Eliza

🌹

The midnight wind swept her hair

Like silken darkness across her face

She glanced once from side to side

Then continued with bold strides

Across broken rocks and fallen branches

🌹

Her aching feet finally arriving

Toes pointed toward the black iron gates

Eliza removed an object from her bag

Moonlight splashing a reflection

Onto the cold steel of the barrel

🌹

She thrust as hard as her body could bare

And the object flung over the gates

Into the blackness of the overgrowth

That strangled the cemetary markers

Looking like strange alien spiders

🌹

The cold black steel disappeared

The evidence was swallowed up

Never to have existed in the first place

Eliza trembled at her imagination

Half with dread and half with remorse

That she could never pull the trigger

Even on that god forsaken monster

🌹

The sound of her name broke the silence

And echoed through the streets

She turned towards the direction

From where the creature was beckoning

Dropping her face and hunching forward

She slowly began to make her way back

To home where the creature kept her

🌹🌹🌹

 

 

 

 

 

When You Are Sleeping with a Psychopathic Narcissist

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.image from pinterest here

 

When you are with a psychopathic narcissist for a partner, you do not see their dark side at first. The seasoned predators are skilled at creating a shared psychosis…an illusion that you are two perfectly matched souls….destined to be together.

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When you are with an authentic partner, who has true compassion for you, they do not feel the need to state things like….

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I have compassion for you, even though it does not show.

I don’t usually have compassion for other people, but I have compassion for you.

Other people do not really understand you or see you. But only I can see the real you.

No one sees your talent but me.

I am the only one who has really loved you.

I am the only one who could really love you.

You are so different from other people that I am the only one who understands you.

You are too special to be with anyone but me.

No one will love you the way I do.

You are the only one who can save me.

I would die without you.

You would die without me.

You and I do not belong in this world.

We are nothing without each other.

You can only do great things if you are with me.

I will kill myself if you leave me.

I will kill myself if you….

I will kill myself if you don’t….

My life was nothing before you.

You don’t need anyone but me.

Your friends are not really your friends. Only I am.

Everyone always lets me down in the end.

Everyone disappoints me sooner or later.

Every relationship I have ends up with them abusing me. You will do the same.

Everyone leaves me. So will you.

No one is willing to give me what I need.

I never get enough help from anyone.

People should help me and do what I ask, without wanting something in return.

If you really loved me you would not expect things in return for doing everything I ask you to do.

How can I believe you love me if you are not waiting by the phone when I call?

How can you do things for other people when I am so needy?

How can you do things for yourself (like take a shower) without checking that I am okay first?

I should not have to be there for you to prove my love.

Love is about you being there for me and doing things for me that I can do myself.

Love is being there for me when you have an impotant business meeting to go to.

Love is being there for me, when your friend or family member has an emergency.

Love is about being there for me when you have an emergency.

Love is being there for me when you are sick or sleep deprived.

Love is giving up all your friends and family for me.

Love is you knowing that my job is more important than yours, but that I not help you pay your bills.

Love is YOU paying attention to MEEEEEE and me ignoring, rejecting, demeaning, minimizing and lying about you.

Everyone Deserves a Second Chance?

💕

There are many old  adages that are potentially harmful beliefs for you to carry.

These phrases have been passed dwn from generation to generation. They seem harmless enough, and supposedly make you a “better person.”

Compassionate people naturally believe these ideas, and we have made great efforts and sacrifices to stand by the values that these adages teach.

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“Everyone deserves a second chance.”

“Behind every great man is a good woman.”

“Turn the other cheek.”

“You only have one family, and you are stuck with them.”

“Good partners support their spouse ( partner) …no matter what.”

“Kindness is always rewarded.”

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What is the danger of blindly believing these things ?

Isn’t it “good” to always expect the best from people?

Shouldn’t we believe and trust in others…no matter what?

Isn’t everyone innately good?

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No.

They aren’t.

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Many people are innately good. Many people are basically trustworthy.

There are good-natured people that have a basic respect for other humans and living things.

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The problem with adages….other than the fact that they have been brainwashed into us…is the “Black and White” aspect to them.

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They suggest certain principles of “right” and “wrong” and create thought pattern behaviors that are rooted in shame and guilt.

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Toxic people can use this guilt to manipulate you very easily. Even as easily as asking you a question…

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“Don’t you believe in second chances?”

“Don’t you believe in me?”

“Don’t you believe that everyone deserves a second chance?”

“Aren’t you able to see the good in people?”

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This is manipulation that plays on your core values and beliefs. These beliefs that have been embedded into your subconscious. …

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“Good wives support their husband no matter what.”

“Real men don’t cry. They stuff their emotions dow, and don’t express them.”

“Good sons and daughters always respect their parents.”

