Bullying and Shaming is Abuse

Stigma and Mental Illness

Mental disorder has stigma attached to it. People think of movies they have seen with dangerous disorderly mental characters in them. News reports inevitably bring attention to anyone’s mental diagnosis, when they commit a bizarre or dangerous crime.

They neglect to say that most people with that particular mental disorder are not violent and do not commit rapes or armed robberies , because they have a conscience. They neglect to tell you that 1 in 25 people is a sociopath that does not have a mental disorder….they are just heartless people with no conscience.

A personality disorder and a mental disorder are not the same thing. One of them is a cold person with no conscience… and most of  the other ones are suffering a soul loss (see shamic soul loss and soul retrieval) , or emotional woundings, caused by  abuse from the personality disordered ones.

Highly sensitive, empathic people are subject to deep emotional, spiritual wounding of their souls. Narcissistic societies that are run by psychopathic leaders create situations that can be destructive to the HSP’s.

People with emotional intelligence can confused and mentally broken by pathologically narcissistic families. Then they are thrown out to the wolves who target them, because they can smell blood in the water.

A mental disorder is when someone’s life becomes disordered, and unmanageable, due to depression, anxiety, or other emotional illnesses involving one or both of these ( often both). There are a long list of mental illnesses involving various combinations of depression,  mood disregulation and anxiety.

The majority of these people were and are victims of abuse, chaos, and trauma. …much of which has its root cause in the evil doings of pathological people. Eighteen year old teenagers are sent into trauma and darkness. Otherwise healthy children and teenagers are emotionally tortured by bullies both outside of the home and within.

This is one of those kinds of posts that will end up with condescending comments saying that my opinion is not based on scientific, or psychological facts. I do not care. Knowing this will happen has not stopped me from writing and posting this.

I am speaking from what I have seen over and over and over again. Pathological, personality disordered people break family members, rule society with pathological lying and deception, and otherwise destroy lives.

Emotionally wounded people are further gaslighted and re-traumatized by other narcissists and psychopaths, which are at least 1 in 25 people, and tend to target emotionally wounded people. I have heard one horror story after another from my clients, and this had to be said.

My reblog function is currently active, and it is my choice at this time to have it thst way. Keep in mind, it is a priveledge to reblog other writer’s posts.

Comments about the content of this post belong in the comments section. Any re-blogs where where the person posts personal criticisms of me,  as the intro to the reblog will be linked in the comments here by me. …as it is an example of my points about bullying.

If you use my post to enhance your own blog, it is a benefit for you. Common courtesy in return for that priveledge calls for a respectful introduction to the writer’s post. As with all mental illness blogs, disgression and common sense are expected.

All of my regular readers, and loyal followers honor this practice of common sense and empathy concerning re-blogs.

Blessings to all of my loving followers. You are an important part of what I hold valueable in the world. I hope this post is validating about the stigma about mental illness.

Namaste,

Annie💕

Are Flashbacks Just Memories?

If you have PTSD you are aware of how frightening, and mentally upsetting that flashbacks can be. They can occur when there is a trigger than reminds you about the original trauma. 

I have heard from more than one person lately that their therapists are minimizing their experience with flashbacks. Therapists are not all trained in basic neurology, although in my opinion they should be. Understanding how the brain processes memories, and what happens to that process during a traumatic event, is important to the understanding of .

This is a response I left for another blogger who had this experience with a therapist. I have had clients of mine say very similar things about their therapist not understanding about flashbacks. Sometimes people are told that flashbacks are “just memories” and that it is not that bad.

Many mental health professional are compassionate. Some psychiatrists and therapists are also educated in neurology, but there are some that do not understand about flashbacks and what happens in the brain to cause flashbacks.

I have heard stories from my clients about  being traumatized in therapy. Survivors of narcissistic abuse need someone to validate their reality. There are therapists than end up re-traumatizing their clients by invalidating their reality when it comes to flashbacks and also the effect of gaslighting and mental abuse on the victim.

Most importantly, compassion for the client is necessary. You cannot treat someone and help them, if you are going to invalidate their experiences and their reality. Meeting someone where they are …mentally and emotionally…is showing your humanity. 

If you ever feel worse leaving a therapy appointment than when you went in, then something is wrong. If you feel invalidated, minimized, or criticized for things you feel and say, then you need to ask for another therapist.

