Month: June 2016
Depression and Connection
Depression affects many people, but the people that suffer from depression have trouble talking to anyone about it. People that do not have depression, and have never suffered from it, do not usually understand.
This has the effect of isolating the people that do suffer from depression. The loneliness and isolation just make the depression worse and it can feel hopeless to the person.
Close relationships are important. People need to feel supported and accepted. If you feel that you have to hide your depression, then those relationships can feel false or plastic.
It is easy for you to get stuck in repeating circles of thoughts and there is no one to tell them to. Fears can become bigger and feel more ominous as they repeat and circle around in your head.
Sadness needs a release of some sort. It is part of the human condition to grieve and feel sad about things. The normal process of feeling sadness or grief has a progressive element to it.
Once those emotions and thoughts are caught in a never-ending circle, it can feel hopeless, like there is no way out.
Just being able to talk about those thoughts with another compassionate person can help to lift the burden. Even if you have to find someone in the blogging world, or another place online to talk to.
Therapists can help in certain ways, but it is not quite the same as being supported and understood by another person who cares about your well being.
You may have to proactively reach out for someone to talk to. Don’t give up just because you are met with roadblocks along your path. There may be someone waiting just on the other side of the roadblock.
There are so many people in the world. Even though it may feel like no one can understand you…there are some people that can understand.
When you feel like self isolating and giving up, just rest up and then try again. Try different places to meet people and different places to connect with people online.
You matter. There are other people that will care and not minimize your feelings of depression.
Depression is serious. Your emotional and mental health are very important. You have value as a human being and your experiences do matter.
Sometimes reaching out to someone else who is suffering can also help you. There is value is connecting with someone who has had similar feelings and experiences inside of their own mind.
If you feel like you don’t matter and that there is no reason for anyone to care…those thoughts are just coming from conditioning that you have experienced.
We are not born feeling worthless or inadequate. Childhood programming and societal brainwashing puts those programs into your head.
You do matter. Realize that you have just as much of a right to be loved and cared for as anyone else does. Some people just ended up in different circumstances.
Video for Depression and Anxiety
My Narcissistic Abuse Blog on Tumblr Turned 1 Today !
Narcissistic Abuse Blog on Tumblr HERE
* Lets Be Genuine, Not Nice!
I am enjoying reviewing some of the Non Violent Communication work that I have done in the past. Today, I wanted to share this helpful insight from “Being Genuine” by Thomas D’Ansembourg.
As children so many of us take on the role of pleasers with our parents and teachers and other people. This is a strategy that worked somewhat well: We got attention, received praise and felt good about ourselves when the other person appreciated what we did for them. It was one way to get our needs met and to feel good.
Each time mother said “You are a sweetheart for doing that” or a teacher said “You are one of my best students” when you did well in tests, this behavior was reinforced.
And so the belief came about that, in order to get what we want in life, we have to please others. They will give us…
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PTSD from Domestic and Partner Abuse
All .people have needs to survive. We need to have proper shelter, food and health care. People need to feel safe and that their needs will be met.
Maslow developed the hierarchy of needs theory in 1943. He stated that people have needs that must be met before other ones. The basic needs for shelter and safety must be met for all people.
There is no room for fun, learning, socializing or self-actualizing without the basic needs being met first.
The person fails to thrive. All the things other people do are just not the priority. The safety is the priority and dominates the person’s thoughts and emotions.
When someone is in a living situation where these needs are not met, they are left feeling vulnerable and afraid. The situation is unsafe and potentially life threatening.
There are different types of domestic abuse. All of them involve the person being stripped of their self-esteem and being denied basic needs that every human has.
There are men and women who experience violence against them in their own home. There are episodes of violence and there is a constant threat of violence.
This threat forces the brain to be on alert and suspicious all the time. Your brain learns that it needs to be on high alert at all times, to search the environment for danger.
The brain is not designed to be in this state for a prolonged periods of time and damage can occur to the way the brain assesses the possibility and level of potential threats for years to come.
There are domestic abuse situations which involve financial abuse. People are controlled financially and cannot take care of their own needs. This kind of abuse can keep the victim feeling trapped into the relationship, because they have no means to support themselves on their own.
I lived in an abuse situation years ago in which I had to go without heat for most of a very cold winter.
My money was controlled and I was not “allowed” to purchase heating oil. I still fear the cold and fee post traumatic stress reaction when the winter season begins to make its way into my state.
When a person is not taken care of and not permitted to take care of themselves, it causes a trauma.
