#narcissism, #narcissistic personality disorder, abusive relationships, adult children of narcissistic parents, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, Dealing with difficult personalities, dealing with manipulative people, emotional abuse, mental illness, narcissism, narcissist, narcissist boss, narcissistic abuse, Narcissistic abuse blog, narcissistic parents, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, psychopath, psychopathic abuse, self-esteem, self-help, victim of narcissist, violence against women

Don’t Eat the Word Salad

Humans were all made individual, with unique gifts, talents and passions. While society or your family may think they know best what path you “should” follow, the authentic path for you is only known to you.

We have been conditioned to follow the pack, and to blend in with the other worker bees.  The of the heads of the large organizations like businesses and churches, all have their own agenda.

The personal agenda of the leader of an organization may be kept hidden by the leader. If you do not know someone well personally, you have no way to know what their true purposes are.

The machinations of psychopathic and narcissistic leaders are disguised as good will to others, or good will towards the members. It is easy to fall prey to just taking things at face value.

We want to believe that other people have good intentions. Psychopaths that are in the top positions, government, churches, and the ones that control the media, have brainwashed us into believing that most leaders are basically good people.

They go out of their way to shine a light on community service projects they support, and they make sure attention is brought to the few “good deeds” they have supposedly done.

You have been systematically brainwashed into turning the other way when you see things that bother you. Regular people have been trained to assume that their gut feelings are off base, if those feelings don’t seem to match the general consensus.

We have to begin to reactivate that connection with our intuition and our gut feelings. It is part of our neurology for our own protection.

Remember the story of the Emperor’s New Clothes, if it was read to you as a child. If you are not familiar with the story, then I encourage you to get a copy of the book and read it.

We are intelligent human beings capable of assessing things that we see. Most people are moral and have empathy for others.

There are systems in place to make you doubt what you see and feel, in order that certain people can interpret the meaning for you. Remember you are an individual as well as part of a society.

Think for yourself and do not let manipulative people override your critical factors, with a bunch of jumbled word salad that makes no real sense.

anxiety, depression, emotional wounds, emotophobia, mental abuse, mental health, mental health blog, mental illness, ptsd

Accepting Emotions and Healing Old Wounds – Emotophobia

Instead of trying to stop feeling the emotions that you feel, when you see them as negative emotions, show yourself love. Accept the emotions you are feeling.

Investigate within yourself and find out why you are really feeling this emotion. Show compassion and empathy to yourself and allow yourself to have feelings without judging yourself for them.

Emotophobia is the fear of negative emotions. Many people that grew up with chaos, trauma or abuse, have a form of emotophobia. You may have been taught that feeling certain emotions was wrong or bad.

Many of us were taught that feeling certain emotions was selfish, weak and that you were to be judged for it. You should not have to judge yourself for feeling things.

Repressing emotions does not make them go away. It does not deal with the problem that is underneath of the emotions that are coming up.

Being judged for your emotions as a child was emotional abuse. Being told to change, hide and feel shame for feeling “negative” emotions was also emotional and mental abuse. It made you feel that you were bad because of ways that you felt about things.

Being taught you are bad for feeling things and expressing your feelings, teaches you that you are either good or bad based on how you feel about things. This is wrong. Emotions are simply our subconscious brain trying to tell us something,

Emotions are generated by the subconscious brain and we cannot control the emotions that initially come up about things. Denying emotions is denying ourselves. Then our inner child can feel abandoned and devalued.


Devaluing yourself based on the way you feel, is a way of abandoning parts of yourself. All the parts of you are an important part of your entire being, You cannot deny and abandon part of yourself without abandoning yourself as a person that has a right to be who you are.

This abandonment of yourself is taught to children from abusive back grounds. You are taught that your needs do not matter in the grand scheme of things, Your needs are less important that theirs are and than the rest of the family.

You either matter or you do not matter. I can tell you that you do matter. Once you begin to accept the emotions that come up and understand that your subconscious brain only brings u emotions with good reasons to signal them to you, then you can look at why you are feeling the ways you do.

Healing can begin once you accept yourself and your emotions without judgement. Let go of learned thought patterns that were forced onto you during childhood.

you matter

You matter as much as anyone else does. Why do someone else’s feelings matter more than your own? Why do you feel bad to have emotions that might contradict someone else’s reality?

Your reality matters and your brain knows why it sends certain feelings to the body. Investigate within yourself and let your inner child know that it has not been abandoned.

