eve teasing, violence against women

Violence and Harassment of Young Women in Bangladesh – Eve Teasing

Eve Teasing is a problem of sexual harassment of young girls in the streets by the young men in Bangladesh. This is an ongoing problem for the girls and their families, who live in bangladesh.  Young women have to walk in fear to get from school to their homes.

Eve-teasing is an euphemism used throughout South Asia, in countries such as India, Pakistan,[15] and Bangladesh,[16] for public sexual harassment or molestation (often known as “street harassment“) of women by men, where Eve alludes to the very first woman, according to the Biblical creation story.[17] Sexual harassment affects many women in Bangladesh, especially teenage girls, where the girls are intimidated in the streets, are shouted obscenities at, laughed at, or grabbed by their clothes.  Wikipedia

As you will see from the evidence in the following video, Eve “teasing” is more that just verbal teasing of young women and girls. It is sexual harassment and it can become physical.

The young men in this video grab the girl and restrain her so that she cannot continue along her way.

They also threaten her with a weapon. The term “Eve Teasing” is very misleading, as this common hostile threat upon girls in Bangladesh , is very frightening to the girls.

This next video is a message to the young men in Bangladesh not to treat strange women in this way because “What if it were your mother, sister, fiancee or friend?”

This next video shows a mother who stopped her car to scold the boys who were Eve Teasing the her daughter. Wouldn’t you do the same?

This is a form of stalking. The boys will wait along paths that they know certain girls must follow to get home. The sometimes they will follow the girls, yelling obscene things to them.

The stalkers do not see this as a crime or think there anything wrong with it.

Eve Teasing is a terrifying thing for the young women who have to walk to get from place to place in Bangladesh.  These poor girls are terrorized just trying to get to their homes or walk in the town.

 As the rights of women are getting better in Bangladesh, hopefully this will decrease, but for now it continues as part of the day to day lives of these young women.

When asked why she did not report being stalked and harassed one young woman said…

…Sonia replied, “I am scared that the men will harm me if I even utter a word that sounds like a protesting word. What if they become angry and take me to a side and try to assault me, or even try to rape me? Do you think anyone will come ahead to save me? No, there is no one for girls like us. So, I just bear all the teasing and all those nasty words and all those nasty indications that they throw on us.”

“What about the police?” I asked her. Sonia smiles as if she has heard a joke. Then she replies, “Police just enjoy the show. They don’t help us.”  source: Dispatchesinternational.org

Eve teasing is mental abuse, emotional abuse and will cause psychological trauma in many of the victims. There is a new effort towards reducing the incidents of Eve teasing. It is called the She Police. 

Since the Hyberabad Police Commissionerate pressed 60 all-women “She Police” teams into service on December 24 last year, 23 people have been caught eve-teasing, stalking and harassing women in public places in Hyderabad and Secunderabad.  source: The Dekkan Herald

My thoughts and prayers are with these young women that this violence and abuse against them will stop.

battered women, domestic abuse, domestic violence, life, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, physical abuse

The Physical Abuse

I have mostly experienced mental abuse from my partners. There was financial abuse and neglect of basic needs also. There was violence in the form of breaking my things and punching holes in the walls of the house.

I had personal things stolen, disposed of, broken and my personal space violated. I had money stolen out of my purse. I was threatened , verbally abused and psychologically abused.

There were 3 different guys that were abusive to me. The first 2 were similar with the violent outbursts and unpredictable tempers. Living with them was like walking on egg shells or being on thin slippery ice. It was constant anxiety and fear with them. I was only hit one time. I have never spoken about it before, but I decided to talk about it today.

There is a post on my Lovely Wounded Lady Blog that describes what happened and what the long term damage was to my body.

The most recent abusive person I was with, was never physically abusive but he actually hurt me the most. He was more than a borderline narcissist. He an anti-social personality and he was very intelligent. But he is not the person I am speaking about it the post.

It has taken me until now to write this post. I feel good that I was able to post it. It shows some progress in my journey of healing.

Thank you to all of my readers for bearing with me as I pick through all the abuse I have experienced since childhood and through adulthood. I believe that we need to grow and learn about ourselves and also about abusive people, in order to be able to protect ourselves. We need stronger self esteem to move forward in our lives.

