As you are walking along your path, you can be who you are at any time, even as you discover new things about your true self. You are not consigned to have to be imprisoned by your past, or the story of your life. It does not have to define you.
Just think of the story as events that happen to have occurred, and things you have been in the midst of at various times. The choices you made in different circumstances were based on your programming and the beliefs you were holding in your subconscious at the time.
Many of the beliefs you hold in your subconscious brain, are things that were programmed in by other people you have interacted with, by your family of origin, and by society. Any toxic shame you are carrying was brainwashed into you. Self doubt and ;earned helplessness are other things that come from believing that “you are your story.”
You are not your conditioned thoughts. You are not your story. You are not your past.
You are infinitely more that anything that has happened to you, and anything you have ever done. You are expansive and go beyond this illusion that you have been told is the only reality that matters.
There is more to reality than you see. There is more to you than other people tell you. Your feelings and intuition can guide you. You must re-train yourself to feel your feelings without self judgement. Your feelings are not your enemy, and they never mean that there is something wrong with you.
The more you shove down your true feelings and your true thoughts, the more the illusion draws you in. Who says that your inner thoughts about how your reality should be are wrong, or that they have to be approved by society?
What visions and dreams would you have, if you did not fear your own judgement of yourself? What possibilities are there that you tend to shut down, because you fear the judgement of others? What things have you denied in yourself, because someone else told you there was something wrong with it?
You are in this life to explore the dreams and possibilities. You can expand beyond the role you are playing.
This pattern of feeling obligated to repeat the same kinds of behaviors day after day is like a self imposed prison. You can be who you are, even if that does not match what people expect from you.
As a child you had imagination and played out roles and situations in a way that allowed you to explore your ideas and your feelings. Society and the people in your life may have crushed your imagination down, and discounted it as childishness.
Imagination is one of your greatest gifts. It allows you to explore possibilities and come up with creative solutions for problems. Imagination can take you outside of the box you have been restricted to and to mentally explore your own expansion.
Dream and allow your visions to be free. Imagine and create as you desire. Be who you dream of being. Follow your passions and part the veil that has been limiting your potential to be your true amazing self.
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Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus are the speakers in this Ted Talk. I really enjoyed their story of how they began their adventure that lead to them creating The Minimalists web site.
They began as bloggers, just like us. They were inspired to start the blog as a way to share their experiences about transforming their highly materialistic, anxiety ridden lifestyle to one of a minimalist style.
Joshua was the first one of the pair of friends to begin to live in the minimalist way. Ryan was being overloaded by his lifestyle and turned to his best friend to find out what it was that seemed to be making him happier.
When Ryan heard what Joshua had to say, the two of them went to work and boxed up Ryan’s entire house full of possessions. To find out what they did next, watch the Ted Talk. It is quite a story.
The blog was started and little by little they got more followers. Now they are in demand as speakers, and have been featured on ABC, CBS, NBC, BBC, TODAY, NPR, TIME, Forbes, The Atlantic, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and National Post.
They live in Missoula, Montana and both of them had high paying power jobs, and had accumulated lots and lots of stuff, as well as lots of bills.
These guys transformed their entire lifestyle, as well as started a lucrative business teaching other people how to live a simpler, less stressful lifestyle. They adopted something that helped them in their lives, into a business to help others.
You are a unique being. Your gifts and dreams are important.
We were not made to be plastic dolls to be used like puppets by the manipulative ones.
Society is so brainwashed by all sorts of media and organized social structures. You are not their puppet either.
You are not a cardboard cut-out , here to play the role someone else thinks you should play.
You are not here to just be part of someone else’s narrative. You make your own movie and your own story.
Be free and be authentically you.
Any negative thoughts about yourself that have to do with not being good enough, or not being worthy, are programs that were conditioned into you.
These programs are like viruses that start as a small toxin and quickly replicate, until they become pervasive. The on-going background voice that says “who do you think you are” is not coming from your authentic true thoughts.
Being told you were not good enough, or made to feel inadequate, by parents or care givers as a child, you were instructed to feel that there was something innately wrong with you. This is an illusion created by others who should have been building your self esteem.
Not all parents do this on purpose. But the repetitive tapes that play at the back of your mind are just as destructive, whether they were intentionally installed or not.
It is not a matter of being judgemental about the parenting styles of your parents. It is about recognizing the false beliefs you are carrying in your subconscious.
As long as you feel these beliefs are true, your brain will search for and interpret situations that prove these things to be correct.
Looking at these negative beliefs about yourself as conditioning, can begin the process of disproving the false beliefs.
Emotional abuse can lead you to see things in black and white about yourself. You are either right or wrong, successful or a failure, good at something or bad at it.
Life is more than a black and white picture. Reality is malleable and a rigid view of reality can be like a prison.
It can help to remember who the sources were ( or who the current sources are) that These black and white views of yourself come from. Are these sources capable of really knowing you, your full creative potential…your value to other humans?