Many feelings that are “negative ” feelings are to protect you or they are wounds that are being re-opened from childhood. They may be wounds that are being triggered from adult trauma.

Even some adult trauma was more traumatic because whatever happened was re-opening childhood wounds. Your pain is trying to show you something that needs to be known.

The first step to healing old wounds is to accept that they are there. Understand that you have been wounded and that feelings do not just come out of nowhere, even when they seem to.


abusive relationships, c-ptsd, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, empowerment, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, psychopath, psychopathic abuse, ptsd, PTSD from domestic abuse, PTSD from narcissistic abuse

New YouTube Videos Just Uploaded

anxiety, depression, mental health, mental illness, philosophy, photography, spirituality

Fall Drive to See the Colorful Trees – See Things from a Different Angle

fall trees drivefall tree

fall trees 3fall trees 4


My daughter loves nature and photography. She is 12 years old and has am anxiety disorder. One of the ways I try to help her is to take her for a drive and give her my cell phone camera to take pictures. 

She is getting better and better at photography. She is able to see the art in the nature. As you can see from these photos, she is experimenting with getting different and unusual angles. 

I like these interesting angles. It is a reminder that it is often good to look at things from a completely different point of view. The pictures look different that way because you were not conditioned to tip your head and see things slanted or sideways. 

Sometimes if we have a problem that we cannot seem to figure out…there does not seem to be any answer…we feel trapped…..it is time to tip our heads and look at the situation from a different frame….a different point of view….

….even the point of view of the person involved…..If we can see things from inside of their head then we can know better what to say and what will get them to make choices that are the best for everyone. .,,,

…Or to see yourself in a different frame….one that shows your true self worth and value….one that does not mirror the identity that others have forced upon you for the benefit of their own agenda. 

You are beautiful because of WHO you are not what you do right or what you think you do wrong. Sometimes things seem wrong because others convince you they are. Try to detach yourself from the beliefs that others have imposed upon you and get in touch with what you really think and feel. 

There is a matrix that you are living in that makes you think that certain thoughts you have are your own. If you can detach from the matrix brainwashing and get into a state of mind that can access your real self, then you can see what really matters. 

You matter and your feelings matter. If you follow the rule that Teal Swan suggests, “What would someone who loves themselves do?” …you will be able to make choices that are more supportive and create an environment for yourself that supports you. 

Being forced to follow what the matrix tells you can violate your own integrity and values. This can cause depression and anxiety disorders. Part of the matrix is that you are trained to feel obligated to certain people such as family and friends. 

You are supposed to be a “good daughter” a “good son” ..a “good supportive wife”….”a good sister”…even when the person acts in ways that injure you….or makes you follow along with things that go against your real values. 

You need to clean off the veil that keeps you from seeing things the way you were meant to see them…the way that supports your well being without judgement of your actions.

Blessings and Love,

Annie ❤

love, mental health, mental illness, philosophy, power of intention, psychology, spirituality, water experiment emoto

How Can Thoughts Affect the Physical World? Dr. Emoto’s Experiments with Water

I want to share something very special with you today. This is about the water experiment by Masuru Emoto. Thoughts are our most powerful tool to create, change or to stay in our current state of reality. Thoughts can cause physical changes to our world, including altering the molecules in water.

In his experiment Emoto  wanted to explore the possibilities of thoughts and emotions creating changes in water molecules. The first part of the experiment was to have water blessed by a Zen Monk. There were pictures taken of the water molecules before the blessing and there were pictures taken of the water after it received the blessing.

Take a minute to watch this short video to see what happened to the molecules in the water. You can see that the patterns of the water molecules dramatically change in response to the intentional thoughts that were given.

After the success of the first experiment, followers of Emoto continued to see how thoughts and ideas could change the water. Here is another short video that shows what happened when words were taped to jars of water. Some of the words were kind and others were fear based ideas.

The two extremes of emotional thoughts are fear and love. The other emotions like sadness, hate, kindness, and compassion fall into one of these two main categories. For example the emotions og humiliation and embarrassment are based in fear. The emotions of peace and calm are based in love.

Water has memory and it responds to the vibrations of different frequencies.

It connects with the intention of the thoughts around it. Here is one more video about vibrations that we create with our thoughts and how those vibrations affect reality. Dr. Emoto is interviewed in this video. He talks about giving love to other living things and to any person that you want to communicate love vibrations to.

