Trouble Organizing, Managing, and Proritizing

If you have executive function problems, due to PTSD, anxiety disorder, depression or ADHD or autism, I can feel your frustration.

Executive function is an impotant function of the brain that can be interfered with by many things including ptsd from abuse and gaslighting, and even ADHD and autism.

People with diminished  execucutive function can have extreme difficulty doing any or all of the following..

1. Organizing materials for a task or project

2. Planning and organizing things

3. Scheduling and keeping up with the schedule

4. Getting things done on time

5. Arriving places on time

6. Figuring out how to allow enough time for all the different parts of a task or project

7. Staying calm while trying to organize and manage things

8. Delegating tasks and responsibilities to others

9. Self motivating to stay on task and keep up with tbe schedule

10. Prioritizing things that cannot all be done the same day

11. Remembering appointments and things you need to do

If you have problems with your executive function part of your brain, you may feel frustrated or blame yourself. Negative self talk will create more anxiety, frustration or depression.

The first thing is to be understanding with yourself. Be patient and plan ahead.

Have calendars, date books, appt books, note pads, memo pad on your cell phone and time clocks with you wherever you need them. You may need multiples of calendars etc.

Give yourself the exrra time needed for tasks. Leave spaces in between activities and appointments, in order to keep your anxiety down to a minimum. You best work is done when you are feeling relaxed and confident.

Be compassionate with yourself and remember that the executive function problem is a real physiological issue in the brain. It was caused by whatever your particular circumstances were.

It is not your fault. Figbting it, ignoring it, or blaming yourself for it will not help. It will make it worse. Your memory will refuse to work if you add anxiety on top of the executive function issues.

Sleep is also important. Sleep deprivation adds to memory problems.

Blessings and compassion,

Annie

Take a Walk with me….

Itching

Fatigue

Rashes

Skin pealing

Arthritis

Back pain

Insomnia

Hang nails

Infections

Pink eye

Vomiting

Hair loss

Things our higher spiritual self does not have to deal with.

No wonder we become distracted, redirected and forgetful about being in touch with our higher consciousness level selves.

We can’t even call them on the cell phone, never mind ask them to relate to what we go through.

Getting into a higher level state requires detaching from our  physical selves. It is like ignoring the squeakiest wheel. ….and as we know, the squeaky wheel gets the attention.

We can have wonderful intentions of growing towards a higher consciousness level and then we develop some new pain or disorder…whether mental or physical.

We are subjected to all manner of mind control and persuasion techniques by society and the manipulators within it. And our bodies take more and more of a beating as we age.

Beating yourself up over not being able to get yourself out of your physical self and into a spiritual state, is another beating you should not have to endure.

It is effectually a beating of the consciousness by the consciousness…

A beating of the sub conscious by the sub conscious….

A beating of the mind by itself.

It is a paradox that you must accept the pains without the ego being involved because becoming one with higher consciousness means letting go of and identity with the self….yet repressing feelings about suffering only makes the suffering grow.

So we have to accept the inner child in order to heal…accept suffering as part of existing in the physical realm….sit with our pain to comfort it to ease it….walk through painful experiences to get to the light on the other side….and detach from the ego and identifying with our identity in order to achieve a higher consciousness…..

Yet in detaching from our ego we are acknowledging our identity with it…..so we first have to recognize the ego as a construct that is heavily influenced by brainwashing, false beliefs programmed into us, and manipulative people with their own agendas to serve..

We then can understand that many of our automatic  thoughts and attachments come out of this programming. …making the majority of the tapes running in our subconscious mind basically bad viruses…..and our conscious negative thoughts results of the viruses…..

Then we can begin to understand that We Are Not Our Thoughts….

Once we begin to accept that we are not our thoughts, we can open the subconcious mind to new formatting….better programming….we can alter and add new beliefs…and delete contaminated beliefs…..

A new understanding begins to arise at the back of our brains where those core beliefs are housed….that if our thoughts are not us, then we can observe our thoughts and evaluate their validity….

