compassion, depression, empowerment, encouragement, free form poetry, friendships, Healing after abuse, healing from abuse, humanity, inspiration, inspirational, kindness, Kindness self esteem, life coaching, life coaching narcissistic abuse, mental health, mental illness, philosophy, quotes, relationships, self love, self-esteem, self-help, spiritual, spirituality, spoken word, spoken word poetry

What to Live For

Live for yourself. Create your reality. Listen to your inner voice. Nurture your inner child and your emotional wounds.

Live for the connection of all living things and for the value of life and existence.

Live for loving others. Do random acts of kindness. Search out special people to share intimate relationships with.  Passion and sensuality are part of being human and part of spirituality.

Live to love animals and nature. Be kind and mindful. Treat living things with respect and care.

Live for your visions, hopes and dreams. Be creative, inventive and original.

Live to fight against evil and injustice. Be the advocate for those who have no voice.

Teach others to be sometimes still, and other times to roar like a lion.


anxiety, depression, emotional abuse, emotional healing, free writing, healing from abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, health and wellness, inspiration, inspirational, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, mental illness blog

Benefits of Play and Imagination

Being a serious, mature adult who works all the time  is over-rated.  

While you have to maintain responsibility for your survival by paying the bills, the perception that you have to “act like a grown up” all the time is simply that…a perception. 

Who made the rule that adults cannot have fun?

You can buy some balloons and pat them up into the air . You can watch a goofy movie and roll on the floor laughing in your room. You can buy toys that you like and have them for your own amusement and comfort. 

If the people in your life would ridicule you for acting like a kid, then maybe you need to meet some new people….ones that think kids are great. The old adage that children should be seen and not heard is ridiculous. 

Who decides what an adult is? Other than keeping up with your responsibilities and not hurting anyone , what are the rules and who wrote them? 

What things did you enjoy doing as a child? Are there really any rules against doing some of them…just for fun?  

Is it childish or irresponsible to enjoy an activity …just because you want to?  Why can’t you allow some time just to be silly or to use your imagination?

When did the word ” childish” come to have negative connotations?

Why is IMAGINATION considered a “childish thing? 


Some of the most brilliant contributors to our world have been people will a great ability to IMAGINE. The imagination and playfulness of a child are valuable skills that are under-estimated by most adults. 

Explore new possibilities and play them out in your imagination.

Using imagination and vision can be the way you will come up with very creative solutions to problems that are in your life. Thinking outside the box and being able to imagine possibilities will create new options for  you. 

Taking time to play, in some way which activates your imagination, can benefit you in ways you cannot perceive right now. There are possibilities all around you and new ways to do things that you have not tried because you are not used to them. 

We tend to see what is familiar and what our subconscious brain has been conditioned to see. 

There is a part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System.

It is the part of your brain that filters information from your environment. There is far more information around you at any given time than your conscious brain can process. 

What you tend to think about and believe is what your reticular activating system scans for in the environment. Then what you see becomes proof of what you believe. 

Your brain looks for proof of what you already think is true.

So basically even if you believe something negative about yourself, your brain will scan for proof in the environment that it is true.

If you believe that you are bad in social situations, then your brain looks for proof that people are not responding to you in the way you want them to. You may completely miss the parts of interactions where someone really likes you. 

Take a break to do something fun.

Take some time to play and it will allow your brain and emotions to relax for a little while. When you get back to dealing with life problems again, you will be able to see things with some of your negative filters turned off. 

Play is not just for kids.

Think of what you used to like to do as a kid. There is some activity that you loved then that you can still do now. Use your imagination and let go of preconceptions. 

Imagination and creative thought will allow you to see new possibilities.  Try something different like re-inventing yourself in a way that you picture you would feel more powerful. 

Re-invent yourself. 

What would you be like of you could start all over again as a child? How would you behave and how much confidence would you have? Go to a place where no one knows you and pretend you are that version of yourself. 

You have nothing to lose. The more you can use your imagination, the more you can become more authentic to who you really are.

Let go of the negative labels that other people have put upon you.

Most of the negative beliefs you have about yourself were something that another person told you. If you have ever been exposed to emotionally abusive people then there were some viruses put into your system. 

These viruses tell you that you are not going to be able to achieve great things. These viruses are controlling your feelings about yourself and your potential. 

Start small and see what you can do. The future is written by you …and you control your own story. You can question any beliefs that are keeping you down. 

