Top Ten Things You Cannot Do About Annoying Relatives !

We might like to, but we cannot…

10. Drop them off at a random bus station and say “good luck!”

9. Change our phone number, but keep telling them they are dialing the number  wrong.

8. Turn out the lights and hide behind the door, like they do in “What About Raymond?” tv show

7. List them on Craig’s List under the “Please Take … Free…you haul”   section

6. Send a postcard from where you go on vacation and tell them you moved there

5. Have a remote control that plays the CD Player really loud, and hit the button every time they start to criticize you or give you annoying advice

4. Fake a doctor’s note that you have suddenly become deaf and cannot talk on the phone or even hear them when they are speaking directly to you

3. Take them back for a refund !

2. Exchange them for a new hair dryer

1. Change your name and identity and move to another state

What are We Going to do About Getting up Those Steps?

Arthritis is a terribly painful condition. It is basically an inflammation of the joints. Osteoarthritis causes the cartilage, that is supposed to protect the bones from grinding together, to break down.

I have osteoarthritis and I feel like the bones just grind together in my knees and my hips. Going up the steps feels like something is stabbing into my right hip and both of my knees. It is so painful to walk up and down the steps that I lean against the wall and stop every couple of steps to allow the pain to stop for a few seconds.

“Osteoarthritis the cartilage in a joint to become stiff and lose its elasticity, making it more susceptible to damage. Over time, the cartilage may wear away in some areas, greatly decreasing its ability to act as a shock absorber. As the cartilage deteriorates, tendons and ligaments stretch, causing pain. If the condition worsens, the bones could rub against each other.”  Web MD

You can read more about Osteoarthritis here

My arthritis is about 20 years beyond my age, according to the doctors. The reasons for this are something we could speculate about , but some of it is because of the overuse injuries, I constantly sustained at the nursing I worked at, a few years ago.

They forced us to do heavy lifting by ourselves and even violated the law, and the OSHA regulations about lifting. This is typical for nursing homes and many people I know were injured. I saw many back and shoulder injuries.

I also had shoulder injuries and constant microtears to the muscles. I have a herniated disc in my neck which I do not think was cause by the job, but was probably exasperated by the lifting of heavy patients on a regular basis.

There are two huge flights of steps to get up to the top floor where I live, in the house I am renting the space from. It is a huge undertaking for me, everytime I have to take down the trash, take down and bring up the laundry and take up the grocery bags.

Each step is pain and I feel like I cannot survive living with these steps any longer. The next place I live must have a main entrance that I can bring groceries into and do laundry all on that floor.

The other main type of arthritis is Rheumatoid arthritis. Rheumatoid arthritis has the same pain and stiffness as Osteoarthritis. In Rheumatoid, there is an inflammation of  the synovial membrane that protects and lubricates joints. You can see pictures of these two main types of arthritis  here

“Rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is a chronic (long-term) disease. Rheumatoid arthritis symptoms can come and go, and each person with RA is affected differently. Some people have long periods of remission.” Web MD

You can read more about Rheumatoid Arthritis here

Both main types of arthritis are equally painful. Osteoarthritis eventually begins to wear down the bones, which is where I am at now, with certain joints.

There can also be bending of the bones, basically deforming the shape, like I have in my right foot. It is beginning to bend inwards at the top, which causes balance problems in addition to the PTTD (posterior tibial tendon dysfunction – flat foot and ankle collapse) that is continuing to get worse in my right foot. It is very hard to balance, especially on uneven ground.

There are other types of arthritis but they are not as common as the two main types I discussed here. Arthritis is painful and the best treatment I have found is putting heat on the area.

You can use a heating pad or a rice bag, warmed in the microwave.  Here are some pinterest links for making your own rice bag . Links here

You can use ice to reduce inflammation. Limit heavy lifting, which is easier said than done at the job I work at now. I am working on making a change to having my own business, so I will have to lift and cause more injury to the joints.

I also have degenerative disc disease, which can begin with arthritis and mine probably did. They do not really know what comes first. I asked the spine doctor if I had arthritis in the cervical spine first that caused the degenerating discs or if the degenerative disc disease caused the arthritis . He said they often are seen together and there is no way to know which occurred first.

