Mental Illness and Toxic Loneliness

Loneliness and mental illness can often occur together. Does the mental illness cause the loneliness? Or can loneliness and isolation cause mental illness?

There are studies that suggest the loneliness and isolation can cause depression, anxiety disorders and even dementia. But for this post I want to leave the studies and references to those studies aside. We can do that another day.

If someone becomes depressed they tend to self isolate. People that are stricken by grief or loss sometimes just don’t feel enough energy or desire to interact socially.

For short periods of time, this can be a normal reaction, particularly for an introverted person. But long term isolation has detrimental effects on mental health.

Anxiety disorders also can cause people to self isolate. Without any support  or interaction with people, a person with severe anxiety can develop other disorders like agoraphobia or even hoarding.

Long term isolation cuts off the human connection that people need. This can bring up the fight or flight mechanism, because the brain may perceive extreme isolation as dangerous. Being cut off from community and basically cut off from the protection of the herd, is something that the brain may perceive as life threatening.

The reptilian brain is all about the primal urges and protection for survival. If the reptilian brain feels that the basic survival needs are not being met, then a message may be sent to the limbic system to feel the threat in the body.

The amygdala is the part of the brain that controls the fight or flight chemicals. Cortisol and adrenaline are sent into the system when a threat of danger is perceived.

If we become overloaded by cortisol for extended periods of time on a regular basis, it can create harm to the body and the brain. I will get into this more in another post.

The important thing is that these chemicals make the nervous system feel terrible. The person can hyperventilate, have heart palpitations and feel painful, uncomfortable sensations throughout the body.

We were designed to  exist in a state of fight or flight mode. This is PTSD or it can be C-PTSD. In the case of on-going experiences of feeling in danger, over many months or years, it is complex post traumatic stress disorder that occurs.

There may be feelings of extreme fear of abandonment upon meeting new people. There may be severe social anxiety from this or from feeling inadequate to interact with people.

Some of the trauma may be rooted in early childhood experiences of abandonment or rejection. Child abuse of any kind, including emotional abuse, can cause fear of abandonment and fear of being isolated from others.

The issue of loneliness and how serious it can be seems to be taboo to discuss. People do not like to say they feel lonely because it makes them fear they will be rejected for admitting this. Then they will just reinforce their problem by making people reject them.

So there can feel like there is no way out. Someone feels depressed or lonely to begin with. Then the depression results in pathological loneliness. Or the toxic lineliness results in chronic depression.

The anxiety naturally goes along side all of this, and turns into C-PTSD  or it opens old childhood trauma which had already caused C-PTSD. The person may not even know they had old wounds to open, but the emotional flashbacks to rejection and fear of abandonment are happening.

Suicidal thoughts, self harm and self medicating can occur as a result of this snowball effect. What started the process may never be known. The person just feels isolated and afraid to live this way.

The stigma of mental illness makes all of this worse. Many people are afraid to seek treatment. They are afraid to even tell anyone how they feel. They do not think anyone will understand.

Once someone starts to become isolated from other people, it can be hard to get out of. They will still feel isolated in a room full of people, because they feel that they are too different to fit in.

The issue of loneliness should not be taboo to talk about. It causes suffering for many people with mental illness, and most likely is one of the roots of mental illness to begin with.

It is when someone feels that others do not understand them, that they feel inadequate or just too different to be accepted. Everyone needs human touch and emotional intimacy of some kind.

This issue of loneliness needs to have less stigma, just like the issue of mental illness needs to have less stigma. There needs to be more awareness so that people do not isolate themselves emotionally to the point that they see no value in living.

Being in emotional and mental pain every day, on a regular, constant basis diminishes quality of life. It makes people feel hopeless and worthless.

Mental illness is painful, and so is the feeling that no one can understand and accept you.

The worst thing is believing there may be no end to the suffering. That is when people lose hope. No one wants to live with neverending suffering.

Depression is Real Illness Even Though it is Invisible – YouTube Video

Personal Mental Illness Blogs Right to Your Own Brain

The ability for people suffering from mental illness and psychological damage to be able to reveal their personal truth through blogging has been a great outlet for many people.

People who once had no one they felt they could speak honestly to, found this gift of the blogging world. They found that they were not alone in their suffering and even in their feelings of being alone in their suffering.

I believe that blogging about mental illness and trauma has been the one thing that has been a lifeline for many people.

When I hear about people getting comments about their posts being too dark and that they should only write about certain aspects of their particular mental illness, it upsets me.

Everyone is an individual. Each person experiences their mental suffering in a unique way. Two people with the same diagnosis are not necessarily going to experience it the same way or have the same perception of those experiences.

Just because one person does not experience ( or has not yet experienced) being is very dark places, does not mean that someone else hasn’t. We are not in the job of making mental illness look pretty.

There is enough stigma about mental illness from the world. It is a shame for people with mental illness to perpetuate stigma within the blogging community.

People should be able to have their tiny little space in the blogging world to be able to speak their personal truth and express their feelings, whatever they may be.

No one should be telling anyone how they “should” feel about their mental illness or tell them to make their writing more palatable for others to read.

Everyone is free to read or not read whatever blogs they want to. If someone’s blog is not for them, then they should move the hell on to another petson’s blog.

There is no reason to tell someone to water down their writing. There is no good reason to tell someone to make a particual mental illness come off to readers in a certain light.

We are all individuals. Let us celebrate our differences and our right to express those differences.

I have recently read a post by someone who is considering quitting blogging about her mental illness because some readers told her that she does not show bipolar disorder in the way they feel it should be.

What is the “should be” all about, when we are writing about our individual experiences with our individual brains?

If there is any “should be” then it is this….People should be able to talk and reach out to others for validation and understanding without feeling like they are not following some random person’s rules.

Why should we start holding back our darker experiences just to satisfy some agenda. That is what I would call stigma…someone telling another person with the same diagnosis not to reveal the darker sides of it.

We get enough of having to hide things and faking it when we are in our day to day lives. What business is it of some bloggers to direct another blogger about how they want them to portray any particular mental illness. If they are writing about their experiences then those are their experiences.

It is almost like high school when people tell someone to dress a certain way if they want to be one of the cool kids.

I said it once and I will say it again….If someone’s blog about their mental illness is too dark for some people then those people should go read a different blog.

They should not try to dictate to someone what to write about or how to write it.

Blessings for peace of mind,

Annie<3