Social Rules and Stigma Keeps Victims in Abusive Relationships

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Society has conditioned us to stay in abusive relationships. The marriage vow is “for better for worse” and this mentality is often used by the churches and the families of victims, to send them back into the abusive relationship. 

I have clients that have told me about pastors and counselors that have told them that relationships are 50 – 50, and if there is something wrong it is equally both partners’ responsibility. These victims are given some kind of advice about how to be a better partner, and then sent right back to the dangerous person rather than getting the support they need to leave the abuser. 

Families and friends of victims are often the same way. They remind the person about the commitment they made, and that “everything is not always roses”. They have no idea what it is like to live in an abusive relationship, or how mentally dangerous these abuser are. 

Physical abuse always escalates and the compliance of the victim with the abuser does not stop the abuse. It does not matter how much the victim tries to please the abuser. That is not the reason the partner is abusing them. It is not because they are not a good partner. 

Relationships that are emotionally and mentally abusive are just as dangerous. Victims of these relationships cannot prove they are being abused, and their reality is confused. Many suicides each year happen due to this kind of abuse. Accidents happen due to sleep deprivation, and illnesses occur in the victims because of the stress. 

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Clearing Toxic Energy and Negative Thoughts About Yourself

Authentically You

🌼⭐💜💕🌷

You are a unique being. Your gifts and dreams are important.

We were not made to be plastic dolls to be used like puppets by the manipulative ones.

Society is so brainwashed by all sorts of media and organized social structures. You are not their puppet either.

You are not a cardboard cut-out , here to play the role someone else thinks you should play.

You are not here to just be part of someone else’s narrative. You make your own movie and your own story.

Be free and be authentically you.

Eliza

🌹

The midnight wind swept her hair

Like silken darkness across her face

She glanced once from side to side

Then continued with bold strides

Across broken rocks and fallen branches

🌹

Her aching feet finally arriving

Toes pointed toward the black iron gates

Eliza removed an object from her bag

Moonlight splashing a reflection

Onto the cold steel of the barrel

🌹

She thrust as hard as her body could bare

And the object flung over the gates

Into the blackness of the overgrowth

That strangled the cemetary markers

Looking like strange alien spiders

🌹

The cold black steel disappeared

The evidence was swallowed up

Never to have existed in the first place

Eliza trembled at her imagination

Half with dread and half with remorse

That she could never pull the trigger

Even on that god forsaken monster

🌹

The sound of her name broke the silence

And echoed through the streets

She turned towards the direction

From where the creature was beckoning

Dropping her face and hunching forward

She slowly began to make her way back

To home where the creature kept her

🌹🌹🌹

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone Deserves a Second Chance?

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There are many old  adages that are potentially harmful beliefs for you to carry.

These phrases have been passed dwn from generation to generation. They seem harmless enough, and supposedly make you a “better person.”

Compassionate people naturally believe these ideas, and we have made great efforts and sacrifices to stand by the values that these adages teach.

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“Everyone deserves a second chance.”

“Behind every great man is a good woman.”

“Turn the other cheek.”

“You only have one family, and you are stuck with them.”

“Good partners support their spouse ( partner) …no matter what.”

“Kindness is always rewarded.”

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What is the danger of blindly believing these things ?

Isn’t it “good” to always expect the best from people?

Shouldn’t we believe and trust in others…no matter what?

Isn’t everyone innately good?

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No.

They aren’t.

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Many people are innately good. Many people are basically trustworthy.

There are good-natured people that have a basic respect for other humans and living things.

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The problem with adages….other than the fact that they have been brainwashed into us…is the “Black and White” aspect to them.

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They suggest certain principles of “right” and “wrong” and create thought pattern behaviors that are rooted in shame and guilt.

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Toxic people can use this guilt to manipulate you very easily. Even as easily as asking you a question…

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“Don’t you believe in second chances?”

“Don’t you believe in me?”

“Don’t you believe that everyone deserves a second chance?”

“Aren’t you able to see the good in people?”

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This is manipulation that plays on your core values and beliefs. These beliefs that have been embedded into your subconscious. …

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“Good wives support their husband no matter what.”

“Real men don’t cry. They stuff their emotions dow, and don’t express them.”