Herniated discs are a typical result of degenerating discs in combination with heavy lifting, which was unfortunately exactly my situation when I was doing the heavy lifting at the nursing home.

The best thing to do is to take care of your spine. If you do yoga and spinal stretches every day, you will reduce your risk for spinal stiffness. You need to keep your spine flexible, the way it was meant to be. It is harder to get mobility back, than it is to maintain it.

You cannot be fully well , unless your spine is in good shape.

Here are some yoga postures that you can do, to help keep your spine supple. If you are already having spinal problems, these exercises can help. Always do yoga postures slowly and carefully. Make sure you are practicing yoga at your level. If unsure , please consult a doctor.  Yoga Postures

Good bones are for happy bodies 🙂

February is American Heart Month / Heart Disease Awareness and my Quit Smoking Story

February is American Heart Month.  The American Recall Center site (link below) is dedicated to informing the public about recalled and otherwise dangerous medication and equipment. They are supporting the American Heart Month. 

I found this information on the Mental Health Writers’ Guild web site. They were also spreading the word, as the American Recall Center had asked for bloggers to do. There is a poster they made which I will put below. If was compiled of suggestions and tips from bloggers.

http://www.recallcenter.com/american-heart-month-how-bloggers-celebrate-their-hearts

Signs of a heart attack are:

1. Pain or discomfort in the chest that lasts for more than a few minutes

2. Pain in  the neck, jaw, arms or upper back

3. Abdominal pain or feeling of heartburn

4. Cold sweats or clammy skin

5. Unusual tiredness or nausea

6. Dizziness or lightheadedness

7. Shortness of Breath

As far as the smoking goes, I have never told my story about smoking here, but maybe American Heart month is the time to do that.

I smoked cigarettes on and off for many years. I would start smoking out of anxiety and then continue for a few years, Then I would quit for five years or so. Then something would happen and I would start again.

Once I had quit for about seven years and then my husband decided to leave me for some woman he met on the internet. He had never seen her in person, but somehow she had convinced him to leave me stranded in between housing and offer for her to move into our new house on the Navy base called Fort Ord in California.

I had just finished the clean up of the old house in Fort Meade in MD. He had gone ahead of me, supposedly to get the new house ready for my daughter and I to move into. My daughter and I were told by him to stay with his parents, while he went on ahead of us to California.

I was at his parents house, sleeping in their guest room, when he called and said “We have to talk”. Does anyone else get nervous when their partner says those words? It is funny because my current boyfriend says that to  me alot. He does not mean anything by it.

I have had to get used to hearing “We have to talk” and it just meaning that he needs help with something about his web site or he wants to discuss our weekend plans. LOL

So, back to the story …My husband says that he is leaving me for this woman who lives in Canada. He had told me that he was driving to California during the last week, but he had actually driven to Canada. This was his plan when he left me and his mother to clean up the house in Fort Meade, in order to for it to pass inspection and for his pay not have any deductions for damages.

While his mother and I were cleaning, and trying to keep track of my baby at the same time, he was screwing around with this woman in Canada that he had apparently been talking to online for a year. I had not known anything about her during that time.

He had now decided to move her into my house and leave the baby and I with his parents, who he had also not informed.  I told him he was in effect, leaving me homeless and abandoning his child and me. He said that it would be ok for me because his parents would “probably let me stay with them”

He was the breadwinner because he has wanted me to stay home with the baby. I had no job and no money in the bank. In addition, I hated even visiting his parents, much less  living with them. I had been staying there for two days at that point and was already making plans to spend the rest of the week at my aunt’s house in the next state.

So, being that I was homeless and angry and sick to my stomach, down I went to the drug store to buy a pack of cigarettes. I then smoked for a few months. My husband reconciled with me and I quit smoking when I became pregnant with my second girl.

I quit for a  long time and then something started me again. It is another long story that basically involves me losing all of my income and ending up eating at the soup kitchen. The homeless guys used to roll their own cigarettes and I started smoking with them.

