Exhaustion sets in
Before day has begun
Midnight kindling thoughts
That circle and spin
Like being trapped
To the sticky silk
Of a spider’s grand web
Exhaustion sets in
Before day has begun
Midnight kindling thoughts
That circle and spin
Like being trapped
To the sticky silk
Of a spider’s grand web
So you are lying in bed, ruminating over something that you have gone over again and again.
Is there something in your subconscious that makes you think you will solve it or come up with a whole new way of looking at it?
Do we actually think that going over it for the 99th time will lead to some closure on it? Or that the 100th time is the charm?
I don’t know, and I end up doing it , time and time again. But lately I am thinking that the thinking itself might be counterproductive sometimes.
I heard Ajahn Brahm (a Buddhist monk) say that something is only a problem if it can be solved. You know. ..like a math problem that you can come up with a solution for.
So, if it isn’t something that you can come up with a solution for, then it’s not a problem, by the definition of the word.
So why do we spend our precious time, that could be put to better use (like sleeping) trying to solve the unsolveable? Are we looking for a way to change the nature of that situation or event, into a solveable situation ?
If something is not a problem, then what it is?
It’s just the way something is.
It is how things are, even if we don’t like it.
It’s an unfortunate set of circumstances.
It’s something bad that happened
It’s somebody else being who they are, whether we like it or not.
Some things we have no control over, and other things we wish we had control over.
We can’t change other people, or the nature of another person. We can’t change what another person wants, or how they behave.
We can’t change the past, including things we wish we hadn’t done, and things we wish someone else hadn’t done to us.
There are plenty of things that we have no control over, and cannot change. Yet, we go over these things, trying to generate better feelings about them, by trying to find ways to control them.
Then, there is that urge to figure out other people.
Why did they say that?
Why would they do that to me?
What did I ever do to them?
How can they behave that way, or think that way?
Again ….things we have no say in.
We desire to make reality fit into our own paradym. We want things to make some kind of sense and to have an explanation we can live with.
We want other people to behave in a logical manner. We want other people to behave in an ethical manner and valued manner.
That could be why we go over and over the same things, and let the same thoughts play out in a loop, over abd over again.
I think that we need to look at it and ask ourselves, “Can I solve this? Is there a reasonable possibility of a solution?
Or is this a non – problem, and rather a difficulty that just exists with no action needed from me?”
If you have gone over and over it, and no solution you can think of will actually work, then it might need to be tossed into the non – problem pile. And we can move on to actual problems that we have the power to fix and solve…..or better yet we can simply let it go, and sleep.
Ask yourself “what is more productive?”
Is it to keep repeating this loop of thoughts that I have repeated 100 times? Or to assign this particular loop to its proper box on our mental shelf ?
Then we can use the time in a way that supports us better overall.
After all ww are somewhat logical beings, even though emotion tends to drive our behavior, including our thinking behavior.
At the very least, we can decide that the thing isn’t going to go anyplace , if we do something more productive or more self supportive right now.
So, since it’s not going to go anywhere, and we can’t come up with any new thoughts about it, what harm will happen if we just set it on that shelf?
Goodnight all ….and pleasant dreams.
image from Pinterest– link HERE
A great percentage of your life is spent sleeping. This feels like a waste of precious time to some people. To others it is a escape from an otherwise unbearable existence.
We try to find ways to avoid sleep, in order to get things done that we deem more important. Or we self medicate ourselves by sleeping, and think of it as an escape from being in reality. But sleep is a reality all its own, that it intertwined with our waking reality.
image from Pinterest – link HERE
Sleep deprivation will cause deterioration in your mental state, your emotional state, memory, and cognitive functions. It effects your ability to have a clear continuity from one day to the next. Over time, sleep deprivation can cause a breakdown of your mental state, resulting in mental illness.
image from pinterest – HERE
Sleep can be affected by various things. If you are unable to sleep straight through for 8 or 9 hours, then it is critical to your mental health that you make up the missing sleep hours at another time of the day.
This is not laziness. You are not being unproductive when you are sleeping. Lack of proper sleep will cause decreased productivity and poor efficiency. You will have memory problems, especially related to spatial and time memory.
Your core beliefs, your memories, your perceptions of reality, and your emotions are all functions of your subconscious brain.
Sleep is critical to make sure all these realities, and the different parts of your brain are working both together…and independently… in a way that best supports you.
image from Pinterest – link HERE
Spirituality… higher consciousness …and your perceptions about the nature of your reality…are all intertwined with what happens in the brain while you sleep.
Your mental and emotional health are dependent upon your getting proper sleep. This is also true about your immune system and your physical health.
Being able to perceive your higher consciousness… and spiritual realities… is also intertwined with your brain being able to experience the sleep states. Your spiritual health is dependent upon letting your conscious brain rest, so the other senses can awaken.
