insomnia, memory, memory issues, mental disorders, mental health, mental illness, science of the brain, social anxiety, spirituality, teen dating advice, teen derpession, teen health

Awakening to Your Sleep Reality

spiritual sleep

image from Pinterestlink HERE

A great percentage of your life is spent sleeping. This feels like a waste of precious time to some people. To others it is a escape  from an otherwise unbearable existence. 

We try to find ways to avoid sleep, in order to get things done that we deem more important. Or we self medicate ourselves by sleeping, and think of it as an escape from being in reality. But sleep is a reality all its own, that it intertwined with our waking reality.

 The sleep states are a natural part of our existence. There are different stages of sleep that each serve important functions.


sleeping woman.

image from Pinterest – link HERE

The subconscious awakens and exists in a different way during sleep, than it does when you are awake. The processes that the subconscious parts of the brain need to do, are an important part of your maintaining your emotional, mental, and spiritual balance.


Sleep deprivation will cause deterioration in your mental state, your emotional state, memory, and cognitive functions. It effects your ability to have a clear continuity from one day to the next. Over time, sleep deprivation can cause a breakdown of your mental state, resulting in mental illness.

image from pinterest – HERE

Sleep can be affected by various things. If you are unable to sleep straight through for 8 or 9 hours, then it is critical to your mental health that you make up the missing sleep hours at another time of the day.

This is not laziness. You are not being unproductive when you are sleeping. Lack of proper sleep will cause decreased productivity and poor efficiency. You will have memory problems, especially related to spatial and time memory.

The sleep states are a part of our reality. Your subconscious brain exists just as much as your conscious brain does.

Your core beliefs, your memories, your perceptions of reality, and your emotions are all functions of your subconscious brain.

Your conscious awake state cannot exist separately from your subconscious reality.

Sleep is critical to make sure all these realities, and the different parts of your brain are working both together…and independently… in a way that best supports you.


image from Pinterest – link HERE

Spirituality… higher consciousness …and your perceptions about the nature of your reality…are all intertwined with what happens in the brain while you sleep.

Your mental and emotional health are dependent upon your getting proper sleep.  This is also true about  your immune system and your physical health.

Your spiritual health has to do with believing in, and perceiving something beyond the reality of the five senses.

Spirituality gives you a greater perspective about your existence.

Being able to perceive your higher consciousness… and spiritual realities… is also intertwined with your brain being able to experience the sleep states. Your spiritual health is dependent upon letting your conscious brain  rest, so the other senses can awaken.

You are not wasting time by sleeping. You are allowing an important part of your reality to exist. You are increasing your brain’s ability to function well during your waking hours.

We are more than drones or robots. We need more to our existence than just survival. …something more to living than just paying the bills.

Treat your body’s need to sleep with thoughtfulness.  The sleep states are the interconnecting path between realities and levels of consciousness.

What happens when you are awake affects your dreams, and what happens in your dreams affects your consciousness.   🌷

Sleep well tonight,

Annie 💕



anxiety, anxiety attack, bipolar, bipolar disorder, depression, insomnia, life, memory issues, mental health, mental illness

Drive safely, Don’t Fall on the Ice, Unplug the Toaster, Pet Your Animals, Love your Children and Say Good Night to Annie

Ten Random Thoughts

1. I am so very tired, I want to stay in bed for a week.

2. I started this list and had no idea what I was going to write.

3. I wish I could work less and spend more time with my kids.

4. I feel sad that my daughter is 18 now. I wish I could go back and have done some things better.

5. Tomorrow I want to let the bunny out to play in my room. I miss him hopping around.

6. I am isolated and alienated by this living situation. I have no friends.

7. My daughter’s new therapist does not care if she retraumatizes me.

8. Retraumatizes comes up in red on my computer. Isn’t is a real word?

9. I learned how to make ❤ on the computer today. This made me happy. Someone on wordpress taught me and they are probably smiling as they read this now and these hearts or for her ❤ ❤ ❤

10. Sadly, that ❤  thing was the only happy thing that happened today

11. This is more than 10 things

12. I am getting more tired

13. My boyfriend has not called and he has always called me every night for 10 months so far. I am used to sleeping with him on the phone