WOW ! Annie has some more crazy ass storied to tell us one day ! Yes the homeless people stories are probably in need of their own blog, but I will get to those experiences one day.

Then I finally quit about six months ago, This was the last time, I will not start smoking again for a few reasons.

1. I am not planning to go down to the soup kitchen and ask the guys to roll one for me.

2. I do not want to lose my singing voice

3. My boyfriend would be turned off by it

4. I ended up developing Reynaud’s  Syndrome from smoking (another blog post all together). It is very painful in the winter if I do not keep my hands warm.

5. I started vaping ! What is vaping? Electronic cigarettes. I buy my items from Quantum Vapor. You can see the web site. I change flavors of the e-juice when I want to and I like them much better. They have nicotine but not the other poisons that are in regular cigarettes.

6. I am not planing to get married again and be dependent upon someone who could leave me homeless with a baby and then make me live his parents (who he did not inform)

LOL What can I say? I have had a very unusual life.

Lot’s more stories to come. Keep reading future posts.

 See below for some heart healthy  info links…

1. Here is a link to a web site that has things you can get to use as free giveaways to your employees, students, or anyone you want to promote Heart Health and American Heart Health

http://www.positivepromotions.com/womens-heart-health-month/c/e_1001_11/?ne_ppc_id=1786&ne_key_id=113560482&ne_sadid=60425336226&gclid=CjwKEAiAgranBRDitfSQk_P7vnMSJAAhx5G5WJns1zJG5yAySrM9w246wCaJtCaL_gK9C1SEsOTk8xoCccXw_wcB

2. Videos and info about cholesterol and high blood pressure from American Heart Association

http://watchlearnlive.heart.org/CVML_Player.php?moduleSelect=highbp

3. The National Coalition for Women with heart disease

Home

Find Your Happiness

Contradictions, Flexible Truth and Lies of a Narcissist …in mental domestic abuse

When you are in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, you will wonder if you are losing your grip on reality. There are constant contradictions.  Reality is malleable to the narcissist.

Truth is what they decide it is. Truth is what they say it is. Truth and reality are constantly changing. They explain the fact to you as they want you to perceive them, in order to get what they want.

They will say one thing on Friday and then say the complete opposite thing on Sunday…

FRIDAY …They will complain that the house is messy and that you are not as good as other women about taking care of your “home.” Other women do it better. The house is deplorable and any “good” woman would be embarrassed if she was so lazy about keeping her home organized and clean.

Not only that..Here is the kicker ..they will say “If you really loved me then you would keep the house clean and organized. A man needs a clean house to come home to.”

SUNDAY…They tell you that you are spending way too much time attending to the house. You care more about the “damn house” being clean than you do about them. You are insensitive and have your priorities screwed up. You should be spending time having sex with them… or helping them with finding a job… or whatever they want at the time.

Here is the kicker…they say “If you really loved me, you would spend more time with me and less time cleaning!  The house is clean enough. You are being selfish by spending so much time making the house just the way YOU want it.”

You are lazy about taking care of their home, yet you are too ambitious about your job. You are slutty when you wear make-up out of the house, but you are a prude when you are not in the mood to have sex with them  (after they have been raging at you.) You are too demanding of their time when you need something but you are too unavailable when they want you.

My ex used to demand that I be extra quiet in the morning so he could sleep. He needed to sleep so that he would not be tired at work. I agreed and said I would like the same courtesy so that I would not be tired at work.

In the morning he would get a cell phone call and answer it, in the bed. He would face directly towards the back of my head and yell into my ear. He was as loud as anyone you have heard drunk and bellowing in a local bar.

I asked him to please take the call into the other room because he was yelling into my ear. He said he would only be another minute and he did not feel like getting out of bed. Fifteen minutes later he would still be facing his mouth right into my ear and talking much too loud for any normal telephone conversation.

I would bed him not to talk so loudly in my ear in the morning. I had only had 4 hours of sleep at the point that he would get these calls, because I worked the 3-11 shift and did not get to sleep until 3am on most nights. I begged him to take the morning calls in the kitchen. I asked him to at least face away from the back of my head.

