Be careful just trusting someone, because they are knowledgeable about abuse, and they know all the “right terms and phrases.”
Remember –
Abusers are knowledgeable about abuse too !
Tag: psychopaths
Predators, Narcissists and Sociopaths
The phrase “beware the wolves in sheeps’s clothing ” originates from the bible. That shows you how far back into history that humans were made up of predators and targets.
It is not an epidemic. I have heard this term “narcissist epidemic” and it is misleading. It implies that this is a new problem and that the problem is getting worse.
It is not a new problem. It is most certainly an old problem that continues to exist. The problem of sociopaths, psychopaths, and people with narcissistic personality disorder has always existed.
It should be considered number one on the public health crisis list. It has always been so.
People will say that no one is born with a predisposition to have a cluster b personality disorder. They will say that is is caused by the abuse from that person’s parents.
There are a few problems in logic with that idea. Who started the problem of child abuse? Who were the first abusers ?
Logically there had to originally be people abusing their children that were not abused themselves. It had to begin someplace, at some point, with people that were naturally abusive, or people that chose to be abusive because they had a Machiavellian outlook on life.
After that, the children of those abusers, either came out to be traumatized and have c-ptsd or they came out to be narcissists and sociopaths and psychopaths.
All children of abusive parents do not become abusers. Many children of abusive parents are some of the most compassionate people you could meet.
It is not true that narcissists had a greater level of abuse and that the people that didn’t choose to be abusers had less abuse.
After over 150 coaching clients. I can tell you that there are plenty of people that grew up with horrific abuse, that did not turn out to be sociopaths or narcissists. They did not decide to hurt others intentionally, just because someone hurt them. Tbey did not choose a lifestyle that is based in machiavellian values.
Cluster b people chose their approach to the world. There is some genetic predisposition. But in the end, they made a choice of how to deal with others and how to run their lives.
Machiavellian philosophy says the ends justifies the means. So it doesn’t matter who you hurt or who’s lives you ruin to get what you want.
People that operate this way are not always easy to spot. I tend to recognize them faster than I used to. It comes with experience, but it is experience that I don’t suggest you gain.
The old warning was accurate. “Beware the wolves in sheep’s clothing.”
Everyone claiming to be a victim is not one. Everyone claiming to be vulnerable or suffering is not what they seem to be.
Sociopaths and narcissists will lie to mislead you.
They will lie about their feelings and emotions. They will lie about things that happened or did not happen.
They will lie about what they think of you. They will lie about what they think of themselves.
They will lie about how they plan to treat you. They will lie about how they have treated others, in the past.
They will lie about what they want for you in the future. They will lie about what they intend to do, in regards to you, in the future.
They will lie about how others see you. They will lie about what others say about you.
They will mislead you about your potential. They will confuse and deceive you, until you doubt your own ability to perceive reality properly. Ad then, the games really begin to get dark.
Live your life and interact with others. Just keep the wisdom with you. All people are not what they first appear to be.
If your intuition is telling you something is wrong, it probably is.
Eliza
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image from pinterest
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The midnight wind swept her hair
Like silken darkness across her face
She glanced once from side to side
Then continued with bold strides
Across broken rocks and fallen branches
Her aching feet finally arriving
Toes pointed toward the black iron gates
Eliza removed an object from her bag
Moonlight splashing a reflection
Onto the cold steel of the barrel
She thrust as hard as her body could bare
And the object flung over the gates
Into the blackness of the overgrowth
That strangled the cemetary markers
Looking like strange alien spiders
The cold black steel disappeared
The evidence was swallowed up
Never to have existed in the first place
Eliza trembled at her imagination
Half with dread and half with remorse
That she could never pull the trigger
Even pointed at that god forsaken monster
The sound of her name broke the silence
And echoed through the streets
She turned towards the direction
From where the creature was beckoning
Dropping her face and hunching forward
She slowly began to make her way back
To home where the creature kept her
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Psychopaths Brain Images are Different in MRI Scans
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There are biological differences in the brains of psychopaths, compared to people that do not have psychopathy , otherwise known as anti-social personality disorder.
The emotional regions of the brain do not light up in an MRI, as opposed to the way they light up in an MRI of a non-psychopath. There are also differences in the amygdala, which it the fight or flight center of the brain.
Whether or not these differences are something people are born with or not is something that is still debated. It is possible that psychopaths have a personality that causes them to want to behave in certain ways that through repetition of these behavioral patterns, trains the brain to behave differently.
The pre-frontal cortex of the brain is the part of the brain that regulates behavior. It is the restraining mechanism that keeps people from doing things that they are not willing to suffer the possible consequences of. People usually weigh out the possibilities of their actions before they act, but psychopaths seems to lack this function in their brains, according the the MRI scans.