“Good people keep tolerating whatever abuse their family fishes out at them.”

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There is an implied presupposition in these adages. ..All people are basically good.

You have been brainwashed to believe that if you just love someone enough, they will eventually let down their walls….and you will see the good person underneath all the barriers.

People walk back into houses with abusive partners every day, because someone guilted them into going back.

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Truth…..

These adages manipulate you with shame. Narcissists and psychopaths will lead you to believe that they are “good” people, that are just misunderstood, stressed, emotionally injured, etc.

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Truth…

Listening to your own feelings and intuition is good. You need these senses to protect yourself.

You have been brainwashed that “setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm” is noble. It makes you a good person. You will be rewarded for it later.

“Future promises”  are one of the favorite tools of manipulative people. They will lead you to believe that if you suffer through abuse now….you will be rewarded later….

But later never comes. You just get stuck in a reality that is being controlled by someone else.

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Truth…

You are not being selfish when you swt boundaries. You are not being selfish when you listen to your own feelings.

If someone is draining the life out of you, then they are taking advantage of you. Itvwill not balance out at some later date.

You are not a bad person if you do not give someone a second chance…a third chance….or a 10 th chance…after they have betrayed you.

People that sacrifice their dreams and desires for someone else are not better people…than people who follow their hearts and their passion….even if it means walking away from manipulative, cruel people.

So let’s “Get our heads out of the sand”

See what is right in front of you, and not what people tell you to see. Trust your feelings and your own perception of reality.

Don’t let people play on your desire to be a good person.

Be a good person. But spend your energy wisely. Follow your dreams. Access your truth.

 

..

 

 

Stigma About Mental Illness

Stigma about mental illness keeps many people from seeking treatment. Out f fear of social isolation, discrimination and misunderstanding due to their invisible illness, people fear the diagnosis and the permanent label to be fixed upon them.

There are many kinds of mental illness that are very different from each other.

People that have had incidents of severe depression are obviously not a danger to others, but being labeled with “mental illness” means that the same stigma will apply to them as to everyone else with a history of mental illness.

A former soldier who has had PTSD in the past, still carries the “history of mental illness” red flag in his records.

You hear the phrase “has a history of mental illness” on the news when some psychopath kidnaps a child. You hear this same phrase when a psychpathic 17 year old guns down his fellow students in the hallways of the school.

Just because someone “has a history of mental illness” does not make them a bad person, nor does it make them violent. This stigma is unrealistic and unfair to many people.

This stigma keeps many people from seeking treatment they need.

Once that label is on someone’s record, it is like it is etched in stone. It can ne brought out and others can even use it to undermine people that they have ulterior motives to destroying.

The general population is poorly educated about mental illness. Some people suffer for years and do not even realize that their depression or anxiety disorder could be treated.

They just know that something is wrong but they do not have enough background aboit different kinds of mental issues, to understand when depression changes from regular depression to a depressive disorder that is serious.

Parents are not educated about teen mental illness, and many parents cannot recognize a serious mental health problem. Teen suicides that could be prevented are a tragedy.

High schools do not have classes on basic mental health. The students are forced to spend hours learning certain things they will never use in their lifetime, but critical life topics like mental illness or safe dating is not covered in the curriculum.

Over 25 percent of people will have some form of serious mental suffering during their lifetimes.

Why is it that education about mental health is not given any consideration by the government or the school systems?

Why does the media continue to perpetuate misinformation that is devastating to individuals with mental health dosorders?

The heads of the government have an agenda that does not contain any feelings of empathy or common sense.

1 in 25 people is a psychopath or a malignant toxic narcissist. These are the people that are a danger to others.

But they have a talent to put on a facade of  charm and to appear “normal.”  By enabling fingers to be pointed at people “with a history of mental illness” …the psychopathic leaders are able to continue to blend in.

Lower level psychopaths endanger the invisibity of the high functioning ones. When these lower level psychopaths commit crimes, the media spouts that the person has “a history of mental illness.”

The truth that psychopaths blend into the crowd and are able to function undetected by people, is something that is covered up.

Instead of the news saying the truth, which is…

“This man raped three women. He is a psychopath. “…

..They are obligated to say …

“This man raped three women. He has a history of mental illness. ”

This veil of illusion is permeated throughout society and constantly reinforced by conditioning of the minds of the public.

 

Meaning and Reality

You are a unique person and your perspective about things is as valid as anyone else’s. Others will try to force their interpretion of things upon you, but you are a sovereign individual.

People have their own belief systems and their own agenda. Being sleep deprived, and tired from the daily struggle to survive can take its toll on your will power.

When your will power is depleted, it is easier for people to persuade you towards their interpretations. Even the media, and society can influence us to go against our true feelings about what we see and hear.