14. I  guess that is why I feel like I have no friends now

15. Maybe he fell asleep and he is still my friend

16. Obsessive thoughts cause severe anxiety

17. More tired now. I was trying to keep going until I could fall asleep

18. I wonder of this top 10 list will make it to 20

19. That’s nineteen

20. I have to take the battery out of my work pager or it will keep making that BEEP noise every 15 minutes all night and drive me  crazy…not that it would be too far to have to drive me

21. My post on the kindness blog did well this week. I think I still have to give you guys the link. One of you found it on your own. Thank you. And now you are smiling because you know who you are 🙂

22. This too shall pass ……..

23. Good Night to all my fellow insomniacs and good morning to whoever wakes up and reads this at 6am, which is going to be an hour after I fall asleep this time

24. We passed 10 and we passed 20

25. Drive safely, don’t fall on the ice, unplug the toaster, pet your animals, love your children and say good night to Annie

26 ❤  🙂  ❤  🙂  ❤

anxiety, depression, memory issues, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, single mom, single mother, single mother anxiety, single mother depression, working mother anxiety, working mother depression

Working Mothers / Single Mothers … Depression and Severe Anxiety , Who Is Listening to you ?

One of the problems with being a single mother or a working mother is that there is no time. There is no time to sit in silence. Especially, if there is no one helping you, so that you can get a break sometimes.

Some of us have no husband … Others have a husband but he does not help with the kids. He does not take over for a little while so you can get a break, from the continuous doing, doing and more doing.

The problem with having no silence or quiet time, is that there is no way to evaluate your inner self. There is no space to identify with yourself, your pain, your personal problems or your mental state. Many people will tell you that you are just overwhelmed by being a working mother and that it will all be okay. People will tell you that you are not really depressed, you are just having a bad day.

Everyone pushes you to keep moving, keep going, keep pushing, harder and harder…until what? For how long?

When we mention to someone that we think we need some time to ourselves they laugh and make a joke like “Yeah, you will have a day to yourself when the kids are grown!”

I have seen posts on Mommy blogs that appear to be pleading desperately for help. When I read them, the Moms sound desperate for someone to hear them. Not just to listen…but to hear. The posts I have read sound desperate and depressed. They are full of anxiety as well as physical and mental exhaustion.

The mothers talk about not being able to have friends because they do not have time and are too exhausted by the end of the day to chat. They are so tired of dealing with everything. Tired of solving other people’s problems. Tired of one crisis after another, Crisis at work. Crisis at home. Crisis at the kids’ school. Crisis with the husband.

The crisis that the friend calls about on the phone just sounds ridiculous when the friend is saying “I am so upset, My good shoes got chewed by the dog, I have NOTHING to wear out to dinner with Dan on Friday. Can I borrow your red ones?”

This becomes a break in communication of the friendship. Mary has been taking care of crisis after crisis. Real Ones. Her daughter has the chicken pox. Her husband is working late and no one is available to pick up Timmy at practice, because the husband was supposed to do it.

Now she has a sick kid that she has to drag into the car to get the other child. In the mean time her boss is calling and asking if she can come in an hour early tomorrow. She has not even gotten a babysitter for tomorrow yet for the sick child that has to stay home from school.

The husband now calls again and asks her to pick up dinner, since she has to go out to get Timmy anyway. She tries to tell him that the little girl is sick and she can’t drag her around to pick up dinner in addition to picking up Timmy at practice. This starts an argument because the husband says “I worked all day. The least you can do is pick up dinner.”

She is now wondering how that can be counted as the “least she can do” while the little sick girl is now crying because she has to get out of her sick bed to get into the car…the boss calls again and threatens her job if she does not come in early…the coach from the basketball team now calls and tells her she is late to pick up the boy…

This is the life of a working mother. There is constant turmoil and too much to do. There is often threat of her losing her job because she is trying to take care of the family too. Kids get sick. Husbands work late and cannot stay home with sick kids or go pick up Timmy at basketball.

Or  maybe there is no husband at all… and we don’t let Timmy play basketball because there is no way to coordinate getting him to games and still keep our job. The boss could give a crap about what goes on with your kids. It is not a good excuse to call out when your kids is depressed and you are worried about their mental state. You have to go to work anyway.