Holding onto beliefs that no longer serve us is not neccessary. We will not simply stop being ourselves by changing our core beliefs. It is the attachment to those addictive beliefs and thought patterns that keeps us controlled by others….and by our physical existance…..

We are not, in fact, the sum of our thoughts. We can rearrange the furniture in our brains that we call our thoughts. Rearranging the furniture, throwing out old pieces, adding new pieces that better serve our house….

The house remains, even when the things inside are altered.

So who is doing the altering and rearranging? It is not our physical selves….It is not our thoughts that are observing themselves….

Once we begin to realize this, then we catch a glimpse of what is doing the observing….It is not within the brain or the physical body….

It is that higher self…the higher consciousness….that can be awakened to observe and repair the subconscious …where suffering is at its roots….

Thoughts about suffering seem to create more suffering…and fear that the suffering will get worse….or continue to last is the root of the most painful mental and physical suffering.

Yet somehow you are beginning to suspect the most curious thing of all….that by entering this kind of trance….the one you have allowed your mind to enter while reading this….you were able to detach from your physical suffering for a few minutes…..

And so we took the journey together….just you and I….in a higher realm of consciousness….

Namaste..

 

 

 

 

Peaceful Healing of Water

wharton lake pretty

Standing close to the shimmering lake

The ripples in the water have a calming effect

I feel the gentle motion of the water 

Sending flowing energies into me

Filling my mind with calmness

Creating a clarity in the midst of the brain fog

wharton lake ripples

*Photo taken at Wharton Lake in New Jersey on my cell phone camera

Emotophobia and Being Manipulated by Others

Emotophobia is the fear of unpleasant emotions, not to be confused with emetophobia, the fear of vomiting.

There is little online about emotophobia.

The few articles I found offered the suggestion to “stop treating negative emotions as if they are your enemies and can harm you.”

This is somewhat condescending and implies that emotions themselves cannot harm you.

The person offering this advice clearly has never been in a situation where showing negative emotions could harm them.

So, they think it is rather ridiculous that someone would associate their negative emotions with danger.

The problem with this thinking is that there are situations where someone’s emotions can cause them harm.

This advise shows a complete misunderstanding of emotophobia and its root causes.

People with emotophobia are not “treating” emotions as if they are the enemy.

For people that have emotophobia, emotions were the enemy and they were followed by consequences.

People that grew up in mentally abusive childhoods were not permitted to have emotions like other people are.

The expression of emotion, which represents being an individual, is often punished by abusive parents.

Even children who were not physically abused, could have had their right to individual ideas and feelings violated.

Narcissistic parents and other overbearing, maniplulative parents do not want their children to develop independent thoughts and ideas.

They do not want their children thinking in terms of their own needs at all. When their children expressed feelings, the parents retaliated.

Punishments from the silent treatment to aggressive verbal abuse of the child are used.

Physical consequences may also follow as a matter of course, when a child showed anything resembling disobedience, including not feeling what they were told to feel.

These mentally abusive parents, want the focus on themselves and their needs. They demand for the child to cater to their ever changing desires and demands.

In order to survive in this type of environment, the child must learn to constantly read the parent’s body language and tone of voice.

They must anticipate the desires and moods of the parent. If they fail to do so, it is met with negative consequences.

If the child expresses disagreement, or unhappiness with the parent, they will likely invoke the anger and wrath of the parent.

Even a facial expression of disagreement with the parent can bring out their anger.

For their own protection, these children and teenagers learn to disguise their feelings and push them down.

They do not want the parent to see their feelings because it will be used against them.

If you grew up in this type of environment, then feeling negative emotions was the enemy. It is not something we have suddenly developed an irrational fear of as adults.

This environment causes C-PTSD, which is Complex Post Traumatic Stess Disorder, in many people. This is carried over into adulthood.

So, the advice to “stop treating emotions as if they were the enemy” and to tell people that feeling emotions is safe, does not make sense to someone with C-PTSD from childhood mental abuse.

Adults can also develop emotophobia from ongoing abusive relationships with a partner. Women become afraid to disagree with their partner because they fear his anger.

