Category: healing from narcissistic abuse
Reaction Seeking Behavior
Colors Guided Meditation
Relax your body
Feel your shloulders and neck muscles relaxing
Feel the muscles in you face release and allow all facial expression to rest
Especially those small muscles around your mouth, lips and jaw
Relax your chest and feel the beating of your heart become slower and more even
Like a soft drum ever so gently thumping a rhythm for your ears to hear
Notice as your nervous system begins to respond sympathetically to the slow beating of your heart
As you begin to relax even deeper, you can begin to recognize the beautiful energy fields flowing all around you
As you feel the weight of your body sinking deeper towards the ground, you realize that you can breath in the lavendar, indigo or gold colored energies around you
As you notice that you are sinking deeper into a state of trance, you can breath deeply the color of the energy field that best supports you
Draw that color into your body and notice the feeling of that energy filling you all the way to the tips of your toes and fingertips
Draw the color into you and you will notice the energy is calming you and energizing you at the same time
Exhale a different color
This is the color of negative feelings and any bad energies that others have put into you
As you feel your toes tingle from the positive energies on the inhale…
Draw all the negative energies from inside of your body and exhale them to send them out of you
You can see the color of this negative energy and notice that the color varies on the exhales
As your body becomes even more relaxed, you realize these bad energies are no longer serving you
And it is okay to let them leave
You notice tngling energy in your shoulders, neck and you begin to have a deeper sensation of the calming , healing energies that are drawn into your body with each breath
And you feel safe letting the negative, bad energies leave you
As you become filled with the beautiful color that you feel all around you, you realize that these energies are always around you
You just have to relax and notice and observe them
Breath in the energizing colors
And exhale the negative ones
Inhale through your nose
Exhale through your mouth , releasing these sick energy build ups from your chest
You can continue until you feel you have released everything you needed to
Namaste
Annieđź’•
For Anyone Who Dreads the Holidays
image from Pinterest – HERE
Another holiday is upon us. I know that many of us dread the holidays for one reason or another. Some of you will be alone and others have to tolerate relatives they would rather not ever see.
Divorced parents have to coordinate with their ex, or miss the holiday with their kids all together. Memories of traumatizing past holidays trigger emotional flashbacks while you try to maintain your holiday cheer for the sake of your children.
Adult children of abusive parents suffer a triggering of old emotional wounds. Memories of traumatic experiences creeping into your mind, or bombarding you with full frontal assault.
People with chronic illnesses, progressive diseases, and chronic pain feel the weight of knowing it was not always this difficult, and it should not be this difficult.
Many people that have chronic pain and illness will be isolated, or struggling to keep up with things only to have a less than pleasant day.
Depression is often amplified during a holiday. Whether you are self isolating or are isolated because people got tired of dealing with your mental illness, being alone can make feelings of hopelessness worse.
image from Pinterest – HERE
Some people will end up in a room full of loud, busting people only to feel more alone in the middle of the crowd. Being at any kind of gathering can be terribly draining and depressing for people who already suffer from depression.
OCD, PTSD and anxiety disorders can all be triggered to be worse in the midst of dealing with the expectations of friends and family. Even the media and society seems to judge and mock those who just cannot feel the “spirit” of a holiday.
So to all of you I send compassion. Feel free to provide links to your holiday posts on my blog, if you want to share how you are dealing with the holiday. I will post something on Sunday for this purpose.
Peace of mind is the most important thing for you on the holiday. So prioritize your mental well being. Don’t be afraid to say NO to people, and use the “spoonie method” to get through.
Much love,
Annieđź’•
Bullying and Shaming is Abuse
My Top Favorite Self Care Behaviors
Self care is part of self parenting. If you have C-PTSD from childhood abuse, emotional trauma, or neglect, then you were probably not taught to care for yourself.
If your emotional needs were regularly discounted then you were trained to ignore your feelings about being uncomfortable, and taught to hide those feelings. You were not able to get what you needed to make your environment feel safe and comfortable.
If your parents did not make an effort to care for your need to feel safe and comfortable, then you were programmed into discounting your own comfort needs.
Everone has the need to feel comfort, safety and pleasure. It is not selfish to have these needs. It is normal and it is part of the survival instinct.
As an adult who came from a narcissistic pareny or otherwise dysfunctional family, you have to learn how to parent yourself now. …Not in the same way you were parented as a child. But in a nurturing, compassionate way.
Learning thow to care for yourself will allow you to have more energy and patience ti share your love with other people.
Love the loving. Maintain behaviors of self love and then show compassion to people who have the capacity for love and empathy. Do not waste energy trying to change unloving people.
So here is a list of my top 10 favorite self care ideas. Please share your own favorite ideas in the comments below.
1. Wrap up in hot towels from the dryer. You don’t have to be doing wash at the time. Just toss 2 or 3 nice towels in the dryer and dry them on high, for 10 or 15 minutes. Then wrap up in them.
2. Cover yourself in soft blankets. Buy one special blanket that has your favorite texture. Running your hands over pleasing textures can calm the nervous system, similar to petting a soft furred animal.
3. Take a warm shower or bath. You don’t have to wait until you need to bathe. Hot steamy showers have a healing effect and calm the nervous system. Submersing yourself in a bath of warm water will help you be mindful of the present moment.