You can change your mind about what you think is true. 

Taking time to play can bring you back to that magic that children have to be able to explore new ideas. If your old beliefs and behaviors are not getting you where you want to be, then what will it hurt to try something new?

compassion, free form poetry, friendship, humanity, inspiration, kindness, mental illness, poem, poetry, self love, self-esteem, self-help, spiritual


Humanity needed in the world of humans

Soft sweet touches

An understanding ear to hear

Laughter bursting from the small bodies of children

Old hands carefully baking bread for a neighbor in need

Or crafting a blanket with yarn for a stranger in the hospital

A nurse’s reassurance to a frightened patient

Looking at them with the self confidence of the profession; but adding something personal in their glance

A worker willing to go outside the usual procedures  and protocol…in the name of  helping someone who is in danger of foreclosure on their family home

Too many medical bills and not enough time…

Time spent working to take care of loved ones has to be balanced against the need to just be with them

Sitting next to a stranger and matching their body language… their hopeless slouch on the bench…

just to let them know someone sees them…and they are not forgotten

…they are not invisible

Humanity enough to pay the extra 2 dollars for the pizza at the Mom and Pop shop; to drive the extra mile to get there

Rather than paying the “fast-food- dictators” their tithe;  the Mama Rosina Pizza places need to be there…on the Main Streets

What happens when no one cares anymore about the “little” people; will they truly become little people after all?

And the smallest gestures of holding doors for a mother carrying a child and helping the elderly woman cross the street safely…

What will becomevof these small acts of random kindness ? What shall we say to those …who call us foolish for wasting our time…

On people of no consequence?

Who has the right to determine who is more or less significant?

And what does this say about mankind…

If we are just too busy spending time making money…and nothing more?

Isn’t there something further? Isn’t there something more?



#domestic abuse, adult children of alcoholics, adult children of narcissistic abuse', adult children with alcoholic parents, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, healing poetry, health and wellness, inspiration, mental health blog, mental illness, poetry, psychological abuse, psychopathic abuse

Healing Poem

Healing requires feeling

It is nature’s only  way

Of disinfecting

the mental wounds

And closing them to stay

It seems too much to bear at first

Sometimes we want to quit

We regress to places past

And fear the future trauma

But healing always means feeling

There is no other path

That leads to  growth of hearts

And makes us strong at last

depression, empowerment, life, mental illness

New Part Time Job

I got a job today as a Mother’s Helper. I found the job on Sitter It is about 15 minutes away, so that is not bad at all.

The lady is very nice and she has two pre-teen kids. They just need someone there for company, snacks, homework and things like that. I felt a very good vibe with the lady and I feel good about having a part time job that has regular hours.

Once I get a few more Life Coaching clients and a few guitar student. then I should become more financially stable. That will be a great relief.

When I lost my CNA job due to licensing problems I cashed out an IRA from my last job. This money lasted me to live on since May. I was very careful to spend it sparingly.

But a few days ago the balance, which was once 4,000 dollars had finally become $ 1.50. That is to say One Dollar and fifty cents.

I stayed calm and did not completely panic, although I felt like it. Then I got 3 responses from my resume the next day.

So I think I will make it another week and then I will be paid by the new job. I actually had to borrow 30 dollars from my 18 year old for gas and a little bit of food. I felt shameful to have to do that. But now I know I can return her money soon.

I do have a few life coaching clients and that is going very well. I really love that work. I mostly have people who are recently out of an abusive relationship or who are dealing with social anxiety and self esteem issues.

You never quite know where life will take you. You have to take a step now and then and follow along until you create a path in under your feet.

It is nice to meet new people. I enjoyed visiting with the lady this evening. I have been self isolating for too long after getting out of the abusive relationship I was in.

