I am so excited. I just got my 400th follower on my YouTube channel where I post mostly videos about healing from domestic abuse and narcissistic abuse. Although I have had the site for a while, I really only started posting the videos for abuse victims in March of this year.
I am so very grateful that I have been able to connect with other abuse victims both on WordPress and on YouTube. I have had many meaningful conversations and interactions with people that were therapeutic for me.
I hope also that I have been able to offer some validation to people who feel crazy after being systematically convinced that there is something wrong with them..that they are not worthy of love…that it is their fault they are in an abusive relationship or that they keep attracting abusers.
My daughter is also pleased,about the 400 followers. I promised my sweet toothed 12 year old that once my YouTube Channel hit 400, we would celebrate my making brownies. So she was just dancing around the house singing the “I wanna eat brownies” song 🙂
So if you want to pop on over and take a look you can find my YouTube channel HERE.
Here are a few of videos for your pleasure. Some are music that I play and some are talks about recovering from abuse.
Original Song by Annie – Prison in Your Mind
Proud Mary – Cover
Dispelling Negative Myths About Abuse Victims
Aftermath of Abuse – PTSD
Depression is as Real as Any Physical Illness
Prey – Spoken Word Poetry
I typically wake up with severe anxiety in the morning. Yesterday evening I came across some information that might be helpful for anyone who shares this condition with me.
Apparently cortisone levels are high in the morning, after you have been sleeping all night….well all night may be more or less accurate depending on your insomnia….
Cortisone is the stress hormone. It is usually released when your brain senses some kind of threat.
I guess that low blood sugar must be seen as a threat by our “reptilian brain”. That is the part of brain that is focused on survival. It is in our subconscious and focuses on food, sex and safety and threat.
So when you have not eaten in 10 or 12 hours, this part of the brain is looking for food in terms of survival. I assume this accounts for the cortisole hormone being released at high levels in the morning but I am still planning to research it more for you all and myself.
So this video I was watching was saying that if you already suffer from anxiety disorder then your cortisone will likely be really super high in the mornings, sending your stress and anxiety in the body way off the charts.
This also means that any time your blood sugar is low, your stress hormones go up….just something to think about.
If you are curious what I was watching, it was a Teal Swan video about anxiety. Although all of this basic information about cortisole is public domain, her particular take on it spoke to me.
Anyway I guess we are supposed to eat something right away in the morning….even if you keep something by your bed like a bannana, granola bar and bottled water.
Eating in the morning is not something I ever think of or have desire to do. But I am going to try for a week and see what changes there are…if any. I will let you know.
I cannot start doing this until October 3rd or so when my food stamps go in, as I am currently saving what food is left for the kids. But I will do it from about Oct 4 through the 11th and then let you know.
If there is anyone else with severe anxiety in the morning that wants to experiment with a change in their morning routine in any way, food related or otherwise, and then let us know about it here, feel free.
You can even write a guest post for me or send a pingback to this post on your blog post.
Depression can feel like there are dark storm clouds all around you. They feel like they are closing in and there is no way out. Depression can feel like it is coming in at you from the outside, although we know the feelings are being generated from the inside.
There is no way to see the sun or any hope beyond the heavy feeling of the depression piling on top of us. This depression can feel like an ominous being that had captured us in its clutches. It can feel like the clouds of darkness are choosing to surround us rather than the people around us.
It can feel like the depression is settling upon our home, our bedroom, our brain, our heart or around our body. It is perceived differently by different people. But there is often this feeling of the depression being around us, on top of us and putting weight in us that makes it feel hard to move our bodies in space.
One idea that sometimes can help is to take ourselves out of the depression clouds by changing our point of view and perception just for a few minutes.
We can detach from this picture we have of the depression surrounding us by taking ourselves out of the “first person” of our story.
We all tell our own story every day. There is a kind of narrative playing in our brains. Each thing that happens in our narrative had a meaning to us.
There is a type of NLP technique that we can try which is to make ourselves the observer of this narrative.
Picture that you are watching the story from the outside. You are watching it as you would watch a tv show or a YouTube Video. For this few minutes you are in within the clutches of the depression all around you, but you are without ….you are outside of the entire story all together.
Emotionally Detach From What You are Watching So You Can Observe
In order to detach from feeling too much negative emotion while watching yourself in the story, you can control the volume, the vividness of color and the distance this “tv” or “Movie screen” you are watching this on. Reduce the volume, make the colors different, and push the screen away from you until you feel more detached like an audience, rather than the main character in the story.
From this outside, detached point of view we can see what meaning we assign to different things is our story. Let’s say that in our story we lost our job or were yelled at by the boss. As an outside observer of the story we can see what meaning the main character (that is us) is attaching to these events of losing our job or being yelled at.
Look at the main character as if you are not emotionally attached to them. You are seeing yourself as a neutral character in a story. But observe how this character assigns meaning to these events.
What meaning did she assign to losing her job? Does she feel this means she is worthless? Does she feel this means she will continue to become more financially devastated and that it was her destiny to become financially devastated?