4. Listen to music that makes you feel empowered. Your favorite music has a direct effect on your nervous system and will generate dopamine and feel-good chemical responses.
5. Petting and playing with your favorite kind of animals. Animals are living spiritual beings. Different people are drawn to different animals for different emotional and spiritual energies that these animals have.
6. Water has healing properties. Drinking clean water…swimming in water… and being near the ocean, stream… or a beautiful sparkling lake…all have spiritually uplifting possibilities.
7. Creating your perfect sleep space. Your sleeping area needs to be a calm haven of nurturing and soothing quality. Alter your lighting with red or other colored light bulbs in a table lamp. Add soothing sounds and textureus. The colors should be ones that are important to you and have an affect on your nervous system.
8. Uplifting words. Read or watch videos by people who inspre you. Your self esteem should feel boosted after spending time with a message that energizes and validates you.
9. Learn to say NO, without feeling obligated to make them agree that your reasons are valid. Being afraid to say NO to people will cause you to be forced into situations that deplete your energy and your self esteem.
10. Create things that are inventive, artistic, authentic or unique. Draw, color, craft, write a poem, sing in your unique voice, write, create a new yoga routine, rearrange items in a unique way, decorate a box, add fringe to your lampshade with a hot glue gun, change the laces in your sneakers to colored ones, make a beaded bracelet, plant some flowers, choose your favorite material at JoAnne fabrics and lay it on your table for a table cloth, buy a bag of buttons at the craft store and sew them onto your tops and jackets, add some coloful garnishes to your dinner plate….explore….create…don’t worry about comparing your creativity to others….be yourself!
Shame Holds us Back from Our Possibilities
This is a great talk by Brene Brown.
She describes the difference between shame and guilt very elegantly here. She has done extensive research about shame, and states that it is a cause of depression, anxiety and suicide in most cultures.Â
She talks about shame as an epidemic in our culture and how the media and society program us for shame. The ads that tell us how we “should be,”
 and what we “should be doing.” …to the people in our lives that expect us to live up to unreasonable standards.Â
Shame can come from abuse and emotional trauma in our childhoods, and in our adulthood experiences. Shame is programmed into us by others. You can re-wire the brain with thought patterns that are more supportive for you. Shame is a destroyer.
I believe that many mental disorders are based in shame. I work with abuse survivors that carry loads of shame from their past. Even when people come to the realization that they were abused, the shame does not just go away. In fact sometimes it becomes worse, during the healing process because old wounds are being opened up.Â
Walking through the programs that are in your brain is important, to be able to find the truth about yourself. You are a special, unique person.
You do not have to carry toxic shame with you.
You cannot change the past, but you can change the meaning of the memories that you carry of it.Â
The people that planted those seeds were just trying to meet their own agenda by keeping you down, and unsure of your value and place in the world.Â
Brene Brown makes the point that creativity, inventiveness, and change come from a place of vulnerability. Doing things that are different, and uniquely you means you have to be somewhat vulnerable.
The greatest minds of the world came up with original ideas and creations and discoveries. They were not always met with acceptance.Â
You do not have to follow the crowd. You have your own voice…you just have to find it and differentiate that authentic voice from the programs that were implanted into your brain. Shame is one of those programs that is no longer serving you.Â
Love the Loving
Love the loving people. Share your kindness and love with people who are able to love and care for people. Waste not your loving energies on people who cannot love others.Â
Show compassion for those who have compassion and are capable of empathy with others. Loving people will fill your energies, rather than drain them.Â
The energy exchange between two loving people will raise both of them up to a higher consciousness level. You will feel like a part of them has been added to you. This will not cause them to lose anything.Â
Being kind and loving to another person who have love and compassion, will add part of yourself to them. They will carry part of you with them, but this will not cause you to lose anything.Â
If you feel you are being drained bu someone, be careful not to lose yourself in them. If this is a person incapable of empathy and compassion, then they will take from you and not give anything back.Â
Share your kindness and your special spiritual gifts with other who are special. It will uplift you and you will feel your love for all living things growing inside you.
Holding resentment for someone who abused you can be like a dark hole inside of you. Sharing love with loving people can help to fill this darkness with light. The more light you carry with you, the more it will surround you. Others will feel the warmth of this light that is being generated by your spirit.
Coping with PTSD and Anxiety Disorders
If you have PTSD or an anxiety disorder, some days you have to take breaks between your tasks. Different people are triggered by different things and becoming overloaded can result in a complete meltdown or panic attack.
Pushing through your day without a break to calm yourself will drain you. It can take a lot of energy to do errands and activities, when you are being exposed to triggers in your environment.
Being sleep deprived can add to your anxiety. It is important to find ways to get enough rest and sleep. If anxiety keeps you from sleeping well at night, your body and your brain may require naps during the day. Self care is important.
If you need breaks between doing things, try to think ahead to plan enough time to take them. Be gentle and adaptable with yourself.
You are your own best advocate. Draw boundaries when you need them. Think of how you would treat a friend in circumstances like the ones you are in at the time, if your friend also suffered from PTSD.Â
Sometimes it gives some perspective to think of what allowances and flexibility you would offer someone else. Looking at yourself from an observer point of view can help you gain some perspective and design coping methods for yourself.
Sending love and healing energies,
Annieđź’•
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