You can pretend to have a “hold button”  like one you would find on an office telephone. Deciding what meaning to attach to things can wait until your will power is higher.

Low blood sugar and sleep deprivation are two main things that can keep you from thinking clearly. Feelings in the body are always telling you something. Intuition is felt in the body. Bad feelings about something are felt in a physical way.

Things like being tired , stressed and uncomfortable are likely to interfere with your ability to feel your true feelings about something. This is why sleep deprivation and withholding food are common tactics of brainwashers like cult leaders.

Don’t allow others to form your feelings and thoughts. Put things on hold, by pressing your hold button. Wait until a bet time, when you can be introspective, to create your personal meanings for things that occur.

All things are not as they seem, and they often are not what others present to you. Truth and meaning can become convoluted.

Believe in yourself, and your higher consciousness to guide you. Rest, eat, and think for yourself. The meanings and perspective of your personal reality are yours, and should support your mental , physical , emotional, and spiritual well being.

Namaste,

Annie💕

Pathological People -Charming Psychopaths

Pathological bullies walk amongst us, blending into the social groups…charming their captive audiences….forming cult-like followings of underlings that feel empowered by being allowed into the inner or outer circle of the narcissistic charmer…

Pathological predators watch you with eyes like a lion…sizing up their prey….planning their next move….figuring out your weaknesses….breaking down your strengths … intimidating you by eliciting unwanted feelings in you….

Psychopaths walk amongst us…they sit next to you at the bus stop….read your profile on the latest dating site….review your facebook pictures….pry into your work files….mirror your values in order to disguise themselves….

Pathological, malignant aliens blend into your church….smear you good name behind your back….use sex to manipulate their sexual partners….and the spouses of their sexual partners….

Pathological people have no conscience and feel no remorse for hurting others….causing financial devastatiothoneo individuals and families….destroying everything in their path….practicing facial expressions in the mirror…for emotions they don’t have…

Make no mistake…you have met one…they asked you things of a personal nature….testing you….they are waiting for their next chance to drink someone’s life force…to starve them of their will to live….

it might be you they are seducing….with big brown eyes…or sparking blues…a devilish smile when they look at you…

be careful not to believe everything you hear from someone that is dominating and flatters you too much……treats people kindly in person but hates them behind their back….you might be next

Self Esteem for People with Depression and Anxiety Disorder

Mask

I get you now !

You have no real smile

 

Just  hundreds of variations of…

 facial expressions

tones of voice

hand gestures

and right things to say

 

Stories to impress men

Words to captivate women

Threats to coerce employees

Lies to deceive everyone

 

Various identities 

to keep your life in boxes

So your lies won’t overlap

 

Six cell phones with different numbers

Seven email addresses 

At least 4 different companies 

 

That’s as far as I know

Maybe there are more…

 

Various online dating profiles 

A computer program to scan for prey…

 

Empaths

Codependents

HIghly Sensitives

Romantics

 

The innocent

The abused

The naive

And the lonely

 

The young ones

The old ones

And anyone in between

The poets 

The artists

And the ones who want to save you

 

You show a vulnerable side

That is nothing but an act

You make them feel your pain

But you are mirroring theirs back

 

You show them some compassion

From scripts inside your head

 

You repeat their own words back

That they forgot that they said

 

They think you are for real

A man that they could care for

Someone who needs attention

And maybe mothering too

 

They know if they invest their time

Your love for them will be true

 

You train them all so well

To jump when you ring the bell…

Like Pavlov and his dog

Waiting for the food

You create a real addiction

Then make them beg for more

 

You let them paint the illusion

A dream from inside their mind

Exactly the way they picture it

A different mask for every crime

 

You become their favorite fantasy

Be anyone they want you to be

 

You lift them as high as you can

Upon your pedestal of gold

 

The higher you can lift them up

The farther they have to fall

 

And fall they will …

Make no mistake

 They won’t see it coming

Your skill has such grace…

 

You’ll come up behind them

Contempt on your face

 

You’ll yank out that stool

And cover all traces

That you ever planned it 

Or could hardly stand it

 

To play the role of vulnerable and weak

 

Now you are TOWERING 

Over your catch

 

Pour on the gasoline

And light up your match

 

Burning their hopefulness

And reasons for living

Corrupting their soul

Transfusing your sinning

 

You think…

“You thought you were winning?”

 

Ha!