What meaning does he assign to getting yelled at by the boss? Does he feel he is inadequate? Does he feel that he was yelled at because he cannot fit in with other people?
Once we see what meaning we are assigning to events in out story, we can question these meanings. Did we assign meanings to these events that are accurate? Are we sure these meanings can be proven? Can they be disproven? Has there ever been any evidence in this main character that they are not useless?
Has anyone ever told this main character that they were useful, wanted or skillful and intelligent? Is there any way we can counter the negative meaning the main character in our story has assigned to different things?
This practice of coming outside of our narrative can help our brains to get out of certain learned behaviors. Our brains will go into the usual behaviors that they are used to but these are not always helpful behaviors for our brains to do. These are learned behaviors and are sometimes developed out of post traumatic stress.
Our brains are designed to scan for danger and to take us away from what the brain perceives as danger. When that danger seems to be all around us, our brain has no where to take us but deep inside of ourselves. There is no where else to run away to.
So this practice of mentally removing ourselves from the “first person” in the story and taking the point of view of the third person, can make us an audience to our own brains and what our brains have been wired to do. It is good to ask questions about what thoughts our brains are thinking.
Sometimes thoughts are reactive, which means they are reactions to triggers.
These are learned brain behaviors almost like an addiction. The brain has been used to thinking certain kinds of thoughts in response to certain kinds of triggers and feelings of threat.
Practice this technique for five to ten minutes, a few times a day. Ask questions about the meaning that you attach to events and other things in your life. If you are living below your desired living level..what meaning does your brain assign to this? Then ask if it is necessarily true? Why is it true? What other meaning might you be able to choose to assign to this?
This practice is cognitive work. This cognitive work can take you out of the feelings of depression while you are doing it. The brain cannot focus on more than one thing at a time with a lot of power.
There is a primary focus of the brain. If your primary focus is on this cognitive kind of practice then some of the fuel will be drawn away from the emotional overload that the brain was caught up in.
The more we question our own thoughts, the more we can seek truth. The truth about ourselves is that we have innate value. Other people do not assign value to us. They have no control over our actual value.
Our actions and accomplishments do not determine our innate value either. So question the meaning you have been used to assigning to things in your life. Things that happen do not take away the fact that you are valuable and special because of the person that you are.
Blogger Recognition Award
Thank you to Taming of the Shrew for nominating me for the Blogger Recognition Award.
Here are the rules
» Select 15 other blogs you want to give the award to. Do some digging if you must! Find those blogs. You cannot nominate yourself or the person who has nominated you.
» Write a post to show off your award! Give a brief story of how your blog got started, and give a piece or two of advice to new bloggers. Thank whoever nominated you, and provide a link to their blog. List who you’ve nominated in the post. Make sure to also attach the award itself! (You can do this by right-clicking, saving, and uploading the image above).
» Comment on each blog and let them know you’ve nominated them. Provide a link to the award post you created.
» Provide a link to the original post on Edge of Night. That way, anyone can find the original guidelines and post if needed, and we can keep it from mutating and becoming confusing
Okay here is the rest of what is asked for this award…
I started my blog before I knew anything about blogging. I had no information or predetermined view of blogging. I knew nothing about the blogging community at all.
I was reading a post by Martin Armstrong because a friend of mine used to like to read that blog to me over the phone. One day I simply followed the link at the bottom of one of his posts because I was curious about what WordPress was.
I decided to open a blog and write a few posts. It became very fun for me and I was quickly drawn into the blogging world and the blogging community.
Advice to other bloggers – be yourself. Make your blog unique and representative of you. Do not worry so much about catering to others because there will always be someone who will complain about something..no matter what you do. There will always be people who will read and enjoy your blog, if you are just being yourself.
Brotherhood of the World Award
Thank you to Mon from the Transcend blog for nominating me for the Brotherhood of the World Award.
The rules for this award are…
- Thank and link back to the person who nominated you for the award.
- List the Rules and Display the Brotherhood of the world Award logo to your post and/or blog.
- Answer the questions set to you.
- Nominate around ten bloggers.
- Create your set of questions for your nominees.
Here are my nominees for this award…
Here are my questions for my nominees…
- Tell us about one of your favorite characters, either from a book or a movie and what is appealing to you about them.
- Do you use personal experiences or beliefs in your writing? How do you incorporate those into your writing?
- Do you incorporate any of your own personality into your writing? How do you do this?
Here are the answers to the Questions that were asked me by Mon.
What is your favorite book?
I like the book called the Five Love Languages but I am not sure if I have favorite book.
What’s one inspirational song?
I like the song called Don’t You Worry Bout Thing by Stevie Wonder
What made you a better person?
I am not quite sure how to answer this question. I think that every new experience and new person you meet can help you to grow and learn. I think you are always the person that you are but you can add knowledge, skills and experiences to your life and to yourself.
Your favorite quote?
“Do not alter your facts to fit your faith. Alter your faith to fit your facts.” Ajahn Brahm