This concept of “supposed to” …is a brainwashing by society. It keeps people functioning on autopilot like drones.
“Supposed to”…keeps people in abusive marriages.
“Supposed to”….makes children hide bruises their parents put on them, and lie about how their patents actually talk to them…(scream at them)
“Good wives” …are “supposed to” …stand by their husbands…”no matter what”.
There’s another 2 dangerous brainwashing phrases.
“Good…are sipposed to…
” Good wives do this…”
“Good daughters protect their mother’s image and reputation…”no matter what”…..(even if she is abusive behind closed doors)
“Good citizens work 9 to 5 and don’t complain about their job, even if they are miserable”
“Good people”…accept the roles they are expected to do. …accept the identity forced on them by their family…
“Good men”…do what is “expected of them by others”
You can be a good person, and still be living life the way you want to. As long as you are not hurting other people….( the relatives that say you hurt them by living your own life don’t count as “hurting people”)
Other people do not live inside of your body, and they do not have to experience the consequences of your choices. They live their own lives, and they make their own choices.
If you experienced in-going emotional abuse, or emotional neglect as a child….
If you lived with a narcissistic parent…
If your parent was an alcoholic or addicted to substances…
If your world growing up, had no room for being able to express and deal with your own needs and feelings. ..
Then you probably have C-PTSD, from abuse that was on-going, and you were entrapped in the situation.
What’s worse…is if the abusive parent…or the enabler parent…told you they loved you…and that their behavior of shutting you down, when you tried to express your needs, was a loving act.
Abuse that is disguised as love or concern for the victim, is more harmful. It is gaslighting, and it confuses the reality of the victim. It causes PTSD .
So, many survivors of childhood abuse, have C-PTSD as adults. There are “emotional flashbacks” that suddenly cause you to feel fear, sadness or anger.
You were conditioned to focus your attention on the narcissistic parent. Your needs and feelings were of no consequence.
The result of years of this kind of mind manipulation, can often be the emergence of “People Pleaser Syndrome.”
This explains why you might believe those conditioned phrases like “Good girls don’t disagree with their family”….or “real men stay in the relationship…or the job they are in …..even if tbey are miserable.
Because…. “your feelings don’t matter.”
If you were conditioned to ignore your own inner guide, that leads you in the direction that is best for you…then you may not even know how to feel, or hear, or interact with that guide.
Your inner voice wants to guide you in directions toward being supported, following your passion….and away from the pain.
You have been conditioned to fear tbe anger and dissapointment of others as a real threat. But the conditioning you experienced can be re-wired.
“People Pleaser Syndrome” does not really protect you.
It is an illusion.
People who expect you to sacrifice your own dreams for their agenda, are not really your friends….and they are crossing your personal boundaries.
Because no one taught you anout how to set healthy boundaries, or told you that it is perfectly okay to say “no” to someone…as long as you are not hurting them.
Their claim that your making your own choices, and becoming independent of them, is invalid. Narcissistic parents love to make their adult children feel shame and guilt for “going against them.”
In healthier families, the adult children are treated with respect and dignity…..not made to “be a good son”…..and do what is expected of you by the family.
These patterns can become embedded in the subconscious mind. Then it becomes easy for any narcissist you come acrods, during your life, to manipulate you with shame, guilt, or by attacking your integrity or self esteem.
I am not encouraging you to be bad person. But simply this..
You have the right to decide what “good” means to you…
You have the right to choose who to help…and who to say..”no” ..to.
You can begin to hear and feel that inner guide that wants you to listen to it.
Your true feelings can guide you and allow you to follow your core values. It is the path that matters, more than the individual goals.
Be a “good woman.
Be a “good man.”
Be a “good multi-faceted, spiritual being, that is living a life here on the earth”
Practice saying no.
Pay attention to your feelings, and honor them, by choosing paths that align with those feelings.
Be yourself! 💕💕💕💕💕💜💜💕💕💕💕💕💕🐇🐇💕💜💕💜💝💜💝💕🐇🐢🐼🐣👻💕💜💕