 

Your face slowly changes

The expression is dark

 

She feels like she saw it once

In one of your glances

But it passed all too quickly 

And you covered with romances

 

She tries to beg forgiveness

As you tell her what she’s done

You project all of your sins

And she wants to give in

And confess to the crimes

You committed

 

But before she can speak

Your image just blackens

Becoming no more than a shadow in her mind

 

The terror in her nightmares

For so many nights to come

As she lies all alone filled with dread

 

She thought you were real

And that you could feel

Like the other men she had once known

 

But you wore a mask 

That she helped you to cast

As you once hung on her every word

 

And now there’s another 

Just waiting to instruct you

To create a new mask in every detail…

 

As you listen intently

The details are mentally filed

Your plan is being formed as you fashion a smile

 

She thinks you’re so sweet

And is utterly amazed

At how you share all her hopes 

And admire her dreams

 

As you hold up the mirror

And show her herself

It is a match made in heaven for sure

 

She wonders how she found someone

She has so much in common with

Someone who feels just the same

 

As you study her strength

And look for the cracks 

You will shove your knife through

All too soon

 

A brand new mask has been forged

For the new prey to love

And sacrifice all that she has for

 

You suck all her blood 

And you take all she has

With the promise that all will be repaid

 

You will buy her that house

With the white picket fence

That she carries the picture of

In the pocket of her dress

 

But she does not see

That you were a different person to me

 

And will make another mask

When you are done with this task

 

It’s all such a chore but you’ve done it before

 

One mask for each girl 

Let the games begin to twirl

They all end the same in the end

 

10 Things about a Relationship with a Manipulative or Emotionally Abusive Person

1. Other people do not get to decide what upsets you and what does not.
2. Other people have no frame of reference about your life, to be able to decide if you are being “too sensitive” or “hyper sensitive” . No…they just don’t get to!
3. Shaming someone is not love or support in any way, no matter how they attempt to twist things around to convince you. No shaming! Don’t accept it!
4. People do not have the right to tell you how to perceive reality or to question you perception of reality. No they don’t! Just say NO !
5. You are completely entitled to your feelings and to feel hurt when someone is….. mean, disrespectful, inconsiderate, selfish, sarcastic, deceiptful, dishonest, disappointing, exploitative, condescending or minimizing to your reality.
6. Someone insisting you perceive things the way they tell you to all the time is gaslighting you.
7. You have the right to a conversation with a loved one about abusive or hurtful behavior. You are not being abusive to them when you point out behavior that hurts you and express your feelings about that behavior!!!
8. Conversations about your feelings that always turn around somehow to be about their feelings, is a red flag of narcissistic abuse.
9. No demeaning behavior, embarrassing you, disresectful behavior or condescending attitudes have to be tolerated. It does not prove that you love them…it is just evidence that you have been desensitized to that kind of treatment.
10. Excuses for their behavior that make you the cause of it, are UNACCEPTABE !

Light in Darkness

Step lightly and tread a gentle path

You never know what you are walking on

Until you are mindful of it as you go

Listen and see with watchful eyes

Your heart will speak the truth

Be open to seeing more than others

Tell you is around you because

There is always much more than

Your eyes can see if you rush

Breath in your surroundings to perceive

Without biases , without assuming

Things are what you are expecting

If you assume what is there…then

That is what you will see….

Presupposition can murder the senses

And dull your ability to see truth

Sometimes more beautiful than

The others can perceive it to be

And other times darker and more sinister

But see what you are able to see

Never allow others to do your seeing for you

Or give meaning to things without your consent

Your perception becomes your reality for the time you are perceiving it to be

You must see what you need to

And not let others influence you in a way that distorts your truth

Or tarnishes your vision

Walk gently and look freely

Choose your own meaning and feel your emotions

Your spirit is resilient but the mind can be interfered with …

If you are not mindful

Walk gently for you know not where you are walking

Or what you are stepping on

Unless you are aware as you go

Create your own manifestations, and build your own bridges to walk over the water

Until you can walk upon the water with faith…

And without fear

Do not bury your feelings or let others minimize them

Do not allow others to discount what you feel and what you know

Walk softly but speak the truth loudly when it is necessary

And speak the truth gently if it is harsh o

Have compassion when no one around you does

Believe in what is right when others turn their back

Always believe in yourself especially when others shun you

Believe in your intentions when others try to shut you down

What you see and what you feel is yours …and yours to value

Stand up when others have fallen

Stand up when others try to make you stay down

Live with kindness and speak with truth and light

If you let the darkness make you hard to see

The ones who need your light cannot find you

Your light is very important to the ones lost in the dark

Let fear be comforted by truth …

Not the truth of darkness…

But the truth of the light that is within you..

The light that sometimes barely breathes and flickers in the dark

But cannot be extinguished

By anyone

Let your light comfort and inspire

Allow it to flicker like a flame…

Next to fear and sadness

To give them hope

Your light is always within you

Even in the darkest of times

When it is hard to see

No matter how small it may seem at times

Your light has great power and strength

Compassion will flame the fire