I have been stuck in slow gear for a while now, due to the mental trauma of my past. I am thankful to the blogging world that I have been able to make some progress towards healing.

Blessings,

Annie

dark poetry, domestic abuse, life, mental health, mental illness, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, poetry

Insidious

What you stole from me

Or otherwise used for yourself…

My worth

My time

My love

My mind

My patience

My intellect

My passion

My common sense

My hope

My dreams

My tears

in streams

My fairness

My strength

My happiness

My pain

You sucked my soul

Like a vampire feeds

With no remorse

For your insidious deeds

domestic abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, women abuse

New Narcissistic Abuse Video

This is a new installment in m series of YouTube videos on narcissistic abuse. These videos are intended to validate, teach and support the victims of narcissistic abuse.

If you notice the way I appear in the first narcissistic abuse videos, you can see a turn around and improvement in my mental state as I am recovering. This is something that I want the viewers to take note of, because if they are newly out of an abusive relationship, it will give them hope for healing.

Blessings to all,

Annie

anxiety, life, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness

Triggers from Domestic Abuse and PTSD

Trauma never really goes away. It is a part of us that we have to live with every day. How that trauma affects us, depends on the person and the level of healing you we are currently at.

Domestic abuse trauma is severe and can impact our lives negatively for a very long time. The attack on our self-esteem by our abuser was deliberate and insidious. Our abuser attempted to control our thoughts and behaviors by making us feel inadequate and ashamed.

The feelings of guilt, shame and worthlessness are carried with us, until we are able to acknowledge that we were truly traumatized and accept the fact that we sustained psychological injury from the abuse.

Once we can accept that we were not at fault,  and did nothing to deserve to be abused, then we can begin to grow and learn how to cope with the mental  injuries.

The scars of abuse will always be with us, but we can work towards reducing the open wounds in our emotions and our minds. When we have gaping, painful wounds, our everyday lives tend to revolve around them.

We try to avoid being “bumped into” in an emotional or mental way. Our brains cannot tolerate even the slightest thing that might retraumatize us. 

Anything that reminds us of the abuser, the circumstances surrounding the abuse, or how we felt during the abuse, may be  intolerable. This may cause us to organize our lives around avoiding anything that might trigger a state of post traumatic stress. We will develop behavior patterns of avoidance and may be in a state of hyperarousal almost all of the time.

The  hyperarousal state is when all of our guards are up. We are constantly scanning our environment for possible threats. These may be physical threat or mental / emotional threats. Because of the damage our brains have already sustained, we cannot risk any more damage.

This is something we instinctively know. We know that we cannot tolerate any more trauma or any more retraumatization.

When we are newly out of the traumatic situation, our ability to feel relaxed and feel safe has been compromised. There seem to be threats all around us. This is true for some victims, but every individual is unique.

Some people may go several  months or more,  without any noticeable symptoms, and then suddenly begin to show signs of post traumatic stress.

We lose our ability to trust our own judgement and may avoid any situation we are not sure of. We ended up in abuse one time and we are afraid to experience that again. We are also afraid to be triggered into having traumatic memories flooding back into our brains.

The memories of the abuse can be overwhelming and painful to us. We want to get away from them. There are people that remind us of our abuser in some way.

There are situations that remind us of situations we were in. There are also other things like locations, songs, sounds, sensations and objects that can remind us of the original trauma.

The individual triggers are different for different people. It is good to pay attention to what triggers you and be mindful of your reactions and feelings.

The more you understand about your own responses, be them behavioral or internal, the further along the path to healing you will be.

domestic abuse, domestic violence, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, narcissist

Psychological Injury from a Relationship with a Narcissist

It is difficult to gain our self confidence back, after we have had our brains twisted around by a relationship with a narcissist. They are masters at getting what they want, by whatever means available. This means altering your perception of reality.

If you are in the right reality, then you will see that the things they are doing are wrong. You will not comply with their requests that are taking advantage of you. Little by little they will make your world revolve around them and their needs.