Psychopaths are not insane or psychotic. They have knowledge of right and wrong. They are impulse driven, but they are aware of the nature of their behavior. The actions of psychopaths are intentional and they choose to behave as predators. They see other people as their prey and they have no remorse over their actions when they hurt other people.
Some scientists believe that there is a possibility that the brains of psychopaths can be altered with surgery. This is a topic of morale debate. Some scientists believe that surgically altering the brains of psychopaths is a way to save society of the consequences of the actions of convicted criminals once they are released.
Of course, only a small number of psychopaths are in prison. Many psychopaths are fully functioning members of society and they blend in unnoticed by others. The victims they prey upon are mostly not believed because their wounds are not always physical.
Watch this documentary to learn more about these predators that walk among us. There are many psychopaths in all walks of life, and they are very good at masking their true nature and mirroring normal emotions.
High functioning psychopaths are able to fool most anyone they choose to. Their victims are behind closed doors and when they tell anyone about their abuse, their story usually sounds unbelievable.
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Eliza
🌹
The midnight wind swept her hair
Like silken darkness across her face
She glanced once from side to side
Then continued with bold strides
Across broken rocks and fallen branches
🌹
Her aching feet finally arriving
Toes pointed toward the black iron gates
Eliza removed an object from her bag
Moonlight splashing a reflection
Onto the cold steel of the barrel
🌹
She thrust as hard as her body could bare
And the object flung over the gates
Into the blackness of the overgrowth
That strangled the cemetary markers
Looking like strange alien spiders
🌹
The cold black steel disappeared
The evidence was swallowed up
Never to have existed in the first place
Eliza trembled at her imagination
Half with dread and half with remorse
That she could never pull the trigger
Even on that god forsaken monster
🌹
The sound of her name broke the silence
And echoed through the streets
She turned towards the direction
From where the creature was beckoning
Dropping her face and hunching forward
She slowly began to make her way back
To home where the creature kept her
🌹🌹🌹
When You Are Sleeping with a Psychopathic Narcissist
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.image from pinterest here
When you are with a psychopathic narcissist for a partner, you do not see their dark side at first. The seasoned predators are skilled at creating a shared psychosis…an illusion that you are two perfectly matched souls….destined to be together.
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When you are with an authentic partner, who has true compassion for you, they do not feel the need to state things like….
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I have compassion for you, even though it does not show.
I don’t usually have compassion for other people, but I have compassion for you.
Other people do not really understand you or see you. But only I can see the real you.
No one sees your talent but me.
I am the only one who has really loved you.
I am the only one who could really love you.
You are so different from other people that I am the only one who understands you.
You are too special to be with anyone but me.
No one will love you the way I do.
You are the only one who can save me.
I would die without you.
You would die without me.
You and I do not belong in this world.
We are nothing without each other.
You can only do great things if you are with me.
I will kill myself if you leave me.
I will kill myself if you….
I will kill myself if you don’t….
My life was nothing before you.
You don’t need anyone but me.
Your friends are not really your friends. Only I am.
Everyone always lets me down in the end.
Everyone disappoints me sooner or later.
Every relationship I have ends up with them abusing me. You will do the same.
Everyone leaves me. So will you.
No one is willing to give me what I need.
I never get enough help from anyone.
People should help me and do what I ask, without wanting something in return.
If you really loved me you would not expect things in return for doing everything I ask you to do.
How can I believe you love me if you are not waiting by the phone when I call?
How can you do things for other people when I am so needy?
How can you do things for yourself (like take a shower) without checking that I am okay first?
I should not have to be there for you to prove my love.
Love is about you being there for me and doing things for me that I can do myself.
Love is being there for me when you have an impotant business meeting to go to.
Love is being there for me, when your friend or family member has an emergency.
Love is about being there for me when you have an emergency.
Love is being there for me when you are sick or sleep deprived.
Love is giving up all your friends and family for me.
Love is you knowing that my job is more important than yours, but that I not help you pay your bills.
Love is YOU paying attention to MEEEEEE and me ignoring, rejecting, demeaning, minimizing and lying about you.
Everyone Deserves a Second Chance?
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There are many old adages that are potentially harmful beliefs for you to carry.
These phrases have been passed dwn from generation to generation. They seem harmless enough, and supposedly make you a “better person.”
Compassionate people naturally believe these ideas, and we have made great efforts and sacrifices to stand by the values that these adages teach.
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“Everyone deserves a second chance.”
“Behind every great man is a good woman.”
“Turn the other cheek.”
“You only have one family, and you are stuck with them.”