“Good sons and daughters always respect their parents.”

“Good people keep tolerating whatever abuse their family fishes out at them.”

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There is an implied presupposition in these adages. ..All people are basically good.

You have been brainwashed to believe that if you just love someone enough, they will eventually let down their walls….and you will see the good person underneath all the barriers.

People walk back into houses with abusive partners every day, because someone guilted them into going back.

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Truth…..

These adages manipulate you with shame. Narcissists and psychopaths will lead you to believe that they are “good” people, that are just misunderstood, stressed, emotionally injured, etc.

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Truth…

Listening to your own feelings and intuition is good. You need these senses to protect yourself.

You have been brainwashed that “setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm” is noble. It makes you a good person. You will be rewarded for it later.

“Future promises”  are one of the favorite tools of manipulative people. They will lead you to believe that if you suffer through abuse now….you will be rewarded later….

But later never comes. You just get stuck in a reality that is being controlled by someone else.

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Truth…

You are not being selfish when you swt boundaries. You are not being selfish when you listen to your own feelings.

If someone is draining the life out of you, then they are taking advantage of you. Itvwill not balance out at some later date.

You are not a bad person if you do not give someone a second chance…a third chance….or a 10 th chance…after they have betrayed you.

People that sacrifice their dreams and desires for someone else are not better people…than people who follow their hearts and their passion….even if it means walking away from manipulative, cruel people.

So let’s “Get our heads out of the sand”

See what is right in front of you, and not what people tell you to see. Trust your feelings and your own perception of reality.

Don’t let people play on your desire to be a good person.

Be a good person. But spend your energy wisely. Follow your dreams. Access your truth.

 

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Who Are You Really?

This concept of “supposed to” …is a brainwashing by society. It keeps people functioning on autopilot like drones.

“Supposed to”…keeps people in abusive marriages.

“Supposed to”….makes children hide bruises their parents put on them, and lie about how their patents actually talk to them…(scream at them)

“Good wives” …are “supposed to” …stand by their husbands…”no matter what”.

There’s another 2 dangerous brainwashing phrases.

“Good…are sipposed to…

” Good wives do this…”

“Good daughters protect their mother’s image and reputation…”no matter what”…..(even if she is abusive behind closed doors)

“Good citizens work 9 to 5 and don’t complain about their job, even if they are miserable”

“Good people”…accept the roles they are expected to do. …accept the identity forced on them by their family…

“Good men”…do what is “expected of them by others”

You can be a good person, and still be living life the way you want to. As long as you are not hurting other people….( the relatives that say you hurt them by living your own life don’t count as “hurting people”)

Other people do not live inside of your body, and they do not have to experience the consequences of your choices. They live their own lives, and they make their own choices.

If you experienced in-going emotional abuse, or emotional neglect as a child….

If you lived with a narcissistic parent…

If your parent was an alcoholic or addicted to substances…

If your world growing up, had no room for being able to express and deal with your own needs and feelings.  ..

Then you probably have C-PTSD, from abuse that was on-going, and you were entrapped in the situation.

What’s worse…is if the abusive parent…or the enabler parent…told you they loved you…and that their behavior of shutting you down, when you tried to express your needs, was a loving act.

Abuse that is disguised as love or concern for the victim, is more harmful. It is gaslighting, and it confuses the reality of the victim. It causes PTSD .

So, many survivors of childhood abuse, have C-PTSD as adults. There are “emotional flashbacks” that suddenly cause you to feel fear, sadness or anger.

You were conditioned to focus your attention on the narcissistic parent. Your needs and feelings were of no consequence.

The result of years of this kind of mind manipulation, can often be the emergence of “People Pleaser Syndrome.”

This explains why you might believe those conditioned phrases like “Good girls don’t disagree with their family”….or “real men stay in the relationship…or the job they are in …..even if tbey are miserable.

Why?

Because…. “your feelings don’t matter.”

If you were conditioned to ignore your own inner guide, that leads you in the direction that is best for you…then you may not even know how to feel, or hear, or interact with that guide.

Your inner voice wants to guide you in directions toward being supported, following your passion….and away from the pain.

