Authentically You

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You are a unique being. Your gifts and dreams are important.

We were not made to be plastic dolls to be used like puppets by the manipulative ones.

Society is so brainwashed by all sorts of media and organized social structures. You are not their puppet either.

You are not a cardboard cut-out , here to play the role someone else thinks you should play.

You are not here to just be part of someone else’s narrative. You make your own movie and your own story.

Be free and be authentically you.

Are You Attracting Abusive Partners ?

Psychopaths in Society

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The problem of psychopathy is a serious threat to the public, yet information about psychopaths is not common knowledge. There are warnings about the dangers of cigarettes, drunk driving, fire and even taking expired medications.

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There are all kinds of warnings from the government and other organizations about safety issues that concern the public. There are news reports when there is a danger of a severe weather event. When there is a flu virus spreading within a community, it is reported om the tv and the radio. 

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High school students are taught about the dangers of getting a sexually transmitted disease and provided with information about how to limit their risk. But they are not taught the red flags of dating a pathological person. They are not taught about abuse, and how to tell if you are in danger from your partner.

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Psychopathy is a personality disorder defined by a cluster of interpersonal, affective, lifestyle, and antisocial traits and behaviors that pose a serious problem for society. The behavioral repertoire of a psychopath includes charm, manipulation…

source – FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin  – July 2012

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There is a lot of misinformation about psychopaths, and this misinformation keeps people from being able to protect themselves. The real name for the disorder of psychopathy is anti social personality disorder. It is not the same thing as being psychotic. That is a different disorder. 

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Psychopaths are not confused about right and wrong. They know what behaviors are hurtful to other people, and they understand laws and ethics. They have no empathy for their victims, but they are aware when they are hurting them in some way.

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Psychopaths understand right from wrong. They know they are subject to society’s rules, but willingly disregard them to pursue their own interests. They also are not out of touch with reality. They rarely become psychotic unless they also have a separate mental illness or use powerful drugs…

source – FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin  – July 2012

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.Anti-social personality disorder (psychopathy)  is a personality disorder. This means it is an all pervasive disorder which reaches into all aspects of the person’s life. They like their disorder. so they have no desire to seek treatment, and therapy does not change their behavior. They do not desire to change.

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You cannot recognize a psychopath, unless you have studied about their tactics, characteristic and the red flags to spotting a psychopath. Even people who know about psychopaths can be manipulated by one. because they can be very charming and seductive. 

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Most people never have any idea that they are dealing with a pathological person, until it is too late. Other people work with one at their job, or have one in their family and will never realize it. This is the danger of allowing the information to stay hidden. 

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Some people never realize that they were in a relationship with a psychopath. They may realize at some point that they are in an abusive relationship, but by then they are already brainwashed and have a trauma bond with their abuser. 

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Robert Hare, the author of  Without a Conscience,  designed the Psychopathy Checklist for identifying the traits of people who have anti-social personality disorder. Anyone might seem to have one of the traits, but if someone you know has many of them, you need to be careful interacting with them. 

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The followingchart was published in the FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin  – July 2012

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Traits and Characteristics of Psychopathy

Interpersonal Affective Lifestyle Antisocial
Glib and superficial charm Lack of remorse/guilt Stimulation seeking Poor behavior controls
Grandiose sense
of self-worth
Shallow affect Impulsivity Early behavior problems
Pathological lying Callous lack of
empathy
Irresponsible Juvenile delinquency
Conning and
manipulation
Failure to accept
responsibility
Parasitic orientation Revocation of
conditional release
    Lack of realistic goals Criminal versatility
  • Please note – I realize that part of this chart is cut off. I could not fix it, but you can go to the source and view it in the full frame. 

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Psychopaths tend to target certain kinds of people for partner abuse. But they target other people when they need to use them for their own agenda. Any kind of relationship with a psychopath will end in you losing something, and possibly ending up with post traumatic stress disorder, or worse. 

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Statistics estimate that one out of twenty-five people is a psychopath. They blend in to all walks of life. Many of them survive like parasites who live off of other people. They take credit for the work of their co-workers and then throw them under bus, designing lies about them…or getting them blamed for the things the psychopath did wrong. 