They are being paid to help you heal and be whole again. So if you feel that your therapist is not a good match for you and your trauma, then it is okay to search for another therapist that understands PTSD, C-PTSD , surviving abuse, or the type of trauma that caused your post traumatic stress.

It is very important that you can express your thoughts and feelings. If you experienced abuse as an adult, or emotional / mental abuse growing up, then you have had years of not being believed and not having your reality validated. 

Here is my message to all of the clients I have helped with this issue. 

Flashbacks are most certainly different than memories. She was minimizing your pain and invalidating your reality. I do not know if she is just ignorant about the neurology of flashbacks or if she was intentionally minimizing you.

At least 10 percent of therapists and mental health professionals are pathological narcissists, because they like to be in that position of power of people’s heads and also it makes them seem believable when they call their partner mentally ill when they claim abuse. You need to be aware of this, and be proactive to protect your own mental health. 

Flashbacks are memories that have not been integrated properly by the brain. During trauma, the brain and body are flooded with high levels of adrenaline and cortisol. High levels of cortisol, especially when it is on an on-going basis, interfere with the hippocampus part of the brain. This is the part that is in charge of filing memories into the correct place.

When the cortisol interferes with the hippocampus, the memories of trauma are not filed into the past, like they should be, They are not processed as memories filed into the long term memory. So those memories are left lingering in the brain, without being put into the right box.

So the traumatic experience, and sensory images and feelings from that trauma, are non-integrated…they are fractured parts of you . This is why when something triggers the memory….like an object, a place, a smell, a sound, etc…the brain brings back the memory of the trauma as if it is really happening to you…in the present….rather than the past.

The adrenaline and the cortisol kick in , just like in the original trauma, and you feel like you are there in the trauma again. The brain cannot tell the difference between the event being in the past or in the present, because it was not able to file the memory into the right place in the brain, ‘

I think therapists should have to have some basic neurology education. Then they would at least understand that flashbacks are not just memories….I am sorry she acted this way to you. It is re-traumatizing when therapists do this to their clients.

Sending you healing and compassion.
Annie ❤

Pathological People -Charming Psychopaths

Pathological bullies walk amongst us, blending into the social groups…charming their captive audiences….forming cult-like followings of underlings that feel empowered by being allowed into the inner or outer circle of the narcissistic charmer…

Pathological predators watch you with eyes like a lion…sizing up their prey….planning their next move….figuring out your weaknesses….breaking down your strengths … intimidating you by eliciting unwanted feelings in you….

Psychopaths walk amongst us…they sit next to you at the bus stop….read your profile on the latest dating site….review your facebook pictures….pry into your work files….mirror your values in order to disguise themselves….

Pathological, malignant aliens blend into your church….smear you good name behind your back….use sex to manipulate their sexual partners….and the spouses of their sexual partners….

Pathological people have no conscience and feel no remorse for hurting others….causing financial devastatiothoneo individuals and families….destroying everything in their path….practicing facial expressions in the mirror…for emotions they don’t have…

Make no mistake…you have met one…they asked you things of a personal nature….testing you….they are waiting for their next chance to drink someone’s life force…to starve them of their will to live….

it might be you they are seducing….with big brown eyes…or sparking blues…a devilish smile when they look at you…

be careful not to believe everything you hear from someone that is dominating and flatters you too much……treats people kindly in person but hates them behind their back….you might be next

The Contract

Bring me your soul

And place it before me

It is all the currency

I accept…well

Demand………….

It is not an unfair price

Besides…you won’t

Even notice as I

Take tiny bites

To ingest……….

My price is quite fair

For the services

I will render

Besides, you cannot

Say no……….

You’ve already decided

Or rather,

I have decided for you

There is no real free will

Just my rules……….

And isn’t it quite fair?

After all, my sweet love

Don’t you know

Who I am

Underneath?………

I live in your dreams and

I mimic your desires

With such skill

And let’s admit

Elegant style……..

I read you quite well

From my seat close to hell

I have honed my

Love spell

Over time……..

Dozens of prey

(I mean lovers)

I dare say

Have sat lovingly

Holding that pen……..

Apprehensive or eager

They inevitably sign

Not a contract

Has ever been

Cast aside…….