NO. NO. and….NO. My requests were not reasonable to him. He was too tired in the morning and should not have to get out of bed just because he had a phone call.

I mentioned to him that if h was so tired , he could let the voice mail pick up the call and not answer it at all. For someone that was too tired to drag himself out of bed, or turn his body the other direction, he seemed to have an awful lot of energy to talk so loudly on the phone.

When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, what is fair for them does not apply to you. The fact that they need certain basic things does not mean you are entitled to them.

If they are tired when they get home from work, it does not mean that you are allowed to be tired also. They can make mistakes and expect to be forgiven, but God forbid you make a “mistake” like being too tired when you got home from work to prepare their bag lunch for work.

It is in this sea of unending contradictions that er lose our self esteem and our basic right to take care of ourselves. We become so conditioned that our needs do not matter, that it can take months to years, after leaving the abuser, to be able to prioritize our most basic needs.

Time and connection with others who have experienced this type of abuse, will help. Stay on your path to healing. Keep reading and keep writing 🙂

Blessings,

Annie

Depression Hurts

Depression is real.

Depression really hurts.

Depression is exhausting.

Depression is scary.

Depression is dangerous.

If you have depression, don’t suffer in silence.  Find someone you can tell. If the people that are around you every day will not understand then find another way to talk to someone.

Go through this list until you see an option for you.

1. Family member

2. Friend

3. Teacher

4. Primary care Physician

5. Guidance Counselor

6. Neighbor

7. Online friend

8. Facebook Groups (Closed Groups)  (search on facebook under the key word  ” depression”. There are closed groups you can go to the page of the group. Then request to join. They will add you and then give you the rules of the group. There is always someone on there to talk to. Face book has both public and closed groups on all kinds of mental illnesses. Some are for specific issues and other are for mental health issues in general.

9. Online Groups for depression, because sometimes you just can’t drag yourself out of bed. When it is like that then you probably won’t leave the house to get help. Psych Central has groups for most  mental illnesses. Some are general and some are for specific disorders.

http://psychcentral.com/resources/Depression/Support_Groups/

If you can’t , you can’t. Some days it gets to be 4pm and then 6pm and we just cannot even get dresses, nevermind leave the house. It happens. It has happened to me. 

10. WordPress Blog (if you have a wordpress blog you can meet other bloggers who have struggled with depression. Search the tags to read their blogs. Once you read other people’s blogs, more and more people will follow you and read your posts. Post under the tag depression and people will connect with you . If this does not work for you, Try one of the other things on this list

11. 12 step groups local

12. local Church ( sometimes they have someone to counsel you, it does not matter what denomination you go to, they should be able to connect you)

13. Helpline

National Suicide Prevention Helpline

Hotline & Helpline Information

24-hour Hotline

National Suicide Prevention Helpline

• 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)

• http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

• NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group

  800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline

630-482-9696

Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357

14. Tumblr has Mental-Health-Advice.Usually someone is available to talk to you 24 hours. It may be worth a try.  They have a therapist o line that will respond to your posts/ questions in a timely manner Just go to your Tumblr account and look for Mental-Health-Advice, then click follow.

15. Internet information and resources

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=urgent_crisis_hotline

Mental Illness and “Acting ” like we are FINE to the World Outside of our Bed

How many of you find that you are “acting your way” through the day? You know what I mean. You have to mask your mental illness to keep it a secret from others at work and social situations.

You feel depressed and have to go to work. People come by you and say “How are you?”  What do you say? I usually say “well I’m hanging in there” This is my best response even when I do not feel like I am hanging very well. I feel like my fingers are slipping off of whatever I a hanging onto. Someone greased the bar I am hanging onto and I am about to fall off.

But you can’t say that. You have to be FINE. Everyone must be fine to work or they do not trust you and consider you a threat to the status quo.

You act as best as you can that you are fine and try to get away from the conversation as fast as possible. You don’t want to make eye contact with anyone. You don’t want to string too many words together, for fear that you will say something to
“give yourself away.”