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Young women are raped by psychopaths on college campuses, who lure them with their charm or drug their drinks. The campuses cover up the number of rapes on the campuses and rarely expel the offenders. 

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Psychopaths blend in on college campuses and appear to be just a regular student. A percentage of psychopaths on campuses are involved in repeated taped of the young women.

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This documentary reveals the frightening truth about the universities and their failure to report rapes to the authorities when the victims come to them for help. The victims are discouraged from reporting anything to the police and they are even accused of having encouraged their attackers. 

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The psychopaths in high positions do not want to be exposed. Many of them are in positions  control over the media and even the school system. People are made to think of psychopaths as serial killers and psychotic men who are out of control.

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The fact that psychopaths can blend in unnoticed is the way they are able to survive as predators. They will not allow the media to reveal the truth. We have to do that ourselves. To protect our children and to protect ourselves. 

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They do not deserve to walk among us unnoticed. When people can recognize a psychopath before they get entrapped by one, then they can walk away before the damage is done to them. It would reduce the number of women who end up in abusive marriages and domestic violence.

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It would keep young men and women safer on college campuses. It would keep people from ending up crushed and broken after a relationship with one of these pathological people. It would prevent the suicides of so many people who develop severe depression from being abused by a psychopath. 

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Bulletins like the FBI bulletin I gave you the link for in this post, should not just be for FBI agent training. They should be provided to the public and given to high school and college students, as well as distributed at doctor’s offices and human services agencies. 

 

Abusive Relationships – Substandard Living Conditions

messy house

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Many cases of narcissistic abuse end up in the financial devastation of the victim. But long before the end of the relationship, some victims are living far below what is humane and healthy.

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Because the narcissist does not see you as an individual human being with rights and boundaries, your living conditions are often of no concern to them.

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Basic needs for healthcare, spending cash, healthy environment, and safe living environment are often refused by the narcissist. The victim lives behind closed doors is despicable, inhumane conditions, that they are too embarrassed and ashamed to speak of outside of the home.

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Even after the relationship has ended, and the victim begins to interact with other victims, this is a dark secret that is kept hidden. There is extreme shame about having to live in sub-human conditions and it is even hard to explain.

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Since the victim is so used to being doubted and gaslighted, this secret is never talked about for fear of re-traumatization. The victim just cannot take any more minimization or disbelief of their reality.

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They also cannot tolerate any more shaming than they have already endured from the narcissist, and from others who disbelieved any parts of their truth.

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This post is just to let you know that other victims have also lived in sub-human conditions at the hands of a narcissist. It may be one of the most powerful ways the narcissist controls you.

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When you are suffering just to exist, there is no energy for anything else. Your self esteem is completely crushed and you fear letting anyone into your home to see how you live.

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This has the effect of completely isolating you from potential helpers, friends and anyone who might try to bring any light of truth into the dark reality tunnel the narcissist makes you exist in.

Today’s Message for You

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Hi guys.

I am feeling better today after sleeping about 15 hours yesterday. Sometimes we have to listen to our bodies telling us we are exhausted.

Exhaustion can come from sleep deprivation, emotional stress, anxiety, depression, financial or mental stress, loneliness, or living is resistance to our situations.

We will discuss resistance in future posts, but basically it is a state of not fully accepting the circumstances we are in. Not to say that you should accept them, but living in situations that are unnatural to our higher, spiritual selves is draining.

Being an individual being means not having to just follow along with what others tell you. You should not have to take on the identity that others want you to be. Sometimes other people have their own agenda that they are trying to force you to conform to.

Your soul will resist against this. Your brain holds certain beliefs in the subconscious and will resist the efforts of others to make you behave in ways contrary to your core beliefs.

You can continue to live in resistance, which will break you down, and eventually result in disease and illness, or mental illness. Or you can take steps to find a way to live where you are able to be authentic.

Sending love and healing to all of my caring followers,

Annie 💕

Updated Gentlekindness Coaching Web Site

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Check out the updated Web Site for Gentlekindness Coaching HERE

Coaching is available for healing and overcoming abuse. Avoiding and identifying abusers

 Social anxiety, PTSD, C-PTSD, and life coaching for getting traction back in your life.