You have been conditioned to fear tbe anger and dissapointment of others as a real threat. But the conditioning you experienced can be re-wired.

“People Pleaser Syndrome” does not really protect you.

It is an illusion.

People who expect you to sacrifice your own dreams for their agenda, are not really your friends….and they are crossing your personal boundaries.

Why?

Because no one taught you anout how to set healthy boundaries, or told you that it is perfectly okay to say “no” to someone…as long as you are not hurting them.

Their claim that your making your own choices, and becoming independent of them, is invalid. Narcissistic parents love to make their adult children feel shame and guilt for “going against them.”

In healthier families, the adult children are treated with respect and dignity…..not made to “be a good son”…..and do what is expected of you by the family.

These patterns can become embedded in the subconscious mind. Then it becomes easy for any narcissist you come acrods, during your life, to manipulate you with shame, guilt, or by attacking your integrity or self esteem.

I am not encouraging you to be bad person. But simply this..

You have the right to decide what “good” means to you…

You have the right to choose who to help…and who to say..”no” ..to.

You can begin to hear and feel that inner guide that wants you to listen to it.

Your true feelings can guide you and allow you to follow your core values. It is the path that matters, more than the individual goals.

So….

Be a “good woman.

Be a “good man.”

Be a “good multi-faceted, spiritual being, that is living a life here on the earth”

Be authentic.

Practice saying no.

Pay attention to your feelings, and honor them, by choosing paths that align with those feelings.

Be yourself! 💕💕💕💕💕💜💜💕💕💕💕💕💕🐇🐇💕💜💕💜💝💜💝💕🐇🐢🐼🐣👻💕💜💕

 

Awakening Your Reality to Combat Depression and Anxiety

awakening sun

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Awakening to The more we get emotionally caught up in “playing the game of life” the farther we get from truth and reality.

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The game is hypnotic and seduces you. This seduction is not always of a pleasant nature, nor to we recognize it. We become caught up in the idea that who we are is reflected by how well we are doing…and how well we have done…in the game.

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We become brainwashed into thinking that our achievements…or lack thereof…are a mirror of who we are.

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People are judged by how well they play the game, and some will crush others down or take credit for their accomplishments, just to serve their own place in the game.

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“Nice guys finish last” becomes true if you become caught up in the hypnotic nature of the delusion. …the delusion that was created by narcissistic, manipulators who live to prey on others like animals.

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“It’s a jungle out there” ….only because human predators blend in and stalk their prey unnoticed. Many of them beat and mentally torture their wives, behind closed doors.

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If you have has abusive relationships then you were probably conditioned to accept your very low place in “the game.”

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You have been financially disabled, and your drive and instinct to play the game has been stolen. You have been left with inadequate cards to continue to play with any hope.

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A small percent of the players, who thrive at the very top of the food chain hold 90 percent of all the game finances and power. The pyramid opens up at the bottom, with players who have had every last bit of self esteem…and will to live…crushed out of them.

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Shame and guilt are used as tactics to manipulate those that have been conditioned to readily accept those emotions, ans what they entail. Shaming tactics of manipulation are used by those who have no sense of shame, guilt, remorse or empathy.

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“Divide and conquer” …becomes a commonly used tactic by the manipulators, as they pull the strings of those puppets they control….and use those puppets to harass, threaten, and otherwise torture their victims.

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People unaware of the continuous brainwashing, and conditioning by the game, become drained and fatigued. People with great compassion can become disillusioned and begin to feel hopeless.

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Depression and anxiety disorders arise. Suicides increase. Chronic pain, chronic fatigue syndrome, and illness are some of the results of psychological abuse and massive conditioning of society to be blindly compliant to accepting your role.

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New generations are conditioned, just like the last ones, that “the game” is the one and only reality….and that everyone is subject to its rules…..little knowing…..that the rules are being controlled by the players at the top, who manipulate reality in any manner they choose to.

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Lesser predators lurk about to prey on vulnerable targets. Having the quality of compassion….without knowledge of the matrix….makes people perfect targets for those with no empathy…and no conscience.

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The game is only as real as the collective consciousness believes it is. Individuals can begin to break free of the conditioning and the brainwashing….but still must find ways to survive….without being destroyed by the machinations of the manipulators.