Abusive people do not tolerate independence from their partner. When the partner asserts the fact that they are an individual person, it is met with extreme resistance or anger from the narcissist.

Again, the brain rewires the neural connections to avoid showing negative feelings. This is a necessary survival tactic at the time.

It is not easily undone. The brain considers it necessary in order to protect the safety of the person.

It takes years to develop this survival tactic and to detach from and avoid negative emotions. The brain becomes wired to discourage entering into situations that may cause negative emotions.

To undo what was a learned survival skill takes a lot of work in re-wiring the brain.

Telling someone “emotions are your friends” does not work, especially without any idea why the person feels such anxiety about emotions like anger and sadness.

 

 

The problem with emotophobia is that having it makes you easier for people to manipulate. People that want their way all the time, can use emotional manipulation to make you want to comply, rather than experiencing the pain of the emotophobia symptoms. 

Realizing that you allow people to have their way, in order to avoid upsetting them is the first step to healing. Then you can understand that people get upset sometimes and unless you are in danger from them in some way, you can endure the feelings you will go through when they react to you. 

You can begin to recognize when someone is trying to emotionally manipulate you. They will not take no for an answer. They use shame and guilt to get you to do things. Another sign is that their reactions to things will be far out of proportion to the “slight” they should be perceiving. 

You have just as much of a right to your boundaries as anyone else does. People should not get their way just because they play on your fear of upsetting them. 

**for information about coaching, hypnosis, and NLP for people with C-PTSD and emotophobia see my web site HERE or follow the gentlekindness facebook page HERE

Re-framing Traumatic Memories and Re-Wiring False Beliefs

As children we are taught how to see the world. The meanings of incidents and events are programmed into us, along with false beliefs that we carry into adulthood.

We have held onto certain beliefs for a long time and cannot always see that we need to re-assess them. 

All beliefs that we were taught are not true. Believing and following along blindly is not something you have to do. 

Respect your intuition and prioritize your gut feelings. 

Trauma can cause the brain to hold those memories in a way that they are integrated properly, thus causing emotional flashbacks. Emotional flashbacks are triggered by things that remind our subconscious of the memory.

We can learn to re-frame memories, using NLP techniques.

This way we can attach new meaning to those memories, rather than holding onto the meaning that other people out into our brain. 

We can also re-wire false beliefs that we are holding to, that are no longer serving us, or that were never serving us in a healthy way.

It is your brain and you have the right to frame the memories the way that supports you best. Truth and reality are dependent upon many things. 

Enjoy this video and learn some NLP techniques that you can use. For more information about NLP, hypnosis for trauma, and coaching for overcoming narcissistic abuse, and abusive relationships, you can visit the gentlekindness face book page and also the web site. 

Also follow the YouTube channel  for more videos about overcoming abuse, and dealing with pathological people. 

Facebook page Gentlekindnesscoaching Facebook

Gentle Kindness Coaching gentlekindnesscoaching.com

Suffering and Depression

Depression is an invisible illness, but it has real mental. emotional and physical symptoms. Feelings like sadness, and grief are felt in the body. Depression is physically painful. 

If you are suffering from depression, you are not alone. But there is still  a feeling of being alone and isolated. Interacting with other people can be stressful and draining. It can be difficult to find someone to talk to that understands what your daily life is like. 

Depression is different than feeling sad about something.

This is a common misunderstanding. People know they have felt sad before, and they do not understand the difference between that and what you feel. 

There are physiological changes in the brain, in the depressed person. It is hard to know what came first with any given person. Abuse, trauma, and feeling hopeless in an intolerable situation can cause changes in the chemicals in the brain. 

“What fires together , wires together”

This is a common neurological phrase. The brain has plasticity, also called neural plasticity.  The neural pathways wire together based on thought patterns, and behaviors. This is how we learn new things and also how we develop habits. 

Good habits and bad habits are both wired into the neural pathways. Thought behaviors and negative thought patterns can be wired into the neural pathways of the brain.

Changing thought patterns can be very difficult. The chemical reaction to changing thought patterns can feel like withdrawal from a drug. 