It is terrifying to feel that you are in danger of freezing, going hungry, going without medical care and any other basic needs. When someone denies you basic human needs it is frightening and creates a horrible feeling of vulnerability.
Living in these types of abusing situations also causes severe damage to a person’s self-esteem. They may doubt their own ability to provide for their own basic needs for years after the original trauma.
The feeling of being vulnerable and in danger is carried in the brain and in the nervous system.
Any situation which is a reminder of the original traumatic abusive situation can trigger a post traumatic stress attack. The person will collapse under the weight of the fear and not be able to function normally.
In addition to traumatic attacks (like severe panic attacks), the person can have a constant feeling of being unsafe. They feel that any minute something could happen to put them in a place of fear and danger.
Most people have never been in a dangerous situation of violence of of being in danger of starving or freezing to death. They have never been in a situation where someone threatened to cause them to lose their job unless they were compliant.
We have lived through an on-going situation of terror and physical and mental abuse. Being forced to go without basic needs is mentally abusive as well as physically abusive.
It is also emotionally abuse to be shunned and made to feel like an outcast in your own home. We need to be loved. You need to be accepted and supported by others. It is a survival instinct to be part of a family or tribe of some kind.
How could the person we trusted and loved, allow us to suffer like that? They made us feel that we were at fault or that we did not deserve to be taken care of? We did not deserve to be able to take care of ourselves.
It is difficult for people to understand the post traumatic stress that can result from living in a domestic abuse situation. It can take years to feel safe again or the person may never feel truly safe
..A person who survived domestic abuse trusted someone who violated them in the worst possible way. They treated them like they were not human. It is very hard to truly trust anyone again after that happens to you.
It is a terrible thing to live with post traumatic stress disorder. It is sad that so many people do not understand how we feel.
We have lived through situations where there was a very real threat. In our minds, what is to keep it from happening again. Our good judgement?
We feel like our judgement let us down already. How can we trust ourselves? With time you can re-wire the neural pathways that have been affected by the abuse.
One of the things to understand is that it is not your judgement that let you down. You probably had a gut feeling that something was wrong, early in the relationship. But you were conditioned during your lifetime to ignore that intuition, especially if the evidence you perceive tells you that your gut reaction is not warranted.
If you grew up in an emotionally abusive house as a child, then your feelings were not given any priority. Your thoughts and feelings were shut down. So you learned to discount them as an adult.
You have to learn to listen to your intuition and know that your feelings are there to guide you, as well as to protect you. Your feelings will warn you about predators and people that are unhealthy for you to be with.
My hope is for awareness that will generate some understanding. I also pray that all of the many people suffering PTSD from domestic abuse are able to one day find peace and a feeling of safety.
Nine Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopathy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder has nine traits. In order to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder a person must have at least 5 of the traits.
Narcissism is on a spectrum.
There are many people that have 2, 3 or 4 of the characteristics on this list. These people may have elements of narcissism. They would be said to have “narcissistic traits” but rather than “full blown” narcissistic personality disorder.
People that have all 9 traits would be diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder. They are a psychopath. The more traits someone has, the more potentially dangerous they are to you.
It is difficult to know a psychopath well enough to be able to identify all of their traits because they keep things hidden and cover up their pathology by acting like a different person when they interact with others.
Here are the nine traits of narcissistic personality disorder.
1. Grandiosity –
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Red Moon 🌘
Mystical mother moon
Flood me with your beautiful dreams
Of timeless memories from past and future
Intertwined and masterfully mixed
Into this one moment of silence bewitched
Gracing me with your empowerment
For I am more that my earthly story
And I am expansive beyond this narrative
That tries to hold me to its limitations
I am one with you and all of your dreams
Your wondrous ever changing color schemes
The surging passion that your magic brings
Envelope me in your hypnotic streams
Of arising consciousness
And new found dreams
Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse
Facebook page Narcissistic Abuse Survivors
Physical / Sexual Abuse
Adult children of narcissistic parents
Working for a psychopath
Determining if you are dating a narcissist or other toxic person
Red Flags of an Abusive personality
Also see the gentlekindness web site for Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, and Anxiety Disorders
Sessions for …
NLP for dealing with manipulative people
Hypnosis for Anxiety
Hypnosis and guided hypnosis for Overcoming Mental Blocks and Phobias
pigments at war
oil on glass
hand made by the artist Mark Toner crushed stone into tiny pigments then boil it up to a temperature making adding new and deferent colour all the time thank you everybody for the response on prints so far still have a little wait am sorry for any delay on your orders
new works coming up keep watching . Mark Toner