Strawberry Memories and Baby

When my daughter was less than one year old, I bought her three strawberry shortcake dolls. She loved them so much and called them “Oh baby” when she was looking for them. I spent the rest of the summer stopping the car at every yard sale I saw, searching for more. 

She ended up with about 6 of them, by the end of that summer. She always knew how many she had, even though she could not count…well, she did not know the numbers. She would always look for the last one, if she was missing one in her hand. 

I still remember when I handed her two dolls and she was upset and began searching for the third one. I was surprised that she knew how many she should have, because she was just a baby. But she certainly did know. 

Teaching Children to Have Self Esteem

While it is true that life can dish out some unfair circumstances, we do not need to “prepare” our children for this by treating them unjustly.

Children and teenagers are very aware and sensitive about fairness. It is emotionally and psychologically painful to them to be treated in ways that are unjust.

They need to be heard and validated. If we are to teach them to have integrity and to treat other people fairly, we need to do the same with them.

Children and teenagers do not learn by what we say, as much as they learn from what we do. Our actions are far more powerful that our words.

Children learn what they see and what they experience.

They should have a chance to tell their side of things and to talk about their feelings. We cannot teach them that our legal system offers a fair trial and then turn around and punish them without hearing them out.

Let us treat our children that they matter. Their integrity and self esteem matters.

This is the way they can learn to set boundaries with other people.

They can learn how to explain how they feel about things and why they feel that way.

If a situation arrises that the child will experience consequences then they should understand what is happening and why.  Those consequences should be equal to their behavior and not overblowing what actually happened.

Teachers that punish an entire class of students, for the bad behavior of 1 or 2 students, are not teaching the children that they are individuals with individual rights.

Sometimes there are unavoidable consequences for a child due to something their sibling or their classmate did, but consequences should not be inflicted upon innocent bystanders just to exercise control or to make a point.

Children need to grow up in a safe emotional and psychological environment.

Imagine if you were at work and forced to do overtime without pay, all because of a disruptive co-worker who slowed down the progress of the workday.

You would feel angry and mistreated. How would this affect your feelings about the supervisor that made you work extra hours with no pay?

How would this affect your overall morale?

There is an old saying that you may have seen on an office poster….

“Until morale improves…the beatings will continue..”

You cannot punish people into wanting to behave better. Children and teenagers are people and they need to be able to trust their environment.

This will allow them to blossom and learn. A benevolent and just environment will allow children.  To feel valued as individuals.

The ability to express one’s emotions and thoughts is a learned skill. To be able to present your side of a situation in a logical and understandable manner is a critical life skill.

Let us hear our children and teenagers out. Teach them respect of others and respect for themselves.

Let us celebrate the young minds and remember that those minds can tell when they are treated unjustly.

There is a psychological consequence for every negative experience and there are associations wired into the brain im regards to repeated experiences.

If we want the respect of our children, we need to treat them with compassion and empathy, as best as we can. There is no rule that says the adult cannot apologize if you make a mistake.

It shows the child that you respect them when you admit when you are wrong. It teaches them that everyone makes mistakes.

When you forgive your children for their mistakes they will learn to forgive you for yours. This will help to build their self esteem.

Self esteem is critical for survival. If we bring up children to be adults that cannot self-generate self esteem then they will be targets for predators and abusers.

Children and teenagers that learn to express their feelings and expain their side of things will be better equipped to deal with the people they meet as adults.

 

Good Morning

I woke up to use the bathroom…which is what my bladder does three times during my sleep every night…and I was able to catch my older daughter before she brushed her teeth.

I told her to use the bottled water to brush he teeth because I do not know what is up with this water.

I got a lot of suggestions on the last post and hopefully the house owners will have it fixed by the time I get home from work because they use the water too.

If for some reason my ex mother in law is not disturbed by the water then it will not get looked at until my ex father in law comes home in a couple of days from New York.

Let’s hope it bothers her to use it. It is hard to say with them. She frequently uses very expired ingredients to cook food with for the kids so her germaphobia is about the opposite of mine.

The fact that I have OCD and am now washing my hands in what appears to be contaminated water is disturbing. I have been using hand sanitizer after I wash my hands.