Self destructive thought patterns can develop from having to live in traumatic situations. struggling to survive in poverty is one situation that is often discounted. Having to work at a job you hate for an on-going period of time can also create negative thought patterns that become wired into the neurons. 

Living in abusive , chaotic or otherwise traumatic childhoods or teenage years can program thoughts if being a failure, hopelessness and worthlessness. Emotionally neglected or abused children carry low self esteem, which sets negative thought patterns into the brain. 

Your situation is unique, but it can be helpful to connect with your inner child, and any fractured parts of you that were traumatized. C-PTSD is complex post traumatic stress disorder. It happens when someone is in an intolerable situation that they see no way out of. There is a feeling of being imprisoned in a threatening, painful life. 

Even after getting away from the originating trauma, the Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder continues. Many people with depression are suffering from C-PTSD and do not know it. It can help you to heal, if you discover the root causes of your trauma and emotional wounds. 

Society and the system seems to be re-traumatizing us by making us think we should feel shame and guilt.

Media teaches fear and anxiety as a way of life.

Blame is a subliminal message is advertising and propaganda. 

That makes healing difficult. Emotional wounds to the psychological self can run very deep. It may even be a kind of soul wounding. The wounds need to be given attention, in order to create new thought patterns. 

People with C-PTSD  will often fall back into depression even after getting better for a period of time. It is your emotional body is in pain, then it is calling to you for attention.

Ekart Tolle calls this the Pain Body. He teaches us to observe the pain body and accept it’s presence, when it appears. Seeing the Pain Body as an entity in itself, which is also part if us as a whole, can help to deal with it. 

He teaches that we resist our pain body due to some kind of resistance to ourselves.  Self judgement, shame  and guilt can cause us to hold into pain. We sometimes feel that we deserve the pain. This may have been programmed into us. But in order to get out of depression, we have to let go of self judgement. 

Re-wiring the brain to get out self destructive thought patterns takes some work. Eckhart Tolle says that pain can be countered with joy. This makes sense with the idea that “neurons that fire together, wire together.”

“Pain can only feed on pain. Pain cannot feed on joy. It finds it quite indigestible! ” Eckhart Tolle

 

 

Overcoming Abuse – Creativity

I have found that people coming out an abusive relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath are spiritually damaged…like a spiritual rape…

Psychopaths and narcissists usually have no original creativity. They mimic the creativity of others…often their victims.

They copy and imitate other people. There is no true creation of their own.  They seem to target creative people, in order to watch and imitate them.

Psychopaths often steal other people’s creative work, claiming it is their own.

They like to destroy the creativity of the victim…or at least your ability to feel motivated to do anything creative. The lessened plasticity of your brain, makes it easier to brainwash and control you.

This makes the victim more like them…less spiritual and less creative. It is a way of stripping you of your real identity…and keeping you from being authentic…..thus crushing your reality and your self esteem. 

They also often target people with authentic spirituality, and empathy for others. Again, they use you to learn how to emulate having these qualities. Then they strip you of the energies needed for you to be spiritually connected and to grow. 

The accusations of the psychopath, that you are like them, become more believable to you, when you are in this state. They suck away your creative energies and spiritual energies. They lower your vibrational energies, making it harder for you to access any spiritual , natural healing. 

By lowering your consciousness level, the narcissist keeps you detached from being able to see truths that are right in front of you. Your brain is in a fog of confusion and self doubt.

By doing creative things, producing original things, participating in things like drumming circles or any creative spiritual group things you can get back in touch with your creative side. It can be an important part of healing from abuse. 

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Is Your Partner Abusive?

abusive man

image from the back of a pamphlet displayed on facebook

Please know that the behaviors on this list are not normal. If your partner is displaying any combination of these behaviors you need to get out. It is not always easy, but you can get advice and help from local sources like a women’s shelter. your primary care doctor, social services organizations and your police. 

Abusers become more abusive with time. The abuse always escalates. Be safe and leave in a way that does not anger them. Do not confront them. Remove important documents from your home and keep them in a safe place, along with other necessities. You can leave them at a house of someone you trust. 

