Predators, Narcissists and Sociopaths

The phrase “beware the wolves in sheeps’s clothing ” originates from the bible. That shows you how far back into history that humans were made up of predators and targets.

It is not an epidemic. I have heard this term “narcissist epidemic” and it is misleading. It implies that this is a new problem and that the problem is getting worse.

It is not a new problem. It is most certainly an old problem that continues to exist. The problem of sociopaths, psychopaths, and people with narcissistic personality disorder has always existed.

It should be considered number one on the public health crisis list. It has always been so.

People will say that no one is born with a predisposition to have a cluster b personality disorder. They will say that is is caused by the abuse from that person’s parents.

There are a few problems in logic with that idea.  Who started the problem of child abuse? Who were the first abusers ?

Logically there had to originally be people abusing their children that were not abused themselves.  It had to begin someplace, at some point, with people that were naturally abusive, or people that chose to be abusive because they had a Machiavellian outlook on life.

After that, the children of those abusers, either came out to be traumatized and have c-ptsd  or they came out to be narcissists and sociopaths and psychopaths.

All children of abusive parents do not become abusers. Many children of abusive parents are some of the most compassionate people you could meet.

It is not true that narcissists had a greater level of abuse and that the people that didn’t choose to be abusers had less abuse.

After over 150 coaching clients. I can tell you that there are plenty of people that grew up with horrific abuse, that did not turn out to be sociopaths or narcissists. They did not decide to hurt others intentionally, just because someone hurt them. Tbey did not choose a lifestyle that is based in machiavellian values.

Cluster b people chose their approach to the world.  There is some genetic predisposition. But in the end, they made a choice of how to deal with others and how to run their lives.

Machiavellian philosophy says the ends justifies the means. So it doesn’t matter who you hurt or who’s lives you ruin to get what you want.

People that operate this way are not always easy to spot. I tend to recognize them faster than I used to. It comes with experience, but it is experience that I don’t suggest you gain.

The old warning was accurate. “Beware the wolves in sheep’s clothing.”

Everyone claiming to be a victim is not one. Everyone claiming to be vulnerable or suffering is not what they seem to be.

Sociopaths and narcissists will lie to mislead you.

They will lie about their feelings and emotions. They will lie about things that happened or did not happen.

They will lie about what they think of you. They will lie about what they think of themselves.

They will lie about how they plan to treat you. They will lie about how they have treated others, in the past.

They will lie about what they want for you in the future. They will lie about what they intend to do, in regards to you, in the future.

They will lie about how others see you. They will lie about what others say about you.

They will mislead you about your potential. They will confuse and deceive you, until you doubt your own ability to perceive reality properly. Ad then, the games really begin to get dark.

Live your life and interact with others. Just keep the wisdom with you. All people are not what they first appear to be.

If your intuition is telling you something is wrong, it probably is.

 

C-PTSD from Emotional / Mental Abuse

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Trauma during childhood and teenage years leaves fractured pieces of yourself, existing  in time. As you begin to accept those child parts that feel abandoned, you will begin to realize that time is not as linear as we have been programmed to perceive it. 

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All of those parts of you exists now. You can reach out to them and bring them into yourself to integrate those fractured parts, so they do not feel rejected and abandoned. 

This will help you to be more in the present, so that you can think more clearly and see what you want and what you can do with your life. 

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C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is caused by being in on-going emotional / mental abuse from people that you feel entrapped with. There is no way to leave the situation, when you are a child and you are stuck in whatever situations your parents put you into. ..

Emotional abuse and other kinds of abuse cause emotional wounds. These wounds do not heal on their own. They need to be cared for and attended to. 

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These emotional wounds are not able to heal while you are still in the abusive situations. Usually children are so used to the way they are living that there is no real frame of reference to know that you are being abused, or the degree to which the abuse is. 

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Wounded children feel abandoned and left behind by their adult self as well as by everyone else.   

There is a need for proper integration of these child parts into the whole of yourself. It is like there is still a wounded child inside of you that is waiting for someone to rescue them. Doing inner child work can help the fractured parts to become integrated. 

In many cases, many of the memories of emotional abuse during childhood are blocked out and not filed as normal memories. Some things are remembered and many more traumatic events are left unresolved and unhealed. 

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 If you have C-PTSD from childhood trauma, abuse, or chaotic events, your may have fractures and wounds in your subconscious. This can cause depression, anxiety disorders, OCD and other kinds of mental illness.