You worry about the kids while you are at work. Sometimes the anxiety is so severe that your work performance and  coworker interactions are affected.

If you cut back your work hours to spend more time with the kids, then you worry about the money. You are now not a good mother because the kids are going without things. But if you work too much then your preteen kid might become depressed and anxious. The next thing that happens is the guidance office is calling you from school and telling you that you should spend more time with your children.

Everyone demands. Everyone judges. Your mother in law, your sister, the teacher, the guidance counselor, the pediatrician, other mothers who are not in your situation.

The supervisors at work want more and more. You should come in when your coworker calls out because she stayed out too late partying last night. You should stay late at work and leave your kids to eat alone again, because someone else did not get work done and now you are the one to finish it for them.

If you are still reading then this might be you. The problem is that people will blow off your feelings, when you say that you need a break. You can’t keep up. You feel depressed, and overwhelmed. You are having severe anxiety and no one is listening.

No one seems to be listening …not even to the well written blog posts…

You only get  “yes, I get depressed sometimes too” …or “You will be fine, You are a strong woman”…or “This made me laugh! It sounded like you were actually serious at first but I saw the humor in all of the turmoil of the day you were describing.”

Even if you have never had a mental illness before, this level of chronic stress can cause it.

There has to be a breaking point. You need to find some relief from the anxiety before you become too mentally damaged. It is not for anyone to know but yourself.  Only you know when you cannot take anymore. Only you know when you need help.

It is not for other people to tell you that you will be okay. It is not for other people to tell you that it is really not that bad. They are not inside of your head. They are observing you from the outside and they have no idea what thoughts go around in your head. Only you really know what your brain is telling you and whether or not it can tolerate any more, without getting help.

If you need mental help, then reach out somehow. This life of a working mother, single mother can be overwhelming even to the strongest and bravest of women. You do not have to prove anything to anyone.

I felt moved to write this post after reading a few single mother  and working mother blogs. The people who commented on the posts just did not see the true mental suffering that I saw. People are crying out for help and not being heard.

It is a matter of finding the right place for help. If you keep trying you will find a way to get mental help and find and outlet for some of your suffering. You need to be heard and validated, about how you are feeling.

My thoughts are with the single mothers and the working mothers this evening. Many of you had past trauma, abuse and mental damage even before you ended up here.

Those things are still there and now they are being buried under this work, work, work, do, do, do, lifestyle.  No one can sustain it forever.

abnormal psychology, alcoholic, anxiety, depression, memory issues, mental disorders, mental health, mental illness, suicude, wellness

Depression Hurts

depression hurts

Depression is real.

Depression really hurts.

Depression is exhausting.

Depression is scary.

Depression is dangerous.

If you have depression, don’t suffer in silence.  Find someone you can tell. If the people that are around you every day will not understand then find another way to talk to someone.

Go through this list until you see an option for you.

1. Family member

2. Friend

3. Teacher

4. Primary care Physician

5. Guidance Counselor

6. Neighbor

7. Online friend

8. Facebook Groups (Closed Groups)  (search on facebook under the key word  ” depression”. There are closed groups you can go to the page of the group. Then request to join. They will add you and then give you the rules of the group. There is always someone on there to talk to. Face book has both public and closed groups on all kinds of mental illnesses. Some are for specific issues and other are for mental health issues in general.

9. Online Groups for depression, because sometimes you just can’t drag yourself out of bed. When it is like that then you probably won’t leave the house to get help. Psych Central has groups for most  mental illnesses. Some are general and some are for specific disorders.

6 pm

If you can’t , you can’t. Some days it gets to be 4pm and then 6pm and we just cannot even get dresses, nevermind leave the house. It happens. It has happened to me. 

10. WordPress Blog (if you have a wordpress blog you can meet other bloggers who have struggled with depression. Search the tags to read their blogs. Once you read other people’s blogs, more and more people will follow you and read your posts. Post under the tag depression and people will connect with you . If this does not work for you, Try one of the other things on this list

11. 12 step groups local

12. local Church ( sometimes they have someone to counsel you, it does not matter what denomination you go to, they should be able to connect you)

13. Helpline

National Suicide Prevention Helpline

Hotline & Helpline Information

24-hour Hotline

National Suicide Prevention Helpline

  • 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)
Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696

Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357

14. Tumblr has Mental-Health-Advice.Usually someone is available to talk to you 24 hours. It may be worth a try.  They have a therapist o line that will respond to your posts/ questions in a timely manner Just go to your Tumblr account and look for Mental-Health-Advice, then click follow.

