Social Rules and Stigma Keeps Victims in Abusive Relationships

.

Society has conditioned us to stay in abusive relationships. The marriage vow is “for better for worse” and this mentality is often used by the churches and the families of victims, to send them back into the abusive relationship. 

I have clients that have told me about pastors and counselors that have told them that relationships are 50 – 50, and if there is something wrong it is equally both partners’ responsibility. These victims are given some kind of advice about how to be a better partner, and then sent right back to the dangerous person rather than getting the support they need to leave the abuser. 

Families and friends of victims are often the same way. They remind the person about the commitment they made, and that “everything is not always roses”. They have no idea what it is like to live in an abusive relationship, or how mentally dangerous these abuser are. 

Physical abuse always escalates and the compliance of the victim with the abuser does not stop the abuse. It does not matter how much the victim tries to please the abuser. That is not the reason the partner is abusing them. It is not because they are not a good partner. 

Relationships that are emotionally and mentally abusive are just as dangerous. Victims of these relationships cannot prove they are being abused, and their reality is confused. Many suicides each year happen due to this kind of abuse. Accidents happen due to sleep deprivation, and illnesses occur in the victims because of the stress. 

.

My Narcissistic Abuse Blog on Tumblr Turned 1 Today !

.

Narcissistic Abuse Blog on Tumblr   HERE

 

birthday1_540

Image

Join Gentlekindness coaching on facebook

design edited blue

art by my daughter Delenn Yake

.

If you are interested in learning more about narcissism and narcissistic abuse…

.

If you are in an abusive relationship…

.

If you grew up with abusive parents…

.

If you have C-PTSD from emotional and mental abuse…

.

If you feel like you keep attracting narcissists and psychopaths…

.

If you want to get some traction back into your life after abusive relationships…

.

Join us on the gentlekindness coaching facebook page  

for information and support 

Stigma About Mental Illness

Stigma about mental illness keeps many people from seeking treatment. Out f fear of social isolation, discrimination and misunderstanding due to their invisible illness, people fear the diagnosis and the permanent label to be fixed upon them.

There are many kinds of mental illness that are very different from each other.

People that have had incidents of severe depression are obviously not a danger to others, but being labeled with “mental illness” means that the same stigma will apply to them as to everyone else with a history of mental illness.

A former soldier who has had PTSD in the past, still carries the “history of mental illness” red flag in his records.

You hear the phrase “has a history of mental illness” on the news when some psychopath kidnaps a child. You hear this same phrase when a psychpathic 17 year old guns down his fellow students in the hallways of the school.

Just because someone “has a history of mental illness” does not make them a bad person, nor does it make them violent. This stigma is unrealistic and unfair to many people.

This stigma keeps many people from seeking treatment they need.

Once that label is on someone’s record, it is like it is etched in stone. It can ne brought out and others can even use it to undermine people that they have ulterior motives to destroying.

The general population is poorly educated about mental illness. Some people suffer for years and do not even realize that their depression or anxiety disorder could be treated.

They just know that something is wrong but they do not have enough background aboit different kinds of mental issues, to understand when depression changes from regular depression to a depressive disorder that is serious.

Parents are not educated about teen mental illness, and many parents cannot recognize a serious mental health problem. Teen suicides that could be prevented are a tragedy.

High schools do not have classes on basic mental health. The students are forced to spend hours learning certain things they will never use in their lifetime, but critical life topics like mental illness or safe dating is not covered in the curriculum.

Over 25 percent of people will have some form of serious mental suffering during their lifetimes.

Why is it that education about mental health is not given any consideration by the government or the school systems?

Why does the media continue to perpetuate misinformation that is devastating to individuals with mental health dosorders?

The heads of the government have an agenda that does not contain any feelings of empathy or common sense.

1 in 25 people is a psychopath or a malignant toxic narcissist. These are the people that are a danger to others.

But they have a talent to put on a facade of  charm and to appear “normal.”  By enabling fingers to be pointed at people “with a history of mental illness” …the psychopathic leaders are able to continue to blend in.

