142 visitors to this blog today. I think that is the record. Wouldn’t it be cool to have 150 by midnight?
1 hour and 10 minutes to go.
142 visitors to this blog today. I think that is the record. Wouldn’t it be cool to have 150 by midnight?
1 hour and 10 minutes to go.
He sees her from afar
She is untouchable
Isolated by her captor
As if she is lost behind the mist
Of the darkness of a summer evening
Full of ominous clouds
He would revel in her beauty
he could have the chance
to hold her
to cherish her
To keep her safe
from the monster she is with..
But she is lost in a maze
where all paths lead to pain..
He knows she has lost her way
He watches her suffering
but to no avail
She cannot see him
or hear his pleas to her
To leave the monster
She does not know
that he would love her
she cannot imagine she deserves
because she is being suffocated
by the monster…
the psychopath that
keeps her imprisoned
by manipulating her reality
She serves the very monster
That will ultimately destroy her
For no other reason
Than to see if he can…
The end will come soon
With a bullet to her head
or a beating black and blue
When she finally sees
That she should have left the monster
Before it was too late
Written for the writing challenge by the Secret Keeper blog. This writing challenge is called Time Never Arrives #9
Blogs about mental illness are some of the most captivating blogs that I love to read. I am interested in the topics they cover but that is not the only reason why they speak to me.
Bloggers that have struggled with mental illness have had to learn to be in touch with their humanity. In order to write your own mental illness, you have to dive deep into the darkest corners of your mind. The descriptions that they write are very vivid and full of human depth. There is a sense of soul searching that draws you into the posts.
I am not just counting the blogs that identify themselves as being “mental illness” blogs. There are also some bloggers that suffer from OCD, depression, social anxiety and severe mental turmoil that chose not to identify their blog as such. However the content of their posts has very vivid descriptions of the mental and emotional experiences.
The level of depth to the mental illness blogs helps the reader to feel in touch with their own vulnerability and humanity.
There is an ability to identify and describe the human condition.
There is also support between the bloggers to deal with the most painful aspects of being human.
We have had to endure such tremendous trials on a day to day basis that we are keenly in touch with human mental and emotional suffering. The reality of our daily suffering is part of our lives. People with mental illness have to deal with extreme levels of emotion every single day.
People with mental illness experience the extreme levels of depression, severe anxiety, loneliness, fear and trauma on a daily basis.
We experience the fear of being triggered into any of those severe emotional states. Our brains are a constant threat to our emotional well being and our ability to function.
The phrase “there is nothing to fear but fear itself” does not have the same comfort to people with mental illness. The perspective about fear, sadness, and hopelessness being dangerous is an everyday reality.
Life is always a risk to us. Every decision we make and everything we attempt to do, has the potential to utterly destroy our mental state and in some cases… our lives.
Many of us are in constant fear of interacting with other people due to stigma about mental illness. We also fear our inability to interact with people in a “normal” and acceptable way.
Many social activities that other people take for granite are potentially hazardous to us either in a physical way or in a mental way.
When someone has a mental disorder the brain can be easily triggered in a matter of seconds into a completely different mental state. These triggers are often related to some kind trauma or abuse from the past.
Since we go through the extremes of human emotion so often, we are very in tune with the human condition. We are very aware that we are vulnerable. We are constantly subject to our own mental vulnerability.
All people are vulnerable but they do not realize it in the same way that people with mental illness do. The brain is a very fragile thing. It can become traumatized and damaged. Everyone is in danger of having their brain organization becoming disrupted. People take for granite that their brains will always function in the same way they are currently functioning.
The mental illness bloggers talk of fear and anxiety in a very human and real way. We are in touch with the human condition of fear. There is also an ability to write about depression and hopelessness in a way that touches the emotions of the reader.
Sadness is a very human state. The vulnerability to depression, emptiness and loneliness makes us very in touch with our human side. Being in touch with the humanity in ourselves allows us to perceive life and ourselves in a way that is special.
People with mental illness, who often come from a history of abuse and trauma, have deep levels of mental suffering that is often unpredictable to the person.
If emotions were a painting, it would have very black blacks and very red reds. The colors would be very dark in places and very bright in others.