I have even given you clues

As to the game

I’m up to

But you still

Think that you’ll

 be the one……..

They all thought it too,

The victims before you

They all had

the same misguided

 faith……..

Cause you see what you wish,

Just a broken lost soul

You can  love

And rock gently

To sleep……….

You think that your love

Will fix this lost man

And make up

For my deficient

Sad past……..

But alas, I digress

Tis not my soul

Upon the table…

But your own

I am interested in………

Sign the document, my sweet

So I can rock you to sleep

And fill your

Sweet heart

With myself………

You’ll never suspect

I am stealing your breath

As you struggle

And beg

For your life…….

All at once I’ll be there

Till you turn and I’m gone

Skillfully escaping

with contract

In hand…….

And when you protest

They’ll be nothing much left

Of your will

To go on

Without me…….

For I created a spell

And I read you so well

I became

the only drug that

You live for……..

Yes, such an addiction

Encompassing your soul

The withdrawl

of your fix

Will be pain…..

I will haunt your waking

Moments… as I

Permeate your thoughts

And beg,  you will…

If only in silence……..

Because although I won’t

Be with you

I”ll always be there

Having raped your

Fine soul as I pleased………

Because you were so sweet

I could not resist the treat

Of getting you

To sign

The contract

Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents

Parents with narcissistic personality disorder never think of their adult children as adults. There is no respect for boundaries or your right to make your own decisions.

While other parents guide their children to become independent adults, narcissistic parents attempt to condition their children to serve their agenda.

Whether you are the golden child or the scapegoat is dependent on a variety of factors. Usually one child is chosen to be the golden child. If they comply with the wishes of the narcissistic parent, then they will probably retain that role. Otherwise they are in danger of being knocked off of the pedestal.

The scapegoat child is often the one that insisted on being authentic and questioned or exposed the methods of the narcissistic parent. Other times the scapegoated child just got that role because there was already a golden child in place.

The narcissistic parent projects the qualities of their grandios false self onto the chosen one…the golden child. There is unreasonable pressure put onto this child to live up to what the parent demands.

Scapegoated children can be subjected to mobbing by the family members. The narcissist creates the narrative for the family. Anyone who does not follow blindly is usually punished.

As part of this shared psychosis, created by the narcissist, the blame for any faults, failures or shortcomings of the narcissist will be put onto the scapegoat.

Different families have somewhat different dynamics, since there can be more than two children. Some children may be ignored completely because they do not fill the role of either the golden child or the scapegoat.

Anyone can be knocked off the pedestal at any time. Narcissists can be vindictive and quick to punish with emotional or other means.

Adult children of narcissistic parents carry trauma from their childhood. How they interact with the narcissistic parent may keep them in a childish lifestyle, or they may divorce the narcissistic parent and break contact with them.

Other adult children struggle to maintain independence while the narcissist makes their lives a living hell.

Learning about narcissism and pathological liars, can help you to understand why your relationship with your parents is like other people’s. Malignant narcissists are master deceivers and manipulators.

If you grew up with a narcissistic parent then you may be suffering from C-PTSD from emotional, mental or other abuses. Finding out more about emotional trauma and C-PTSD can help you to find freedom from the narcissistic chains that bind you.

Even if you have gone No Contact, or have limited contact, the emotional trauma and emotional flashbacks can still permeate your life.

🌷Check out the gentlekindness facebook page and gentlekindnesscoaching.com site for more information and help with Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse

 

 

 

You Can’t Please Everyone! People Pleaser Syndrome

If someone has consistently shown you that they do not have a desire to care about how you feel, then stop expecting to find kindness and caring from them.

They may not want to care about your feelings. They may not have the capacity to empathize with you. Either way, you cannot force people or convert people to the side of kindness and compassion.

If someone never listens to your thoughts and feelings then they possibly never will. Communication goes two directions. If you always listen to their side, and they never listen to your side, then see it for what it is.

If your communication is consistently not being heard, no matter what the circumstance, then most likely this person has no intention to hear you.

Holding onto beliefs that you can “make them” care about you, is not productive. Find alternative ways to deal with conflicts and situations with them.

Evaluate what they do with information you give them. What has happened in the past, when you explained your reasons, and your thoughts to them?

Do they end up using it against you?

Do they completely disregard it?

Do they hear and remember what you say?