 

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I added some beautiful drawings that my 19 year old artist, daughter made to the header of the pages. Browse through the pages and let me know what you think.

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

girl crying 2

image from Pinterest HERE

Trauma during childhood and teenage years leaves fractured pieces of yourself, existing  in time. As you begin to accept those child parts that feel abandoned, you will begin to realize that time is not as linear as we have been programmed to perceive it. 

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All of those parts of you exists now. You can reach out to them and bring them into yourself to integrate those fractured parts, so they do not feel rejected and abandoned. 
This will help you to be more in the present, so that you can think more clearly and see what you want and what you can do with your life. 
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C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is caused by being in on-going emotional / mental abuse from people that you feel entrapped with. There is no way to leave the situation, when you are a child and you are stuck in whatever situations your parents put you into. 
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Emotional abuse and other kinds of abuse cause emotional wounds.

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These emotional wounds are not able to heal while you are still in the abusive situations. Usually children are so used to the way they are living that there is no real frame of reference to know that you are being abused, or the degree to which the abuse is. 

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Wounded children feel abandoned in time, and there is no proper integration of these child parts into the whole. It is like there is still a wounded child inside of you that is waiting for someone to rescue them. Doing inner child work can help the fractured parts to become integrated. 

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If you have C-PTSD from childhood trauma, abuse, or chaotic events, your may have fractures and wounds in your subconscious. This can cause depression, anxiety disorders, OCD and other kinds of mental illness.

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The feeling that you do not belong anywhere and that you are out of place can come from the fractured child parts feeling abandoned. They need to be accepted and nurtured. 

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I am working on some hypnosis audios for healing the wounded child and helping the fractured parts to integrate. If you want to get updates about the audios, feel free to follow the Facebook Page, or to sign up on the contact page at the Gentlekindness coaching web site. 

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Scapegoating – Narcissistic Family and Holidays

Coaching for Narcissistic Abuse Facebook page

The gentlekindness coaching facebook page is beginning to get more follows. This past week has been better because I ran a” Boost Post” ad for the page. I am not quite sure yet if it will turn out to be something I will pay for again, but so far it seems to be drawing new followers. 

Stop by the page and take a look HERE

 

For Anyone Who Dreads the Holidays

woman in rain

image from Pinterest – HERE

Another holiday is upon us. I know that many of us dread the holidays for one reason or another. Some of you will be alone and others have to tolerate relatives they would rather not ever see.

Divorced parents have to coordinate with their ex, or miss the holiday with their kids all together. Memories of traumatizing past holidays trigger emotional flashbacks while you try to maintain your holiday cheer for the sake of your children.

Adult children of abusive parents suffer a triggering of old emotional wounds. Memories of traumatic experiences creeping into your mind, or bombarding you with full frontal assault.

People with chronic illnesses, progressive diseases, and chronic pain feel the weight of knowing it was not always this difficult, and it should not be this difficult.

Many people that have chronic pain and illness will be isolated, or struggling to keep up with things only to have a less than pleasant day.

Depression is often amplified during a holiday. Whether you are self isolating or are isolated because people got tired of dealing with your mental illness, being alone can make feelings of hopelessness worse.

young girl sad face

image from Pinterest – HERE

Some people will end up in a room full of loud, busting people only to feel more alone in the middle of the crowd. Being at any kind of gathering can be terribly draining and depressing for people who already suffer from depression.

OCD, PTSD and anxiety disorders can all be triggered to be worse in the midst of dealing with the expectations of friends and family. Even the media and society seems to judge and mock those who just cannot feel the “spirit” of a holiday.

So to all of you I send compassion. Feel free to provide links to your holiday posts on my blog, if you want to share how you are dealing with the holiday. I will post something on Sunday for this purpose.

Peace of mind is the most important thing for you on the holiday. So prioritize your mental well being. Don’t be afraid to say NO to people, and use the “spoonie method” to get through.

Much love,

Annie💕

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