Lower level psychopaths endanger the invisibity of the high functioning ones. When these lower level psychopaths commit crimes, the media spouts that the person has “a history of mental illness.”

The truth that psychopaths blend into the crowd and are able to function undetected by people, is something that is covered up.

Instead of the news saying the truth, which is…

“This man raped three women. He is a psychopath. “…

..They are obligated to say …

“This man raped three women. He has a history of mental illness. ”

This veil of illusion is permeated throughout society and constantly reinforced by conditioning of the minds of the public.

 

Updated Gentlekindness Coaching Web Site

design edited blue

Check out the updated Web Site for Gentlekindness Coaching HERE

Coaching is available for healing and overcoming abuse. Avoiding and identifying abusers

 Social anxiety, PTSD, C-PTSD, and life coaching for getting traction back in your life.

 

design edited green.jpg

I added some beautiful drawings that my 19 year old artist, daughter made to the header of the pages. Browse through the pages and let me know what you think.

Narcissistic Abuse Blog Tumblr

Narcissistic Abuse blog on Tumblr

Follow me on Tumblr HERE

Sweet to Your Bitterness

I was strong
to do all you commanded
I was weak
to make that choice

I was brave
to face your twisted mind
I was fearful
of your retaliation

I was beautiful
but you did not see
I was ugly
as you made me

I was loving
to your unlove
I was generous
to your selfishness

I was soft
to your hard heart
I was flexible
to your inflexibility

I was sweet
to your bitterness
I was gentle
to your callousness

I was stable
to your insanity
I was creative
to your destruction

I was light
for you to extinguish
I was hope
for you to disbelieve

I was peace
to your terrible violence
I was honesty
to your lies

I was intelligent
before I met you
I was stupid
as you made me feel

I was whole
and you took it all
I was broken
and you crushed the pieces

I was blind
But now I see
Not Because of you
But Because of Me

Psychopathic Behavior Being Encouraged and Taught

I just came across a blog on another site which calls for people to train to be a psychopath. There are other sites like this, as if it is cool…or the best way to get ahead in the world. Some sites are very violent, and others teach more covert , Machiavellian tactics.

The site I accidentally came across has the following tag line ….

“Be a psychopath. It is better than no path at all.”

There are pictures posted on the blog I saw, and other like it, of bruised women. Images of men’s hands choking women around the neck. Other images on these kinds of sites show violent sex, which show women going along with degrading, dangerous sex acts. Other pictures show women being dominated against their will.

It is bad enough that we have 1 out of 25 people that are exploitative, psychopathic , pathological liars and deceivers. But now we have people making clubs trying to train people how to be psychopaths, how to exploit others, and how to crush down having a conscience. 

Society does things to promote narcissism.

This is probably because many of the leaders and the elite are psychopaths and narcissists themselves. They have no value for humanity or decency.

People in many fields are rewarded for manipulating clients, and finding ways to get away with lying. Western society is promoting the value of stomping on other people to get ahead. It makes them a good business person or CEO.

Many CEO’s are natural born psychopaths, or environmentally produced psychopaths and pathological narcissists. Exploiting other people just falls under the “Let the Buyer Beware” motto.

The psychopaths want you to believe that it is the fault of the victim, if they trust the predator. The psychopaths have no remorse for destroying people’s finances, or their physical and mental health. 

Crossing or exposing them can result in a smear campaign against you. There are may incidents of people losing their reputations, their careers, their families, and more. 

Surviving in this society is going to take knowledge of psychopaths and pathological narcissism. You need to learn the red flags of psychopaths and narcissists, in order not to be in harm’s way. 

It is sad, but there are still lots of good people in the world. Take care of your own family and friends. Don’t live in fear…but don’t live under a rock  either. There are predators out there. In addition, there are predators teaching others how to be predators. 

Be safe and love the ones that can love you back.