Take every safety precaution that the women’s shelter tells you to. You do not have to stay with an abuser. You do not deserve the abuse. It is a lie they tell you, to make you put up with it.

Visit my web site for more information and healing methods – gentlekindnesscoaching.com  

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Holistic Approach to Healing from Abuse

soul retrieval drumming

.image from pinterest

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I recently came across the Native American Shaman  concept of Soul Sickness. I found this idea very interesting and it seemed to coincide with other things that I write about. There is a phenomenon that occurs with many abuse victims, which is a kind of leaving one’s own body during the abuse. 

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The idea is that the victim’s brain cannot accept the level or type of abuse into their reality.

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In order for the brain to protect itself from trauma, it takes itself into a derealization / depersonalization state. This is something that you may have experienced if you ever in an abusive situation, or even any life threatening situation. 

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Depersonalization is a state the brain goes into, in order to protect you.

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The feeling of this state is likely somewhat different for different people, but there is similarity in the way people describe this state. The feeling is as if one can see their body and how it is involved in the event, but it is as if the body belongs to another person. 

The order of the events is processed, but it is like someone else is doing the motions, and handling the things that are happening. If someone was hitting you, then you would see the body being struck, but not really relate to that body as being your own. You could block your face from being hit but it would feel like someone else was actually controlling those hands which no longer feel like you are attached to your hands.

Derealization is the feeling that the whole scene is like you were watching it in a movie. You may not even really know for sure if it were really happening. You might wonder if it is actually a dream or a nightmare that you are actually in. The scene does not feel like you are an active part of it. It is more like observing a dream or watching a movie. 

Soul Sickness. as the Shamans see it, is when the soul has become ill, or parts of it have left the body all together. During a situation, such as sexual abuse, the soul was going to be damaged by experiencing it, so rather than be there for the trauma, it just left the body entirely. 

This idea of part of you leaving the situation, because it could not endure it, is the same as the derealization and depersonalization experience. The person is there, but not all of them is there to be traumatized. 

But trauma is sustained nonetheless, because the very situation of being forced to go into a derealization state is traumatizing. If the soul, or part of the soul was forced to exit from the body, then you were left with something missing.

Either way, there is a damage sustained by the soul, or the spirit part of you, in a addition to your brain and body. 

It is often discussed these days that mental abuse is the worst part of physical or sexual abuse. It is clear that the emotional / mental trauma is even worse than the physical experience, or the bruises which are left.

Even the women who have had acid thrown in their faces, now live with extreme mental pain, and humiliation to have to be forced to exist every day with those scars….reminders of the cruelty and heartlessness of the men who inflicted them.

The Shaman theory is that the soul has left the body and now the person lives as an incomplete person, because that important part of them has fled. The soul need to be retrieved. 

They believe in doing rituals called Soul Retrieval, in order for that person to get the missing part back. Before the soul retrieval, the person will live with depression. anxiety and all manner of mental, and physical illness. The soul retrieval process is to help the person to become whole again.

 Many abuse survivors experience a feeling that something is wrong with them, even years after the abuser has left.

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There is sense that they are different than other people, in a way that makes them carry toxic shame. This is very difficult to explain to anyone who has not been through abuse.

During verbal and emotional abuse, people are called names, degraded, gaslighted, demeaned, and treated as non-humans. Their humanity is stripped from them, as is the humanity stripped from people who are sexually and physically abused. 

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The experience of sexual abuse is too much for a person to bear that their own body was involved in the acts, so they detach from their bodies in a way to not be a part of the sexual abuse. Later on, this can lead to eating disorder, cutting and other kinds of self harm. There is a disharmony between the body and the  mind. The mind no longer accepts the body as its own. 

The missing link between the mind and the body could be spiritual in nature. I think that it makes sense to try to include a spiritual element to healing from abuse. When someone experiences rape, or the on-going abuse of a narcissist, they are broken in some way. There is a lack of wholeness that stays with you. 

While medications for the depression, and anxiety disorders, which usually follow abuse, can be helpful, it is not the entire picture. We are spiritual beings, and having your soul raped by a personality disordered person, is traumatizing on every level. 