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The feeling that you do not belong anywhere and that you are out of place can come from the fractured child parts feeling abandoned. They need to be accepted and nurtured. 

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You can connect with that child that still resides within you. Tell them that you love them and that you are now able to hold and protect them. Let me know that they survived the situations that they are still feeling stuck inside of…to repeat over and over. 

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You can allow the child to take you hand, and give them permission to stop living in that trauma…repeating the event and the feelings over and over. 

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This will help to ease some of the emotional flashbacks that you experience as an adult. The emotional flashbacks are the child’s way of being heard and telling you that they need to be protected from experiencing similar fear to the originating event. Any similar situations can trigger you to be transported right back the the fight or flight feelings, and chemical response as the original trauma. 

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 Life Coaching sessions are available by appointment, usually scheduled a weak ahead of time. See the gentlekindness coaching web site and contact me with a message. 

I am working on some hypnosis audios for healing the wounded child and helping the fractured parts to integrate. If you want to get updates about the audios, feel free to follow the Facebook Page,or to sign up on the contact page at the Gentlekindness coachingweb site. 

Nine Traits of Narcissism and Psychopathy

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder has nine traits. In order to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder a person must have at least 5 of the traits.

Narcissism is on a spectrum.

There are many people that have 2,  3 or 4 of the characteristics on this list. These people may have elements of narcissism. They would be said to have “narcissistic traits” but rather than  “full blown” narcissistic personality disorder.

People that have all 9 traits would be diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder. They are a psychopath. The more traits someone has, the more potentially dangerous they are to you.

It is difficult to know a psychopath well enough to be able to identify all of their traits because they keep things hidden and cover up their pathology by acting like a different person when they interact with others.

Here are the nine traits of narcissistic personality disorder.

1. Grandiosity –  This is an unrealistic view of oneself that they are bigger than life and better than others. They feel that they have a godlike, divine or extremely powerful purpose of being on the earth. Their very being is to be admired and obeyed. Nothing is more important than they are.

2. Arrogant and Domineering – think they are better than everyone else. They know more than anyone else. Controlling of others and dominating. They see others as inferior to them in intelligence, vision, looks, and everything else. They expect other people to admire and be in awe of them.

3. Preoccupation with Success and Power – They have a need to be powerful and have a cult of followers that admire them. They like to have a harem of sorts of people around them, as if they are a king or a queen. Their drive for success and power is due to their need for narcissistic supply and to get into positions where they have manipulate people.

4. Lack of empathy – an inability to care about the feelings of others or put themselves in someone else’s shoes in an emotional way. Actually narcissists and psychopaths have a cold empathy which allows them to understand your fears, weaknesses, hopes and dreams. They can take an inventory of you and then use the your feelings against you.

5. Belief of being unique – They believe that they are very special and that they are better than everyone else. They often think that they have a unique powerful purpose that sets them above everyone else and gives them an excuse to do whatever they want and take whatever they want.

6. Sense of entitlement – They feel that they are entitled to anything and anyone they want.   This includes things that belong to other people. It includes taking over the lives of other people and using people and then throwing them away like trash.  There is no appreciation when people do anything for them because they were entitled to it, in the first place.

7. Requires excessive admiration – they want to be admired and paid attention to all the time. They have no tolerance for anyone else being in the spotlight. Because they need to have their false self validated, they need people to pay attention to, talk about, admire and basically worship their false self. That way the illusion of the false self stays strong.

8. Exploitative – they will take advantage of other people for their own best interest. They will take more than they give, refuse to pay people for their services in a fair way …if at all, and use people up until there is nothing left of them

9. Envious of others – they are resentful when other people have things that they feel entitled to. They become angry when they see that other people have things that they do not.

It does not matter if the other person worked for it and they did not. They are envious of the property,  authority, and reputations of others. There is speculation that they are 

I have included a documentary below that you might find interesting. It goes through each of the nine traits of narcissism and explains them. 

Sam Vaknin is interviewed in this documentary. He is a level 9 narcissist who is unusual in that he is self aware. He is aware that he has this disorder.

One of the things that Sam says in this film, was very familiar to what I heard my most recent ex narcissist say many times.

Sam says  ” …the slightest hint of criticism or disagreement threatens the precarious balance that I have created over many years…the balance that constitutes my personality…you are out to destroy and kill me, so I am out to destroy and kill you..”

My ex used to get disproportionately angry when anyone criticized him or even offered any advice or suggestion that he change anything. Even suggestions from business coaches, that he paid to advise him, were taken as a threat.