Their methods are very subtle and you do not even realize what is happening. They are very good at making you feel like they care about your needs, at first. One of the ways they do this is to criticize the other people that have injured you. They will tell you that other people you tell them about were abusive to you and it was not right for them to treat you that way.

They will listen to you about people that are in your life now, and talk about how the people you interact with are not treating you properly. They get angry about how other people are treating you and encourage you to stand up for yourself against those people, or remove them from your life.

There are a couple of reasons for this. When they are telling you that other people should treat you with more respect and kindness, it gives you the illusion that they are planning to treat you with respect and kindness. Why would someone talk about how people should behave, if they did not believe in behaving that way themselves? Why would they talk about how people do not appreciate you, if they did not feel that you deserved to be appreciated?

That is the deception that confuses you. You think about how they told you that other people should treat you better. If makes you feel like they have great respect for you and that you will be treated very well by them. You feel safe and protected by them.

They do not want other people taking advantage of you and using your talents. They want to use you for themselves. If other people wear you out and use you up, then the narcissist cannot get anything out of you. They want your time to revolve around them, not other people. They want you attention to revolve around them, not other people.

They will tell you to remove yourselves from toxic people, or people that they tell you are toxic to you. This is like a slight of hand by a magician. “Look at my right hand…” and the whole time they are doing something with their left hand. They focus your attention on what bad things that other people are doing, in order to lure you into their trust zone.

You will notice that a narcissist will talk about other people a lot. The last person they dated, was selfish and abusive to them. The one before that was also selfish and not kind to them. Everyone takes advantage of them and no one really values them the way they should be valued.

Everyone is out to get them and take advantage of them. This makes you feel sorry for them. They bring you onto their side by making you feel sympathy for them. You begin to feel their anger at these other people who have taken such advantage of them. You want to make up for the abuse this person has had in their past.

If you have a history of past abuse, then it is even easier for the narcissist to elicit sympathy from you about how mistreated they are. You feel their stories like they are your own. You equate these people that have taken advantage of them, with the people in your past that have injured you.

There is no reason for you think that the abuser is exaggerating the stories or even making them up. It is so sad that everyone seems to be taking advantage and being so disrespectful of this poor person. They are intelligent and seem so compassionate and fragile. You feel that this person is delicate and sensitive to people being mean to them.

This is all setting you up to obey them. You want to make up for all the terrible things that are happening to this person. You want to show them that there is still love in the world and they are worthy of love. You begin to do all you can for this person, in order to show them that they are not doomed to a life of abuse.

You think  that they will appreciate your efforts to be helpful and caring, because so many people have been unkind to them. You think they will love you because you are the one that finally showed them the love and caring that they needed. It never occurs to you that they would take advantage of you, because they clearly know how bad it feels to be taken advantage of.

They will never be abusive to you, because they know the pain of being abused and mistreated. You trust them because they have experienced such mistreatment in their lives. They now have you, in their lair.

The more you do for them, the more they want. They are needy and draining. The tell you that you are the “only one” in their life that is helpful and caring. You are the “only life that they have” that is worth anything.

This makes you want to do more and more for them. Soon your life revolves around this person completely. When you mention that you have to take care of something for yourself, they make you feel guilty. They remind you that you are the only one they can count on and they need you.

Your jobs, dreams, friends, family, hobbies, etc all fade away slowly. Until there are no things left of your life. You are no longer an individual person, with needs and feelings. You are the other part of the narcissist. You are their on-call task doer and property.

They feel entitled to you and entitled for you to do whatever they want, whenever they want you to. It does not matter if you might lose your job, your friends, your health, your sleep or your mind. You must keep doing their bidding, or they will withhold their affection and love for you. They will threaten or imply that the relationship is hanging by a thin thread. The only way yo save the relationship, is to always agree with them and always help them.

It is an insidious thing that narcissists do to their victim. It can take years for your brain to recover. You doubt yourself and your perception of reality. This level of mental abuse can take a long time to heal. The first step is to read things like this that make you see what really happened…or what is really happening.

Much love,

Annie

anxiety, depression, memory issues, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, single mom, single mother, single mother anxiety, single mother depression, working mother anxiety, working mother depression

Working Mothers / Single Mothers … Depression and Severe Anxiety , Who Is Listening to you ?