Here is one last video which is an experiment of water being exposed to different kinds of music. Music carries energy frequencies and vibrations. The water changes in response to the energy and intention in the music.

Everything in the universe is made up of energy.

The thoughts we have affect that energy. I thought that the part of the interview that talked about cigarettes was interesting. They suggested that the warning on the side of the cigarettes causes more cancer because the intention of the words is about danger, cancer, and fear.

Different thoughts vibrate at different frequencies and those frequencies have different affects on the living thing that is near them.

Our bodies are made up of mostly water.

 The water molecules respond to thoughts and vibrations then the water in our bodies must also respond to our intentions and emotional thoughts. Being subject to abuse and malicious intention causes real physiological changes in our bodies. Being around loving intention and kindness has a positive effect on our health,  both mental and physical.

dark poetry, death, loss, mental illness, poetry


Dark is the night

When all have forsaken you



 have mistaken

your intent

For malice


 have seen a glimpse

of your soul

And despised it


have perceived you

As unworthy

And you


Lost yourself

In an ocean

Of torment

Undulating waves

of painful



of confusion


of perception

You have

lost your mind

Lost your reason


your memory

of what was important

in the first place

You are left

with questions


you are afraid

to know the answers to

the Why

the What for


Was the past

just a dream

A nightmare

Or simply

a passing thought


a comatose patient

lying motionless

in a hospital bed

depression, empowerment, life, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, suicidal thoughts


Depression can hit anyone. Some people are more susceptible to periods of depression than others but it can come seemingly out of nowhere and attack your brain.

Depression involves more than just feeling depressed. It can cause physical pain in the body. It can cause feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. There is often a feeling of darkness that feels like it has settled around your mind and even around you in a physical way.

It is hard to be in a state of depression because many people around you will not understand what is going on with you and it is very hard to describe to people who have not experienced it. 

Depression can often happen to creative, intelligent people and to people who are sensitive to their feelings and the feelings of others. 

Many things can trigger depression.

With some people it is linked to organic differences in their brain. People with bipolar disorder, for example, have differences in their brain that cause depression to come on suddenly and last for long periods ot time or sometimes shorter periods of time. Different people are different and their brains are wired differently.

I mentioned the problem of people not understanding and there are other very painful things about depression. The lack of understanding from people can cause self isolation on the part of the sufferer. The depressed person can feel like they are being injured by the suggestions of the other people.

When people do not understand depression they tend to offer “unhelpful helpfulness” and if you are a person that has struggled with depression before then you know what I mean.

People will tell you to just shake it off, to get some exercise, and they will try to force you to go out into social situations that may be traumatizing to you. People get offended and take it personally when you do not feel like socializing. This creates a feeling of being an alien that does not fit in with the other people on this planet.

You can feel like you are the only person that is incapable of interacting with other people. You may feel like you are bringing other people down with your mood. There is a feeling that you will lose relationships and actually there is a possibility of actually losing relationships with certain people, but those people were probably not worth keeping on your friend list anyway.

You are not alone. There are many of us who have suffered from depression. If you feel alone, then please search the tag depression on wordpress and connect with other people who will validate your feelings. You are not an alien on the planet, but you may feel that way in your immediate social circle and in your family.

Sometimes periods of depression need to be gone through in order to get to the other side.

There can be reasons that we are not even aware of for the depression we are in. Betrayals, disappointments about life. disillusionment about humanity, can all cause us to become in a period of needing to reflect and re-evaluate our purpose and our lives.

We can become aware that our original “map of reality” does not match the actual reality of the world we are living in. This concept of map of reality is something that I heard on the Spartan Life Coach channel. He has many helpful videos that I recommend for people with C-PTSD from childhood mental abuse.

If you came from a disordered, mentally abusive childhood or you felt invisible during your childhood, then you are prone for depressive episodes. In very disrupted childhoods, there are certain developmental stages that can be missed and the mental software for dealing with certain situations and certain kinds of people in the world, was not given to you.

Depression can occur after an abusive relationship, even if you do not see the relationship as having been abusive. If you were emotionally abused as a child or a teenager then you will be prone to see certain treatment as just the way it is, whereas other people would see them as inappropriate or abusive.

When you long for certain things to be true in the world and they turn out not to be true, then this can cause a major depression. Some children of alcoholics and other mentally abusive childhoods have trouble accepting certain aspects of reality to be what they are. Your reality was confused and interfered with as a child. 