The struggle to find the right medications, to self medicate, and reach out to any form of relief that will hold you, is a constant and daily struggle.
We know what is feels like to be constantly reaching out for help, only to find that real help is hard to come by. Mental illness bloggers are very in tune with their need for other people. They are able to reach out with their writing to others who are suffering.
Although I am sorry for the suffering, I treasure your blogs. I love to read posts and feel the humanity in them. It is truly compelling.
Mental illness bloggers have the unique ability to be in touch with the tormented human brain and to write mental pain, in a way that the reader can feel.
The humanity of the mental illness bloggers staggers the reader’s mind and stimulates the senses. When I read the posts, I feel connected with emotions in myself. I feel validated about my own mental suffering. I feel a kinship with not just people with mental illness, but with the vulnerability of humanity.
Blessing to all,
I am so excited. I just got my 400th follower on my YouTube channel where I post mostly videos about healing from domestic abuse and narcissistic abuse. Although I have had the site for a while, I really only started posting the videos for abuse victims in March of this year.
I am so very grateful that I have been able to connect with other abuse victims both on WordPress and on YouTube. I have had many meaningful conversations and interactions with people that were therapeutic for me.
I hope also that I have been able to offer some validation to people who feel crazy after being systematically convinced that there is something wrong with them..that they are not worthy of love…that it is their fault they are in an abusive relationship or that they keep attracting abusers.
So if you want to pop on over and take a look you can find my YouTube channel HERE.
Here are a few of videos for your pleasure. Some are music that I play and some are talks about recovering from abuse.
I am getting ready to take my 12 year old daughter to the mall. I thought I would share some pictures of myself with you. It has taken me a long time to grown my hair back out long again.
I am afraid of hair dressers because they always chop off my long hair no matter what tell them. So this time I cut and angled the front and sides myself with special hair cutting scissors you can buy at a beauty supply store.
As the summer is coming to an end some people get excited about the change of seasons while other people struggle with a spiral of depression.
The warm weather and the long days of sunlight are coming to a close there can be a feeling of loss. Another summer has gone and along with it goes all the things you wished you could have done. It can be a reminder of what you wish you had and what you wish your life was like.
We watched all the people posting their fun summer vacations and the pictures of their loves ones on facebook all summer. Somehow we thought that while the summer still lasted there was a chance that we too would be able to do something meaningful …have a moment of magic….but the days slipped away and now the fall threatens to cut the days shorter.
If you have feelings of depression as the fall season comes in and the summer slips away, you are not alone. There are other people who also feel like another season that was supposed to give you nice memories has let you down once again.
With the fall coming in there is the knowledge that the holidays are not far away. As many people as there are that look forward to the holidays, there are a percentage of the people that dread the them. Much like the summer, the holidays are a constant reminder that we do not have the life that we wish we had.
The dreams that we had when we were younger…the way we pictured things to be when we would get to be this age….none of it is the way we expected , wished for, or wanted.
Different people have different reasons to feel grief, loss, sadness and remorse. Decisions we should have made differently….people we wish were still in our lives….mistakes we have made along the way….betrayals by people we once trusted….
We know we will be expected to put on “the mask” of being happy, on order not to make others uncomfortable. We will have to look at those pictures on facebook and say “yes , it was a great summer!”
We will have to put on the mask and fake our way through the holidays, once again….
The change of seasons can be a reminder that we are older than we want to be. It can be a reminder that our finances are not what they should be, our families are not what they should be, and our love loves are not what we wish they were.
People ask “How are you?” and you have to say “fine” because that is what people expect you to say. The pressure of having to deal with the changes of the season, the changes of the schedule and to be faced with the impending holidays, can feel overwhelming.
You may feel like you are lost and that you are the only one that seems to have so many regrets and disappointments. So many people seem to be in the right place, the right job, and have “the right attitude” about the seasons and the holidays.
What is wrong with you? Why are you so different that the people around you? Why do you feel so out of place? Why are you the only one that would like to skip the holidays all together this year?
There is one of us in the crowd of people here… and there is one of us in the crowd of people there….Each one of us is alone in our particular group, family situation, workplace, school, and social group. We cannot ask them just to leave us alone and do the holidays without us. They would not understand.