Do they claim later on, not to remember what you said?

Do they make fun of what you say and belittle you?

Do they laugh at you?

Do they become angry when you present your side of a situation?

Do they give you equal time to explain yourself or do they cut you off?

Do they bring other people, who seem inappropriate, into your conversations?

Look at the history and make observations in present time. See if they are the same way with other people.

Learn what their usual tactics are, in order to get their way.

Observe their responses to situations where you or others try to stand up for an opposing or alternative opinion.

Making these observations will help you to learn things about this person’s behavior, attitude and patterns.

Often people that are rigid, unbending, and always right, have observable, predictable response patterns.

If you can learn this about them, then you can use it in order to find ways to deal with their rigidity.

You have to work around people sometimes. Most importantly you have to protect your mental state and not allow people to cross into your emotional boundaries.

You cannot make them care. You cannot logically or rationally convince them that they should care about the feelings of others, or your feelings in particular.

But you may notice that you have been doing things to put yourself in their line of fire. You are giving them the advantage, by assuming that deep down they are really a caring person.

The more you believe that an abusive person really wants to work with you , the more advantage they have over you.

Not only that. They are probably fully aware that you want them to care and that you believe they want to.

There are people that will use your kind beliefs about them really being a caring person inside, against you in situations.

Observe people like this with an objective, scientific like mindset. Take notes on each situation and how they respond.

If you are dealing with a rigid person that never has empathy, then you need to know their response patterns. It should not blindside you, when they respond with a completely narcissistic attitude.

Dealing with these kinds of people can be stressful and crush your self esteem and feelings of self worth.

Situations where people like this are harmful to you are: as bosses, supervisors, neighbors, therapists, doctors, landlords and other positions where they can affect you.

Intimate relationships with anyone who has no empathy or compassion for you are even more dangerous.

People will not always believe what you have experienced with someone who lacks compassion. You cannot always get your opinions and observations about them validated.

Also be careful talking about this person to others.

You do not know who they have manipulated into doing what.  In a work situation, there may be minions who will report back to the narcissist about things you say.

That is why it will help you to take personal notes. Write down what you said and exactly what they said in response.

If you are on the phone, you can do this with a pen and paper during the conversation. If the interaction is in person, then take notes when you have privacy to write them

Keep your notes as “word for word” as possible. Do not change their wording to what you think they must have meant.

The exact wordings will help you later on, when you look over lots of interactions on paper. You can find inconsistencies and gaslighting tactics this way.

There are compassionate people, but all people are not compassionate. There are people who care about what happens to you and there are people who never will.

Your Peace of Mind matters,
Annie

Pathological People and Entropy

The Law of Entropy is defined by google as follows:

lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder.

“a marketplace where entropy reigns supreme”

synonyms:

deterioration, degeneration, crumbling,decline,degradation, decomposition,breaking down,collapse

The  concept of the Law of Entropy is that everything decays, deteriorates, gets weaker, or falls apart over time. 

Narcissists believe that relationships follow this Law Of Entropy. They know in their minds that every relationship is doomed to end, after a period of slow torturous crumbling.

The only question to them is who is in control of the deterioration as opposed to who is at the receiving end of it. 

Psychopaths and Malignant Narcissists are parasites.

They feed off of the energy, and the resources of other people. Most of the relationships they begin, are with the intention to drain as much from you as they can and use you up.

Pathological Narcissists choose to be  the one who ends relationships before the other person can leave first. If the other person ended the relationship this would invalidate the narcissist’s need to be all powerful, all knowing and all desirable and sought after.

If anyone is going to end a relationship, it is going to be them.

Some malignant narcissists are co-morbid with borderline personality disorder.  This adds another dimension to their pathology. The fear being abandoned, but they have no problem dumping their victims in the cruelest possible ways. 

They take this Law of Entropy a step further and twist it into something that is sadistic. As long as the relationship is doomed and the victim is going to “turn on them” eventually anyway, the narcissistic psychopath will mentally torment them.…perhaps as a way to punish them ahead of time for the betrayal that the narcissist anticipates.

The devaluation phase will not only prove the Law of Entropy…it will take it to a whole new level. This is the design of the narcissist and the psychopath. 

The relationship not only decays slowly and painfully, but the victim is broken down bit by bit psychologically so that when the “Zombie Witch Doctor” leaves the victim, they are a broken shell of who they once were.