One of the problems with being a single mother or a working mother is that there is no time. There is no time to sit in silence. Especially, if there is no one helping you, so that you can get a break sometimes.

Some of us have no husband … Others have a husband but he does not help with the kids. He does not take over for a little while so you can get a break, from the continuous doing, doing and more doing.

The problem with having no silence or quiet time, is that there is no way to evaluate your inner self. There is no space to identify with yourself, your pain, your personal problems or your mental state. Many people will tell you that you are just overwhelmed by being a working mother and that it will all be okay. People will tell you that you are not really depressed, you are just having a bad day.

Everyone pushes you to keep moving, keep going, keep pushing, harder and harder…until what? For how long?

When we mention to someone that we think we need some time to ourselves they laugh and make a joke like “Yeah, you will have a day to yourself when the kids are grown!”

I have seen posts on Mommy blogs that appear to be pleading desperately for help. When I read them, the Moms sound desperate for someone to hear them. Not just to listen…but to hear. The posts I have read sound desperate and depressed. They are full of anxiety as well as physical and mental exhaustion.

The mothers talk about not being able to have friends because they do not have time and are too exhausted by the end of the day to chat. They are so tired of dealing with everything. Tired of solving other people’s problems. Tired of one crisis after another, Crisis at work. Crisis at home. Crisis at the kids’ school. Crisis with the husband.

The crisis that the friend calls about on the phone just sounds ridiculous when the friend is saying “I am so upset, My good shoes got chewed by the dog, I have NOTHING to wear out to dinner with Dan on Friday. Can I borrow your red ones?”

This becomes a break in communication of the friendship. Mary has been taking care of crisis after crisis. Real Ones. Her daughter has the chicken pox. Her husband is working late and no one is available to pick up Timmy at practice, because the husband was supposed to do it.

Now she has a sick kid that she has to drag into the car to get the other child. In the mean time her boss is calling and asking if she can come in an hour early tomorrow. She has not even gotten a babysitter for tomorrow yet for the sick child that has to stay home from school.

The husband now calls again and asks her to pick up dinner, since she has to go out to get Timmy anyway. She tries to tell him that the little girl is sick and she can’t drag her around to pick up dinner in addition to picking up Timmy at practice. This starts an argument because the husband says “I worked all day. The least you can do is pick up dinner.”

She is now wondering how that can be counted as the “least she can do” while the little sick girl is now crying because she has to get out of her sick bed to get into the car…the boss calls again and threatens her job if she does not come in early…the coach from the basketball team now calls and tells her she is late to pick up the boy…

This is the life of a working mother. There is constant turmoil and too much to do. There is often threat of her losing her job because she is trying to take care of the family too. Kids get sick. Husbands work late and cannot stay home with sick kids or go pick up Timmy at basketball.

Or  maybe there is no husband at all… and we don’t let Timmy play basketball because there is no way to coordinate getting him to games and still keep our job. The boss could give a crap about what goes on with your kids. It is not a good excuse to call out when your kids is depressed and you are worried about their mental state. You have to go to work anyway.

You worry about the kids while you are at work. Sometimes the anxiety is so severe that your work performance and  coworker interactions are affected.

If you cut back your work hours to spend more time with the kids, then you worry about the money. You are now not a good mother because the kids are going without things. But if you work too much then your preteen kid might become depressed and anxious. The next thing that happens is the guidance office is calling you from school and telling you that you should spend more time with your children.

Everyone demands. Everyone judges. Your mother in law, your sister, the teacher, the guidance counselor, the pediatrician, other mothers who are not in your situation.

The supervisors at work want more and more. You should come in when your coworker calls out because she stayed out too late partying last night. You should stay late at work and leave your kids to eat alone again, because someone else did not get work done and now you are the one to finish it for them.

If you are still reading then this might be you. The problem is that people will blow off your feelings, when you say that you need a break. You can’t keep up. You feel depressed, and overwhelmed. You are having severe anxiety and no one is listening.

No one seems to be listening …not even to the well written blog posts…

You only get  “yes, I get depressed sometimes too” …or “You will be fine, You are a strong woman”…or “This made me laugh! It sounded like you were actually serious at first but I saw the humor in all of the turmoil of the day you were describing.”