Luckily I have a small bottle in my purse most all of the time….best invention ever! Yay!

So I was able to let the kids know to use bottled water for teeth brushing. Thank goodness I had half a case left.

I am going to try to sleep another hour and a half now. I did not fall asleep until around 5am which is a little worse than usual.

One day I might get back on a better sleep schedule. But for now I need to get another hour or so before going to my babysitting /tutoring job at 2.

See you all later on. I will let you know how things are going later. The worst part of things like this is that it puts in my face about this living situation.

I know that they will not fix something unless they want it fixed…even though I pay them 1,000 rent a month, for this badly maintained attic. It is sad really.

Talk to you later 🐇🐇❤💙🐇🐇

Annie

Depression C-PTSD and PTSD – How to get Your energy Back

I just finished giving a guitar lesson to my teenage niece. It is nice to spend time with her. I have been giving her lessons for a few months now, about every other week.

Before her father had asked me if I was interested in doing guitar lessons with her, I had not been doing much with guitar at all. 

I used to play all the time. Depression has a way of making you lose interest in the things you once used to love to do. After back to back abusive situations with partners and family members, I lost my will to do anything that I liked to do. 

Since I have started my life coaching business I have been feeling that life force coming back. Once people suck your will out of you, it takes time to be able to self generate that energy again. 

It takes doing something that you are passionate about. Since I have been working with other abuse victim, I have felt a purpose in my life that means something special to me. So this is having the effect of generating some of that will power back again.

I still feel the weight of depression pressing down on me as I try to push it off. I am learning that you cannot push it off at all. It is more a matter of accepting without judgement of yourself. 

Then allowing the feelings to come and sitting with them in a way that is nurturing. Showing yourself compassion when the people closest to you cannot show you any compassion is not easy. But you can do it once you learn that the perceptions others have about you do not have to frame your reality. 

Anyway, I was thinking of putting new strings on my guitar so that it would sound better. The old strings have a very thumpy, dull sound. I know that I would be pleased to hear the sound of new strings and I would be more likely to play for enjoyment. 

I might learn a new song or write one of my own. Baby steps are sometimes the way to make great changes in your perceptions. It is the change in perception that will create change in your behavior. 

Perceptions control your emotions. Emotions are underneath of all behaviors. Once you can begin to change behaviors and have more control over getting some momentum, then you can begin to enjoy your path as you are creating it under your feet. 

Children Should Have Magical Holidays

Chocolate Chip Pancakes for a Late Night Snack !

Okay so I am going to make my daughter chocolate chip pancakes at 10 pm. This is something I do once in a while just for fun. She loves to tell her friends that her mother is a little crazy and makes chocolate chip pancakes for a late night snack.

Life has to be whimsical for me sometimes and I like to share that with my kids. They are only young once and sometimes things should just be for fun .

I am taking her to the grocery store to get the pancake mix and then we will be making them, 

Try to do something like this…that is off the wall and does not make any logical sense. It does not hurt anyone and it breaks up the regular schedule and the monotony of being on autopilot.

Shine

First Cake Baked by my Daughter

My 12 year old daughter asked me if she could learn to bake. I suggested cookies but she had her heart set on cake, so cake it was!

Chocolate cake with pink icing

This was about two weeks ago. She enjoyed the baking, even though the cake came out a bit lop sided.

I always make lop sided cakes. It has been that way for years. My kids are so used to them that they expect cakes to look that way.

They have never complained and have always enjoyed them. They taste good.

I enjoyed this quality time with my daughter. Maybe baking will become a favorite activity of hers.

Preteen Daughter Taking Care of Me

I was still not feeling well this morning but I was able to make my way out of bed to make food for the kids.

As the day progressed the feelings of weekness, fatigue and pain everywhere came back more and more.

I drove my older daughter to bible study. I knew I was never going to be able to drive her back. She just texted me that she got a ride.

My younger one said, “Mom, don’t worry. I will take care of you. She just mixed up my therflu with the orange tea she made for me.

It is so nice when your children are compassionate for you. I was proud of her.

Live Simply