The term “Zombie Witchdoctor” was coined by Richard Grannon and you can click on the term to watch the video where he describes this in detail. This is a great video that I would recommend you watch. It is not too long and you will see a new perspective on this issue of how narcissists break the victim down psychologically, as well as emotionally.

The Law of Entropy is learned by the victim. They are broken down emotionally, psychologically, financially, cognitively, and physically.

Victims of psychopaths, and other  Cluster B disordered people,  are often left with PTSD. This can lead to a  compromised immune system, that causes the person to develop infections and  disease. 

*On a personal note… I was hospitalized for infection of internal organs three times after my relationship with a psychopathic narcissist. In addition I was in the emergency room with life threatening infections at least 6 times within a 6 month period. 

The body does not escape the abuse, even if there is no physical striking, punching, kicking or bruising that can be seen by the naked eye. Mental pain always manifests itself in a physical way.

When there are severe levels of trauma, and ongoing periods of forced fear, the body is flooded with too much cortisol and other stress hormones.

Check out this article about Cortisol and Adrenal Function. 

The victim’s cognitive function is been broken down along with their ability to work and function the way they used to be able to. 

Their Executive Function part of the brain is compromised. You can see my video about this topic HERE. 

The skills needed to get up, dust yourself off and recover from financial devastation are lacking. The narcissist will leave the victim in the worst financial state that they are able to. This adds to the suffering and the continued mental interference of the victim by the abuser. 

The Law of Entropy states that things will continue to break down over time,  until there is nothing useful left of them or they die. ‘

The psychopathic narcissist wants to leave the victim is an ongoing state of deterioration, so that they will continue to get worse after the narcissist is long gone from the scene. 

They may even check in with you just to see how you are doing, in the hopes to hear how broken you are and how much of a affect they had on you.  This makes them feel all powerful and enforces their grandiose sense of self. 

Not only does the narcissist see relationships in relation to the Law of Entropy, they also see their  pathological space this way too. The term pathological space was coined by Sam Vaknin. I recommend that you watch his video about this topic HERE.

The narcissist tends to move more frequently than other people. Over time their narcissistic environment is likely to break down because of all the wreckage in the lives of people that have interacted with the narcissist.

If you are in a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad much of the time, you should save yourself and get out. 

Depression Related to Childhood Mental Abuse

Depression can feel like some outer dark force is trying to destroy you. People with severe depression have differences in MRI scans than other people. But even though it shows up as a physiological illness, it often feels like something else.

It can feel as though your mind is being darkened by an outside, malevolent  force. Many people with severe depression have experienced mental abuse, even if it was acvompanied by other manifestations of abuse.

Mental abuse is an intentional manipulation of another person’s mind and perceptions of reality. It is an interferance with a person’s perception of themselves, their identity, and even their mental state.

People can be abused for years and never know it was abuse, because they were too young to understand, or the abuser caused a “shared psychosis” that made them perceive the abuse as something else.

Depression can feel like a malevolent force trying to manipulate and destroy you. This can be a result of past abuse that is still affecting the brain. When someone’s core reality, and identity is interfered with it does not just go away, once the abuser is no longer around to continue the abuse.

Adults who are mentally abusee by a partner can have PTSD for months or even years after the abuser has left. The abuser does this intentionally. They want control over the victim to last long after they are gone.

They engineer this in order to maintain a hold over the victim after they are gone. There are a few reasons for this, including reserving the victim on the back burner in case the abuser decides to hoover you back into their luves again, later on.

It also gives the narcissist a feeling of grandios power to have such a hold  over another human being. It makes them feel godlike.

Not all people with depression were abused, but many of them were and are not attributing it to the abuse.

But this sensation that the depression is sufgocating a darkness around you from the outside, could possibly be a clue that there was some severe manipulation to your mind, by a narcissist or a psychopathic narcissist that you do not remember.

 

Standing up to Your Pathological Narcissist?

Living with a pathological narcissist means being forced into giving up your own identity, dreams, rights, and opinions. They are always right, , and anything you do that seems like you are trying to be an equal, will be shut down.

It is difficult for people who have not lived under the heavy weight, of the dark shadow, of a pathological narcissist to understand.