Even if you have never had a mental illness before, this level of chronic stress can cause it.

There has to be a breaking point. You need to find some relief from the anxiety before you become too mentally damaged. It is not for anyone to know but yourself.  Only you know when you cannot take anymore. Only you know when you need help.

It is not for other people to tell you that you will be okay. It is not for other people to tell you that it is really not that bad. They are not inside of your head. They are observing you from the outside and they have no idea what thoughts go around in your head. Only you really know what your brain is telling you and whether or not it can tolerate any more, without getting help.

If you need mental help, then reach out somehow. This life of a working mother, single mother can be overwhelming even to the strongest and bravest of women. You do not have to prove anything to anyone.

I felt moved to write this post after reading a few single mother  and working mother blogs. The people who commented on the posts just did not see the true mental suffering that I saw. People are crying out for help and not being heard.

It is a matter of finding the right place for help. If you keep trying you will find a way to get mental help and find and outlet for some of your suffering. You need to be heard and validated, about how you are feeling.

My thoughts are with the single mothers and the working mothers this evening. Many of you had past trauma, abuse and mental damage even before you ended up here.

Those things are still there and now they are being buried under this work, work, work, do, do, do, lifestyle.  No one can sustain it forever.

addictive personality, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, battered women, bipolar, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, depression, domestic abuse, domestic violence, mental abuse, mental disorders, mental health, mental illness, self-esteem, suicidal ideations, suicidal thoughts, suicude

Comparing Ourselves to Others…Shame, abuse, mental illness

This was my response to one of the comments I got on a post. I will not say which person commented but they can feel free to comment here if they want to do so. The reason I am posting this, is because I feel that the concern they had was one I have heard many times from people with mental illness, abuse and psychological injury. 

People who have mental pain, have trouble in day to day situations, where other people seem to float right through. Everyone around us seems to have a better handle on just getting through life, than we do. It is so easy to become discouraged by watching other people do things that we either cannot do, or cannot do without mental anguish.

I wanted this reader and all of you, to understand that we are not being fair to ourselves when we compare ourselves to other people. If we are comparing ourselves to someone who has no mental suffering , then how is that comparison fair to us? 

This was my response to a comment that talked about feeling shame, and comparing ourselves to  other people.

People are good at things that they have had the background, the support, and the early wiring to be good at. Even the things we learn when we are older, are easier to learn if we were wired properly when we were growing up.

A lot of the people you are comparing yourself to had parents that helped them to follow the normal development stages and they also had the mental stability to process all of the stages properly, in order for the neurons in their brains to be set up to do these things.

There are chemicals involved in every process we do. The chemicals in our brains are dominating our feelings and our feelings affect how well we can do things. We have behavioral patterns and they are also linked to the organic connections (neurons and chemicals) in our brains.

If there is any trauma, abuse, neglect during childhood / teenage hood, we can end up with things that are not wired properly. We also end up with the chemicals sending the wrong signals and we feel depression, anxiety and worthlessness about ourselves.

Your feelings of not being as good as other people are conditioned behavioral patterns of your brain. Past trauma, abuse or neglect may have caused these patterns. Your inability to things that other people do, may be related to feeling inadequate to do them, feeling depressed, anxiety etc. This is not your fault that you have these chemical, neurological responses to doing things.

If you feel anxiety about something and someone else does not feel that, then of course they will be able to do that thing, better and more easily than you can. It is not fair to yourself to compare your brain on depression or anxiety with their brain that is functioning perfectly well. It does not mean that you can never learn to do it, but it means that it is much harder for you to do things, than it is for them.

When we have mental illness issues, it is more fair to us, if we so not compare ourselves directly with people who do not have any mental illness or trauma in their background. I have recently come to believe this is true

I spent many years wondering why I felt so inadequate to everyone and why I felt so out of place. I had so much trauma in my back ground that I could not keep up with the people that had brains that functioned normally. It was not that I was not as smart, but it was because my brain was and is so traumatized.

