The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can be brutal…even worse than the abuse when you were in the relationship. If you are wondering why you seem to be in worse shape now, than when you were in the relationship, you are not alone.
The narcissist intentionally caused you to become addicted to your role, and your identity, that they made you accept. During the idealization phase they bombarded you constantly with messages and phone calls.
This was to intentionally alter your chemicals, in order to create an addictive bond with them. This is a very addictive bond, in which the brain and the body become dependent upon interaction with the abuser.
The idealization phase causes an addiction due to chemicals like dopamine, which are released in your body. The narcissist ensures that your brain becomes accustomed to constant contact with them. This is why they bombard you with calls and texts.
You were conditioned to crave this interaction, their approval, and their validation of your reality. Within a month or so, your brain began to be unable to regulate your stress level without the narcissist regulating them for you.
This is part of their design. The narcissistic psychopath intentionally creates a chemical addiction in you. This makes their Silent Treatments, and demeaning behaviors so much more painful, when the devaluation phase is in full swing.
After all….is there any relationship you have ever bern in…other than with a narcissist or a psychopath…that caused you such high levels of toxic loneliness, feelings of emotional dis-regulation, and mental pain…..when you were apart from them for a few days….or did not hear from them for a few hours, when they had promised to call….
This is addiction. It has physiological evidence in your brain. You could see it, if you had an MRI machine handy. This is intentional and this is what the Love Bombing is all about.
It is also why they revert….although temporarily…to the idealization phase….anytime they feel they are losing their hold on you. By reverting to the idealization phase temporarily, the narcissist confuses your brain as well as creating a chemical explosion in you.
When the narcissist revisits the idealization phase you feel a sense of hope…you will not….and cannot leave them. Your brain always craves that next fix of chemicals… and the narcissist knows this.
They intentionally use this addiction to manipulate you. They hold a power over you, like no other person can.
And when the relationship ends, you go into a terrible withdrawal of these chemicals that you were trained to be addicted to.
You crash fast and hard. The symptoms are similar to that of any drug addict that has been cut off from their drug of choice. It is not your fault.
It is not your fault. It was done without your consent. You never asked for this. You never saw it coming. You never saw it happening to you.
The withdrawal from narcissist or a psychopath is terrifically painful, and grueling to go through. You are the most vulnerable during this stage of recovery, to be hoovered back in by the apologetic narcissist.
It is understandable why victims go back to the narcissist, if they attempt to hoover them back. In within the first six months. The chemical addiction and withdrawal symptoms seem to have a painful hold on survivors of a narcissist, for 6 months or more.
So why does your life fall apart? It is like what any other addict experiences. All aspects of your life are affected….from your emotional and mental states, to your physical health and immune system.
Keeping up with daily living activities is very difficult. Going to work is difficult. You become sleep deprived from insomnia, because your brain cannot self regulate your nervous system.
You are not crazy. A person that told you they cared about you, intentionally messed up your brain. They would do it all over again if they got the chance….and they may try…
Being tortured by someone you loved…and probably still love….is the worst form of betrayal.
Visit my gentlekindness coaching for narcissistic abuse facebook page HERE
GentleKindness 
Dear Gentle Annie, please don’t let the narcissist in again and get help for yourself. Become unaddicted. It’s not important what the narcissist wants, it’s only important what you want. No! Not the addiction! You want to get well again and learn how to recognize these beasts from 20 miles away and stay away from them You deserve to be happy and loved and live a a wonderful life. Just know that the pain will go away and you will start fresh and you will be all the smarter for it. Hugs upon hugs for you!
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Thank you 🙂 I post these things to teach and to help others to heal. After my experiences with narcissists I finally began to do research about abuse. After a year of studying a variety of things about abuse, abusers, and also healing methods, NLP and hypnosis, I am now working as a life coach for abuse victims. I post these articles to teach and to try to connect people to my life coaching site gentlekindnesscoaching.com.
I appreciate your love and kindness 🙂
Annie ❤
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Oh I see! That was brilliant, a great way of teaching people about narcissists.
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Thank you my lovely💕💕 I love the pictures on your blog🌷
Just to let you know I have a seperate blog for abuse survivors called Lovely Wounded Lady Blog.
And a facebook page gentlekindness facebook page
And the coaching web site is
gentlekindnesscoaching.com
It is still a work in progress but it is coming along.
Feel free to look at the site and give ideas or suggestions.
And my YouTube channel is
Annie Mimi Hall…you can see my videos for abuse victims and also a few of me playing guitar and singing ☺🌸🎵🎵💕💃🌷💕
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Thank you very much! I’ll look at all your sites, wow definitely going to listen to your guitar playing! ❤ ❤ ❤
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And ironically the Narcasist was the last person I imagined!
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This post is light bulb moment for me. My deepest thanks to you. I never thought about it this way & it makes perfect sense now.
It also makes me even more angry at the narc mother, for the damage her brain surgery has caused me within my lifetime. I had no idea that what she was doing was changing my brain chemistry. Now that I do know, it will add to my hate for her & reinforce my no contact. Disgust isn’t a nasty enough word, for mothers that do this to their children.
Thanks again for opening my eyes & giving me another prospective. It is so helpful in my healing.
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Perhaps I’m in denial, but I find it hard to believe my Narc did these things to me intentionally. He views himself the perpetual victim, and as such, he should be able to behave in any way he pleases. Maybe not; I don’t know. SO confusing.
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They do play the victim, in order to blame-shift their behaviors onto others. They intentionally confuse you by accusing you of the things that they do. …esentially trying to make you the narcissist and the abuser.
Blaming others for everything that goes wrong for them is typical narcissistic behavior. Making you feel sorry for them manipulates you into focusing on them….it redirects you from expressing your own thoughts and feelings….it makes their issues more important than yours.. It deflects you from being able to see that other problems in their life, involving other people are because their behavior with those people was what caused those people to react in the ways they did.
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@MurphyCee they think they are the victim the whole time, they morph into whatever it is that they need at the moment. I was in TOTAL denial for so very long. Then I met gentlekindness on here. It all fell into place. DO YOUR RESEARCH..if your gut is telling you something-LISTEN! Right gentlekindness?
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You do nailed the narc abuse pattern and the addiction and tolerance to the abuse created in the supply. Thank you
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It so makes sense now thanks for sharing
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Making sense of the narcissist’s behavior is a process that takes time. It is a series of “red pill” moments when you realize the truth about their lies, the motivations behind their behaviors.
It is very difficult and painful. It is made worse by the fact that people do not understand what you are going through.
Wishing you peace and love,
Annie
Go to gentlekindnesscoaching.com to join the emailing list for articles, affirmations, and info and discounts on coaching for healing from narcissistic abuse….compassionate conversation, hypnosis, NLP and more…
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I’ve had this theory for awhile now. Just based on the discard and immediate relief that came with a text, a call, whatever. EVEN if it was just to cuss me out some more, tell me what an awful person I was, or apologize for being an ass. Either way, the bridge wasn’t gone and that’s all I need(ed) to feel immediately better. He contacts me less and I am starting to care less……hopefully complete withdrawal is near.
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Healing comes with time and finding ways to be yourself again. Each person has their own personal ways of healing. Some things seems to be helpful to most people, and then there are things that are individual to the victim. Mostly staying in contact will keep the victim from being able to move on.
Thank you for taking the time to read the blog, and to share with everyone. The more victims share their stories, the more information gets out there.
Wishing you peace and healing,
Annie
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