Use your energies wisely. Don’t waste them on vampires who drain your energy.

Your intuition will guide you. Your feelings matter.

Listen to your gut instincts. If something feels off, it probably is.

Mental Emotional Violence and Psychopaths

psychopath mental violence

Psychopaths and narcissists will intentionally get into your head. They distort your reality and isolate you from anyone who would warn you about how they are treating you. 

They use their minions to back them up and to manipulate you, and the people around you. Your mind in attacked by a kind of psychic violence that breaks down your critical thinking. 

The only thing you can do is to leave. If you have to interact with them, then take proactive measures to protect your own brain from their mental attacks. 

They will strip you of your dignity and your identity. There is no end to their tactics . These are people with no remorse and no conscience. If you are dealing with someone who never admits they are wrong,. always shames you, or makes you feel bad every time you interact with them…then stay away as best as you can. 

Psychopaths are 1 in every 25 people. This is 4 percent of the population. Psychopaths are pathological liars. Pathological liars are psychopaths. If you are dealing with someone that lies all the time, and contradicts their own stories, please get away from them. 

The abuse escalates over time. They are nice to you at first to charm you. This is the idealization phase, to lure you in. After that comes the degrading stage, called the devaluation stage. They will intentionally, systematically break you down, in order to control you.

They are control freaks with huge egos. Do not let their masks fool you. They can portray any personality, and pretend to have your values. Watch the behavior of anyone who makes you feel like there is something wrong with them…or they make you feel like there is something wrong with you.

Recovering from abuse from a psychopath or a narcissist, is a painful process. There are many resources to help you to heal and to overcome narcissistic abuse. 

Join my Facebook Page gentlekindnesscoaching facebook

Also join the emailing list on my web site gentlkindnesscoaching.com

Holistic Approach to Healing from Abuse

soul retrieval drumming

.image from pinterest

.

.

I recently came across the Native American Shaman  concept of Soul Sickness. I found this idea very interesting and it seemed to coincide with other things that I write about. There is a phenomenon that occurs with many abuse victims, which is a kind of leaving one’s own body during the abuse. 

.

The idea is that the victim’s brain cannot accept the level or type of abuse into their reality.

.

In order for the brain to protect itself from trauma, it takes itself into a derealization / depersonalization state. This is something that you may have experienced if you ever in an abusive situation, or even any life threatening situation. 

.

Depersonalization is a state the brain goes into, in order to protect you.

.

The feeling of this state is likely somewhat different for different people, but there is similarity in the way people describe this state. The feeling is as if one can see their body and how it is involved in the event, but it is as if the body belongs to another person. 

The order of the events is processed, but it is like someone else is doing the motions, and handling the things that are happening. If someone was hitting you, then you would see the body being struck, but not really relate to that body as being your own. You could block your face from being hit but it would feel like someone else was actually controlling those hands which no longer feel like you are attached to your hands.

Derealization is the feeling that the whole scene is like you were watching it in a movie. You may not even really know for sure if it were really happening. You might wonder if it is actually a dream or a nightmare that you are actually in. The scene does not feel like you are an active part of it. It is more like observing a dream or watching a movie. 

Soul Sickness. as the Shamans see it, is when the soul has become ill, or parts of it have left the body all together. During a situation, such as sexual abuse, the soul was going to be damaged by experiencing it, so rather than be there for the trauma, it just left the body entirely. 

This idea of part of you leaving the situation, because it could not endure it, is the same as the derealization and depersonalization experience. The person is there, but not all of them is there to be traumatized. 

But trauma is sustained nonetheless, because the very situation of being forced to go into a derealization state is traumatizing. If the soul, or part of the soul was forced to exit from the body, then you were left with something missing.

Either way, there is a damage sustained by the soul, or the spirit part of you, in a addition to your brain and body. 

It is often discussed these days that mental abuse is the worst part of physical or sexual abuse. It is clear that the emotional / mental trauma is even worse than the physical experience, or the bruises which are left.