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Where your attention is focused, makes a difference in the reality that will be perceived by you….thus manifested by you. But the subconscious attention, intention, and beliefs are more powerful at times…than what you think you are consciously focusing your attention on.

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energy light hands

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You can put cracks in the reality of the game, by re-wiring the neural pathways in your brain, that have become addicted to negative, and self-sabatoging thought patterns. It is an illusion that has wired itself into your hard drive….without your conscious consent.

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The “way of the world” is controlled by the minority of players that are wearing masks…and blindly believed by the rest of us…that “that is how it has to be”….because the cycles always repeat.

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Awakening to the matrix is a process. It often begins at the point of “rock bottom”….when the pain of still believing in this illusion of reality….becomes too painful to continue to exist in.

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Seek the truth in stillness….with all presuppositions turned off….and assumptions about “who you are” …as it is reflected by what you have done….what you have been told about yourself and who you are….and what you have been conditioned to suffer with….put into their proper perspective….which is that those things were conditioned into you by other players with their own agenda.

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Authenticity awaits you. Your intuition speaks to you causing feelings in your body. You have been brainwashed into ignoring those feelings.

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Allow your feelings to guide you, rather than the subconscious impulses that arise from the conditioning.

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“Who” you are….is who you want to be.

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It is simple and elegant.

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You can make the choices that honor your authentic self.

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You are not your past.

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You are not your conditioned thought patterns.

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You are not who people say you are.

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You are not the identity, or the role that you have been pushed into playing in the game.

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You are more.

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You are who you want to be.

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You are who you imagine you could be in another reality.

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You are who you would wish to be if you were in a story book.

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Reach out with your imagination….beyond this  illusion of reality you have accepted as true.

Psychopaths in Society

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The problem of psychopathy is a serious threat to the public, yet information about psychopaths is not common knowledge. There are warnings about the dangers of cigarettes, drunk driving, fire and even taking expired medications.

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There are all kinds of warnings from the government and other organizations about safety issues that concern the public. There are news reports when there is a danger of a severe weather event. When there is a flu virus spreading within a community, it is reported om the tv and the radio. 

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High school students are taught about the dangers of getting a sexually transmitted disease and provided with information about how to limit their risk. But they are not taught the red flags of dating a pathological person. They are not taught about abuse, and how to tell if you are in danger from your partner.

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Psychopathy is a personality disorder defined by a cluster of interpersonal, affective, lifestyle, and antisocial traits and behaviors that pose a serious problem for society. The behavioral repertoire of a psychopath includes charm, manipulation…

source – FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin  – July 2012

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There is a lot of misinformation about psychopaths, and this misinformation keeps people from being able to protect themselves. The real name for the disorder of psychopathy is anti social personality disorder. It is not the same thing as being psychotic. That is a different disorder. 

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Psychopaths are not confused about right and wrong. They know what behaviors are hurtful to other people, and they understand laws and ethics. They have no empathy for their victims, but they are aware when they are hurting them in some way.

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Psychopaths understand right from wrong. They know they are subject to society’s rules, but willingly disregard them to pursue their own interests. They also are not out of touch with reality. They rarely become psychotic unless they also have a separate mental illness or use powerful drugs…

source – FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin  – July 2012

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.Anti-social personality disorder (psychopathy)  is a personality disorder. This means it is an all pervasive disorder which reaches into all aspects of the person’s life. They like their disorder. so they have no desire to seek treatment, and therapy does not change their behavior. They do not desire to change.

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You cannot recognize a psychopath, unless you have studied about their tactics, characteristic and the red flags to spotting a psychopath. Even people who know about psychopaths can be manipulated by one. because they can be very charming and seductive. 

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Most people never have any idea that they are dealing with a pathological person, until it is too late. Other people work with one at their job, or have one in their family and will never realize it. This is the danger of allowing the information to stay hidden. 

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Some people never realize that they were in a relationship with a psychopath. They may realize at some point that they are in an abusive relationship, but by then they are already brainwashed and have a trauma bond with their abuser. 