Any time anyone disagreed with him or suggested that he change anything, he would become so angry that he would become violent and inflict self harm in front of them.

I think this was a way of acting out and also of frightening people. He would scream, he would hit his own head with his fist. On a few occasions he actually strangled his own neck with his hands.

He also was known to yell in anger and rip and tear his own shirt, in front of his employees. He would threaten self harm and even suicide when anyone asked him to do anything. He said that people should do things for him. They had no right to ask him to do things, because he could not tolerate any demands.

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Insomnia from Narcissistic Abuse Sleep Meditation

Social Rules and Stigma Keeps Victims in Abusive Relationships

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Society has conditioned us to stay in abusive relationships. The marriage vow is “for better for worse” and this mentality is often used by the churches and the families of victims, to send them back into the abusive relationship. 

I have clients that have told me about pastors and counselors that have told them that relationships are 50 – 50, and if there is something wrong it is equally both partners’ responsibility. These victims are given some kind of advice about how to be a better partner, and then sent right back to the dangerous person rather than getting the support they need to leave the abuser. 

Families and friends of victims are often the same way. They remind the person about the commitment they made, and that “everything is not always roses”. They have no idea what it is like to live in an abusive relationship, or how mentally dangerous these abuser are. 

Physical abuse always escalates and the compliance of the victim with the abuser does not stop the abuse. It does not matter how much the victim tries to please the abuser. That is not the reason the partner is abusing them. It is not because they are not a good partner. 

Relationships that are emotionally and mentally abusive are just as dangerous. Victims of these relationships cannot prove they are being abused, and their reality is confused. Many suicides each year happen due to this kind of abuse. Accidents happen due to sleep deprivation, and illnesses occur in the victims because of the stress. 

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Chronic Pain, Fatigue and Mindfulness

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Itching

Fatigue

Rashes

Skin pealing

Arthritis

Back pain

Insomnia

Hang nails

Infections

Pink eye

Vomiting

Hair loss

Things our higher spiritual self does not have to deal with.

No wonder we become distracted, redirected and forgetful about being in touch with our higher consciousness level selves.

We can’t even call them on the cell phone, never mind ask them to relate to what we go through.

Getting into a higher level state requires detaching from our  physical selves. It is like ignoring the squeakiest wheel. ….and as we know, the squeaky wheel gets the attention.

We can have wonderful intentions of growing towards a higher consciousness level and then we develop some new pain or disorder…whether mental or physical.

We are subjected to all manner of mind control and persuasion techniques by society and the manipulators within it. And our bodies take more and more of a beating as we age.

Beating yourself up over not being able to get yourself out of your physical self and into a spiritual state, is another beating you should not have to endure.

It is effectually a beating of the consciousness by the consciousness…

A beating of the sub conscious by the sub conscious….

A beating of the mind by itself.

It is a paradox that you must accept the pains without the ego being involved because becoming one with higher consciousness means letting go of and identity with the self….yet repressing feelings about suffering only makes the suffering grow.

So we have to accept the inner child in order to heal…accept suffering as part of existing in the physical realm….sit with our pain to comfort it to ease it….walk through painful experiences to get to the light on the other side….and detach from the ego and identifying with our identity in order to achieve a higher consciousness…..

Yet in detaching from our ego we are acknowledging our identity with it…..so we first have to recognize the ego as a construct that is heavily influenced by brainwashing, false beliefs programmed into us, and manipulative people with their own agendas to serve..

We then can understand that many of our automatic  thoughts and attachments come out of this programming. …making the majority of the tapes running in our subconscious mind basically bad viruses…..and our conscious negative thoughts results of the viruses…..

Then we can begin to understand that We Are Not Our Thoughts….

Once we begin to accept that we are not our thoughts, we can open the subconcious mind to new formatting….better programming….we can alter and add new beliefs…and delete contaminated beliefs…..

A new understanding begins to arise at the back of our brains where those core beliefs are housed….that if our thoughts are not us, then we can observe our thoughts and evaluate their validity….

Holding onto beliefs that no longer serve us is not neccessary. We will not simply stop being ourselves by changing our core beliefs. It is the attachment to those addictive beliefs and thought patterns that keeps us controlled by others….and by our physical existance…..

We are not, in fact, the sum of our thoughts. We can rearrange the furniture in our brains that we call our thoughts. Rearranging the furniture, throwing out old pieces, adding new pieces that better serve our house….

The house remains, even when the things inside are altered.

