Staying Sober while Living with an Alcoholic Drinker

The question has been posed to me as to whether or not a newly sober person can maintain their sobriety while living with an alcoholic who is drinking.

This is a tremendously difficult situation to be in. It is extremely painful and full of mental and emotional torture.

If you have become sober then you have achieved a difficult goal. In order to maintain it, you need support. You need the support of people who understand how difficult it is to stay sober. You need the support of people who boost your self-esteem.

You also need emotional support. You need family and friends that are on your side and can understand how you feel. It is important to be around people that boost your self-esteem. You need to feel worthy of the effort to stay sober.

An alcoholic partner who is drinking , is not able to be emotionally available for you. They cannot sympathize with your feelings. They cannot understand what it is like to maintain your sobriety. It is a daily struggle to be strong and find alternate ways to relieve anxiety and stress.

The alcohol is a way of escape from anxiety and stress. If you are no longer drinking then you need other ways to reduce stress and help with depression.

The alcoholic is still drowning themselves in alcohol as a way of escaping reality and responsibility. They are dumping their responsibilities on you. They are not only leaving you alone, in your time of need but they are adding on the stress of dealing with them.

It is not a good situation. If you are trapped in this type of homelife then you need extra support from other people.

It is bad for your mental health to be in this situation. It is easier said than done to tell you to get out. Financial entanglements are hard to unwind. Emotional tangles are even harder.

You want the person to be proud of you. You want them to hold you and comfort you. You need them to praise you and encourage you for each day you stay sober, as you become comfortable with your new behavioral patterns.

The sad truth is – they won’t do any of these things for you and are not going to in the near future.

It seems so cruel to say that. But misleading someone is not kind, especially if it will cause them to seek something, only to be disappointed and crushed.

Someone who is newly sober needs to find new things that they will enjoy to do. Activities outside of the house might help. Going out with friends after AA meetings is good.

Do not let the partner discourage you from attending meetings. You need to keep up with your healing.

It would be very easy to feel sorry for the alcoholic. You may also feel angry at them or sad that they don’t love you enough. All of these feelings are normal and you are allowed to feel what you feel. But don’t let the alcoholic’s bad addictive behaviors draw you in.

They may resent you or perceive that you think that you are better than them, now that you are sober.

Do not let them manipulate you by making you feel guilty for being sober.

They are choosing their own path of demise. Sadly, they are choosing it over you.

No matter what the partner tells you – You are important and your path to maintaining a happy, fulfilling, sober lifestyle is a good path. If you keep going forward there will be good things that await you.

Addiction

My hands
How they tremble
I’m afraid
I’m afraid

My ears
How they ring
I’m afraid
I’m afraid

My heart
In my chest
Will it stop?
Will it stop?

The pain
How it streams
Will it stop?
Will it stop?

My knees
How they buckle
I can’t walk
I can’t walk

I collapse
To the floor
I can’t walk
I can’t walk

I hear voices
Outside
Don’t come in
Don’t come in

A knock
At the door
Don’t come in
Don’t come in

I’m trying
To reach
So much pain
So much pain

The reaching
Is hard
So unfair
So unfair

The bottle
It’s taunting me
Here,
I’m right here

The pills
Have contempt
For their pet
For their pet

The bottle
In hand
Feels so cold
Feels so cold

Trembling
Worsens
Damn the cap
Turn the cap

My hands
How they tremble
Please open
Please open

The pills
How they mock me
In charge
They’re in charge

In charge
Of my life
I feel small
I feel small

Try
Not to drop them
Be careful
Be careful

They
Spill to the floor
I’m afraid
I’m afraid

I crawl
On the floor
Face down
On my knees

Blowing off
The dust
Put them back
Put them back

Just one
Then I wait
Time will tell
Time will tell

If just one
Is enough
This is Hell
This is Hell

Time to wait
For my fate
Passes slow
Passes slow

The voices
Outside
Getting close
Getting close

No where
To hide
Please don’t knock
Please don’t knock

Such terror
Within
Lock the door
Lock the door

If I scream
They will hear
Try to breath
Try to breath

The voices
Don’t know
I’m in pain
I’m in pain

The terror
Increasing
Don’t knock
Please don’t knock

Then slowly
Those pills
Start to help
Start to help

Def con
Goes down
On alert
On alert

Threat levels
down
Just for now
Just for now

My brain
Starts to clear
Very slow
Very slow

Such
Terrible fear
No one knows
No one knows

Completely
alone
In the dark
In the dark

The time
On the clock
2pm
2pm

The others
Would judge
I feel shame
I feel shame

But the pills
Are in charge
How they mock
How they mock

No mercy
Or grace
Not from them
Not from them

Forgiveness
Must come
From myself
From myself

It’s so hard
to find
The way out
The way out

Too much
To endure
I’m ashamed
I’m ashamed

Put the
Bottles away
They will wait
They will wait

They know
I’ll return
So afraid
So afraid

To live life
Without them
Such pain
Too much pain

And so
It will go
It is sad
It is sad

Addiction
Wins over
Each time
Everytime

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