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Robert Hare, the author of  Without a Conscience,  designed the Psychopathy Checklist for identifying the traits of people who have anti-social personality disorder. Anyone might seem to have one of the traits, but if someone you know has many of them, you need to be careful interacting with them. 

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The followingchart was published in the FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin  – July 2012

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Traits and Characteristics of Psychopathy

Interpersonal Affective Lifestyle Antisocial
Glib and superficial charm Lack of remorse/guilt Stimulation seeking Poor behavior controls
Grandiose sense
of self-worth
Shallow affect Impulsivity Early behavior problems
Pathological lying Callous lack of
empathy
Irresponsible Juvenile delinquency
Conning and
manipulation
Failure to accept
responsibility
Parasitic orientation Revocation of
conditional release
    Lack of realistic goals Criminal versatility
  • Please note – I realize that part of this chart is cut off. I could not fix it, but you can go to the source and view it in the full frame. 

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Psychopaths tend to target certain kinds of people for partner abuse. But they target other people when they need to use them for their own agenda. Any kind of relationship with a psychopath will end in you losing something, and possibly ending up with post traumatic stress disorder, or worse. 

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Statistics estimate that one out of twenty-five people is a psychopath. They blend in to all walks of life. Many of them survive like parasites who live off of other people. They take credit for the work of their co-workers and then throw them under bus, designing lies about them…or getting them blamed for the things the psychopath did wrong. 

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Young women are raped by psychopaths on college campuses, who lure them with their charm or drug their drinks. The campuses cover up the number of rapes on the campuses and rarely expel the offenders. 

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Psychopaths blend in on college campuses and appear to be just a regular student. A percentage of psychopaths on campuses are involved in repeated taped of the young women.

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This documentary reveals the frightening truth about the universities and their failure to report rapes to the authorities when the victims come to them for help. The victims are discouraged from reporting anything to the police and they are even accused of having encouraged their attackers. 

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The psychopaths in high positions do not want to be exposed. Many of them are in positions  control over the media and even the school system. People are made to think of psychopaths as serial killers and psychotic men who are out of control.

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The fact that psychopaths can blend in unnoticed is the way they are able to survive as predators. They will not allow the media to reveal the truth. We have to do that ourselves. To protect our children and to protect ourselves. 

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They do not deserve to walk among us unnoticed. When people can recognize a psychopath before they get entrapped by one, then they can walk away before the damage is done to them. It would reduce the number of women who end up in abusive marriages and domestic violence.

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It would keep young men and women safer on college campuses. It would keep people from ending up crushed and broken after a relationship with one of these pathological people. It would prevent the suicides of so many people who develop severe depression from being abused by a psychopath. 

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Bulletins like the FBI bulletin I gave you the link for in this post, should not just be for FBI agent training. They should be provided to the public and given to high school and college students, as well as distributed at doctor’s offices and human services agencies. 

 

Stigma About Mental Illness

Stigma about mental illness keeps many people from seeking treatment. Out f fear of social isolation, discrimination and misunderstanding due to their invisible illness, people fear the diagnosis and the permanent label to be fixed upon them.

There are many kinds of mental illness that are very different from each other.

People that have had incidents of severe depression are obviously not a danger to others, but being labeled with “mental illness” means that the same stigma will apply to them as to everyone else with a history of mental illness.

A former soldier who has had PTSD in the past, still carries the “history of mental illness” red flag in his records.

You hear the phrase “has a history of mental illness” on the news when some psychopath kidnaps a child. You hear this same phrase when a psychpathic 17 year old guns down his fellow students in the hallways of the school.

Just because someone “has a history of mental illness” does not make them a bad person, nor does it make them violent. This stigma is unrealistic and unfair to many people.

This stigma keeps many people from seeking treatment they need.

Once that label is on someone’s record, it is like it is etched in stone. It can ne brought out and others can even use it to undermine people that they have ulterior motives to destroying.

The general population is poorly educated about mental illness. Some people suffer for years and do not even realize that their depression or anxiety disorder could be treated.

They just know that something is wrong but they do not have enough background aboit different kinds of mental issues, to understand when depression changes from regular depression to a depressive disorder that is serious.

Parents are not educated about teen mental illness, and many parents cannot recognize a serious mental health problem. Teen suicides that could be prevented are a tragedy.