It is time to dip my toe back into the pool. The water always feels cold at first but it warms up.

life, love, poetry


I love you from a distance

Just the way you are standing now

Blue eyes so haunting

Smile with slight sadness

Broken and bruised in your past

Strong shoulders carrying the weight

Compassion that comes from

Knowing the opposite

I love you over there

With all the parts to your story

That I added in my mind

Gentle touch of your masculine hands

Ability to listen and understand

Laughter that heals

from the outside in

Heart of an angel

Propensity for sin

I love you over there

From across this room

No need to approach you

Or learn your name

The way that you move

Painted on the canvas

In my brain

I love the parts of you I can see

And the parts I added on

To add one color stroke

Or to remove one flaw

Would be a sadness

I could not bear at all

So I will love you from over here

Watching you with my eyes

Picturing you in my mind

You will forever be my love

Across the room

Loved from afar

life, non-fiction stories, short stories, true life stories

My Crazy Ride Home from the Hospital

This is the funny story about how I got home from the hospital. Actually I probably should not think of this as funny but at the time I had two choices that I could think of. One was to be in  utter terror and mental upset. The other was to try to see the situation  as if I were watching it on a sit com on the tv and to be the viewer who was laughing because the situation was so wrong.

If you notice, many of the situations in the Situation Comedies are really not funny least they would not be funny if you were actually in them. But it is the absurdity of the wrongness of the situation that makes you laugh in sympathy for the character and there is a feeling of relief that it is not you !

So, I originally went to the hospital that is across the street from my house for obvious reasons. They did some tests including a CT scan and they decided that they needed to admit me to the hospital. The problem was that they had no beds and there were going to be no beds available in the foreseeable future.

So they called over to their sister hospital which is about 20 minutes away, up the road. I did not want to go to this hospital because my car would be left at this one and I had no idea how I would get home. The nurse that was talking to me was standing about 15 feet away from me.

She was very loud and did not seem to see this situation as being worthy of a more private conversation. She stayed standing in the middle of the main area and did not come up to my bed to talk to me. She was telling me that all I had to do was tell one of my friends to pick me up when I was released from the other hospital. They were going to take care of the transport to get me to the hospital.

I told her that I had no one who could pick me up at that hospital. I was afraid to get stuck there with no way home. Could they please check again about the beds here and maybe I would have to stay in the ER for the day.

“All you have to do is to get one of your friends to pick you up” she insisted.

“I have no friends,” I told her , “and no family members that would want to help me”

I further explained to her that I had one person that usually would help me with this kind of thing, but she is not in a position to do that at this time. My ex sister in law is the person who would normally help me. But she has a baby that was born premature. This poor little baby has been in the hospital for months.

She has been going back and forth to the hospital to nurse the baby and hold the baby every day for three months. Now this baby had grown stronger and had gained weight.

The baby was due be released from the hospital to come home for the first time within the next couple of days. This means she would be going to get the baby around the same day I was going to be released from the hospital. Then the baby would need around the clock special care because it was still a premature baby and needed extra care.

So this nurse said , “But it is only 20 minutes away!”

I tried to explain to her that 20 minutes was 40 minutes round trip and that did not count putting the baby into the car and out of the car. The baby needed to be home and not going inside of another hospital where it could pick up germs, since it was still weak.

But she kept talking loudly,”You must have a friend who can pick you up”

“No I have no friends.”

“But they only need to drive 20 minutes up the road, The hospital is just up the road!”

“I have no friends right now.”

“But it is only just up the road. It is not a big favor.”

“I have no one to help me and no one that really cares about me right now, except for my ex sister in law who cannot help me this week because of the little baby”

“But it is only 20 minutes away”

This went on for a while…longer than you could believe. I must have said “I have no friends” at least 7 or 8 times to her, and each time I was getting more teared up. She did not even notice and must have just thought I was being difficult or lying. Besides I was in pain from the infection and about to burst into tears.

Somehow the concept of someone not having any friends in the area and that did not have family that gave a shit, just did not click with her. She must have a very supportive family and lots of friends and just did not believe me. It must be nice !

It never occurred to her how embarrassed I was to keep saying “I have no friends and no family that will help me” out loud where everyone in the ER could hear me.

Eventually I gave up out of embarrassment. Everyone in the ER could hear about how I had no friends and that the nurse did not believe someone could have no friends that love near them, that had a car and were able to drive at the spur of the moment (they always tell you at the last minute that they are releasing you. They do not let you know the day before or even several hours before).

So I get put into an ambulance and drove me to the hospital that was 20 minutes away …in good traffic but not during rush hour. This is a main road that fills up and slows down during rush hour.

Three days later, they gave me absolutely no notice that they were releasing me.

One doctor had come in about 20 minutes before and told me that they were keeping me for another day. So I made  no effort to call anyone that might possibly pick me up…which would be my ex husband…and that was only possible if I gave him reasonable notice.