15. Internet information and resources

depression, health, health and wellness, insomnia, life, memory, memory issues, mental health, mental health disorders, mental illness, neurology, science, wellness, women's health

Sleep Apnea – Tiredness, Fatigue and Memory Impairment

Sleep Apnea affects 4 % of Americans. About 1 out of 4 middle aged men in America suffer from Sleep Apnea.  Studies suggest that memory impairments can occur from disrupted sleep.

In Sleep Apnea, the sleep cycles are disrupted by periods of difficult breathing. In a new study by  Dr. Andrew Varga,  at the NYU Langone Medical Center in New York City, subjects had impairments in their spatial memory from disrupted REM sleep cycles.

After a night of improper REM sleep, the subjects had difficulty remembering the placement of items and what they did with things the day before.

The REM stage of sleep is the Rapid Eye Movement stage. This is the deep sleep where we have dreams. The REM stage of sleep is critical for the body to repair any tissue damage from the day, such as muscle microtears. It also has to do with processing memories.

A person with disrupted REM sleep may forget where they placed the car keys the day before and have trouble remembering where they parked their car. Another consequence of  incomplete REM cycles is inability to focus and pay attention.

There are 2 different types of Sleep Apnea. They are Obstructive Sleep Apnea and Central Sleep Apnea. The causes for the 2 types are different but both of them cause difficulty breathing during sleep and periods of waking up in the middle of  sleep cycles.

Obstructive Sleep Apnea has to do with the airway becoming obstructed.  The muscles in the throat becoming too relaxed and causing a narrowing of the airway. The brain will become aware of low oxygen levels and force you awake to reposition yourself.

Usually people do not remember these brief periods of waking. Every time someone wakes up for a few seconds, it disrupts the sleep stage they are in.

The brain and the rest of the body are not able to finish what they are supposed to do, during that cycle. There are certain repairs and regeneration of tissue that naturally occur during REM sleep.

The 2nd type is less common. Central Sleep Apnea is caused by a problem in the brain.  The brain is supposed to send signals to the lungs to breath.

The brain of  person with Central Sleep Apnea, fails to continuously send the signals properly. The lungs will simply stop doing their job.  The body and the brain will fail to get the necessary level of oxygen, which will cause the person to wake up.

Again, with this type of Sleep Apnea, the person will awaken just long enough to be able to breath properly again. Someone with Central Sleep Apnea may wake up with  shortness of breath.

Men are twice s likely to get sleep apnea. It is most common in men 60 or more. Being overweight contributes to your risk as well as having a family history of Sleep Apnea.  Certain medications are possible contributing factors, such as excessive use of muscle relaxers.

Central Sleep Apnea can occur with people that have heart disease or have had a stroke. It can also be a co-morbidity with neurological disease like ALS.

People that have Sleep Apnea can have  morning headaches and depression. Some people have an increased frequency of urination.

If you have extreme tiredness and sleepiness during the day along with any of the other symptoms I mentioned, you may want to see your doctor.  There are treatments that would reduce your symptoms.

They also could check you for other types of sleep disorders and medical conditions that could be causing the constant fatigue and tiredness.  There are mental illnesses such as depression that can cause some of these symptoms as well as other physical disorders.



anxiety, depression, domestic abuse, domestic violence, emotional healing, frustration, memory issues, memory loss, mental health, mental health disorders, post traumatic stress disorder, ptsd

Severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder / Anxiety

I have to wonder if anyone other than me has ever had this experience. When I an placed into incapacitating anxiety by a demanding situation, my brain completely ceases to function. Even my eyes don’t see properly. I can’t even read what is right in front of me.

It happens to me in a situation where someone tells me to do something and when I attempt to do it, i don’t understand how to do it or it turns out that I realize that I made some mistake. So the thing is right in front of me but I lack the ability to do it.