People will tell you that all you have to do is stand up to them,  and assert your boundaries. But if you have lived with one of ….”the people that have no conscience” … then you know that the consequences that follow any attempt to assert your individuality, are met with severe punishment.

The malignant narcissist knows the weaknesses of their victim. If you love your children, they will threaten them, or turn them against you.

If you need your car to get to work, they will remove your car and refuse to return it until you submit. If you have friends, they will manipulate them, lie to them and ruin your relationships.

If you are seriously ill, they will tell people you are faking being sick to get out of seeing them. They will “accidentally” run into your employer and tell them you are pretending to be sick in order to get time off from work.

If you are struggling financially,  due to repeated undermining behaviors by the narcissist, they will tell others how much they have helped you financially,  and how ungrateful you are behaving to them.

If they humiliate you be spreading personal information they spied through your computer to discover, they will make it clear to you that they have more dirt on you. ….. Comply or suffer. 

They will convince you to quit your job and then shame you. They will offer for you to move in with them, saying they need you there, only to send out Christmas card letters telling everyone how much you are imposing on them.

When you attempt to get a job, or start a business, to make enough money to move out, they will undermine you at every turn. …steal your keys and take your car out for an oil change, when you need to get to work.

When you complain that they took your car when you needed to get to work, they will tell you that since they are now helping with the maintenance of the vehicle ( the one oil change that it did not need,  and you did not ask for) that the title to the car should actually be in their name… It’s only fair, right?

When you have a business appointment that you have to get to on time, they will block your car in with theirs, so you cannot get out.

When you ask them to move their car, they will demand all the information about your business, so that they can further undermine you.

When you get a pet for comfort, they steal the supplies you bought for it, and put them where you cannot reach them. Then they nail the cage to a table in their yard, so that you cannot take it.

If you purchase any property, like furniture, they will insist it was always theirs. If it becomes damaged they will demand that you pay for it.

If you live with a psychopathic narcissist, they will break your appliances and scream at you for breaking them. You will go without a shower or a stove….even when you rent (which is unreasonanly high) has always been paid on time to them.

When you tell them that these things are legally required to be working, they will tell you they have other projects to finish in the house first, such as new wall paper in their bedroom.

If you use their shower and the pipe behind the wall leaks, they will tell you the water damage was caused by you not knowing how to use the shower curtain. When you show them the floor next to the shower is dry, they ignore you and continue to explain how to properly pull the shower curtain closed, so that you do not damage their house again.

When you ask the plumber, right in front of the narcissist, if water from the shower curtain not being pulled tight could send water pouring through two floors of celings, he laughs and says no. When you remind the narcissist of this conversation the next time they tell you there was water damage due to your not pulling the shower curtain closed, they deny the plumber was ever there.

When the therapist tells you to bring the narcissist to therapy with you, because the therapist feels that everyone can live in harmony once the therapist teaches everone proper techniques for communication, DON’T DO IT!

The narcissist is not unaware of methods for communication. Their methods are intentional and not accidental.

Make no mistake. The narcissist is in full control of their communication methods.

They are able to behave during the idealization (honermoon) phase. They are not confused as to why everyone is not getting along… or about why all the relationships around them are in chaos.

They divide and conquer, with a Machiavellian philosophy.

The ends jusitifies the means.

They say one thing to you, and the opposite to someone else. They deny saying things, manipulating you, and threatening you.

They will never admit what they do, or what they say to you behind closed doors. They deny reality to discredit you, turn people against you, and to create chaos so that they can be on top.

They intentionally use techniques of brainwashing and creating a … “shared psychosis”…in order to  to scapegoat certain people. The family members  who seem to want to hold onto their identity, and will not let the narcissist make them bow down to their greatness.

The narcissist will retaliate against you when you try to shed light on the truth. Their secret identity is hidden under the mask, and they hate you for knowing who they really are.

They will stop at nothing to destroy you, financially, socially, and physically. Their tactics will cause deterioration of your physical and mental health.

Why don’t people simply just stand up to the narcissist they are living with and assert themselves?

Because often times  you have a better chance escaping them without severe damage, if you let them think they have control, while you are secretly filling your bank account and packing boxes that you hide in the closet.

The retaliation by a psychopathic narcissist is so severe it has driven many victims to suicide. Unless you have lived with them, you cannot imagine what they are capable of.