the mask”  of being happy, on order not  to make others uncomfortable. We will have to look at those pictures on facebook and say “yes , it was a great summer!”

We will have to put on the mask and fake our way through the holidays, once again….

The change of seasons can be a reminder that we are older than we want to be. It can be a reminder that our finances are not what they should be, our families are not what they should be, and our love loves are not what we wish they were.

People ask “How are you?” and you have to say “fine” because that is what people expect you to say. The pressure of having to deal with the changes of the season, the changes of the schedule and to be faced with the impending holidays, can feel overwhelming.

You may feel like you are lost and that you are the only one that seems to have so many regrets and disappointments. So many people seem to be in the right place, the right job, and have “the right attitude” about the seasons and the holidays.

What is wrong with you? Why are you so different that the people around you? Why do you feel so out of place? Why are you the only one that would like to skip the holidays all together this year?

There is one of us in the crowd of people here… and there is one of us in the crowd of people there….Each one of us is alone in our particular group, family situation, workplace, school, and social group. We cannot ask them just to leave us alone and do the holidays without us. They would not understand.

Many of us are triggered by associations in our brain from situations from the past. Many of us are simply not happy with the living situation we are in or the majority of   the people that are  around us day to day. We are not living the way we want to. We do not have people around us that really understand us.

The blogging world can be very helpful at this time of the year. This is the place where you can connect with other people who have similar feelings. You can connect with people that have experienced losses, or are carrying shame.

There are other people here that also have to fake their way through the holidays and spend them in groups of family members that we would just as soon break contact with. Some people live alone and wish they had loves ones around them. Others have so called “loved ones” around them and would be better off alone or with different people.

You are not alone if you feel depression coming on this time of the year. There are other people who you can talk to and that will not judge you.

Sometimes the depression about the season change can begin now and snowball more and more between now and the holiday season. There are many suicides around the holidays because people feel like they are the only ones who do not “fit in”

You may not fit in with the people around you…..but you fit in with the other people who feel the same way. You are not alone and do not have to feel like you have to keep all of your feelings to yourself.

Blogging is the place you can find friendship and compassion. There are so many people in the blogging world that there are many people who feel like misfits and feel like there is something wrong with them.

It is not that there is something “wrong” with you. But you are different than  the people that are around you. Being like everyone else is overrated. If you fit in with everyone else, you would not be yourself. You are different for various reasons.

Some people have grown up in abusive situations. People that lived through ongoing abuse as a child often do not feel like they fit in with all the people who are cheerful during the holidays. The holiday activities can be a reminder of abuse and trauma.

The season changes and the holidays can create emotional flashbacks. You may have left a relationship in the past that is still haunting you. It may have been abusive or traumatic in some way. There are reminders that are going to cause feelings or even post traumatic stress.

Some people have lost  loved ones to death and the pain of the loss is still there. The holidays have a way of bringing up feelings and triggering difficult emotions about lost loved ones.

Unless you have someone with you that can understand this, you will most likely feel alone with it. People will misunderstand your lack of enthusiasm. You feel the pressure of having to play along in with the game. You pretend to fit in or you don’t pretend and it causes problems.

The other people seem to have happy memories of their past holidays and they probably do. This makes it easy for them to look forward to going through the holidays again.

I just wanted to write this post to let people know that it is okay to feel how you feel. If you feel sad then you feel sad. That is just how you feel and it does not make you a bad person. It does not make you “uncooperative” in spite of what others may say to you.

It is really hard to go along with what other people want to do when you really aren’t up to doing it.  It can be emotionally draining and physically exhausting. 

You have every right to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. Having to shove those feelings down, only makes them grow.  It is better to look at those feelings and the reasons for them.

If you begin to feel depression taking ahold of you, don’t try to fight it but rather try to care for it.

Care for yourself and care for your depression. Mental health needs care just as much as physical health does. Just because it is invisible does not make it less real.

Find someone to talk to about what you are going through. Allowing yourself to feel things without judging yourself for feeling them is a step to healing. Anything you are feeling has a root cause for it.  There is nothing wrong with you just because you feel a certain way.

Blessings for peace of mind to all of you and please reach out to others.

Much love,

Annie

Depression is Just as Real as Physical Illness

Depression is different for different people. While there are similar experiences and feelings, there is no typical pattern that everyone has.

However your depression in for you is real and just as valid as anyone else’s depression.

It can hang on for long stretches on time from a few weeks to a few months. It can seem to go away and then reappear without any warning.

Some people have periods of the day where they are mostly fine only to wake up feeling the darkness of depression covering them like a black blanket in the morning. Depression can feel like the enemy.

There is no normal way to have depression because depression is not the normal way for the brain to behave.

There are organic differences in the brains of people who suffer from depressive disorders. It is a real illness with physiological evidence. Anyone that tells you that it is not real has not done their homework.

One of the worst things about having depression is that people will invalidate you and tell you that you are being a baby. They are able to shake off their sadness and frustration …so why can’t you?

Well, it does not work that way. People with depression cannot just shake it off or will themselves to get better. There is no magic pill to take or fairy wand to wave.

Depression haunts you and threatens you.

Medication can sometimes help but it is not a magic pill that cures you.

If you are suffering with depression, please know that you are not alone. There are many bloggers that write about depression. You can find support here so that you will not have to feel completely alone. 

People with mental illness are threatened and tormented by their own brains just like people with physical diseases are threatened by their own bodies.

In addition mental illnesses like depression also cause physical pain. There is a real feeling in the body that depression causes. It is different for different people but there is always pain in the body.

Don’t give up. You are not alone. Your mental health matters and you have just as much of a right to feel well as anyone else does.

Blessings,

Annie