I am learning that we have to be kind to ourselves. In order to be kind to ourselves, we have to understand and feel compassion for the fact that trauma, abuse, neglect, depression, anxiety and any other mental issues, does cause us some disability. We cannot always compete with the other people.

We can learn to heal and to slowly rewire our brains. But mostly we have to talk to ourselves like we would talk to someone else that we knew was having trouble feeling as good as everyone else. You are as good as everyone else, whether you can do everything they can do or not.

We all have gifts and are good at things. You might be good at something that those other people suck at. I bet you are better are being compassionate for another human that feels depressed and worthless. The ability to be compassionate is not a gift that a lot of people have. Compassion is a lost art these days. People who have mental suffering can often also be compassionate to others who have depression and anxiety. That makes you better than them at something.

You are also probably better are being introspective and analyzing things.  Many people  just go with the flow of what everyone else is doing and they do not think for themselves. If you can think for yourself then you are better at that too.

I think that we are just better at different things than most people are. There is room for us in the world too. The world cannot be ok, of all of the people just follow the crowd and are all good at the same things.

I hope this helps a little. You are a unique, independent person that can think, care and love. That makes you special and no one is better than you.
Blessings,
Annie

Once we begin to forgive ourselves for how we are, then it gets easier to live with ourselves. People with psychological trauma usually end up with some kind of post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, OCD or other mental disorder. These disorders can be permanent , because the trauma never goes away. But we can learn to shoq kindness to ourselves.

We can learn to be functional, compassionate people. There are plenty of things we can be good at. If we cannot answer the phones for a job, because we have social anxiety then so be it.  If we cannot work at certain types of jobs because we are constantly triggered onto post traumatic stress there, then so be it.

A person with an eating disorder may not be able to work in a bakery. Well if they cannot do that, it does not make them less than anyone else. It just means that they cannot do that activity safely  because of their disorder. Someone who has a phobia of open spaces cannot work in the mall. So, what of it?

We are ok the way we are. We are trying to heal. We are trying to connect with others. If there are things we cannot do, then so be it. It is not because we are less than anyone else. They did not grow up, or have the adult past that we have had. Someone else may not have survived your situations as well as you did. How do they know what it is like in your world?

We all need a break from feeling shame, inadequacy, and worthlessness. We need to show ourselves some kindness and compassion in our thoughts about ourselves. We are doing the best we can with what we have to work with. We have to work with our brains being the way they are, right at this very minute.

Blessings to all,

Annie

battered women, domestic abuse, domestic violence, life, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, narcissist

Top 10 Things My Ex Used to Say That Were Complete Bull SH%T …narcissist crap

10. My last girlfriend made the noodles from scratch.

9. I wish I was working, so I could take you on a nice vacation

8. I was fired because my boss was an assh%l*! e

7. The customer exaggerated when she told my boss I scared her. Everyone bangs on the steering wheel when someone is taking too long to come to the car !

6. My parents has no right to sell their house and not give me the money. I have a right to it !

5. The college I attended is to blame that I cannot find work

4 Don’t touch the coffee maker. Only I know how to make coffee right.

3. I did not mean to bang into you. I only brushed gently by you.

2. You force me to get angry, when you cry. Don’t start !

1. You just bruise easily

domestic abuse, domestic violence, inspirational, mental abuse, mental health, spoken word, spoken word poetry

Take a Step

Follow the path before you. Take a step forward. Be mindful of your wounds, but step ahead anyway. There are unseen adventures awaiting you. There are worthy people to meet.

Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you treat others with. Listen to yourself. Follow your dreams. Learn from your mistakes.

Remove or limit interaction with toxic people. Invite healthy, compassionate people to surround you. Let the universe know that you accept all good things to happen to you. Invite strength and individuality to become a part of yourself.

Be unique. never blindly follow others. Think for yourself.

You are stronger than you think. There is more time than you think. Time to do all the things you need to do. Time to fulfill your dreams.

Success  begins with dreams of the heart. Compassion begins with thoughtfulness of others.

Accept yourself as you are right at this very moment. It is good enough. Continue to grow and to be open to new ideas. You have a right to make mistakes and not feel shame.

Take a step forward. Take a step out. Take a step up.

You never know where you will end up!