So then another doctor came is and said he wanted to release me right then. I told him I had no way to get home right then. I would need until the next day and that is if I was lucky enough that my ex would get me.

Then he offered to call me a cab but I did not have money to cover that long cab ride which would have been over 30 dollars plus a tip.

So they called social services who actually did arrange a ride for me. She said that medicaid would cover a ride under the “logistic care” part of the insurance. There was a van or something that was paid for by medicaid that transported people back and forth to appointments and hospitals etc. This sounded okay and I agreed.

A few times different people came to my room to tell me what vehicle would be picking me up and what time it would come. Each time the vehicle changed and the time changed.

Finally someone came and said to pack right now because there was an ambulance that would  transport me back to the other hospital where  my car was.

As you remember this is across the street from my house, so this was good. I had some trouble getting things together quickly and the some guy came up to my room with a wheelchair to take me downstairs while I was still scrambling to pack my stuff and make sure I did not leave any cell phone chargers or anything.

So this guy wheeled me down like we were in race. I almost dropped my stuff out of my lap because he was going so fast. Then we were waiting by the window  looking for an ambulance to show up. There was none.

There was a call that came to my cell phone.
I could not get it out fast enough but they left a message. This was a voice that had an accent and spoke quickly. The message sounded like “I am running late”.  I even let the fast wheelchair driving guy listen to it and he was not sure what it said either.

In the mean time this guy was enjoying himself by looking down my shirt, which no matter how many time I tried to adjust it higher, he kept looking. He was not very good at disguising the fact that he was trying to look down my shirt. He was standing about three feet right in front of me and I was sitting in the wheelchair. 

Most guys at are at least subtle when they look at your breasts. I asked him who he was as far as working in the hospital and he said he was a volunteer. Maybe it was his way to get close to women. Who knows…

So she called again and asked where I was. I asked where she was. She said I have been waiting for you outside. I have been waiting for 10 minutes.

I told her that I did not see any ambulance outside. Of course she was not in an ambulance, She was in a regular car, and I am not sure how she thought I would know which car was hers out of hundreds of cars in the lot.

So the guy that had been looking down my shirt got on my cell phone with her. She gave him directions to where her car was parked and he wheeled me out to the car. I got into the car and now the fun began….

This was a young girl who seemed nice, but when she started driving she was crazy. She drive like a taxi driver in New York City. She flew. She cut people off. She weaved in and out of the cars like she was weaving a tapestry.

The funny thing was that she actually used the blinker each time she changed lanes. She just kept grabbing that stick for the blinkers.

I was sure that the entire stick was just going to snap off at some point because she was abusing it so much. She just kept snapping it back up and down. I could not believe it did not snap off.

So I held onto whatever I could grab into in the car and held on for dear life. The whole time I was thinking about this character in a movie I saw once. This was when I found it funny.

This movie was called “Ghost Dad” and starred Bill Cosby. Have you ever seen it? There was an insane cab driver in this movie that Bill Cosby’s character ended up in a cab with.

This scene was so funny because you were not the one in the cab. So as I was in this cab with the girl, I pretended I was just watching this movie.

And the funny part of it was that this was the service provided by medicaid to get people home from the hospital safely. So  medicaid paid this huge hospital bill to save my life and then they sent me home in this cab with the crazy driver. Holy hell!

empowerment, life, poem, poetry, self love, self-esteem, self-help

The Oneness of All

Why do they tell me

Who they think I should be

I know who I am

I’m Annie 

That’s me

I know what I like and I

know what I don’t


of the ocean


of the grass

 Taste of sweet kisses

Touch of a hand

Two spirits connecting


and love


In the right place

Where they go

True hearts when they break

Tears when they flow

These things are important

I know it is so

So don’t try

to woo me

With gossip

and shame

Manipulation by trying

to make me feel less than sane

The truth

is quite plain

Mundane conversation

Just bores me to death

My call

is to people

With truth on their breath

I speak what I feel

And I speak what I know

Humanity’s oneness

Should be

the first goal

Love unconditional

Mercy and grace

If you look

in your hearts

You will see

a small trace

Of truth

as it is

And truth

that is all

What matters


The oneness

of all

No one deserves less

No one should feel invisible

We were born with a wholeness

Deserving what we dream

For what you imagine is

your legitimate dream

You can create your own life

and You Matter 

It’s true

The feelings you feel

Are telling something to you