You may have been taught that you have to tolerate abuse in order to show your love for other people. You may also have been conditioned to continue on in situations that make you miserable. Your capacity to  make changes for your own benefit may have been interfered with.

You have the right to make changes for your own mental health and happiness.
You have the right to feel depressed if that is how you feel.
You have the right to refuse to socialize or to choose how, when, where  and how long you want to interact with others.
Being forced to socialize, under someone else’s terms, is being manipulated.
Being forced to hide your emotions, and to seem happy in order to make other people comfortable can be retraumatizing.
Feeling invisible is bad. You should not go into situations where you feel like no one sees the real you, or cares about what is going on with you.
Reaching out to others is good, especially if they have experienced depression and can validate what you are feeling.
Being yourself is critical and the right to feel what you feel is necessary.
Grieving for losses is necessary. Losses can include…
loss of youth
loss of a job
loss of loved ones who died, even if it was years ago
loss of innocent beliefs…such as the world is a wonderful place and everyone is basically good
loss if previous identity…you are who you are now…there will be times for changing and growing based on experiences and learning more about the world….of your identity needs to be altered that is okay…but we can grieve for a past identity also
loss of comforting surroundings
loss of anything that you feel was a real loss, no one can tell you what is more important to you that something else should be…your feelings are valid

You have a right to your feelings and the depression will continue to get worse if you try to deny your feelings, avoid processing losses, or allow others to try to force you to pretend or to act the way they want you to.

Your depression is unique just like you are unique

People cannot tell you that you have a great life and that you have no reason to be depressed. They do not know all of the things about you, or what could be causing the depression. You may not even be aware of all the things that are going on in your brain. 

It is a time to get to know yourself better and to care for yourself, and to grieve over losses. It is a time to give yourself permission to feel things. It is a time to draw boundaries with other people about them telling you that they know what you need.

Think about what you would say to someone if the asked you “What can I do to help you?” 

You may not have an answer right away, but I want you to think about that answer to the question. If you can identify things that would be helpful to you, then it might be a way to communicate with certain people who may be able to help you in a real way. 

In the mean time you can help yourself by thinking about what you can do for yourself and what you need.

life, NLP, psychology

Derenn Brown Makes Woman ColorBlind Magic Trick with NLP / This is so Cool !

This has got to be one of the coolest things I have ever seen !! This guy performs a kind of magic trick on this random lady in a restaraunt. He uses an NLP technique to cause her to become temporarily color blind.

The technique he uses involves using placement in the space in your mind of certain kinds of beliefs. He has her picture a non solid idea on the left hand side. Her idea which she is not sure about happens to be whether or not she can do well in her college classes.

The he has her picture a solid belief on her right hand side. He certain belief is the house she lives in and the location of her house.

Then he brings the uncertain idea about doing well in college  from the left hand side to the right hand side. This makes her mind associate the uncertain idea with a certain and solid idea space.

Then he brings out 4 color cards and begins to ask her about the colors and how certain she is about those colors.

And the rest……you have to watch this !!

horror books, horror movies, life

Hannibal the Series / Horror Movie Story

I am on episode 11 of the first season of Hannibal, the series. I have been watching it on Amazon prime, on my little kindle player.

This is a really great horror, thriller, mystery tv series, based on the book and movie Silence of the Lambs. The main character in the books and also the movie, was Clarice Starling. They did something similar in this tv series in that Hannibal is not the main character, but it one of the main characters.

I do not want to give too much away. The main character in this series is Will Graham, a criminal profiler, who had empathetic gifts bordering on the psychic. He is able to go to the crime scene and then imagine himself as the killer and picture what happened.

This story takes place prior to the time frame of the movie Silence of the Lambs. Hannibal is still working as a psychiatrist and has a private practice. So, he is as yet undiscovered as a serial killer.

This is a very very graphic tv show. Please do not watch it if you do not like horror movies, or are triggered in any way by graphic scenes or violence.

The characters in this tv show are really well developed and the acting is so good that you get pulled into the story easily. There are a few sub plots running that are continuous, but each episode solves one individual murder and concludes at the end. The sub story lines are all excellent and are very psychological in nature.

The story delves into different abnormal psychology ideas and is very interesting from that aspect. The characters each have their own disorders or issues and the psychology element is woven into each episode.

Ok, back to my kindle. Enjoy your evening !