Many of us are triggered by associations in our brain from situations from the past. Many of us are simply not happy with the living situation we are in or the majority of the people that are around us day to day. We are not living the way we want to. We do not have people around us that really understand us.
The blogging world can be very helpful at this time of the year. This is the place where you can connect with other people who have similar feelings. You can connect with people that have experienced losses, or are carrying shame.
There are other people here that also have to fake their way through the holidays and spend them in groups of family members that we would just as soon break contact with. Some people live alone and wish they had loves ones around them. Others have so called “loved ones” around them and would be better off alone or with different people.
You are not alone if you feel depression coming on this time of the year. There are other people who you can talk to and that will not judge you.
Sometimes the depression about the season change can begin now and snowball more and more between now and the holiday season. There are many suicides around the holidays because people feel like they are the only ones who do not “fit in”
You may not fit in with the people around you…..but you fit in with the other people who feel the same way. You are not alone and do not have to feel like you have to keep all of your feelings to yourself.
Blogging is the place you can find friendship and compassion. There are so many people in the blogging world that there are many people who feel like misfits and feel like there is something wrong with them.
It is not that there is something “wrong” with you. But you are different than the people that are around you. Being like everyone else is overrated. If you fit in with everyone else, you would not be yourself. You are different for various reasons.
Some people have grown up in abusive situations. People that lived through ongoing abuse as a child often do not feel like they fit in with all the people who are cheerful during the holidays. The holiday activities can be a reminder of abuse and trauma.
The season changes and the holidays can create emotional flashbacks. You may have left a relationship in the past that is still haunting you. It may have been abusive or traumatic in some way. There are reminders that are going to cause feelings or even post traumatic stress.
Some people have lost loved ones to death and the pain of the loss is still there. The holidays have a way of bringing up feelings and triggering difficult emotions about lost loved ones.
Unless you have someone with you that can understand this, you will most likely feel alone with it. People will misunderstand your lack of enthusiasm. You feel the pressure of having to play along in with the game. You pretend to fit in or you don’t pretend and it causes problems.
The other people seem to have happy memories of their past holidays and they probably do. This makes it easy for them to look forward to going through the holidays again.
I just wanted to write this post to let people know that it is okay to feel how you feel. If you feel sad then you feel sad. That is just how you feel and it does not make you a bad person. It does not make you “uncooperative” in spite of what others may say to you.
It is really hard to go along with what other people want to do when you really aren’t up to doing it. It can be emotionally draining and physically exhausting.
You have every right to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. Having to shove those feelings down, only makes them grow. It is better to look at those feelings and the reasons for them.
If you begin to feel depression taking ahold of you, don’t try to fight it but rather try to care for it.
Care for yourself and care for your depression. Mental health needs care just as much as physical health does. Just because it is invisible does not make it less real.
Find someone to talk to about what you are going through. Allowing yourself to feel things without judging yourself for feeling them is a step to healing. Anything you are feeling has a root cause for it. There is nothing wrong with you just because you feel a certain way.
Blessings for peace of mind to all of you and please reach out to others.
The rules for the Sunshine Blogger Award are simple:
Thank the person who nominated you in a blog post
Answer the 11 questions set by the person who nominated you
Nominate 11 blogs to receive the award, and write them 11 new questions
1. Introvert or extrovert? Introvert but I can talk to strangers out at the store if I am in the mood.
2. Tea or coffee? Tea
3. Religious or secular? Spiritual
4. Unicorn or dragon? Dragon
5. Grilled or fried? Grilled except for fried chicken which I love
6. UK or USA English? USA
7. Pirates or ninjas? Pirates
8. Chocolate or cigarette? Electronic Cigarrette
9. Cupcake or muffin? Muffin
10. Conservative or liberal? Pass
11. Who are you? I am Annie, Michele, Mishy, Mimi, Misha, Aunt Mimi, Mama, Gentle Mental Annie and Gentle Kindness, You Tuber, Blogger, Mother, Guitarist, Poet, Writer, Singer, Rock and Roller, Manic, Depressed, Mental Case, Lover of Bunnies.
BLOGGER RECOGNITION AWARD
Thank you to Rob Goldstein for nominating me for the Blogger Recognition Award.