“Good partners support their spouse ( partner) …no matter what.”
“Kindness is always rewarded.”
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What is the danger of blindly believing these things ?
Isn’t it “good” to always expect the best from people?
Shouldn’t we believe and trust in others…no matter what?
Isn’t everyone innately good?
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No.
They aren’t.
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Many people are innately good. Many people are basically trustworthy.
There are good-natured people that have a basic respect for other humans and living things.
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The problem with adages….other than the fact that they have been brainwashed into us…is the “Black and White” aspect to them.
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They suggest certain principles of “right” and “wrong” and create thought pattern behaviors that are rooted in shame and guilt.
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Toxic people can use this guilt to manipulate you very easily. Even as easily as asking you a question…
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“Don’t you believe in second chances?”
“Don’t you believe in me?”
“Don’t you believe that everyone deserves a second chance?”
“Aren’t you able to see the good in people?”
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This is manipulation that plays on your core values and beliefs. These beliefs that have been embedded into your subconscious. …
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“Good wives support their husband no matter what.”
“Real men don’t cry. They stuff their emotions dow, and don’t express them.”
“Good sons and daughters always respect their parents.”
“Good people keep tolerating whatever abuse their family fishes out at them.”
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There is an implied presupposition in these adages. ..All people are basically good.
You have been brainwashed to believe that if you just love someone enough, they will eventually let down their walls….and you will see the good person underneath all the barriers.
People walk back into houses with abusive partners every day, because someone guilted them into going back.
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Truth…..
These adages manipulate you with shame. Narcissists and psychopaths will lead you to believe that they are “good” people, that are just misunderstood, stressed, emotionally injured, etc.
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Truth…
Listening to your own feelings and intuition is good. You need these senses to protect yourself.
You have been brainwashed that “setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm” is noble. It makes you a good person. You will be rewarded for it later.
“Future promises” are one of the favorite tools of manipulative people. They will lead you to believe that if you suffer through abuse now….you will be rewarded later….
But later never comes. You just get stuck in a reality that is being controlled by someone else.
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Truth…
You are not being selfish when you swt boundaries. You are not being selfish when you listen to your own feelings.
If someone is draining the life out of you, then they are taking advantage of you. Itvwill not balance out at some later date.
You are not a bad person if you do not give someone a second chance…a third chance….or a 10 th chance…after they have betrayed you.
People that sacrifice their dreams and desires for someone else are not better people…than people who follow their hearts and their passion….even if it means walking away from manipulative, cruel people.
So let’s “Get our heads out of the sand”
See what is right in front of you, and not what people tell you to see. Trust your feelings and your own perception of reality.
Don’t let people play on your desire to be a good person.
Be a good person. But spend your energy wisely. Follow your dreams. Access your truth.
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Join Gentlekindness coaching on facebook
art by my daughter Delenn Yake
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If you are interested in learning more about narcissism and narcissistic abuse…
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If you are in an abusive relationship…
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If you grew up with abusive parents…
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If you have C-PTSD from emotional and mental abuse…
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If you feel like you keep attracting narcissists and psychopaths…
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If you want to get some traction back into your life after abusive relationships…
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Join us on the gentlekindness coaching facebook page
for information and support
Mr. Lucifer
source pinterest
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You reached into the flames
That were tearing my flesh
Burning me alive
I did not stop to wonder why
The flames had no effect
on your skin as you reached in
And joined me deep within
You said you had been choking
Suffocating …on the smoke
From your own inner hell
All alone…And now
We could hold hands
And join souls
in that fiery hell
Ruled by the morally insane…
Truth be told. I wanted you there
because if it made you feel less alone
I would feel saved…
I never suspected
that the blazing black pit
Of brimstone was being stoked
Ever higher as the hot gas
Exploded into screams
Because after all
You recognized the nature
Of the flames
Darkness…
Darkness within the billowing smoke
Filling my lungs with ash
Formed from my buring flesh
I never suspected who you were
Even as I watched you
Expertly move about the fire
With a soul-less smile
that fueled the flames higher
Psychopaths in Society
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The problem of psychopathy is a serious threat to the public, yet information about psychopaths is not common knowledge. There are warnings about the dangers of cigarettes, drunk driving, fire and even taking expired medications.
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There are all kinds of warnings from the government and other organizations about safety issues that concern the public. There are news reports when there is a danger of a severe weather event. When there is a flu virus spreading within a community, it is reported om the tv and the radio.
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High school students are taught about the dangers of getting a sexually transmitted disease and provided with information about how to limit their risk. But they are not taught the red flags of dating a pathological person. They are not taught about abuse, and how to tell if you are in danger from your partner.
