The Prison Woman and the Maiden

Walking past the black iron bars

Of the outdoor prison, in the square

Where people were taken for reasons unknown

And locked behind the black iron bars there

A maiden felt her wrist taken hold

by a prisoner dressed in back and gold

The inmate was pretty, but worse for wear

She wore withered flowers in her hair

The maiden had never been near this dark place

But she saw great compassion in the prisoner’s face

The worn woman held onto the young woman’s  hand tight

and pulled her in close under the evening star light 

The sky was filled with seas of silvery  stars

The maiden saw the prison woman had deep painful scars

“Take this and listen to me”

Said the woman so sweet,

“This small velvet bag contains rubies to keep”

The maiden drew close to the woman to hear

Then secrets she whispered into her young ear…

“If by one the rubies glare

Be alert for the monster’s stare

If by two or more they light

Avert  your gaze and take swift flight

If by 8 or 9 they should shine

There is no wasting time

Hide the gems and claim to be blind

The creature is already inside your mind

Only the stones of red can tell

When you are close to a creature of hell…”

She bade the maiden hide the gift in her dress

And run very fast without turning back

She said to keep running no matter the sounds

She might hear behind her….the creature was coming  ’round

“Now run and run fast

 Heed well  what I say

Those rubies of red will save your young life one day

Stay on your path and do not get distracted

By anyone along who calls you sweet names

Hold fast to the red gems and keep them quite safe

Their light of the truth will save you

from shame and disgrace”

So the maiden held fast to the gems she kept hidden

And ran like the prisoner woman had bidden

She wanted to turn and look back if she dared

But the prison woman had forbade her to peek

The monster was coming and the woman knew all too well

What would happen to her if she looked

His blue eyes would meet hers

And his trance would be strong

And the rubies would  light up in vain

This monster was a powerful one

And the maiden would fall

For his charm and the song 

he would sing just for her

The prisoner watched the young maiden go straight

Along the path and away from the gate

Stuck behind black iron bars

The woman looked up at the moon and the stars

She couldn’t get free, but her truth was outside

No bars could hold the rubies of red

The gems brought her hope

For the one she passed them to

Having fashioned them out of her blood

Over time and from terrible pain

The red stones lifted her name

Outside of the prison-master’s walls

Then the screaming began

But the maiden never turned

She knew she possessed the keys

in the form of the ruby stones

to shed light on the dark ones

In the small velvet bag that was hidden in her dress

And to turn and look at the creature

Would likely mean her death

If one gem would light, she would be very cautious

If two or more glimmered, she’d turn her back

If 8 or 9 burned bright, she would run through the night

Because those rubies of red were like red flags of light

 

 

 

 

 

Narcissistic Domestic Abuse – Surviving the Holidays

Narcissists hate holidays and love to ruin them for everyone else. If you are living in an abusive situation then it is likely that the abuser makes your holidays miserable. 

Holidays remind them that other people have the ability to emotionally connect with each other. They may also be reminded of abuse from their childhood and this may make them want to take out their anger on you.

There is no way you can  make them feel better by loving them more or being nicer to them. They do not love you , nor do they want your  emotional intimacy.

My sympathy is with you. I know what this is like. Arguments during dinner or driving to where you are going. Questioning and criticizing everything you say and do. No matter how hard you try, you cannot please them. 

If you are living in an abusive relationship your self esteem is being crushed down in order for them to control you better. The holidays are the perfect time for them to trigger emotional flashbacks in you. 

Narcissists make a point of knowing your weaknesses and what buttons to push that will get en emotional reaction from you. 

The best way to deal with this is to act disinterested. Be as neutral as possible and do nothing to recognize their efforts to upset you. Do not show them that they are getting to you. 

Be as polite as possible and do not do anything to make them angry at you.

You do not want them to become violent with you. Even if they have never been physically violent with you before does not mean that alcohol and the holidays will not escalate their verbal violence to physical violence.

Be emotionally detached from them as best as possible and act neutral when they do try to provoke you. Try to limit the alcohol in the house as much as you can without making them angry. 