High schools do not have classes on basic mental health. The students are forced to spend hours learning certain things they will never use in their lifetime, but critical life topics like mental illness or safe dating is not covered in the curriculum.

Over 25 percent of people will have some form of serious mental suffering during their lifetimes.

Why is it that education about mental health is not given any consideration by the government or the school systems?

Why does the media continue to perpetuate misinformation that is devastating to individuals with mental health dosorders?

The heads of the government have an agenda that does not contain any feelings of empathy or common sense.

1 in 25 people is a psychopath or a malignant toxic narcissist. These are the people that are a danger to others.

But they have a talent to put on a facade of  charm and to appear “normal.”  By enabling fingers to be pointed at people “with a history of mental illness” …the psychopathic leaders are able to continue to blend in.

Lower level psychopaths endanger the invisibity of the high functioning ones. When these lower level psychopaths commit crimes, the media spouts that the person has “a history of mental illness.”

The truth that psychopaths blend into the crowd and are able to function undetected by people, is something that is covered up.

Instead of the news saying the truth, which is…

“This man raped three women. He is a psychopath. “…

..They are obligated to say …

“This man raped three women. He has a history of mental illness. ”

This veil of illusion is permeated throughout society and constantly reinforced by conditioning of the minds of the public.

 

C-PTSD from on-going Mental Trauma

The psychologically traumatized brain takes unusual action to protect itself from further trauma. It adapts and activates emergency systems in order to protect the victim from danger.

The fight or flight system begins to behave differently. It adapts. Chemicals that should be flooded into the body for a few minutes during an immediate threat, begin to circulate like soldiers doing rounds.

Unnecessary functions slow down or turn off. The memory functions malfunction. The system overloads. The hippacampus part of the brain fails to properly integrate memories into the long term boxes of the brain.

PTSD happens because the constant overload of cortisol disrupts its normal function. Flashbacks cannot be differentiated by the brain from immediate threat.

Threat is everywhere. That is what the brain has learned. It adapts to the perception that the environment is unsafe. The nervous system goes on high alert.

Ongoing events of threat continue to keep the adaptation occuring. The brain learns not to be normal. Normal functions do not allow for such heightening of perception and the senses.

The senses become more alert. Every loud noise sends adrenaline throughout the body. Shadows on the fall cause the blood to pump faster from the heart and into the exremities.

Breathing becomes faster to bring more oxygen into the brain. The brain must be alert. It needs to process very quickly, at a moment’s notice.

Unexpected danger creates unacceptable odds. Danger must be anticipated. The senses can notice the slightest change in the blood pressure of the enemy.

Connection with the enemy is like a twisted dance for survival.  Any change in the emotional state of the dominator must be sensed before it can be seen.

Executive function falls in performance. The brain adapts. It sacrifices normal day to day brain functions, for heightened survival functions.

The entire nervous system is systematically disregulated by the enemy. The brain fights back. It must adapt.

Integration of memories and events becomes blurred. The line between reality and imagination becomes dangerously thinner and thinner.

The enemy is present all the time. Even when he is not there. Constant hypervigilance commands the body.

Sleep is no longer restful. Full sleep ststes are dangerous. They leavr the victim vulnerable. Sleep deprivation further interferes with the brain’s capacity to perceive reality.

Flashbacks occur simultaneously with new incidents of abuse. Now “traumatization” and “retraumatization” happen intertwined.

PTSD is fully lit throughout the nervous system and the brain. As new terrors at the whim of the monster cause more trauma which will result in PTSD later on.

Emotion goes into shock. Reality becomes arrested and only exists inside of the abuse cycles.

There is no safe way out. Every option is turned over in the brain. Looked at upside down and backwards. And yet….the scenarios play out upon the mental stage and end the same way.

Sometimes the perception of reality of the victim dances close to psychosis. The brain adapts. Organizational systems are nearly shut down. Processing and regular thinking is severely slowed.

This is brain fog. This is darkness. This is how the brain adapts to ongoing, constant imminent danger. Danger just around the corner.

The system becomes toxic as high levels of cortisol and adrenaline are continuously doing their rounds. Making sure the victim can run…freeze….hide…or fight back.

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