Then you get into a triggering situation at work (or in Dunkin Donuts) and you have to still be there. You have to pretend that the thoughts running through your head are not really there.

You try to tell your brain “Be quiet, I am trying to make a living here!” or “Wait until we get outside of the store to the car. I can’t have a mental breakdown right here at the cash register (or in the bank).

I wonder what all this forcing our true feelings down and telling our own brains to “shut up!” is doing to the disorganization of our brains? This must be damaging to the brain. The longer you have to fake things , the more the pressure builds inside. You are hiding like a child who broke a rule.

You feel degraded and invalidated. It is like our body (our mouth and voice) is invalidating our brain. Our minds and bodies are connected.  What happens to the connection when we want to cry but we force ourselves to make a fake laugh at someone’s triggering , stupid joke.

We are around insensitive people who have stigma against mental illness. We can’t let them know. We hide. We hide. We hide.

What is this doing to  further disorganize our brains?

There has to be some relief in between. I would like to hear your ideas about how you find relief from the
“faking it” mode. Pleases post in the comments below.

Mothers that take care of children, like me, also have to fake it. We have to play te role of good mother and have everything under control. I don’t think I do that so well anymore. I am a good mother but I don’t have a great flow mode, like normal brained mothers do.

It is hard to stay organized at work. You forget what someone just told you to do, one minute ago. You forget what needs to be done and sometimes how to do it.

It is  hard to keep track of time. it either feels too short or way way too long. Sometimes the time at work drags and drags and it is almost unbearable because you want to go lie down in your bed.

These things are hard. I go out to my car on my dinner break at work. Even if it is freezing cold outside , i go out and sit in my car. I have to have a break from the acting. I can not sit in the break room and chit chat about dumb stuff with the other girls, like where they bought their new purse.

The break is ok but then you have to go back to acting again. Some days are worse than others.  Are we inflicting our brains with abuse of forcing our emotions down? Just a thought…

How do you all deal with this?

Annie

Telekinesis and the Mustard Baloons

My bedroom door is open. Someone came into the room and they did not close it when they left. Being that I called out of work due to a tummy ache, Yuck !  I really do not want to come out from under these soft blankets and close that door,

My preteen daughter has her music playing too loudly and the open door is  sending  the teenie bop beats right through into my otherwise peaceful, quiet space.

So, I did something which I do from time to time….

I tried to close that bloody door with telekinesis! I put out my hand, hopefully, and sent all the  powerful telekinetic energy I could muster, towards that blasted door.

Guess what?

Oh, crap.

Hang on. I am going to to try , one more time…

I am very pleased to announce to you all….. This is very exciting….

The amazing news is that…….

Oh, crap. I guess the news is that I have not given up.  One day I will do it ! I will practice and then I will do it. There will be an amazing announcement and then you will all know that I have achieved my superpower.

Coming soon, to a WordPress Blog near you….will be the news feed…There will be a grand announcement and it will go something like this….

Hold Onto Your Hats ! OR Your HEADS!.. (whichever is more likely to fly off… )

Annie!  That’s right ! Our beloved sister  Annie…..  poet of the Realm of WordPress,  in all her infinite wisdom and super-fantastic power … has  closed that damn door! Yes ! You heard correctly folks! Annie has closed that door  and did not even have to get out from under her fuzzy blankets or call across the apartment for a random kid to close the door for her!

She just reached out her marvelous hand and told that door to close. She sent the energy of “Close the Darn Door” into the air and POW! Close it did!! Yay! Yay!

Crowds of anxious and very nosy, gossipy spectators are gathering outside, beneath Annie’s bedroom window. One of our correspondents has reported than  Annie dropped some water balloons on the heads of the gathering crowd.

Annie then  called down to the nosy crowd. She told them  that she currently has  her children  filling balloons with mustard.  So, everyone  should back away from the house,  if they know what is good for them! The voices in her head told her to splash them with mustard and then possibly …cold  pea soup…or mashed potatoes.

Crazy Annie ! I don’t think she would really bomb the crowd  with mustard. Do you???