Keep yourself from being under the influence of alcohol or anything else because this will weaken your cognitive abilities and your ability to think on your feet. 

Safety is always first and then you have to protect your psychological health. Abusers can do great damage to your mental health including causing depression, anxiety and PTSD. If you feel like you are deteriorating in this way, then it is the intention of your abuser. 

Keep yourself safe on the holidays and try to find ways to build your self esteem Escaping from an abuser is difficult and requires self love and self confidence, which is one of the reasons that your abuser attacks these very things about you. 

For more support and help visit my domestic abuse blog HERE

Also you can watch m videos on YouTube about narcissists, narcissistic abuse and domestic abuse...HERE

Abusive Relationships…Which Red Flag is the Most Important One?

Red Flags You are With an Abusive Personality

Here is a list of red flags that may help you to see early on that you are with an abusive personality. If you are seeing a few of these characteristics then you need to assert some boundaries with them and see how they react.

If they fight you about having simple personal boundaries then you need to realize that you may be in an abusive relationship. 

Tell them you have to go sleep early one night because you have a lot to do the next day. If they do not accept this, then there is a problem.

No one should give you guilt or shame you that you are not good to them, when you are doing simple basic things to take care of yourself.

It is not normal for someone to threaten to leave you or call you a bad girlfriend if you want to do things for yourself like take a class, do an extra assignment for school or work, or spend time with family or friends.

You should never feel manipulated by guilt, shame or fear. People that love you do not inflict fear or threats in order to get you to comply.

Here is a list that I have come up with from research and also from personal experience. There may be things that need to be added. Feel free to leave any ideas in the comments.

Keep in mind that narcissists are on their best behavior at the very beginning of the relationship, called the idealization phase.

Many of these red flags will not come up until the “honeymoon phase” is over in a couple of months. The best ones to look for early on are the ones that I put near to the top of this list.

Love Bombing and Pushing to be in a Serious Relationship Right Away

Constant texting, calling, stopping over (calls you the second you get out from work or during work/ calls you while you are trying to get ready for work/ calls you first thing on your day off and wants to be on the phone, texting, or see you all day on every day off you have / calls while you are out with friends and you told them you would be busy with friends/  texts you when you said you would be at the gym….never ending constant contact)

Angry or very upset when you do not respond to texts and voicemails right away

Never taking responsibility for their action – things are always someone else’s fault

Chameleon-like changeable personality – a different personality for different people and situations

They are always right and never make a mistake

They hate to be told they could have done something better or differently

Jealousy and Ownership of You

Isolating you from family and friends (discouraging you from spending time with them/  getting angry when you do/ saying that those people are interfering somehow in your relationship/ telling you that relatives that you have known for years are out to get you and you did not realize it)

Need to control your schedule

Never apologizes or does so in a sarcastic,  fake way ( my ex never apologized but when I brought up something that was bothering me he would say “I am always apologizing to you.”…

I would say “you are?” and then he would say “Yes and I am not doing it anymore. I am tired of you making me apologize to me.”  …

And the funny thing was I was not looking for an apology.  He jumped to that conclusion on his own.  I just wanted to work on our communication.)

Need to know where you are at all times

Telling you what to wear and how to look

Control of the money ( you need to check with them before you spend your own money/  they question how you spend your money/ shame you or make you feel guilty over spending your money on yourself)

Criticism and disrespect  of women (this may not be directed at you at first  since they put on their mask and are on their best behavior during the idealization phase – observe how they treat other women who they have nothing to gain from)

Making you account for your whereabouts

Making you ask permission or clear your activities with them

Name calling and demeaning

Complaining that the women at work do not treat him with respect

Excessive monitoring and making you check in all the time

Extreme sense of entitlement

Unrealistic, and unreasonable  demands

Lack of sympathy and empathy

Not interested in anyone else’s side of things

Accusing you of cheating when you are not

Blaming you for things that do not go his way

Excessive need for control in the house

Manipulating your friends and family to take their side in arguments

Getting angry if you have a different opinion than they do

Making you feel stupid and less intelligent than they are

Being disrespectful to you in front of your family and friends