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I believe that healing needs to be all encompassing of the entire person.

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A holistic approach to healing is more likely to generate healing, than by simply dealing with it from one angle. If you are healing from abuse, I would recommend trying a variety of healing modalities.

Traditional therapy and medications need to be complemented by healing methods which speak to other aspects of the entire person. We are emotional beings and mental and physical beings. But we are also spiritual beings, and the spirit is sensitive to being traumatized by abuse, just as much, or more than the other aspects of ourselves.

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Most people that have been abused feel that there is a darkness about it.

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There is a malicious, dark element to abuse that is carried by the survivor. It is hard to explain to people who have not experienced it.

 It is like a feeling of darkness that is carried with you. 

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I think that this darkness has something to do with the spiritual aspect of abuse.

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When someone who has a darkness about them, invades your personal freedom, and boundaries, there is something that you pick up from them. The darkness feels like it follows you into your nightmares, and lingers around you. 

I do not think this darkness can be ignored, if we are to heal from abuse. Many people do not speak of it, because it is so hard to define and explain. It is beyond the physical world. 

So, let us treat ourselves as whole humans, including all the aspects of our humanity.

You have innate self worth, and that reality was stripped from you be a person that has elements of darkness about them.

It does not make you dark like they are, but you may be carrying that feeling that the abuser’s darkness somehow was stuck to you and you are doomed to carry this darkness in your mind .

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There is nothing wrong with you that makes you less worthy than other people.

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You would not feel that way, if it were not for the abuse you endured and suffered through. Psychopaths and narcissists have a way of leaving a part of themselves to haunt you, but it is time to get rid of that. 

It is unfair for you to have to carry toxic shame, feelings of darkness and low self esteem, just because someone decided to use you as an object for their own dark designs. They wanted to strip you of your power to blossom and to be free. We do not have to let them have their way, years after the abuse is over. 

I wish you all healing and peace of mind, as you continue on your journey of healing, love and empowerment. You have a greater purpose in the world than you are even aware of. You are a light that can bring light to others. 

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Namaste,

Annie – Holistic Methods for Healing from Abuse …join the emailing list at the link below

gentlekindnesscoaching.com Holistic methods for healing from abuse

Do We Live in Simultaneous Realities?

Everyone searches for a purpose to their lives. Some people are more focused on just surviving, but in the end humans are wired for more than simply existing.

Different people see their purpose differently. Time and age can change where you focus your energy.

Some people focus more on others than themselves and feel more fullfilled if they are serving others. Some people look to invent something that will improve the lives of others.

We need all different kinds people, with different skills and interests in order to tap into multiple kinds of brains and different kinds of intelligence.

I believe that each of us is happier when we feel like we are able to use and develop our best gifts, and what we feel drawn to do.

It is easy to get off track because others think they know what we should be doing. And some people only want to guide us in a certain direction because it serves their agenda.

We are all unique and have an inner guide that wants to lead us. When we really listen to our feelings, we can tap into that guidance. We should be careful not to get so busy that we ignore our feelings and intution.

Ctitical thinking has its purpose and can serve us in many situations. It can also talk us out of doing what we love because it can rationalize our behaviors.

If you feel miserable in a situation, there is something wrong and your emotions have their own intelligence.

We exist in multiple realities. There is the thought reality that we tend to rely on. There is our emotional reality, which is just as important. Our spiritual and intuitive reality can guide us to a higher vibration of consciousness.

There is our physical reality, which is made of pleasure and pain. The reptilian brain drives us by primal urges, and warns us about danger.

The thoughtful mind is the conscious mind. It is the critical factor that tends to make us ignore our other realities. The primal drives react and override our critical thinking.

We need to live in harmony with all the aspects of ourselves. We need to be physically comfortable and safe. But we cannot ignore our emotional reality. It lets us know when something is wrong with the direction we are going, or how we are going about it.

Make time, also, for your spiritual self and explore the meaning of that to you. Let your realities all have a voice.

Balance in everything is important for health and to move closer to enlightenment and peace of mind.

 

Blessings and peace,

Annie

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