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Psychopathy is a personality disorder defined by a cluster of interpersonal, affective, lifestyle, and antisocial traits and behaviors that pose a serious problem for society. The behavioral repertoire of a psychopath includes charm, manipulation…
source – FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin – July 2012
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There is a lot of misinformation about psychopaths, and this misinformation keeps people from being able to protect themselves. The real name for the disorder of psychopathy is anti social personality disorder. It is not the same thing as being psychotic. That is a different disorder.
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Psychopaths are not confused about right and wrong. They know what behaviors are hurtful to other people, and they understand laws and ethics. They have no empathy for their victims, but they are aware when they are hurting them in some way.
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Psychopaths understand right from wrong. They know they are subject to society’s rules, but willingly disregard them to pursue their own interests. They also are not out of touch with reality. They rarely become psychotic unless they also have a separate mental illness or use powerful drugs…
source – FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin – July 2012
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.Anti-social personality disorder (psychopathy) is a personality disorder. This means it is an all pervasive disorder which reaches into all aspects of the person’s life. They like their disorder. so they have no desire to seek treatment, and therapy does not change their behavior. They do not desire to change.
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You cannot recognize a psychopath, unless you have studied about their tactics, characteristic and the red flags to spotting a psychopath. Even people who know about psychopaths can be manipulated by one. because they can be very charming and seductive.
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Most people never have any idea that they are dealing with a pathological person, until it is too late. Other people work with one at their job, or have one in their family and will never realize it. This is the danger of allowing the information to stay hidden.
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Some people never realize that they were in a relationship with a psychopath. They may realize at some point that they are in an abusive relationship, but by then they are already brainwashed and have a trauma bond with their abuser.
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Robert Hare, the author of Without a Conscience, designed the Psychopathy Checklist for identifying the traits of people who have anti-social personality disorder. Anyone might seem to have one of the traits, but if someone you know has many of them, you need to be careful interacting with them.
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The followingchart was published in the FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin – July 2012
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Traits and Characteristics of Psychopathy |
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| Interpersonal | Affective | Lifestyle | Antisocial | ||
| Glib and superficial charm | Lack of remorse/guilt | Stimulation seeking | Poor behavior controls | ||
| Grandiose sense of self-worth |
Shallow affect | Impulsivity | Early behavior problems | ||
| Pathological lying | Callous lack of empathy |
Irresponsible | Juvenile delinquency | ||
| Conning and manipulation |
Failure to accept responsibility |
Parasitic orientation | Revocation of conditional release |
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| Lack of realistic goals | Criminal versatility | ||||
- Please note – I realize that part of this chart is cut off. I could not fix it, but you can go to the source and view it in the full frame.
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Psychopaths tend to target certain kinds of people for partner abuse. But they target other people when they need to use them for their own agenda. Any kind of relationship with a psychopath will end in you losing something, and possibly ending up with post traumatic stress disorder, or worse.
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Statistics estimate that one out of twenty-five people is a psychopath. They blend in to all walks of life. Many of them survive like parasites who live off of other people. They take credit for the work of their co-workers and then throw them under bus, designing lies about them…or getting them blamed for the things the psychopath did wrong.
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Young women are raped by psychopaths on college campuses, who lure them with their charm or drug their drinks. The campuses cover up the number of rapes on the campuses and rarely expel the offenders.
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Psychopaths blend in on college campuses and appear to be just a regular student. A percentage of psychopaths on campuses are involved in repeated taped of the young women.
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This documentary reveals the frightening truth about the universities and their failure to report rapes to the authorities when the victims come to them for help. The victims are discouraged from reporting anything to the police and they are even accused of having encouraged their attackers.
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The psychopaths in high positions do not want to be exposed. Many of them are in positions control over the media and even the school system. People are made to think of psychopaths as serial killers and psychotic men who are out of control.
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The fact that psychopaths can blend in unnoticed is the way they are able to survive as predators. They will not allow the media to reveal the truth. We have to do that ourselves. To protect our children and to protect ourselves.
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They do not deserve to walk among us unnoticed. When people can recognize a psychopath before they get entrapped by one, then they can walk away before the damage is done to them. It would reduce the number of women who end up in abusive marriages and domestic violence.
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It would keep young men and women safer on college campuses. It would keep people from ending up crushed and broken after a relationship with one of these pathological people. It would prevent the suicides of so many people who develop severe depression from being abused by a psychopath.
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Bulletins like the FBI bulletin I gave you the link for in this post, should not just be for FBI agent training. They should be provided to the public and given to high school and college students, as well as distributed at doctor’s offices and human services agencies.
GentleKindness 