You are not wasting time by sleeping. You are allowing an important part of your reality to exist. You are increasing your brain’s ability to function well during your waking hours.
What happens when you are awake affects your dreams, and what happens in your dreams affects your consciousness. 🌷
Loneliness and mental illness can often occur together. Does the mental illness cause the loneliness? Or can loneliness and isolation cause mental illness?
There are studies that suggest the loneliness and isolation can cause depression, anxiety disorders and even dementia. But for this post I want to leave the studies and references to those studies aside. We can do that another day.
If someone becomes depressed they tend to self isolate. People that are stricken by grief or loss sometimes just don’t feel enough energy or desire to interact socially.
For short periods of time, this can be a normal reaction, particularly for an introverted person. But long term isolation has detrimental effects on mental health.
Anxiety disorders also can cause people to self isolate. Without any support or interaction with people, a person with severe anxiety can develop other disorders like agoraphobia or even hoarding.
Long term isolation cuts off the human connection that people need. This can bring up the fight or flight mechanism, because the brain may perceive extreme isolation as dangerous. Being cut off from community and basically cut off from the protection of the herd, is something that the brain may perceive as life threatening.
The reptilian brain is all about the primal urges and protection for survival. If the reptilian brain feels that the basic survival needs are not being met, then a message may be sent to the limbic system to feel the threat in the body.
The amygdala is the part of the brain that controls the fight or flight chemicals. Cortisol and adrenaline are sent into the system when a threat of danger is perceived.
If we become overloaded by cortisol for extended periods of time on a regular basis, it can create harm to the body and the brain. I will get into this more in another post.
The important thing is that these chemicals make the nervous system feel terrible. The person can hyperventilate, have heart palpitations and feel painful, uncomfortable sensations throughout the body.
We were designed to exist in a state of fight or flight mode. This is PTSD or it can be C-PTSD. In the case of on-going experiences of feeling in danger, over many months or years, it is complex post traumatic stress disorder that occurs.
There may be feelings of extreme fear of abandonment upon meeting new people. There may be severe social anxiety from this or from feeling inadequate to interact with people.
Some of the trauma may be rooted in early childhood experiences of abandonment or rejection. Child abuse of any kind, including emotional abuse, can cause fear of abandonment and fear of being isolated from others.
The issue of loneliness and how serious it can be seems to be taboo to discuss. People do not like to say they feel lonely because it makes them fear they will be rejected for admitting this. Then they will just reinforce their problem by making people reject them.
So there can feel like there is no way out. Someone feels depressed or lonely to begin with. Then the depression results in pathological loneliness. Or the toxic lineliness results in chronic depression.
The anxiety naturally goes along side all of this, and turns into C-PTSD or it opens old childhood trauma which had already caused C-PTSD. The person may not even know they had old wounds to open, but the emotional flashbacks to rejection and fear of abandonment are happening.
Suicidal thoughts, self harm and self medicating can occur as a result of this snowball effect. What started the process may never be known. The person just feels isolated and afraid to live this way.
The stigma of mental illness makes all of this worse. Many people are afraid to seek treatment. They are afraid to even tell anyone how they feel. They do not think anyone will understand.
Once someone starts to become isolated from other people, it can be hard to get out of. They will still feel isolated in a room full of people, because they feel that they are too different to fit in.
The issue of loneliness should not be taboo to talk about. It causes suffering for many people with mental illness, and most likely is one of the roots of mental illness to begin with.
It is when someone feels that others do not understand them, that they feel inadequate or just too different to be accepted. Everyone needs human touch and emotional intimacy of some kind.
This issue of loneliness needs to have less stigma, just like the issue of mental illness needs to have less stigma. There needs to be more awareness so that people do not isolate themselves emotionally to the point that they see no value in living.
Being in emotional and mental pain every day, on a regular, constant basis diminishes quality of life. It makes people feel hopeless and worthless.
Mental illness is painful, and so is the feeling that no one can understand and accept you.
The worst thing is believing there may be no end to the suffering. That is when people lose hope. No one wants to live with neverending suffering.
The light from the cell phone
Only partially illuminates the room
All else is silent but the wind
And the sound of the tiny clicks
that sound out loud
each time a letter is typed
The writing keeps me thinking
The writing stops me from thinking too much
About the darkness
The writing keeps me feeling
The writing keeps me from feeling too much
Of the darkness
The resonating echo of the clicks
Filling the emptiness of the room
Makes me feel some safety …
Something to frighten
the darkness away
To ward it off
To block it’s path
To distract my mind
To pretend it cannot reach me
But it’s all around
I can feel it rising
From the floors of the bedroom
To the top of the mattress
But I just keep typing
To hear the clicking
Of the cell phone keys in the dark
Because it isn’t the darkness
From the lack of light
That frightens me the very most
But the other darkness that rises
And closes all around me
That no one thinks is there
And no one else can see
Good night to all. It is time for all good little insomniacs to go to sleep and this means me.