We will be closely monitoring this breaking news for you.  We anticipate a new amazing feat within the next  few hours.

Sources have informed us that Annie is planning to stay in bed all day, therefore, she will  be telekinetically making  a sandwich for herself (secret informers tell us that it will be roast beef and swiss on whole wheat) . Then she will  float said sandwich through the air, from the kitchen  and if all goes well, it will land PLOP! right into to Annie’s eager hands.  Annie will never leave the bed.

Updates are expected within the hour. We will return after these important messages…”

Yeah, so that is my dream. I have been trying for years. Everytime I drop something on the floor, I hold my hand out and tell the thing to rise up into my hand. I don’t know why it has not worked yet, but I have not given up.

This should be a lesson to all of you. When you have a dream, you should hold onto it. Hold onto it until it comes to fruition. That way you will end up like Crazy Annie, sitting in her bed, with hand outstretched to the bedroom door. It still has not closed, but I have the heart of a fighter. And so should you !

You may never accomplish your dream, but at least you can type up your fantasy on WordPress.

One of my favorite fellow bloggers was lamenting the human condition yesterday, as I am doing now. But maybe if we can all become superheroes then we will not have to put up with our human shortcomings anymore. Better yet, we will just throw mustard balloons on the people that are annoying us. 🙂

This post is dedicated to Nekaaar , who is a wonderful human and writes wonderful ramblings that inspire and make me smile. It was in lieu of putting a comment in her comment section of her recent post.

Blessings,

Annie

A Corner That’s Quiet

I just want to rest

Away from the stress

A corner that’s quiet

Please let me try it

Away from the mean ones

Just myself alone

To think my own thoughts

To cry and to moan

To feel what I feel

Without being told

Just who I should be

And what I should own

I just want to sit

In silence right here

No yelling or scolding

No judgement or pain

I want to be me

The way that I am

In my perfect world

Inside of my heart

Because all that I own

Is inside of my soul

They can’t take it from me

I won’t give them control

Old and Tired at 101 years old

I had a conversation with a man that is 101 years old. The other workers told me to stay with him for a while because they thought he had become confused and forgetful. They thought he would not be safe alone in is room.

So, I sat with him and asked him what was up. He told me.

He said, “I am old.”

I said, “How old are you?”

He said, “I was born in March of 1913.”

“You are 101 years old? Wow, that is really neat.” I said

“I am old.” he said ” I am old and tired. They all think I am confused because I say that. But I am old and I am tired. I don’t understand why I am still here.”

He continued on “The same thing happened to my mother. She lived to be over 100. She was not happy about it. She was old ad tired.”

“I understand,” I said. “You are old and tired and everything is hard for you. Your family and friends are all in heaven and you don’t know why you are still here.”

“That’s right,” he said.

It is strange to me that people think someone is confused when they say they no longer want to be here on the earth.

Sometimes people are old and tired and they are just done. That is how they feel. They are not confused about it. They are only wondering when they will die and why they are still here when everyone they love has passed on.

They miss their spouse and their children who have long since passed away. It is not easy to be 101 years old.

He is not forgetful or disoriented at all. he is not confused. he knows exactly how he feels and no one wants to listen to it.

Feeling like you want to die is unacceptable. It is not proper therefor the person must be confused or have dementia.

I spoke with this man for 20 minutes and he had no signs of dementia. His memory is better than mine is.

Afterwards I told the supervisor that he was depressed. She said “he is forgetful and confused.”

There is a difference between forgetful and disoriented and being depressed. Most people don’t expect old people to feel depressed.

They think they are too old to have anything going on with them except dementia and forgetfulness.

Sometimes people feel the way they feel, even if it doesn’t fit into people’s comfort zone.

I was glad they called me to sit with him. He was honest and forthcoming with me because I was willing to listen without judgement.

Whenever someone says they don’t want to live, people tell them “You don’t mean that”. But they do. People don’t say things like that if they don’t really feel that way.

At least someone listened and believed him. It isn’t much but it was the least I could do.

Namaste,
Annie