Once you can see that the people who programmed inadequacy into your brain had some personal agenda of their own…then you can begin to realize that your brain has accepted opinions and manipulation as reality and truth. It has become embedded in your subconscious As truth.
But you do not have to accept things as true just because someone told you it was true. Other people’s opinions about your true value and worth have power when you believe they are based in reality.
Questioning the false beliefs about yourself and about your reality, that were taught to you, can be the beginning of re-wiring harmful conditioning that goes back to your childhood.
Who are They to say that we are…
too set in our ways
Who are They to say that we are only…
a stay at home mom
a working Mom
a mental case
Who are They to say that we can’t…
change our minds!
go to college
learn something new
Who are They to say that we have no right to…
talk to them
disagree with them
stand up to them
Who are They to say that we can’t become…
a spiritual adviser
a leader of men
a thinker of new ideas
This concept of “supposed to” …is a brainwashing by society. It keeps people functioning on autopilot like drones.
“Supposed to”…keeps people in abusive marriages.
“Supposed to”….makes children hide bruises their parents put on them, and lie about how their patents actually talk to them…(scream at them)
“Good wives” …are “supposed to” …stand by their husbands…”no matter what”.
There’s another 2 dangerous brainwashing phrases.
“Good…are sipposed to…
” Good wives do this…”
“Good daughters protect their mother’s image and reputation…”no matter what”…..(even if she is abusive behind closed doors)
“Good citizens work 9 to 5 and don’t complain about their job, even if they are miserable”
“Good people”…accept the roles they are expected to do. …accept the identity forced on them by their family…
“Good men”…do what is “expected of them by others”
You can be a good person, and still be living life the way you want to. As long as you are not hurting other people….( the relatives that say you hurt them by living your own life don’t count as “hurting people”)
Other people do not live inside of your body, and they do not have to experience the consequences of your choices. They live their own lives, and they make their own choices.
If you experienced in-going emotional abuse, or emotional neglect as a child….
If you lived with a narcissistic parent…
If your parent was an alcoholic or addicted to substances…
If your world growing up, had no room for being able to express and deal with your own needs and feelings. ..
Then you probably have C-PTSD, from abuse that was on-going, and you were entrapped in the situation.
What’s worse…is if the abusive parent…or the enabler parent…told you they loved you…and that their behavior of shutting you down, when you tried to express your needs, was a loving act.
Abuse that is disguised as love or concern for the victim, is more harmful. It is gaslighting, and it confuses the reality of the victim. It causes PTSD .
So, many survivors of childhood abuse, have C-PTSD as adults. There are “emotional flashbacks” that suddenly cause you to feel fear, sadness or anger.
You were conditioned to focus your attention on the narcissistic parent. Your needs and feelings were of no consequence.
The result of years of this kind of mind manipulation, can often be the emergence of “People Pleaser Syndrome.”
This explains why you might believe those conditioned phrases like “Good girls don’t disagree with their family”….or “real men stay in the relationship…or the job they are in …..even if tbey are miserable.
Because…. “your feelings don’t matter.”
If you were conditioned to ignore your own inner guide, that leads you in the direction that is best for you…then you may not even know how to feel, or hear, or interact with that guide.
Your inner voice wants to guide you in directions toward being supported, following your passion….and away from the pain.
You have been conditioned to fear tbe anger and dissapointment of others as a real threat. But the conditioning you experienced can be re-wired.
“People Pleaser Syndrome” does not really protect you.
It is an illusion.
People who expect you to sacrifice your own dreams for their agenda, are not really your friends….and they are crossing your personal boundaries.
Because no one taught you anout how to set healthy boundaries, or told you that it is perfectly okay to say “no” to someone…as long as you are not hurting them.
Their claim that your making your own choices, and becoming independent of them, is invalid. Narcissistic parents love to make their adult children feel shame and guilt for “going against them.”
In healthier families, the adult children are treated with respect and dignity…..not made to “be a good son”…..and do what is expected of you by the family.
These patterns can become embedded in the subconscious mind. Then it becomes easy for any narcissist you come acrods, during your life, to manipulate you with shame, guilt, or by attacking your integrity or self esteem.
I am not encouraging you to be bad person. But simply this..
You have the right to decide what “good” means to you…
You have the right to choose who to help…and who to say..”no” ..to.
You can begin to hear and feel that inner guide that wants you to listen to it.
Your true feelings can guide you and allow you to follow your core values. It is the path that matters, more than the individual goals.
Be a “good woman.
Be a “good man.”
Be a “good multi-faceted, spiritual being, that is living a life here on the earth”
Practice saying no.
Pay attention to your feelings, and honor them, by choosing paths that align with those feelings.
Be yourself! 💕💕💕💕💕💜💜💕💕💕💕💕💕🐇🐇💕💜💕💜💝💜💝💕🐇🐢🐼🐣👻💕💜💕