Even the women who have had acid thrown in their faces, now live with extreme mental pain, and humiliation to have to be forced to exist every day with those scars….reminders of the cruelty and heartlessness of the men who inflicted them.

The Shaman theory is that the soul has left the body and now the person lives as an incomplete person, because that important part of them has fled. The soul need to be retrieved. 

They believe in doing rituals called Soul Retrieval, in order for that person to get the missing part back. Before the soul retrieval, the person will live with depression. anxiety and all manner of mental, and physical illness. The soul retrieval process is to help the person to become whole again.

 Many abuse survivors experience a feeling that something is wrong with them, even years after the abuser has left.

.

There is sense that they are different than other people, in a way that makes them carry toxic shame. This is very difficult to explain to anyone who has not been through abuse.

During verbal and emotional abuse, people are called names, degraded, gaslighted, demeaned, and treated as non-humans. Their humanity is stripped from them, as is the humanity stripped from people who are sexually and physically abused. 

/

The experience of sexual abuse is too much for a person to bear that their own body was involved in the acts, so they detach from their bodies in a way to not be a part of the sexual abuse. Later on, this can lead to eating disorder, cutting and other kinds of self harm. There is a disharmony between the body and the  mind. The mind no longer accepts the body as its own. 

The missing link between the mind and the body could be spiritual in nature. I think that it makes sense to try to include a spiritual element to healing from abuse. When someone experiences rape, or the on-going abuse of a narcissist, they are broken in some way. There is a lack of wholeness that stays with you. 

While medications for the depression, and anxiety disorders, which usually follow abuse, can be helpful, it is not the entire picture. We are spiritual beings, and having your soul raped by a personality disordered person, is traumatizing on every level. 

.

I believe that healing needs to be all encompassing of the entire person.

.

A holistic approach to healing is more likely to generate healing, than by simply dealing with it from one angle. If you are healing from abuse, I would recommend trying a variety of healing modalities.

Traditional therapy and medications need to be complemented by healing methods which speak to other aspects of the entire person. We are emotional beings and mental and physical beings. But we are also spiritual beings, and the spirit is sensitive to being traumatized by abuse, just as much, or more than the other aspects of ourselves.

.

Most people that have been abused feel that there is a darkness about it.

.

There is a malicious, dark element to abuse that is carried by the survivor. It is hard to explain to people who have not experienced it.

 It is like a feeling of darkness that is carried with you. 

.

I think that this darkness has something to do with the spiritual aspect of abuse.

.

When someone who has a darkness about them, invades your personal freedom, and boundaries, there is something that you pick up from them. The darkness feels like it follows you into your nightmares, and lingers around you. 

I do not think this darkness can be ignored, if we are to heal from abuse. Many people do not speak of it, because it is so hard to define and explain. It is beyond the physical world. 

So, let us treat ourselves as whole humans, including all the aspects of our humanity.

You have innate self worth, and that reality was stripped from you be a person that has elements of darkness about them.

It does not make you dark like they are, but you may be carrying that feeling that the abuser’s darkness somehow was stuck to you and you are doomed to carry this darkness in your mind .

.

There is nothing wrong with you that makes you less worthy than other people.

.

You would not feel that way, if it were not for the abuse you endured and suffered through. Psychopaths and narcissists have a way of leaving a part of themselves to haunt you, but it is time to get rid of that. 

It is unfair for you to have to carry toxic shame, feelings of darkness and low self esteem, just because someone decided to use you as an object for their own dark designs. They wanted to strip you of your power to blossom and to be free. We do not have to let them have their way, years after the abuse is over. 

I wish you all healing and peace of mind, as you continue on your journey of healing, love and empowerment. You have a greater purpose in the world than you are even aware of. You are a light that can bring light to others. 

.

Namaste,

Annie – Holistic Methods for Healing from Abuse …join the emailing list at the link below

gentlekindnesscoaching.com Holistic methods for healing from abuse

Previous Older Entries

Categories