So who is doing the altering and rearranging? It is not our physical selves….It is not our thoughts that are observing themselves….

Once we begin to realize this, then we catch a glimpse of what is doing the observing….It is not within the brain or the physical body….

It is that higher self…the higher consciousness….that can be awakened to observe and repair the subconscious …where suffering is at its roots….

Thoughts about suffering seem to create more suffering…and fear that the suffering will get worse….or continue to last is the root of the most painful mental and physical suffering.

Yet somehow you are beginning to suspect the most curious thing of all….that by entering this kind of trance….the one you have allowed your mind to enter while reading this….you were able to detach from your physical suffering for a few minutes…..

And so we took the journey together….just you and I….in a higher realm of consciousness….

Namaste..

Overcoming Feelings of Inadequacy and Self Doubt

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Any negative thoughts about yourself that have to do with not being good enough, or not being worthy, are programs that were conditioned into you.

These programs are like viruses that start as a small toxin and quickly replicate, until they become pervasive. The on-going background voice that says “who do you think you are” is not coming from your authentic true thoughts.

Being told you were not good enough, or made to feel inadequate, by parents or care givers as a child, you were instructed to feel that there was something innately wrong with you. This is an illusion created by others who should have been building your self esteem.

Not all parents do this on purpose. But the repetitive tapes that play at the back of your mind are just as destructive, whether they were intentionally installed or not.

It is not a matter of being judgemental about the parenting styles of your parents. It is about recognizing the false beliefs you are carrying in your subconscious.

As long as you feel these beliefs are true, your brain will search for and interpret situations that prove these things to be correct.

Looking at these negative beliefs about yourself as conditioning, can begin the process of disproving the false beliefs.

Emotional abuse can lead you to see things in black and white about yourself. You are either right or wrong, successful or a failure, good at something or bad at it.

Life is more than a black and white picture. Reality is malleable and a rigid view of reality can be like a prison.

It can help to remember who the sources were ( or who the current sources are) that These black and white views of yourself come from. Are these sources capable of really knowing you, your full creative potential…your value to other humans?

Once you can see that the people who programmed inadequacy into your brain had some personal agenda of their own…then you can begin to realize that your brain has accepted opinions and manipulation as reality and truth. It has become embedded in your subconscious As truth.

But you do not have to accept things as true just because someone told you it was true. Other people’s opinions about your true value and worth have power when you believe they are based in reality.

Questioning the false beliefs about yourself and about your reality, that were taught to you, can be the beginning of re-wiring harmful conditioning that goes back to your childhood.

Blessings,

Annie

 

Psychopaths Brain Images are Different in MRI Scans

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There are biological differences in the brains of psychopaths, compared to people that do not have psychopathy , otherwise known as anti-social personality disorder. 

The emotional regions of the brain do not light up in an MRI, as opposed to the way they light up in an MRI of a non-psychopath. There are also differences in the amygdala, which it the fight or flight center of the brain. 

Whether or not these differences are something people are born with or not is something that is still debated. It is possible that psychopaths have a personality that causes them to want to behave in certain ways that through repetition of these behavioral patterns, trains the brain to behave differently. 

The pre-frontal cortex of the brain is the part of the brain that regulates behavior. It is the restraining mechanism that keeps people from doing things that they are not willing to suffer the possible consequences of. People usually weigh out the possibilities of their actions before they act, but psychopaths seems to lack this function in their brains, according the the MRI scans. 

Psychopaths are not insane or psychotic. They have knowledge of right and wrong. They are impulse driven, but they are aware of the nature of their behavior. The actions of psychopaths are intentional and they choose to behave as predators. They see other people as their prey and they have no remorse over their actions when they hurt other people. 

Some scientists believe that there is a possibility that the brains of psychopaths can be altered with surgery. This is a topic of morale debate. Some scientists believe that surgically altering the brains of psychopaths is a way to save society of the consequences of the actions of convicted criminals once they are released. 

Of course, only a small number of psychopaths are in prison. Many psychopaths are fully functioning members of society and they blend in unnoticed by others. The victims they prey upon are mostly not believed because their wounds are not always physical.

Watch this documentary to learn more about these predators that walk among us. There are many psychopaths in all walks of life, and they are very good at masking their true nature and mirroring normal emotions. 

High functioning psychopaths are able to fool most anyone they choose to. Their victims are behind closed doors and when they tell anyone about their abuse, their story usually sounds unbelievable. 

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Are You Attracting Abusive Partners ?