Life needs balance. Our bodies are systems of balance. We need a balanced diet or we become sick.
We need balance between work and play, rest and activity, and focus vs. relaxaxing the mind.
We need balance between socializing and time to ourselves. Too much of any one thing throws off something else that is equally important.
Our physical and mental health are dependent upon this critical balance.
We should not negect nature for technology. Nor should we forget about our family and friends because we become too focused on work.
The reverse of any of these statements is also true. We should not neglect our work, our dreams and our vision for our family.
It is a constant struggle to keep things in balance. Every physical problem has to do with something being neglected for the sake of something else.
On-going, extreme imbalance will cause disease, illness, fatigue, and a lack of wellness.
Ancient Chinese medicine was based on the idea of sickness and disease being the result of imbalance. This was an entire system of trying to connect certain health problems with particular imbalances.
The ancient Chinese medicine developers believed that by identifying imbalances early, you can prevent serious illness and diseases.
There are entire health arts related to identifying imbalances, and restoring imbalance in the body. Acupressure, acupuncture, yoga are all about restoring and maintaining the fine balamces within the body.
These arts also restore balance between the mind and the body. It is clear that physical health is intimately intertwined with mental and emotional health.
At any given time, something is bound to be in an imbalance. Our goal should be to look at imbalances if we feel like something is wrong.
Moderate to severe mental health problems can be your body’s way of communicating to you that it needs something. It could be that something is in starvation.
We can become emotionally starved for love and compassion. We can become starved for physical touch.
Emotional starvation can cause every system in the body to suffer. The mind will suffer as well and cognitive processes will slow down.
We were also made to be able to think and create. Being stuck in a routine job and living on autopilot can cause imbalance in your life.
We were made to have a balance, which includes variety and change, as well as the comfort of some predictability.
Remembering the importance of balance will help you to be able to identify and restore balamce to yourself. It is also something useful to pass down to your children or teach others.
Whenever you feel like you are having trouble keeping up with something in your life, or that something is being neglected, see what might be drinking too much energy and time from you.
If something is being neglected, it is due to something else taking too much of your time and energy. We do not always want to admit what that something is.
Even if you are not ready to make a dramatic change, yoi may be able to make smaller ones. Without change we cannot move forward.
Staying stuck in the same unhealthy routine will slowly starve your body and your mind.
Accept your tre self and nurture yourself without judgement. Restoring balance is not about self judgement. It is about self love.
I woke up to use the bathroom…which is what my bladder does three times during my sleep every night…and I was able to catch my older daughter before she brushed her teeth.
I told her to use the bottled water to brush he teeth because I do not know what is up with this water.
I got a lot of suggestions on the last post and hopefully the house owners will have it fixed by the time I get home from work because they use the water too.
If for some reason my ex mother in law is not disturbed by the water then it will not get looked at until my ex father in law comes home in a couple of days from New York.
Let’s hope it bothers her to use it. It is hard to say with them. She frequently uses very expired ingredients to cook food with for the kids so her germaphobia is about the opposite of mine.
The fact that I have OCD and am now washing my hands in what appears to be contaminated water is disturbing. I have been using hand sanitizer after I wash my hands.
Luckily I have a small bottle in my purse most all of the time….best invention ever! Yay!
So I was able to let the kids know to use bottled water for teeth brushing. Thank goodness I had half a case left.
I am going to try to sleep another hour and a half now. I did not fall asleep until around 5am which is a little worse than usual.
One day I might get back on a better sleep schedule. But for now I need to get another hour or so before going to my babysitting /tutoring job at 2.
See you all later on. I will let you know how things are going later. The worst part of things like this is that it puts in my face about this living situation.
I know that they will not fix something unless they want it fixed…even though I pay them 1,000 rent a month, for this badly maintained attic. It is sad really.
Talk to you later 🐇🐇❤💙🐇🐇
Good Morning.This is a scheduled post because I wanted something up before I woke up. Many of you are awake in the morning before I am. I have a late night insomniac kind of schedule , but I wanted to get things started.
I would love it if you want to let me know what you have planned for today, whether it means you are staying home to watch Netflix alone or if you are going to be dealing with lots of people.
You can leave your plans in the comments section or you can write a post and put the link here. We can all connect in and out throughout the day. If anyone is having a particularly difficult time then you can connect with us here.
This is where we begin. I will check your comments when I wake up. Good morning to all. Happy Thanksgiving Day or Happy GentleKindness Blog Meet up Day, whichever makes you feel good.
Talk to you soon,