Then the person is saying. It’s right there , just do it. When I try to explain to them that I WANT to do it but I don’t know how , they keep saying , it’s there and you should know how to do it. You were already told how, you have done it before, I gave you the tools in the past etc.

If I knew how to do it then I would. Why would I want to do anything that would cause me the extreme anxiety that the fact that they are so upset with me would cause? The more upset they get with me, the more I wish I  could just do what they want , so I can stop feeling this way.

I want so badly to do the thing that they want me to do. I want so badly to not feel so extremely stupid.

I want to stop them from telling me how I am being uncooperative because I don’t know how to do it.

I keep hoping they will say “oh you forgot. I will show you again. I will guide you to do it.”

But they say that I already know how and I should not have lost it or forgotten it. I feel so bad and so embarrassed.

And then i go into this super stupid kind of trauma. I do not mean the trauma is stupid. I mean I go into this trauma that makes me stupid. I feel paralyzed by fear of disappointing them. I become paralyzed to think , to read or to speak clearly.

I go into this post traumatic stress from when I was in a violent domestic situation. If I ever forgot something or did something wrong (by wrong I mean doing something differently than he wanted it done) then retaliation would follow.

If I made a mistake with cooking the dinner then I would have the food I cooked thrown all over the floor and I would have to crawl on my hands and knees in front of him to clean it up. And then I would be mocked and made fun of for cleaning it up the wrong way (not his way).

If I bought the wrong bread at the grocery store, I would have the bread thrown at me and be accused of trying to starve him to death.

I was always in danger of making a mistake, of not doing something the way he wanted it done. I then was called names , told I was stupid and otherwise punishes with being humiliated.

I was threatened with violence, I was threatened with retaliation against my children.I was sent into a whirlwind of fear and threats.

So when someone expects me to do something that I cannot understand how to do, I become afraid.

I am afraid because I really don’t know how to do it. No matter how hard I try I can’t figure out how to do it. My brain melts more and more as the person keeps insisting that I have to do it and that I know how to do it.

At this point I am about to cry and my brain is becoming shut down. The more they become impatient with me, the more afraid I become. The more humiliation I feel.

I feel like I am on my hands and knees on the floor again cleaning up broken glass that was thrown at my head, while someone stands over top of me and insults me verbally. Verbal insults sometimes turned into physical insults and humiliations like kicking me or wiping their feet on me.

I go into this past trauma and my brain cannot tell the difference. It is completely terrifying.

I try to tell the person that I feel upset now that I know I can’t do what they want. I try to explain to them that I am having trouble thinking now because I am upset and my brain is not thinking as well as usual.

But people who have not been in domestic abuse traumas do not understand. They do not understand that once your brain thinks you are back there again that you have a memory that becomes your feelings in the present time. The feelings of fear you had back then suddenly come back and you feel those same feelings in the present moment.

Once I am in that state of utter fear and trauma, I cannot think and I cannot do what they want. I just continue to frustrate them and I continue to anger them (at least I feel like they are angry at me)

I have such a horrible fear of anyone becoming angry at me. I fear anyone becoming frustrated at me because in my past situation of domestic abuse, the person’s frustration turned to anger and contempt at me very quickly, before I could do anything about it.

Once my brain goes into post traumatic stress, I get stupider and stupider. My brain just sees lights and no thoughts. Just panic and fear.  Fear of their thinking I am so stupid. Fear of them thinking I do not want to cooperate.

The saddest part of all is that I would do nearly anything to make these feelings of terror go away. I certainly would be happy to do the thing they want me to do.

I do not have any desire  to be uncooperative.  Their perception of my trying to be uncooperative is wrong and unfair.

People with post traumatic stress are misunderstood and have so much trouble relating to people. It is lonely and sad.

My being uncooperative is going to make them angrier. Them getting angrier causes my pain and fear to get worse and worse.

People can’t be patient with someone is post traumatic stress.

If people would be more patient maybe I could think better.

I have no brain function. I want to cry and cry and cry because I can’t do things that other people can do.

The trauma keeps me from remembering how to do basic things. If they would just walk me through it again then maybe I could help them and get it done.

Why is everything about placing blame and declaring whose fault something is.

Can’t we just go on and find a solution to the situation without having to make sure the other person is at fault?